Chapter Eight:

You're worthless.

He pities you.

Nobody loves you.

You're trapped.

Kill yourself.

I laid on my bed holding my pocket knife above my wrist. I fought back the impending tears as all the voices began speaking at once, tormenting me to my core. It wasn't helping that my mother and father were going at each other downstairs. I heard a crash from time to time, telling me that they were probably going to end up fighting each other by the end of the night.

I clutched onto my knife, fighting back the urge to dig the knife into my skin as deep as it would go. I could see my blood pouring out my wrists as I sliced away at the veins in my wrist, opening them up to the cruel world around me.

I let out a tiny sob as I collapsed onto myself. I couldn't do this. I couldn't keep living like this.

He doesn't love you. He thinks you're strange.

"I know! Just stop!" I yelled at the voice.

Kill yourself. You deserve to die. You're a waste of oxygen and space.

"Stop it, please!" I cried.

Worthless, broken, decaying, grotesque, failure, reject, poisonous, stuck-

I suddenly felt a burst of energy and I stood up and grabbed the picture of my brother and I, throwing it across my room.

Like that, the voices stopped. I was left in silence (or as silent as it gets while your parents are possibly killing each other downstairs). I collapsed onto the floor and started crying, holding my head in my hands.

I wish I could go back to a time when I could smile and it wouldn't take everything in me to do so.

...

"Hey, kid, you wanna take a hit?" A raspy voice whispered.

I blinked in surprise, looking around and seeing a group of guys sitting on an old couch at the end of an alley. I slowly walked towards them, sticking my hand in my pocket where my knife was, just in case this was a trick.

"What you got?" I asked, smelling a slight marijuana smell.

"Just some pot. Fresh off the market," One guy with greasy black hair said.

I nodded and stepped a little closer, feeling a bit more certain they weren't going to jump me. They were already visually stoned so they weren't going to be able to do much.

"Let me see," I said, reaching my hand out to take the joint.

A girl with long dreads handed me a freshly rolled joint. I brought out my lighter and lit it, taking a long hit.

The effects weren't immediate, as I assumed. However, about five minutes later, I felt a little calmer. I handed the joint to the girl and she took a hit before handing it off to the greasy haired guy.

"You want a hit off my bong too?" A guy sitting on the ground asked me. I shrugged and nodded, sitting down next to him. He handed it off to me and I placed my mouth along the inside of the opening. I lit my lighter and took another long hit.

Now I was feeling a good buzz. I handed the bong off and let out the smoke before standing back up and brushing myself off. I nodded and thanked the three stoners, to which they nodded back. The girl looked at me and quickly finished rolling another joint.

"Here. One for the road," The girl said. She kissed my cheek gently and sat back down, to which I thanked her and walked away. I smirked slightly. Stoners and hippies, bringing the world together with weed.

I walked back down the alley and back to the street, continuing my journey back to my house.

It was dead silent, which was just enough to make me relax a bit more. I tried to relinquish the last few moments of my buzz before it completely went away. I thought about lighting the joint but thought against it in case there was any cops lurking around.

Suddenly, the silence was broken by the obnoxious laughing of Geoff Ramsey.

I turned around, staring a little ways down the street I was on. A group of boys emerged from another street, most of which were drunk, with Geoff being included. And, unfortunately, I recognized them all.

I gritted my teeth and tried to walk away as quickly as possible before the annoying Brit realized it was me.

"Mi-cool?!" Gavin called.

Dammit...

"Did you just say Mi-cool?" Geoff asked.

"Mi-cool!" Ray mocked.

Gavin simply ignored there taunts as he ran up to me. I gritted my teeth all the more with each step he took.

"Hey, what are you doing out?" Gavin asked as he approached.

"What do you think?" I growled, sending him a deathly glare.

"I hope not getting jumped," Gavin said, smirking and prodding me gently. I rolled my eyes and let out a quiet annoyed sigh as I realized his friends were behind him.

"Oh, lads, this is Michael-," Gavin was cut off.

"Don't you mean 'Mi-cool'," Geoff mocked, causing the other to giggle along.

"Michael this Geoff, Jack, Ryan and Ray," Gavin said, coming to stand next to me so he could point out everyone.

"Hey, does anyone smell that?" Ryan suddenly asked.

Everyone looked at him in confusion. I narrowed my eyes at him as he began to sniff.

"It smells like... Pot," Ryan said, looking around at the other five of us standing there.

"Who's hogging the pot?!" Ray cried.

Everyone looked at each other before all eyes rested on me. I tried to hide my red cheeks but I knew they were visible under the street lamp.

"Damn. I remember the first time I got baked. That was one good high," Ryan said, laughing a hearty laugh afterwards.

The others began talking about their first times getting high. I again began gritting my teeth and thought back to the joint in my pocket. Getting high seemed blissful now to get the never ending conversation between the others to stop.

I pulled the joint out of my pocket and lit it up. I sucked in a breath and released it, causing everyone to look at me and smirk. I slowly felt the buzz come back, much to my approval, and I gently leaned against the building we stood next to.

"I feel like the weed in England is better than the weed here," Gavin suddenly said.

"Shut up, Gavin. You've never smoked pot," Geoff growled.

"Yes, I have!" Gavin retorted, making the others disagree again.

"Prove it then," Ray called out.

Gavin suddenly turned to me and snatched the weed from my hand. Due to the buzz I had going, my reflexes weren't the best and I wasn't able to retrieve my joint. I glared at him and crossed my arms, probably looking like I was pouting.

