Episode Five, Part 1:
Love and War

There's certain things that I adore. 
There's certain things that I ignore. 
But I'm certain that I'm yours.  

Once Kodiak had adjusted the fire and was confident that it was stay burning overnight, he crawled into the tent behind it where Izzy and Elara were, collapsing down beside Elara.

"It should last the night," he said. "But if it goes out and you wake up and you're cold, just let me know, and I'll get it burning again. Same for you, Iz," Kodiak said, calling over to the young girl who was curled up in the corner of the tent, a reasonable distance away from their feet - her back turned towards them. She hummed out a response, but wasn't very interested in talking; she hadn't said an awful lot since their conversation with Quill and Wynn.

"Do you think she's okay?" Kodiak asked, leaning close to Elara as they laid down, not wanting Izzy to overhear.

"I don't know," Elara frowned. "I thought she might just be tired from going to the hideout, or confused about the journal, but I haven't seen her like this in a long time," she confessed. Biting on her lip, Elara tried to perch herself up, relying on Kodiak to help shift her into a sitting position. "Are you feeling okay, sweet girl?"

"Yes," Izzy whispered, barely projecting her voice. Needless to say, it wasn't convincing at all.

"You've been very quiet since what happened with the journals earlier on," Elara pointed out. "If you want to talk to us about how it made you feel-"

"I'm fine, Ell," Izzy mumbled, her voice sounding completely miserable.

"Come over here, sweet girl," Elara beckoned for her, making a small space between her and Kodiak and patting the ground. "I can tell you a bedtime story. I have a couple good ones about Kodiak that I've been saving and even though he won't admit it, I know he wants to hear them to. You fell asleep the another night when I was telling one and he wanted me to keep going-"

"I'm really tired," Izzy interrupted. "Nothing's wrong, I just need to get some sleep. It's been a busy day."

"I understand," Elara murmured back, looking to Kodiak nervously, not knowing what to do. "If at any point you want to, we'll be right here for you to snuggle with. Just like you used to come crawl into my bed some nights in the Bunker," she said with a fond smile, hoping Izzy would remember the comfort it used to bring her and agree with Elara that it was what she wanted, but Izzy stayed where she was.

"Thank you," she whispered, hoping that despite how distant she was being, Elara and Kodiak knew how deeply grateful she was for the love they constantly gave her after she had lost everything else.

"It's okay for you to miss your family, Iz," Kodiak assured her. "You don't have to feel guilty about that, or worry that it means we're not your family, because that's up to you: no one can tell you who is and isn't your family."

"Yeah, and we know exactly how you feel," Elara said. "We've both lost our parents and I lost my brother unexpectedly. I can promise you that we'll understand whatever it is that's making you sad. The two of us are kind of experts and overcoming bad things."

Kodiak smiled over at Elara, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her tight. He glanced over at Izzy, hoping that their empathy would be what she needed to open up about what was weighing her down, but she remained quiet.

Elara sighed, sinking into Kodiak in defeat. "I want you to know that we love you," she said. "If everything else is becoming a little hard to believe, just make sure you believe that."

/////////

Once Izzy knew that Kodiak and Elara were asleep, she carefully sat herself up and pulled Kodiak's jacket off of her which had been keeping her warm, and scanned her eyes around the dim tent for what she needed.

She tiptoed over to Elara's side of the tent, picking up the pile of journals that were set aside by their water flasks, and brought them close to her. Once she had them secure, Izzy glanced over at Kodiak and Elara to make sure she hadn't disturbed them and then bravely snuck out of the tent, sitting to it's side so she was out of sight of the entrance but also close enough to still feel the warmth of the fire.

It gave her enough light to clearly see the pages of the journal and because the sky was so clear, it wasn't that dark outside at all.

Her fingers flipped through the pages, tracing over the outline of a woman sketched onto various pages, wondering if it was the same person that the Sovereigns had brought back to camp for a few days. She glanced at the maps, noticing the mines which had all been marked out and what appeared to be hidden pathways, until she eventually came to the page that she had been so terrified, yet so desperate to find.

