Episode Six, Part 2:
Through the Eyes of a Child

It's alright, just wait and see, 
your string of lights is still bright to me. 
Who you are is not where you've been; 
you're still an innocent. 

Elara and Kodiak raced back to camp after Bas had found them to deliver the news that Izzy was back at camp. They had taken off in an instant, not leaving any time for Bas to warn them of the state that Izzy was in, or prepare them for shaken up she was.

For the entire journey to the shore, Elara felt every bone in her body pound with a relentless ache and the stitches that were in her side from her bullet wound felt dangerously close to tearing, but nothing was going to come between her and her child. She ran like she had never ran before; a determination in her chest that felt stronger than it ever had done.

"There she is!" Kodiak said to her, pointing up ahead at where he could see Izzy nestled in between Sol and Dreea.

"She's hurt," was all Elara could observe, feeling her heart shatter in her chest at the sight of her baby girl so bruised and war-torn. She pushed herself the last few metres towards Izzy, seeing her wounded face look up at the the commotion - a desperation to feel her arms wrapped around her.

Kodiak was right behind Elara, already planning on taking Sol's place at her side as she stood up, but he was met by two sets of hands suddenly pushing him away.

"W-what? What are you guys doing?" He shook his head, trying to come to terms with why Sol and Dreea were pushing him away from Elara and Izzy.

"You can't go near Izzy-" Dreea began, trying to keep her voice quiet, but Kodiak was was furious.

"What are you talking about? Dreea, Riv, seriously... I don't know what you're doing, but get out of my way-"

"Kodiak!" Sol snapped, desperate to get through to him. He was reluctant to listen, but the fierceness in her voice caught his attention.

"What!?"

"Izzy is terrified of practically everyone," Sol informed him.

"Not me," he said, looking between them both to see Izzy wrapped around Elara, already crying a river against her chest.

"Yes you," Dreea insisted, hating to say it - to have to be the one to break his heart, but she had no choice.

"...What happened?"

"I don't know," she admitted. "Ivy brought her out of Terra Firma and she ran straight to me, even though Wynn was waiting with open arms. She was... Scared out of her mind of him," she said, feeling an ache deep in the pit of her stomach. "She hasn't let anyone come near her except me, Riv and Aeryn - who tried to take a look at all of the injuries on her, but she kept resisting."

"Scared of Wynn? What about Quill? Bas and-"

"I'm sorry, Kodiak," Dreea cut him off. "Something happened and until we know what, until someone - probably Elara - manages to figure out what's wrong, everyone else has to keep away from her."

"But she's... She my family... She's mine."

"I know," Sol sighed, wrapping her arms around Kodiak, hating to see him so defeated. "And I hate this for you, but it's nothing personal, you have to know that. You've just got to trust that Elara will break through to her and it won't be long before she's asking for her 'Great Sovereign Kodi' again."

He tried to manage a smile for the name that Izzy always used for him, but he couldn't do anything except sink into the crushing feeling where his heart was, leaning on Sol to find whatever strength he could.

/////////

As Elara reached Izzy, the young girl's hands wrapped around her neck in an instant, barely allowing her to sit down before she had climbed on top of her completely. Elara didn't even pay any attention to the discomfort in her side or the wounds left behind from Neptunum; the only thing in the world that mattered to her was holding Izzy as close as she possibly could be.

She had seen the tears on her face from a mile away, but Izzy let out a river now that Elara was with her, trembling violently as she clung to her for dear life.

"You're okay," Elara whispered, her voice breaking like never before. "I'm right here, sweet girl. You have me. I love you. I love you."

"I'm so sorry," Izzy sobbed against her, almost choking on her words.

"Do not apologise," Elara said, unable to hear her even imagine that she was in trouble at such a time. She raised her hand up to the back of Izzy's head, caressing her hand through her hair, keeping her pressed close against her. "You just talk to me when you're ready, however long it takes. But are you hurt? You have to tell me if you're hurt-"

Izzy shook her head. "M-my wrist is a little s-sore, but I'm... I'm okay. The r-rest are just cuts from when I f-fell down."

Elara let out a mournful breath, trying to steer her thoughts away from Izzy hurting herself and having no one around to comfort her.

"Are we alone?"

Elara frowned a little, not expecting such a question from her, but she nodded nonetheless. "It's just the two of us," she said, suddenly aware of Kodiak's absence. She scanned her eyes across their surroundings, confused to see Kodiak, Wynn, Quill - and everyone else giving them so much space. Out of all of them, she was the most bewildered by Kodiak's distance and when she noticed him perched upon one of the nearby logs between Dreea and Sol, she tried to figure out what was keeping him away and why there was such a hopeless, defeated look on his face.

