Episode One, Part 2:
Horizons

I'm still on that trapeze; I'm still trying 
everything to keep you looking at me. 

Elara perched herself upon one of the steps to the porch, sitting down next to Kodiak with some struggle in her attempts. She was still overwhelmed at all of the mundane tasks which seemed to drain her energy or take twice as much effort for her to complete than what they used to do. She hoped it wouldn't take long until she felt like she was back to normal, but even just feeling Kodiak's hand circle her back as he reached out to her was enough for her to feel at ease.

"Still hurting you?"

Elara glanced down at the shirt covering her stomach, needing reassurance that the stitches from her bullet wound were still closed and she was no longer bleeding out onto a cold, wet deck of a ship.

She nodded softly and rolled her eyes at herself. "Mainly when I'm getting up or sitting down. I didn't notice when I was walking with you, so I guess you should let me leave camp more often?"

Kodiak laughed at her persistent defiance and her stubbornness at following any rules that were ever made to restrict her.

"We'll just see how you're feeling when we get back to camp. Knowing you, you'll be fast asleep long before sunset. Even Izzy's staying up later than you since we got here."

"It's not my fault I'm so exhausted," she defended herself, enjoying his easy teasing and unable to forget how badly she had missed that.

"I know," Kodiak softened, seeming struck by a nerve. "I just worry about you. I want you safe. I always want to know that you're okay."

"I am okay," she assured him, resting her hand on his thigh and squeezing reassuringly, hoping that the weight of her touch would do enough to let her words sink in.

"No you're not."

Elara frowned as Kodiak dropped his head, sighing out the sound of his heavy heart.

"Kodiak... Aeryn and Fenn said-"

"That's not what I'm talking about," he interrupted, wondering if deep down she knew what he was trying to say. "I know physically how you're doing," he said. "I know what Aeryn and Fenn suspect might happen and how long it'll take your body to feel normal again, but you're not okay, Ell. You haven't been for a long, long time."

"I'm safe now and I'm alive. You and Izzy are here; Wynn and Quill are here. Everyone's here. You don't have to worry about me. Not now that we have Izzy who needs us to take care of her after all she's been through-"

"Izzy is convinced something happened to you. She doesn't know what, but she knows Neptunum did something. And of course I'm always going to worry about you, Ell. Don't you get that? I love you."

"I love you, too-"

"Then let me in," he begged. "You've gotten so used to me being gone that I think a part of you still doesn't believe I'm here."

"Do you blame me? You should have died. All logic told me you had died. How was I to know that anyone could have saved you out there? That's going to be hard for me to wrap my head around."

"You died, Ell," his voice was a whisper but tremendously loud in the agony it was drenched in. "You actually died in my hands and I don't know how you can pretend that's not important or that it didn't happen when I am not the same because of it. When every time I wake up and you're sleeping next to me, I have to look twice and make sure you're not dead. I have to prove to myself that you're just sleeping because the thought of something happening to you absolutely terrifies me."

"I'm trying to focus on the fact that despite everything, I am alive," she told him. "Surely surviving that is what matters: me being alive."

"Can you tell me that you want to be? Can you promise me there's not times that you're secretly wishing the combination didn't work?"

"Yes," Elara said, taking his hand in hers and squeezing on tight for dear life. "I want to be alive. I want the future you gave me when you put this ring on my finger and made me a part of you. And I want what I imagined just then when you and I were standing in that house and I thought about how badly I wanted to start dancing with you right then and how Izzy would have ran in and joined us and I'd have thought to myself, 'I can't wait for the rest of my life to be like this. I can't wait for the years we'll spend slowly filling these rooms up with more little footsteps and more people to love.' I can't wait to do everything on earth with you, Kodiak, but I will, because I'll get there eventually; I'll get the rest of my life with you and that makes me so, damn happy."

"I know we talked about it when you thought I was someone else; when you thought I was a guard called 'Ammon', but I need you to tell me that you're okay because when we were on that ship, I found you threatening to push a blade into yourself and you had completely lost every ounce of hope that I knew you'd ever had. And I wonder if things had been different, would you have..."