'Josiah Kady, Zola Kady, Isobel Kady'.

"Mum and dad," Izzy whispered to herself, suddenly aware of the hot tears that were stinging her eyes. She had no choice but to release them, one of her tears spilling down onto the page below and soaking away the name of another stranger.

"I miss you," she continued, talking to the journal as if she believed it gave her some kind of connection to her parents; some way of making her feel as though they were still with her somehow. "I wish you could tell me everything: where I came from, how long I was here, why I feel like I remember this place," she said. "Sometimes I wish you were still alive."

Izzy wiped at her eyes and scanned over the beach, suddenly needing to assure herself that no one else was around. Thankfully, everyone else seemed to be asleep.

"But I don't want you guys to worry because Elara and Kodiak take care of me. They love me, you see. I've known them since I went into the Bunker," she said. "Well, I forget how long I've known Kodiak for, but I think it's about the same."

She was too young to have a reasonable comprehension of time; all the stories Elara had told her made her feel like Kodiak had always been around, even though she had always believed him to be dead.

"And I just found out that Uncle Quill is related to me, which is great, but... He didn't come from here," she said. "So he can't give me any of the answers I need and I'm too scared to ask for them. What if someone else from our family is out here?" She asked. "Auntie Hannah died, but I don't know what happened to Auntie Lara, and... And I don't want anything to change."

Izzy closed the journal and hugged it tight against her chest, beginning to cry softly. "Everything was perfect until I started recognising this place because now I don't know what that means," she whispered. "If I have to stay here; if I'll have to go back to where I came from. I don't want to lose Elara and Kodiak. They're my home... Please tell me what to do."

Izzy waited for a while, focusing on slowing her breaths until she was breathing normally again, thankful for the technique Elara had taught her when they were in the Bunker; she had said that it helped her whenever she remembered the day her brother died, and it had always worked for Izzy when she thought about her dad. Eventually, the warmth of the fire had burnt away the tears that had been on her cheeks and Izzy was doing nothing other than sitting in front of it, clutching the book to herself. But it wasn't what she came out here to do.

Trying to figure out how she was going to be able to find what she needed, Izzy pushed herself to her feet and began to turn around, trying to identify whose tent was whose in the dark.

Next to hers, she could see a bag poking out from Wynn and Sol's tent and Izzy knew without a doubt that it would have what she was looking for. She hurried over, crouching down low and tugged on the bag, quietly pulling it just outside onto the sand.

She began to dig through it, relieved to find a flashlight, and was quick to tuck it into her pocket. She continued to search, sure she was going to be successful, but there was no blade tucked away inside. He probably has it hidden inside his tent for safe keeping, Izzy told herself.

Not knowing where it would be, Izzy did the only other thing she could think of and returned to her tent, carefully creeping inside. Kodiak's blade was within an arm's reach of him, but he was asleep, and Izzy didn't have any other choice. She held her breath and moved closer towards him, so scared she was going to lose her footing in the dark, but she kept her balance. Finally, Izzy managed to pick up Kodiak's blade and retreat out of the tent, not daring to look back in case she began to have second thoughts. She had to get answers to where she was and how much of what she remembered was true. She had to do whatever it took to make sure she didn't lose Kodiak or Elara.

With the flashlight and blade now in her possession, Izzy opened the journal up to one of the maps that had Exile Allegiance marked down on it, determined to find her way back there, wondering if there would come a point where her memories would take over and she would no longer need the journal's assistance.

Gulping down a deep breath, Izzy turned on the flashlight and made her way over to the first line, staring down at the sand beneath her feet as it began to dissolve into mud. Bravely, she took a step forward and felt the first of many twigs break under her shoes. As she prepared herself to take another, someone stopped her.

"Izzy!"

She turned around completely alarmed, fling swarmed in panic as Kodiak stood a few metres away from the tent, watching her in complete shock. Within a second, his protective instincts kicked in and he was running towards Izzy, concern bright on his face - undeniable, even in the darkness.