"Do you want me to get Kodi-"

"No!" Izzy said, her voice a whisper-yell. "Please, no."

"Hey," Elara cooed, suddenly startled by fear. "What's wrong? It's just Kodi-"

"I'm so scared!"

"Of Kodiak?" It didn't mean any sense: Kodiak had been with her the entire time they were searching for Izzy and even more, Kodiak and Izzy adored each other.

But Izzy nodded against Elara, whimpering somewhat, having to squeeze her eyes shut to block out the sight of everyone else.

"What about Uncle Quill and Uncle Wynn-"

"No!" Izzy insisted, clearly frustrated with all of Elara's suggestions.

"Okay, okay," Elara said. "But I'm just a little confused. They're your family and they want to make sure you're okay. Why are you so scared baby girl?"

Izzy sniffled and shifted a little, debating whether or not she could tell Elara what had happened, and the older girl seemed to notice.

"Izzy?" She whispered. "You can trust me with anything," she said. "There's not a thing that you can't talk to me about; not a word you can say that will ever make me leave or love you any less. If you tell me what happened, I will do everything I can to make all the scary stuff go away. I'll make you feel safe, I promise."

It was a heavy word to say: promise. For the first time since she had met her, Elara was worried that this was going to be the one promise she wouldn't be able to keep. After all, she had never seen someone as afraid as she saw Izzy was - curled up in her arms, pushing away everyone that loved her, unable to keep her eyes open and face the world in front of her. But it was also the one promise she wanted to keep more than anything: that she would take care of her; that she would love her, for always.

"...A bad guy found me in the woods," she revealed, lifting herself up from Elara's chest and sitting on her lap, facing her. Her tiny hands reached for the braids that hung over both of Elara's shoulders, tracing her fingers over the patterns to distract herself. "He really scared me and he made me go with him," she said.

Elara was desperate to know why Izzy had been in the woods in the first place, but she had to hold her question off for as long as she could. It was a miracle that Izzy even felt the strength to talk to her.

"Did he hurt you?" She was afraid of the answer, unsure how she would cope if the answer was 'yes'.

Izzy scrunched up her nose, feeling a bitter sting from a forthcoming wave of tears that she tried to hold back. "He grabbed onto my arm and... And led me back to his camp," she said. "But I had just fallen over, which is how I got all these cuts, and it made it hurt a little more."

"Did he do anything to you? Did he give you any of these injuries?"

Izzy shook her head, hitting Elara with a breath of relief that she was sure would have knocked her down had she been standing up.

"I thought he was going to," she confessed. "He was very mean and I think he liked making me scared. I didn't know people liked making others feel that way, but he did."

Elara's bottom lip quivered as she stared back at her little girl. She reached her hands out, delicately wiping her thumbs under her eyes, trying to do something to stop the ceaseless flow of tears that were leaking out of her.

"H-he said his name was Cal? Calvin?"

Elara nodded, recognising the name.

"He took me to a room - I think he called it a cell - and left me there. He said that 'my life would come at the price of a war... That my people would be lucky to see me again', and he laughed, and he kept talking about something called Exile Allegiance. What does all that mean?"

Elara didn't know how to answer, but she knew she didn't want to tell Izzy the truth. Perhaps her not understanding the full extent of Calvin's evil plans for her was a miracle in itself. That out of all the horror the young girl had felt, there was a rare, glimmer of kindness in the fact that her mind had been spared from knowing what had been coming her way.

"It means something a little scary," Elara said. "Something I won't tell you because it's not going to happen now, because you're home. And you don't have to think about what it means anymore, okay?"

Izzy nodded, focusing her beady, brown eyes on Elara's. "I know it was my fault that it happened-"

"What!? No, Izzy. Why would you think that?"

"I left," she hiccuped. "You tried to tell me not to, but I still did it. Don't you think I deserve this?"

"No," Elara shook her head profusely, having to pull Izzy into her so she could fight off the soul-crushed look that was on her face. "You did not deserve any of this. You are good, and kind, and brave," she said, "and you are one of the best things that has ever happened to this world. You did not deserve this, Izzy, and it is not your fault that it happened to you."

"I love you," Izzy whispered. "I'll never try to leave without you again. I promise."

"I know you won't," Elara assured her, desperate for her to know that she understood. "Do you feel ready to tell me why you tried to leave? I won't be mad at you, no matter what it is, and I won't be mad if you still feel too scared to tell me."

Izzy let out a nervous, shaky breath, finally seeming as though she had calmed down. She pulled away from Elara again, grazing her eyes across her face for a few moments, finding the strength that she needed, in her.

