Episode One, Part 2:
Horizons

I had a feeling so peculiar, 
this pain wouldn't be for evermore.

Sol waited where the sandy shores faded into the mud of the surrounding trees, watching Wynn as he adjusted the strap of his backpack over his shoulder and said his goodbyes to Quill. He joined Sol at her side, looking straight ahead and trying to figure out which direction to start walking in; if the path they forged would lead them into a hell or Heaven fate. Neither one of them seemed to have a strong inclination so they continued forwards, knowing they would figure it out later if they needed to.

Wynn took the lead - deciding where to leave his footprints for Sol to step in; holding up every overgrowing branch for her to walk under. And they were both quiet; the kind of silence that went by unnoticed because they didn't need any words to fill the space, but Sol was internally holding back a tsunami of words that were desperate to spill out.

"Even if there's no hunt around here, there's definitely a lot we could use to make shelter," Wynn observed, picturing what every leaf, or vine, or branch could be used for if he were to gather them all into a pile.

"Mhh," Sol agreed, although she hadn't paid much attention to what Wynn said. He seemed to notice it, too.

"...And maybe if we just climb the trees now, we can see over the whole forest and won't need to walk around for hours."

"Good idea," Sol mumbled, confirming Wynn's suspicions that she wasn't focusing on a word he was saying. He laughed at her, coming to a stop which caused Sol to walk into him unexpectedly.

"Wynn," she complained, not amused to see the smirk that was plastered over his face.

"Did you even hear what I just said?" He teased, trying to make sense of the cluster of emotions that tugged at her features.

"Sorry, I was lost in thought."

"Yeah, I noticed. What's up?"

"We can talk about it later-"

Wynn frowned and reached out for her hand in the space between them. "Or you can talk to me now? There's no one else around and depending on what we find out here, you might not want to bring it up later. You know, in case we don't find much food. That'll only make you crankier than usual-"

"Shut it," Sol rolled her eyes, swatting his arm as she stepped past him, continuing their exploration through the forest. "It's a heavy topic, that's all. I don't want to suddenly throw a bunch of questions your way."

"Whatever it is, I can handle it. You and I are kinda the king and queen of heavy topics, if you haven't noticed. Actually, Ell and Kodiak might have taken the lead on that one now that I think about it..."

"It's about what happened on Neptunum."

She couldn't hold it in any longer; she could find a way to sugarcoat the words for his sake before they came out, but maybe it was better that way. Her eyes focused intently on Wynn as he swallowed a gulp of air, digesting what she had said, and she waited anxiously to see how he would try and shrug away the conversation.

"Okay," he surprised her, not even a glimmer avoidance in his tone. He wasn't tiptoeing around what she was trying to say; he wasn't acting like he was waiting for her to get it over with or that he didn't think it was a big deal to him. He was waiting sincerely to listen.

"'I'm supposed to be this fearless Nobel Sovereign and you keep ruining my image, so it would be great if you didn't die,'" she said to him, wondering if he would know what she was talking about without having to spark the memory for him.

"...Yeah, I'd ran through a hundred different scenarios in my head about all the things you'd have said to me if I woke up, and I'm glad that was all you had the time to come up with," he clicked his teeth, scratching his hand on the back of his neck. "Let me guess, I'm going to get my well-deserve earful now? Honestly, Sol, I don't blame you-"

"I don't want to yell at you," she said. "And I don't need to tell you how what you did was the most stupid thing you've ever done. How somehow, it was even more stupid than when you convinced Aeryn into making you a Pureblood so you could become the Commander of The City of Targo. I don't need to tell you because I know you already know."

"Then what do you need to tell me?" Wynn asked, genuinely wanting to understand. "And if you need to be brutal and messy about it, that's fine. I put you through hell when we were on that ship."

"It's not what I need to tell you, it's what I need you to tell me."

"...I've been working myself up to an apology," he confessed. "But I wanted to get it right because you don't deserve some half-assed speech."

"That's not it," Sol shook her head. "I want to know if you're okay; I want to know what's going in your head; I want you to feel like you can talk to me and understand that you don't have to be ashamed of whatever you're feeling. Grief, heartache, fear - they're all human feelings, Wynn, and sometimes, you don't let yourself have them. I just want to know why. Why you feel like you can't have them around me of all people?"