"Izzy, what are you doing?" Kodiak asked, trying to keep his voice quiet so they didn't wake anyone up, but he wanted her to hear the fear in his voice; know how afraid he was at the thought of her taking off. As he looked down at her, he noticed all the things she was equipped with, in particular, his blade which he could see sticking out of her pocket. Before anything else, he made sure to take it away from her so she couldn't get hurt, securing it in his own pocket before grabbing onto her shoulders.

"Izzy..." He repeated, waiting for some sort of answer. He bent down so he we level with her, squeezing her arm softly to try and keep her calm. "Are you okay? What were you doing out here?"

"I-I..." She choked, not knowing what to say. She knew if she told him the truth, he would have no choice but to tell Elara, and then they would both be mad at her for trying to sneak out again. She couldn't face Elara's disappointment; she couldn't bare it if she let her down or ruined their relationship. "Please don't tell Ell," she begged, her tears immediately finding their way back. "Please don't tell her about this."

"Hey, Iz," Kodiak sighed, his heart breaking at the sight of her so afraid. He pulled her into him and wrapped her tight in his arms for a few moments, hoping that he could console her on his own without having to wake Elara who he knew needed her rest.

"Please promise me, Kodiak-"

"I can't," he said. "I can't keep promises if they're going to put you in danger. But Elara's not going to be mad at you. Can you please tell me why you were going to leave?"

He had pulled away now, trying to meet her eyeline even though she kept looking away every few seconds.

Izzy dropped her gaze and shook her head, completely defeated.

"Oh," Kodiak said, honestly not knowing what to do. He reached out for her hand, hoping at the very least that she would trust him enough to take hold of it. She did. "Let's go back to the tent," he said, trying to smile at her, but he was so worried and he couldn't do a convincing job of one. "You can cuddle up with Elara. Where you'll be safe," he emphasized. "And it's late, Iz. You should get some sleep."

Izzy nodded feeling ashamed of herself, but she allowed Kodiak to take the journal and flashlight from her and lead her back to the tent. He hovered in the entrance, watching as Izzy buried herself closely against Elara who had just woken up at the commotion, but had no idea what was happening.

"Kodi? Izzy?" She called out, trying to make sense of the tiny arms clinging onto her. She looked up and noticed Kodiak wasn't next to her and was by their feet, looking like the last thing he was going to do was lie down.

"What's going on?" She asked, her voice full of sleep.

Izzy held her breath, waiting for Kodiak to explain that he had caught her trying to leave camp in the middle of the night.

"It's okay, Ell," Kodiak said to her, not wanting her to worry when it was so late and they couldn't do anything or get any answers out of Izzy given the state she was in. "I can't sleep so I'm going to sit out by the fire for a while - I won't be far. Izzy wanted to lie with you. Go back to sleep."

"Okay," Elara whispered, adjusting her position so she could hold Izzy close, already drifting back to sleep within a couple of seconds, not knowing how much comfort her warmth was bringing the young girl.

Kodiak lingered at the tent's opening for a few moments, wanting to make sure that Elara had managed to fall back asleep and that Izzy showed signs of settling down. Once he was confident that she wasn't going to get up again, Kodiak sat down by the fire outside, leaning on the log and letting out a deep breath.

A million thoughts were racing through his head - all of them wondering why on earth Izzy was about to do something so incredibly dangerous and put her life at risk? Why she couldn't tell Kodiak what she was planning to do.

He knew he would be sat there all night long trying to come up with some sort of answer that wouldn't even be close to right, but he was prepared to do it if it meant he could keep watch on their tent and make sure nothing happened to Izzy.

/////////

Izzy let out a deep breath as she woke up, stretching her legs and arms out, taking a few moments to realise that she was alone. She opened her eyes and glanced around the tent, noticing that it was light outside and everyone would have already been up. She didn't know what time it was, but she knew it must have been late given how late she went to sleep.