"I didn't want to tell you before because I thought it might worry you," she admitted. "And I know you don't want me to see it, but I know you're worried, too. Something happened to you on Neptunum and you're still sad about it. I realised that you didn't want to tell me about it because you thought it would make me sad, too, so I didn't want to tell you about my thing because I didn't want you to feel the way I feel."

"Izzy," Elara managed a faint laugh, "that's what I'm here for! To take the scary things away from you and make them my scary things, instead."

"Like in all those stories you told me about Uncle Ares, Uncle Wynn, and Uncle Quill? How they took your fears away from you because they loved you?"

"Just like that," Elara smiled. "Because we didn't have our parents around, so my brothers took care of me; how I take care of you."

"I think I get that now," Izzy said, returning the smile. "I wanted to leave because... Because I think I've been here before," she said. "And I didn't know if any of the people I used to know were here, or if I'd find my old home, or if someone was looking for me. I didn't want you guys to worry about me or think I didn't want to be with you anymore, so I wanted to get the answers myself so you didn't even have to worry about it. And then when Kodi found that journal which told us I was from here, I was worried there might be people around that would want me to go back to them, and I didn't want anything in the world to take me away from you."

"Sweet girl," Elara cooed. "No one is ever taking you away from me."

"That's good," Izzy sniffled. "Because when I was with that man and I was afraid, there was only one person in the world I wanted," she confessed. "I thought it was my dad; I thought if I'd want anyone to show up and take me away from there and hold me, it would be him, but it wasn't. It was you, Ell. You were the one I wanted. You are the person who feels like home; you are the person I love the most."

Despite everything that was weighing down her heart - the sight of Izzy so beaten and traumatised in front her - Elara's heart was full of joy at her words.

"You have no idea how much I love you," she said, bringing the young girl towards her so she could kiss her forehead.

Izzy giggled, the innocent sound mending some of the breaking in Elara's chest.

"What do you say we get Kodiak to set up a fire and the three of us all lie in front of it for a while? I'll even sneak you some early rations if you want-"

"No!" Izzy panicked, shaking her head quickly, suddenly worried that all she had opened up about wasn't enough to let Elara know how she felt.

"Hey," Elara cooed, stroking her hand through Izzy's hair to comfort her, trying to let her know that she wasn't pressuring her into doing anything. "It's okay," she said. "I'm not forcing you to do anything... It would just be you, me, and Kodi. You don't want that?"

Izzy shook her head again, a little worried that she was disappointing her. "Just you and me," she said. "I'll feel safe when it's just you and me."

Elara nodded, hating that she understood what was happening with Izzy, even if she was too young to process it. "Just me and you, sweet girl," she promised. "I'll make sure all the boys stay away from us."

/////////

After a while, Izzy had eventually fallen asleep on Elara - her head laying in her lap as her hair was combed through by Elara's fingers. She had allowed Sol to come over and start a fire for them, but she was fiercely adamant on Wynn not being allowed to follow her over.

Once Elara was sure that Izzy was so deeply asleep and she wasn't going to wake up very easily, she glanced over at where Kodiak was sitting beside Dreea and Chessca, signalling that it was okay for him to come over.

He seemed relieved to have a chance to speak to her, but was also incredibly defeated that the only reason he could get so close was because Izzy was completely unaware of anything going on.

"Hey," he whispered, hovering a few feet away from there. He was still afraid to get too near in case Izzy suddenly woke up and was even more fearful of him than she already was. "How are you doing?"

"I'm absolutely crushed," she confided in him. "I've never seen her like this; she's afraid of everyone; she was barely comfortable with River coming over to help with the fire."

"Is she okay? What happened to her? All those cuts and bruises-"

"No one hurt her," Elara was quick to alleviate the worst of his fears. "She was trying to follow Wynn and River to Exile Allegiance, and she fell. But..." She sighed, nervous how the truth would hit Kodiak. "She said Calvin took her. He tricked her into following him to his camp, or forced her to. She said he liked making her afraid."

Elara cried as she recalled Izzy's words, praying that a day would come where she wouldn't still be able to hear the fear in her voice as she had confided in her.

"Hey, everything's going to be okay," Kodiak whispered, unable to stand the sight of Elara so afraid. He moved forward, crouching down just a couple feet away, wishing he was able to wrap his arms around her and make sure she believed him.

"Is that why she's afraid of me, Wynn and Quill?" He asked. "Because Calvin freaked her out?"

Elara nodded miserably. "Thankfully, she didn't understand what he said to her, but he essentially threatened her life and I think... I think he believed she was from Exile Allegiance and was going to kill her to start the war against Tobias."