"Would I have what?" Elara murmured, unable to predict what he was trying to ask, despite it always being so easy for her to read him. She moved her hand up to the side of his face, caressing her fingers through his blond hair before she encouraged him to look at her. "You can ask me, Kodi. It's okay."

"Would you have tried to fight for your life in that moment? Because I'm not so sure you did. I think when you realised someone shot you, you were a little bit grateful that you wouldn't have to stay and live through any more tragedies. And I get that. I know how much you've been through, and I'd never try and discredit that or the strength it takes for you to be here today, but... I wish like hell that you tried to fight. I wish you never even doubted for a moment that you wanted to live. I wish you were able to tell somehow how bad you must have been hurting to be able to feel that way, because now this is just another thing that's going to find a way to haunt you and I'm so afraid that you're never going to tell me how you're really feeling. Something might happen one day and you won't fight."

"I feel like I've had this conversation on replay in my mind a million times," she informed him, shaking her head at her situation, somewhat amused. "And I know I gave you every reason to believe I gave up because if it had happened even a day earlier - before I knew you were alive - then yeah, I probably would have been grateful that someone gave me a reason to put a stop to my life without me having to do anything; without anyone being angry at me for not wanting to fight because they'd realise that it wasn't my fault if I died. But I had you, and I knew that, and I felt your arms around me when I was on that deck and I knew didn't want my life to go. I didn't ever want that. I just wanted to know that the pain could stop somehow because it hadn't done since my brother died, and I didn't quite believe it was possible to feel any better. But you were there; your face, your voice, your hands - every part of you had came back to me. You were there and I knew that life was, against all odds, a pretty incredible thing because it gave me you. And although the decision to stay alive wasn't mine that night, the wanting to had always been mine, and I promise you that I really wanted to."

"You're not just telling me what I want to hear?" Kodiak asked, too afraid to believe her.

"I'm not," she assured him, wrapping her arm around him and bring him close to her so his head was pressed against her chest and cradled delicately by her loving hands. "I made it through all that time in the Bunker because I had Izzy, and after everything that had happened with Hannah, I knew Quill and Wynn needed me, so I did my best for them to hold on for them. When they disappeared on Neptunum, I was ready to give up, but then I found you. And when they shot me, I didn't fight because I couldn't. It killed me within seconds, right? I couldn't even tell you I loved you one last time. But I was afraid to die because I finally understood all that I had to live for. I finally realised that I wanted my life, even with all these tragedies I've been dealt, and I am thankful to be alive."

Kodiak let out a deep breath, slowly lifting himself up from where his head was buried against her so that he could look at her. He knew his eyes were watering over - an attempt for all of his fears and sorrow to escape - and Elara's were, too, although her's were different. They were glimmering in light, and smiling back at him in hope, and flickering down to his lips.

She leaned in, holding onto the side of his face and kissed him more tenderly than she had ever done before. Like it was the first time and the last time all at once. Like she never wanted him to forget how she felt against his mouth.

"I love you," she said so adamantly as if it was the most important thing he ever needed to be told. "I love you so much and I'm right here, now. I'm not going anywhere. You have me for always."

"For always," Kodiak repeated back, swallowing away the grief as he whispered against her lips. He no longer felt consumed in a misery that'd had a hold of him for months on end, he just felt vulnerable. He felt completely exposed in front of her and he didn't mind because she loved him.

"I'm sorry I didn't protect you well enough on Neptunum."

"Kodi," she lowered her voice in disapproval, but she wasn't angry at him. "I don't want you to say that because it's not true. I'm alive because of you. Nothing else matters."

"Okay," he whispered, managing a smile towards her as he composed himself. "I just-"

"Guys!?"

Kodiak and Elara snapped their heads in the direction of the house behind them, both trying to comprehend if the fear they heard in Izzy's voice was a figment of their imagination, or if it was real.

"Something's wrong," Elara muttered, latching onto Kodiak's arm as he helped her to her feet, the two of them wasting no time in hurrying inside the building to figure out what was happening.

"Iz?" Kodiak called out, following her response to a room at the end of the hallway. He could see her through the doorway as they approached, confused as she didn't seem to be hurt, but she called out to them to stop before they took a step inside.