For a moment, Izzy had forgotten about all of the fears that had weighed on her heart as she drifted off in Elara's arms, but they soon returned to her as well as a wave of anxiety about the impending confrontation that she was awaiting from Kodiak and Elara.

Knowing that she couldn't avoid it forever, Izzy crawled out of the tent and looked around, noticing them sitting at the fireplace a few metres along from the one right outside, obviously favouring it as it was still burning.

Elara looked over as she sensed movement, waving for Izzy to come and join them as she patted the ground next to her.

Izzy hesitated but obliged nonetheless, noticing how Wynn and Sol conveniently decided to leave and give them some privacy. Kodiak wandered over from the edge of the forest line, settling down the collection of sticks he had gathered from the fire, and sat down in front of her and Elara.

"Morning sweet girl," Elara hummed, kissing her forehead and running a hand through her tangled hair. "Are you tired? You ended up sleeping for a long time."

Izzy shrugged, somewhat confused about her reaction. Had Kodiak told her what had happened? Is that why Elara was still being so nice to her and not yelling at her like she knew she probably deserved.

"How do you feel?" Kodiak asked. "You can be honest with us. Are you nervous?"

Izzy flickered her eyes over to Elara, still trying to figure the situation out, before she nodded her answer at Kodiak.

"That's okay," Kodiak said. "We're not angry at you. We just want to know what happened."

"Nothing happened. I was on the beach the whole time-"

"Izzy," Elara sighed, trying not to become too saddened by her defensiveness. She knew how hard it was for someone like Izzy to admit that they had done something wrong; she was the kindest, little girl who never wanted anything more than to make the people around her happy. Whatever reason she had for trying to sneak out, Elara knew she hadn't intentionally meant to upset anyone.

"I know what happened. Kodi told me he found you trying to leave in the middle of the night. You had one of the journals, Wynn's flashlight, and a blade. What on earth were you trying to do? What are you so afraid of? Do you not feel safe?"

"I feel safe," Izzy rushed her answer out, hating to think that they thought she didn't. "When I'm with you two."

"Then help us understand what you were doing last night," Elara begged. "Do you know what could have happened to you out there if Kodiak didn't find you? Because I do, and it terrifies us, Izzy. We don't want anything to happen to you."

"Nothing happened to me-"

"Isobel," Elara warned, knowing the use or her full name would grasp her attention. "Please don't lie to us. We are trying to protect you."

"Okay, I won't lie," Izzy said, sounding as if she had more to say, but she remained silent. After all, she wasn't going to tell them she was fine or she wasn't going to try and do something similar again: that would be a lie.

"Iz?" Kodiak frowned, nudging his hand into hers, but she looked away.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, feeling her heart shatter in her chest and the thought of letting down her Great Sovereign Kodi. "But I can't tell you."

Kodiak let out a defeated breath and looked up at Elara, hating to see them both so upset. "Well, when you realise that you can talk to us about anything, we'll be here for you," he said. "And we'll help you deal with whatever it is that's freaking you out. Sovereign's promise."

Izzy looked up a little, managing a half smile towards him, clearly feeling a little special.

"I really am sorry," she said, her voice trembling slightly.

"We know," Kodiak assured her, keeping up his smile in the hopes of breaking her out of her shell. "Everything's going to be okay. Just keep telling yourself that and you'll believe it pretty soon." 

Five // Part One
They love me, you see.

Protect! Izzy! At all! Costs!

Despite how sad they all were in this chapter, I love their family dynamic and oh my gosh, Kodiak staying up all night to keep an eye on Izzy? The cutest!

II wasn't planning on having that scene of Izzy going through the journal, but the unscripted conversation between her and her parents was the softest thing and showed a side to Izzy to I haven't been able to write a lot of. I think it really cements this idea that at the end of the day, she's this tiny, little girl in a world full of war and death and grief and she is holding onto every piece of the people she loves so she never has to feel like she is without them.

Anyway, an exciting chapter coming up in Episode Five! Hope you like this one! They're so cute!

12/03/21.