Kodiak dropped his head and felt a tightening in his chest. "Of course she's afraid of us. I don't blame her," he said. "I just hope she remembers that none of us would ever hurt her."

"I'm sure she knows that deep down," Elara assured him. "And it won't be long before she's asking for stories about her Great Sovereign Kodi again. It's going to be baby steps, but she's strong."

"Yeah, she's picked that up from you," Kodiak said, relieved to see Elara smile softly. "Is there anything I can get for you?"

Elara shook her head. "I might try and get some sleep, but I want to keep an eye on her."

"Well, I think Wynn's already announced he's staying up all night to make sure you two are safe, so you don't have to worry about something happening. I meant to ask - you pushed yourself pretty hard today when we were looking for her and I know you're still feeling the effects from what happened on Neptunum. Are you okay?"

Elara shrugged. "My stitches held, so that's a good thing, but I feel pretty bruised myself."

Kodiak frowned, sore at her words.

"And Izzy brought that up."

"She did?" He asked, confused what she was trying to say.

"Yeah. She said she knew something happened to me on Neptunum and that we weren't telling her because we didn't want her to have a reason to be scared for me. But she also said that it's why she was trying to leave camp."

"I'm listening," Kodiak said, trying to fit together all the pieces in his mind, but he still couldn't fathom why Izzy would have ever wanted to brave the forest alone.

"It turns out she wasn't so young when she left this place, after all," she revealed. "She has memories of where we are and she recognises some of the places - probably from when she went to the greenhouse or around the hideout. She was worried about there still being some people from her family around that they might want her 'back' - I'm assuming she has that idea from everything she heard me, Quill and Wynn talk about in the Bunker; she probably picked up on parts of the story about how Hannah tried to take Quill away."

"And because we didn't want her to be afraid of what happened to you on Neptunum, she didn't want us to be afraid about what she thought was happening to her, here."

"Exactly," Elara said. "And now I don't know if we should talk to her about what went down on that ship. How do I tell her that they killed me? And almost killed my brother? And that I'm somehow alive again?"

"I don't know," Kodiak could only give her the truth. "But if we decide to do it, we'll figure out the best way to tell her, just please don't worry about this tonight; you're dealing with enough as it is."

"Okay," Elara nodded, glancing down at the sleeping girl in her lap, wishing Kodiak could stay beside her forever given how much easier the world felt to face with him there. "I wish I could lie down with you," she said. "But I can't leave her side. Not even for a minute."

"I know, don't worry about me, I understand," he said. "Let her take as long as she needs. I know you're taking care of her."

"I want to take care of you, too," she insisted. "I want you to be here with us because I know she loves you, but there's nothing I can do right now that will instantly take her fear away. It's breaking my heart because you are a part of this family, too-"

"Ell, it's okay," Kodiak cut her off, managing a faint laugh at how worried she was about him. He was a little hesitant to, but he bravely reached out to run his hand up and down her arm, nervous that at any given moment, Izzy would wake up and feel terrified that he was there. "Her reaction is completely normal. The most important thing is Izzy and making sure she gets through this; that she knows this fear won't last forever."

"Trauma doesn't just go away," she murmured, dropping her head in defeat. "I know that more than anyone. What if I can't help her?"

"You already are helping her," he said. "Look: she's fast asleep - that's because she feels completely safe with you. People don't fall asleep if they're worried someone's going to get them; she knows you won't let that happen."

Elara sighed, grateful that he always knew what to say, but she still needed a little more convincing.

"Do you remember what you were like after your brothers got us out of Blood Riders' labs? When Targo had us?"

Elara shrugged, not exactly sure which part he was referring to.

"We were all so worried that you were beyond help after going through The Alteration; that you were traumatised and none of us could do anything to help you or stop the visions. Especially Ares," he recalled. "He was the one who made the decision to pull you of The Alteration, after a lot of persuasion from me."

"I remember," she said. "That's why I found it so hard to open up about the visions - because I didn't want Ares to blame himself for what was happening to me."

"You had trouble sleeping for the first few days," Kodiak continued. "You woke up every few hours screaming."

"Yeah... Every now and then when I lie down, I suddenly worry if I'm going to have a vision, even though I haven't had one in years and I know they're gone now. I thought about it a lot when I was in the Bunker and you were gone. In fact, I almost wanted to have a vision again because I knew it would let me see you."

Kodiak's lip trembled with emotion, hating to hear how badly she had missed him, even though he had missed her just as much. Hearing that she had longed for a vision to come - to willingly suffer through the horrors of her hallucination for a chance to feel like he had been there, wounded him to his soul. It reminded him of just how real it had been for Elara when she believed he was dead.