"Don't come in!" She warned them. "You can't move."

"Izzy, what's wrong? Are you hurt? Are you okay?" Elara panicked, debating whether or not to ignore Izzy's instructions and just walk inside.

"I don't know what it is... I could be wrong, but I don't think I am-"

"What is it?" Kodiak pushed.

"I think that's a bomb..."

Kodiak and Elara looked to where Izzy was pointing, feeling their eyes grow wide in fear as they noticed a circular disc shape poking out from underneath the corners of a worn, dirty rug. There was a small, red shell that poked out from the top, flashing a light every so often as if in warning of its devastating intentions.

"That's a land mine..." Kodiak let out a sharp breath, mumbling the words as quietly as he could to Elara, not wanting to scare Izzy any more than she already was.

"What do I do?" Izzy whimpered, completely frozen in place - too afraid to even move her hands. "Please help me-"

"Everything's going to be okay, Iz," Kodiak cut her off, knowing that they all needed to remain as calm as possible. "I'll tell you what's going to happen. Elara's going to go outside and wait by the window and I'm going to stay right here and talk you through every step. Okay?"

Izzy nodded timidly, knowing she didn't have a choice. She gulped down a breath of fear, feeling a little more afraid as Elara disappeared from sight to follow Kodiak's instruction, trying to identify which room she was in from the outside of the house.

"I'm here! I'm outside!" Elara yelled, her voice sounding somewhat distant due to the house being raised a few feet from the ground. Kodiak couldn't see her from where he stood, but at least he knew she was there.

"Now what?" Izzy asked.

"You're going to walk over to window - very slowly - and I need you to lift it open."

Izzy shook her head furiously. "If I move-"

"If you move away from it, nothing is going to happen," Kodiak assured her. "Look: the mine's closer to me than it is you. You're all the way over there and better yet, you'll be walking in the opposite direction. Trust me, okay?"

She hesitated, completely doubtful of the situation, but she did trust Kodiak. Somehow, she knew that in spite of how shaken she was as a result of her fears, Kodiak wouldn't let anything happen to her.

Bravely, Izzy turned around and initiated her first step towards the window. She had to pause for a moment, taking a second to recognise that she hadn't blown into pieces yet, and then found the courage to take the last few remaining steps to the window. She could see Elara standing from outside which gave her a little more confidence, but as she started to pull on the window to try and get it to open, she worried her desperate attempts would shake the floorboards and trigger the mine to go off.

"I can't... I can't get it open!" She huffed, frustrated with herself that her attempts weren't working.

"It's okay," Kodiak said. "Just stop for a moment; take a deep breath; try again."

Izzy nodded, closing her eyes so she could focus on her breathing and when she felt like the racing in her chest was as slow as she could make it, she reached for the window and began to try again. She pulled from every angle, trying to lift up the bottom pane of the window so she could escape, but it wasn't budging. She wasn't strong enough.

"Kodi, it's not working. I can't do it!"

"It's okay. I'm going to come over and open it for you-"

"No!" She freaked out. "You could die and I'm not letting you die to help me! Elara wouldn't be okay with that-"

"No one's going to die," Kodiak forced a chuckle out, hoping to convince Izzy that they were going to be fine even though he wasn't sure of it himself. "I'm going to open the window and help you climb out-"

"And if you can't get it open either? If we're stuck in here?"

"Then I'll break the window," he said. "You don't need to worry, Iz. I'm going to get you out of here. I won't let anything happen to you."

Izzy wasn't fond of his plan and as she saw Kodiak let out a nervous breath, she found herself wishing she had the strength to be selfless enough to tell him to stay where he was, but she couldn't do that. She couldn't do this without him.

Kodiak placed one foot inside the room, feeling every friction and movement of his toes as they flattened out at the base of his shoe - his way of letting his added weight adjust on the floorboards so that it didn't arrive as one, sudden action. When he felt confident that it was safe enough, he brought his other foot forward - the side of his shoe stepping ever-so-slightly on the tattered ends of the rug.