"I do," Wynn promised her. "I know I don't let you see it, but I do feel my most safest around you. You're the one I go to when I feel like I need to catch my breath."

"Then why are you always one tiny step away from sacrificing yourself? Why was it so easy for you to make the decision to give up your life without even a second thought?"

"Because it was my sister," Wynn answered. "Because I almost lost Quill the day we went back into the Bunker and the whole time we were in there, we all thought Kodiak was dead, and I couldn't do anything to help Elara through her grief. I couldn't save her from how badly she suffered in there; from all those nights you and I would wake up because we could hear her screaming down the hall at night and we had to try and calm her down before Izzy woke up. I couldn't save her from that, but I felt like I had a chance to save her from death and that meant that she could have the thing she wanted the most in the world: Kodiak; a family with him. But I know that's not entirely what you're asking," he confessed, gradually slowing down and deciding to stop walking. He perched himself on one of the large boulders poking out from the ground and waited until Sol did the same opposite him before he continued. He felt like he needed something steady underneath him so that he couldn't fall into the depths of what had weighed down his chest for so long, but as he glanced up at Sol and saw her attentive gaze ever-focused on him, he found what he was searching for.

"Ever since I lost Ares, a part of me has always struggled with the idea of having to face the rest of my life without him. He's my big brother, you know? And he kind of taught me everything I know about life, just not how to live without him. Even when we were in the Bunker, it still felt like Ares was the one who raised Quill, Ell and I. There was always something parental about him, like he was made to protect us, and I still remember him as being the one who taught me a bunch of things that mum and dad should have but it wasn't because they left it all down to him, it was because he wanted to those things. He was the person who immediately took care of Quill when we found him in the Bunker and took him into our family; he taught Elara to read and to walk... I could live without my parents through everything that happened because I had him. I'd always had him," he smiled warmly at the memory of his brother, closing his eyes momentarily as if he was trying to burn in the image of Ares somewhere in his mind.

"And then when we came up to the ground, it was a different world and you ended up being the one I depended on a lot more. You taught me how to live on the ground, and then you were gone. You both were. And I'm okay," he was quick to assure her. "I swear, I'm okay about that. But for the longest time, I didn't have that chance to breathe because like I said, you're the one who gives that to me and you weren't around. I was thrown into a bottomless grief over two of the most important people in my life and I also had to suddenly lead a clan of people who were probably questioning why the hell you made me your Nominated," he laughed, still trying to wrap his mind over how crazy it sounded, even after all of that time. "...And I had to be Ares."

"Because he was gone," Sol whispered. "And so when you had the chance to be you again, you went back to all that grief and pain that you suddenly had to put on hold to help Quill and Elara, because those things are all you know. When you're not trying to be anyone else or be everything for everyone, you go back to being you, and you just know pain. You feel like you just know pain."

"Yeah," Wynn breathed out, his voice a sore and heavy whisper, but there was a spark of something hopeful that lingered in his words like a subtle aftertaste. She understood what he was trying to say; she understood the mess in his heart that he hadn't been able to make sense of until now, and that was the most freeing feeling he had ever known.

"I had to take care of my siblings in a way that you would have never believed it was hard for me to do, or that I was suffering myself, or that I had no clue if anything I did for them was ever good enough. But I didn't want to be Ares, I just wanted Ares to be alive. I wanted to wake up each day without reminding myself that he was probably scared as hell when he was in the dams or that right before he died, everything hurt. Because that's what happened whenever I thought about Ares. That's what I was thinking: that he was afraid and he was hurt and then he was killed."

"Do you still think that way?" Sol questioned relieved that even in spite of how much his answer might break her, she knew what he said would be the truth. "Do you still think of him like that when someone says his name?"