"You came into my room the fourth night after we were brought back to Basilisk," he said. "We talked for hours - more than we had done in the entire time since you came out of the Bunker; I think you knew by then that I liked you," he teased, somehow able to lighten her mood.

"I think I did," Elara giggled. "I liked you, too."

Kodiak beamed at her with a weight of fondness that was rare for a person to carry; a look he always had reserved for her only. "Eventually I convinced you to lie down," he said. "By which point, I think it was already 2 AM. But you were so tired that you caved and without even thinking about it, you-"

"I leaned my head on your bare chest and wrapped one arm around you," she murmured, managing the sweetest smile she could, even though it was weighed down by an unshakeable sadness. "And it was the safest place I had been since the day I left the Bunker," she said. "Because you got it. Because you saw what happened to me in the labs and I didn't have to try and explain it. You just... You looked at me and saw right inside. And I knew I was completely safe in you, and so I just fell straight asleep."

"Exactly," Kodiak whispered, a little braver now - reaching out and running his hand through her hair, bringing it down to cup the side of her face - his thumb rubbing circles against her cheek. "And you haven't left my side since that night."

"Because you're still the safest place."

"That's who you are to me, as well," he said. "My sanctuary. And that's who you are to Izzy."

Elara glanced down at the young girl on her lap, tucking her loose hair behind her ear, adjusting the jacket that was thrown over her to make sure every inch of her skin was clothed in warmth.

"She said that when she was locked up in Terra Firma, there was only one person in the world she thought of getting to; only one person she wanted to be with. I thought she was going to say her dad," Elara told him, "but she didn't. She said me."

"You're surprised?" Kodiak asked, tilting his head a little. He let his hand trail down the side of her face, running his fingers over her braid until his hand fell away.

"Of course I am," Elara said. "She adored Josiah."

"Ell," Kodiak laughed a little, although he wasn't really surprised that she was underestimating herself again. "You saved her life."

"What? No, I didn't-"

"Yeah, you did," he insisted. "You took her in, gave her a home; you loved her when she had lost everyone. I know I'm the 'Great Sovereign Kodi' to her," he said, rolling his eyes at himself in a joking manner - as if trying to act humble, "but when she thinks of a hero, it's you."

"I'm crazy about you, Sovereign," Elara could only say, knowing she would get too emotional if she tried to reciprocate anything else; it didn't help that she knew Kodiak couldn't stay with her for long and that he would have to disappear soon to make sure that he wasn't close by when Izzy woke up.

"I know," Kodiak smiled at her, pushing himself to his feet and preparing himself to leave. He pulled his jacket off from around him and draped it over Elara's shoulders, hoping that even though they couldn't together for a while, she would still have something to make her feel like she was there. "Get some rest," he encouraged. "The rest of us will take turns watching you two. We'll be here as soon as she's ready." 

Six // Part Two
Because you're still the safest place.
You are the person I love the most.

This chapter brought Season 9 up to 100,000  words and the series as a whole (all 9 books) to 800,000 words and 2,848 pages! This is also the FOURTH book in the series to reach 100K!

This was a tough chapter to write and I wanted to be as careful as I could when describing Izzy's reaction to what happened with Calvin. I know it's a dark topic and I tried my best to be sensitive and careful when writing about her experience and trauma, and I hope I continue to do so in the following chapters. If anything I have written feels negative or uneducated - or hurtful to you, please let me know so I can make sure I can fix up any mistakes I have made and right my wrongs. That said, I hope I have done a good job; this series isn't light on it's heavy topics and I don't tend to tiptoe over them, either, so there's definitely a lot of mature content in my books.

I'm so in love with Izzy and Elara's relationship; I hope I really captured how important they are to each other in the scene, especially when Izzy revealed that the only person she had been thinking of was Elara, and that her father didn't cross her mind. I think that really shows how Elara is Izzy's whole, entire world. And the conversation between Kodiak and Elara is one of my favourite scenes between them, especially because of the 'you're still my safest place' line. I just started writing it last night and reveals the moment they essentially "got together" because they were insperable from then onwards.

Btw, this chapter/episode was originally titled 'Eight' - which is going to be VERY significant - but I am using that for the next chapter/episode, instead. This one is now called 'Through the Eyes of a Child' which is an incredible song and you should listen to artist Aurora's version! It's a little confusing because the chapter parts are numbered and then the title of the chapter happens to be a different number, but it'll all make sense! I'll give you a clue (but I think it might be obvious already): it's about Izzy and Elara.

4.8K words for this chapter!

22/03/21.