Every second that passed felt like it was stretched out; like the universe was passing by so slowly just so he could feel every fraction of his fear, but eventually he reached Izzy. She was quick to latch herself onto him, needing just a moment to feel the comfort he brought her before anything else could happen. She felt instinctively safe around him and for a moment, almost forgot why she was so afraid entirely until Kodiak started pulling at the window, grunting as he used all of his strength to force it open.

"Kodiak, be careful!" She could hear Elara warning him from below, clearly alarm to realise that they were both in danger.

"It's okay," he said to her. "But it's a bit of a drop and I don't want her to fall. Are you going to be okay to lift her or do you want to go back and get help-"

"I got her," Elara insisted, already stepping right up close to the side of the house in a determination to snatch Izzy to safety, despite the pressing wounds on her stomach and all throughout her body.

Kodiak nodded down to her before turning back to face Izzy, trying his best to convince her that he wasn't afraid at all. "I'll lift you up and help you through the window. Elara's going to catch you."

Izzy barely managed a nod but she didn't resist Kodiak's attempts as he hoisted her up onto the edge of the window sill, helping her to turn around until her legs were dangling outside.

"I've got you. I've your arms so you won't fall. When you feel Elara's got you, let go, okay?"

The young girl let out a deep breath, slowly lowering herself out of the room and waiting until she felt the familiar arms of Elara wrap around her legs. She let go, almost in shock that she had reached the ground in one piece, and scrambled to get away from the building. Once her and Elara were out of the way, Kodiak followed after Izzy and climbed out of the window, jumping the few metres down to the ground.

"You're okay. You're both okay," Elara mumbled, holding Izzy tightly against her and kissing the top of her dark, curly hair. She was waiting for Kodiak to reach her side, but he was busy scouring the overgrown grass at their feet.

"Kodi? What are you doing?" She asked.

He waited a moment before answering, lifting up a reasonable size rock from the ground and encouraging Elara and Izzy to move as far away from the house as they would go.

"I have to set it off so it doesn't explode on someone else if they go in there. If one of our peoples finds this place and decides to take a look."

Elara nodded and covered Izzy's ears with her hands, not certain how loud the sound of the explosion would be, or whether it would be terrifying to her. She watched on with anxiety as Kodiak retreated closer to the house, focusing his shot until he finally chucked the rock through the open window, immediately turning on his heel as the room they had previously been inside exploded into pieces.

Shards of glass flew everywhere and the entire outside wall of the house was blown open, revealing the newly-attained hole in the floor they had once been standing in.

Once Kodiak knew everything was over, he jogged towards Izzy and Elara, scanning over them both to make sure they were okay.

"We should hurry and get back to tell the others what's out here," Kodiak said, moving to stand behind Elara so he could whisper to her without Izzy hearing. "Someone put this here as a trap," he whispered, constantly glancing around on high guard. "And I've probably just alerted them to our presence on the island..." 

One // Part Three
I want the future you gave me when you put this ring on my finger and made me a part of you.

Have I ever told you how much I love Kodiak and Elara? This chapter was really important to me and I felt it was so necessary for Sol/Wynn and Kodiak/Elara to have conversations about their mental health and open up to each other about their grief and suicidal thoughts from when they were on Neptunum. I hope I do these conversation justice in showing how talking about your struggles and fears and emotions is healthy and good for you and needed in order to make you feel better and to allow you to start healing. I also hope you realise that men have just as much emotions as us and that it is so, so important for guys to be able to open up and talk about their feelings and allow themselves to be vulnerable and to cry and to feel all of these things without thinking it makes them weak or "less of a man" because screw that ideology. Guys - you are completely valid and worthy of receiving the help and support you need and there is no shame in that, for anyone, regardless of your gender. ♡ Be kind to yourself and embrace your vulnerabilities! You are worthy of the love you give to others.

I hope this chapter also makes you excited for what's to come! Is this confirmation that there are other people on the new island? And what would that mean for Basilisk? Can't wait for you to find out! So much coming in this season!

By the way, that lyric always makes me think of Kodiak and Elara! The whole song, actually!! 

29/01/21.