"...No," he smiled, pride beaming behind his eyes at the strength he had to be able to look up at her. "No, when I think of him we're sitting on the roof of the shed at Basilisk with Quill and Elara, and Ell's coming up with something that we all know really means 'I love you,' but it's not those words exactly because sometimes I think she finds that hard to say when she's afraid. And it sounds a little funny, but it sticks, anyway; or we're up late in our room in the Bunker chucking a hacky-sack ball at each other to see who can stay awake the longest even though we both know mum's going to lecture us in the morning when neither of us can get out of bed; or he's just sitting across from me doing his own thing, like reading a book for the tenth time because we always had so much time to read - even though he never really liked it, it just gave him something to do. But he's there and that's the point and he's okay. He's okay," he repeated his words, seemingly assuring himself; accepting them like he knew they were the truth. "Everything's always had a way of coming back to losing him," he said. "But when I woke up on Neptunum and you were there... When I knew that I'd managed to save Elara... I knew I was going to be okay. I felt like I'd taken my own misery and buried it in a grave that was waiting for me and managed to walk away with my life intact; somehow, more full than I thought it could be again. I'm okay now. I know what's happened and I can't change it. It's okay. There's...peace now."

"If only I could put into words how proud that makes me to hear you say that," Sol murmured, too profound to do anything other than gaze straight ahead at him even though her watery eyes were begging her to look away for only a second. "And I am so relieved that you've found a way to be able to talk about it, but if something happens again and you-"

"I'm not gonna look at the guy with the gun and tell him to shoot me; I'm not going to give myself over to save anyone without letting you know, or at all, really: I think I've fought too hard for too long that I deserve to stay alive. And I'm going to find a way to make sure I stay alive, because I want to. Because life is too fragile to not clench your fists around it and hold onto it with all the strength you have. I'll hold onto mine until it runs out, and I won't try and dictate when then happens, because I want to live. For you. With you."

Sol pursed her lips together, licking away the joyous taste of saltwater that had rolled down from her eyes. She shook her head as if laughing away all the darkness that once had it's grips on them so tightly, and stood up from where she was sitting, moving to stand right in front of him. Her hands gripped either side of his face and her gaze was locked on his with every movement until she leaned down, gradually closing her eyes as her warm lips pressed against his, trying to take away any hiding shadow of grief that was left behind in him.

"Wynnlow Bell, I am so in love with you."

"Mhh," Wynn mumbled against her lips, hating the few seconds of interruption as she spoke, already craving her the minute their connection broke apart. "Need a little more convincing," he teased, pulling her back towards him. "But this seems to be working."

/////////

"I can't believe you finally caved and let me leave camp," Elara teased, wrapping herself around Kodiak's arm as they forged a path through the forrest.

"Yeah, neither can I," Kodiak laughed at himself, surprised with how well he was holding himself together despite the continuous anxiety in his chest that danger was waiting for them behind every turn.

"...Thank you," Elara told him, softening her voice in sincerity. "I know this probably isn't easy for you."

Kodiak nodded. "Just promise me you'll let me know when you get tired. You should take it easy, still; gradually work on how long you're up for; make you sure you're getting enough rest."

"That's pretty easy when you haven't let me lift a finger in days," Elara giggled, thinking she was holding back the secret of how much she enjoyed Kodiak taking care of her, but he knew.

"Good. I plan to keep it that way."

"Hey! There's a house!"

Elara and Kodiak looked up ahead at where Izzy was standing at the top of the slope, pointing in a direction that was shielded from their view. They both frowned and walked up to where she was waiting, intrigued to see that she was right. In the flat plains of an over-grown field stood a small, abandoned-looking house. It had been painted white, but it was chipping and the colour seemed worn down by decades of rain and relentless weather, and it looked as though it had been untouched for years.

"That's...odd," Elara scrunched her face up. "Why is there only one?"

"Perhaps it was built right as the world started falling apart," Kodiak guessed, initiating the step forward and leading Elara and Izzy over to the building to they could explore it. "I wonder if there's anything inside."

At his words, Izzy raced ahead to get the first look through the windows. She pressed her forehead against the glass and peered inside, calling out to inform them both that it was in fact, empty.

"Maybe this could be somewhere we could try and set up our new Basilisk," Elara suggested, already trying to envision how their camp would look. "That is, if we stay here, of course. This house could be the new Sovereigns' Quarters!"

"Judging by the looks of it, the entire building is the size of what River's room was in the Quarters. But I guess it could be better than nothing," he said, opening the squeaky door he had seen Izzy disappear behind and following her inside.

