There was that day I couldn't and never wanted to think of. I called it the nightmare mania. The one memory I would never want to think of again. Never. I sat on my bed and continued crying as I hugged the picture of Jake to my chest. The last time I heard his accent. The last time I saw his face. And the last time I touched him. If only I could see your sweet smile again. It hurt so bad. The day I never saw you again. I will never speak of that day. I shook mt head and tried to get my mind off of it. Dammit... Every time I tried to tell you it was like two magnets never sticking together.

It's been three days since I tried to tell him that I loved him. I was about to give up already. Jane was better than me anyways. Maybe i should just let Jane and Jake be together after all. Maybe, just maybe. I cried myself to sleep last night. I'm going to try again tomorrow. But maybe not. Jake and I are going to go to drive to Oklahoma in a few days. Some vacation I guess. Plus, little man has to go with us. Great.

I don't think I'll give up just yet. Maybe.

The day I drove Jake and Dave to Oklahoma was the day of Nightmare Mania. And that was the last time I lay eyes upon Jake English's beautiful, and joyful face. The last time he ever breathed, touched, saw, and spoke. Those were the last moments of Jake and I. And I don't think I'll ever see him again. I'm sorry Jake, I could never say these three words to you. "I love you."