Gavin sucked in a breath, surprisingly not choking. The others clapped and apologized for not believing him. Gavin nodded and smiled, releasing the intact he took.

However, instead of giving me the joint back, he kept going at it. I glared at him, wondering if he was going to take the whole thing.

He did.

We had gotten to the end of the street when Gavin finally finished. He flicked off the bud and giggled a little bit before stumbling into Ryan.

He was completely stoned.

"Damn, Gavin's baked!" Ryan called, making the others burst into laughter.

"Told you he's a lightweight!" Geoff said in between his obnoxious laughs.

However, everyone quickly sobered and looked at each other nervously.

"What the hell are we gonna do with him?" Ray asked.

"He can't go back home like this. His mom would kill him," Jack said.

"Yeah... And he probably won't be allowed to hang out with us anymore," Ray said.

"Well, he can't come to my house. My mom's got the nose of a bloodhound when it comes to weed," Geoff said. The others agreed.

Everyone looked at each other nervously whilst Gavin looked at his phone and giggled, leaning against Ryan. I watched all of them before finally giving in.

"I'll take him," I groaned.

"Seriously?" Geoff asked.

"Yeah, I guess... I mean, I live across the street from him," I said.

"Oh. Well that's hella convenient," Jack said.

I nodded and let Ryan shove Gavin onto my shoulder. Gavin lost his footing and I quickly swooped in to catch him. He giggled and looked up at me and poked my nose, letting a little 'boop' noise escape.

"Have fun with him," Geoff said, smirking before leading the others away to their respective homes.

I watched them walk away, Gavin still in my arms. I gritted my teeth and shoved Gavin off me, nearly making him fall over.

"God, you're such a lightweight," I muttered.

"You're a lightweight," Gavin giggled. I rolled my eyes and gritted my teeth some more before beginning to walk down the street, hoping Gavin was following behind me.

And he did. Like a lost puppy. He stumbled like a drunken man after a long night of drinking and I silently hoped there wouldn't be any cops lingering about.

Eventually we made it to our street and I crossed my fingers, hoping my door would be unlocked. It would be near impossible to get Gavin into my house through my bedroom window considering his current state.

I ran a little ways ahead of Gavin and checked the door, finding it unlocked. I whispered 'thank you' before grabbing Gavin's hand and dragging him into my house.

I looked around quickly, scanning the darkness for my parents. My mom's keys and purse were gone, telling me she probably went out to drink and find some random guy to sleep with.

I turned to Gavin and snapped my fingers quietly in front of his face. He turned his attention to me, opening his mouth to say something before I slapped my hand over it.

"Gavin, listen to me, I need you to be as quiet as possible, okay?" I whispered to him.

Gavin gave me a confused look and he tried to speak. I clasped my hand tightened over his mouth, shaking my head.

"Not a word. Do you understand?" I asked him.

Gavin nodded and I took my hand off his mouth. He looked around where we were standing before walking forward a few paces. I grabbed his hand and shoved him behind me, peeking out into the living room.

My dad was passed out on the couch already. I, again, whispered thank you and I quietly snuck through the living room with Gavin trailing behind me. We eventually made it to the stairs and I ran up them as quickly as possible to prevent the creaking I knew was bound to happen.

Gavin however, attempted to run like me and ended up slipping and falling on his face. I stifled a giggle at his clumsiness and I stepped down to help him up.

"WHO THE HELL WOKE ME UP? MICHAEL!" My dad screamed from downstairs.

I felt my blood turn cold and I dragged Gavin the rest of the up up the stairs. Gavin stumbled behind me as we made a mad dash for my room.

I immediately threw Gavin and myself in my room and shut my door, locking it as quickly as I could. I grabbed a chair and shoved it against the door as I heard my dad stomp down the hallway. He threw himself at the door a few times before giving up, calling me a gay fuck, and going back downstairs.

I almost forgot Gavin was here until he made a tiny gulping noise. I turned to look at him and I saw a look of sympathy flash across his face.

"Your dad treats you horribly," He whispered.

I was surprised at how quickly he sobered up considering he was stumbling around only five minutes prior. It was amazing how situations like this could knock someone out of the deepest drunk or high state.

"Yeah... I'm used to it though," I muttered.

"Why don't you tell someone?" Gavin asked.

"Because he'll kill me if I did," I sighed.

Gavin opened his mouth to say something more but I shook my head. I knew what he was going to say and I wasn't ready to explain it to him yet.

"Um... Why don't we go to bed. It's been a long day," I muttered.

Gavin nodded, however I watched him eye the door a little nervously. I sighed and crawled into my bed, pulling the blanket over me and closing my eyes.

"Where am I gonna sleep?" Gavin suddenly asked.

"On the floor," I muttered, not opening my eyes.

"But... it's cold down there," Gavin said childishly.

"So, grab a blanket," I growled, pulling my blanket a little more over me.

Suddenly, I felt a weight next to me and I turned my head to see Gavin lying on my bed, facing away from me. I almost shoved him off the bed until I heard a tiny voice whisper in my mind.

Give him a chance.

I sighed and rolled over again, letting myself close my eyes again and drift into a sleep state.

However, before I fell asleep, I pressed my back against Gavin's, feeling him press right back.
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Aw... How cute.
Alright, I'm gonna keep this short and sweet. Please let me know how I'm doing. I love to receive feedback and it shapes me into a better writer whenever you do so.. yeah.
Thanks for reading!