"Well you've seen my room in the Bunker," Elara pointed out. "It was the size of the storage room in the Quarters. And Quill had a bed set up in a sectioned off part at the end of the hall, and Bas had all three of his siblings practically within an arm's reach. So this still feels a little spacious to me," she teased.

"Maybe that's because it's so empty," Kodiak observed, glancing around at what would have been the living space of the house. He couldn't see Izzy, but he assumed she had trailed down the hallway to explore the few additional sections of the house. There were only a few pieces of furniture that he could see: a couple of counters that had been beaten up in the kitchen space; an old couch that was torn open in several places exposing its inner filling, and a coffee table that was somehow still standing despite only having two legs for support - the other other two lying right underneath.

"Well, maybe we should keep it all to ourselves then," Elara raised an eyebrow, slowly running her hands up his chest until they hung around the back of his neck, drawing him to look at her.

"Oh yeah?"

"Mhh hmm," Elara mumbled. "There seems to be a room down there that Izzy can have. And you and I can set up our bed right over there, in front the fireplace, and we can make sure there's something burning every night so we're always warm, but I know really I just need you for that."

"Sounds good," Kodiak smiled, leaning down closer to her so their foreheads were pressed against each other. His breath was warm against her lips as he continued to speak, knowingly driving her insane with how close he was lingering without following through. "But we should also plan ahead: somewhere for Wynn to crash when he's drove Riv insane and she kicks him out in the middle of the night."

Elara chucked her head back as she laughed, able to vision the scenario so clearly in her head. "That'll definitely happen," she told him. "But we can just send him to Quill and Aeryn, instead."

"Good thinking. I'm pretty sure I used to catch Quill sitting in the Quarters wide awake some nights because Wynn wouldn't stop snoring. I don't particularly want to deal with that. Maybe we'll just set up a tent for him on the porch."

"That's generous."

"You're feisty today," Kodiak chuckled, glad to see that she was feeling more and more like herself as every day passed. "That, or this is your way of telling me he's annoyed you..."

"No, we're fine," Elara continued to laugh. "I guess you're right: I'm just a little feisty. You might have to get used to it."

"Well, since you seem to be in good spirits today, there's actually something I've been waiting to talk to you about. And as Izzy seems to be occupied and we have some time alone, do you think we could sit down somewhere and just talk? I feel like we haven't had really had the chance to do that since... Since we first got River home from The City."

Kodiak frowned a little at his own words, struggling to accept that it really had been that long since everything was even close to normal. Within a few days of Sol returning to Basilisk, Kodiak was injected with an implant and warning signs of the flood started making themselves known, and he started to lose Elara before they weer even separated. But that was then and now Elara was standing in front of him, moving her hand up to the side of his face to encourage his ocean eyes to find her again.

"Of course," she whispered, trying to preemptively come up to an answer to everything he was going to ask. "Let's just talk." 

One // Part Two
I felt like I'd taken my own misery and buried it in a grave that was waiting for me.

"𝘉𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘧𝘳𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘤𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘨𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘧𝘵. 𝘐 '𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘭 𝘪𝘵 𝘳𝘶𝘯𝘴 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘵𝘳𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘥𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦." ♡ I am so proud of Wynn and how far he's come. I said to my friend when I was working on this chapter that it didn't feel like I was the one who wrote that, and it was all Wynn words, alone.

I love being able to have these sorts of conversations between Wynn and Sol because I feel like it takes them back to their roots, but I also love that we can throw so romance in there, as well.

This chapter was 3.6K words and 6 A4 pages, so it was a long one! I'm excited fo what's coming up, but you can just enjoy the cute Wynnverly and Kodara moments until then!

Honestly, there were so many parts about this chapter that I loved. I LOVE whenever we get to talk about Ares and especially to see how much he means to Wynn, Quill and Elara. I wouldn't change it for what it's done for the story, but there are time when I really dislike myself for killing Ares off (can you tell? Lol). But it seems that Wynn's finally found some peace in what happened to him after his purgatory experience in S8. He's started the path to healing and he's surrounded by an immense number of people who truly and deeply love him. ♡

28/01/21.