Episode Six, Part 4:
Love is Just a Way to Die

You'll always remember the moment God took 
her away. For the weight of the world was 
placed on your shoulders that day.

"Hey, Ammon?"

A tender voice slowly broke Kodiak out of his state of shock. He flinched as Xander placed his hand on his shoulder, completely forgetting that the rest of the world still existed amid his mourning.

"You're okay."

"She's dead."

"I know. You're going to be okay. Take my hand."

Kodiak looked down at his own hand, wondering if Xander realised exactly how much blood was covering his skin. But Xander nodded, emphasising his waiting hand, and latched onto his friend, bring him to his feet. It was as if he wasn't bothered by whatever mess Kodiak had found himself in and the only thing that mattered was making sure he was okay.

"Let's get you to your dorm," he said, pulling off his own jacket and slinging it around Kodiak's shoulders knowing that the combination of the water, coldness, and shock would do no favours for him.

"No, I have to be with Elara!" Kodiak insisted, suddenly afraid that Athena had given him instructions to keep Kodiak away from her.

"You should get cleaned up; have a shower; take a deep breath. We'll figure this all out-"

"I'm not going anywhere except to where Elara is."

"Okay..." Xander said, not knowing if should try harder at keeping Kodiak away. "Okay, I'll take you to her. Come on."

Kodiak struggled to keep his balance as he followed Xander inside, not sure if he would be able to carry himself if it wasn't for Xander's arm slung around his shoulder. Even though he knew where every hallway in the damn ship led to, as they walked towards the medical wing where Elara was taken, Kodiak felt as though he didn't recognise a thing he passed, and if he was alone, he worried he wouldn't have been able to find his way back to her.

But finally, Xander opened the door to the operating room, revealing several of Neptunum's doctors working on Elara, giving their best efforts to stop her bleeding and sew up her bullet wound.

Kodiak felt sick to his stomach; he felt like he could have died just looking at her, but he couldn't bring himself to turn away. He didn't believe in the combination; he didn't believe that any part of Athena's mission was at all possible, but he would believe in it for Elara; if it would bring her back.

The doctors attached all kinds of needles to Elara, shoving a long tube down her throat that was connected to a ventilator. Kodiak could see her chest begin to move again shortly after, and even though he knew that it was just her body that was revived, he felt a slither of relief consume him, against all odds.

A long while passed as the doctors continued working on Elara, but Kodiak couldn't bring himself to move from where he was standing - not even to take a seat on the bench beside the wall. When the surgery was finally drawing near to its end, Athena made her way over, slightly nervous as she tried to figure out how long Kodiak had been there, watching on.

"They're almost finished in here," Athena informed him. She moved her hand up to rest it on his shoulder, but the glare from Kodiak was enough to let her know that it would be a mistake.

"I really am sorry, Ammon," Athena apologised. "If I knew it would hurt you like this, I'd go back and stop myself. I thought she had manipulated you into taking her out of her cell. I thought she was going to attack you... Leander came and told me that you found him passed out in the control room, so we investigated it. Three guards were found shoved into a storage closet - all of them killed. I acted on instincts and they were wrong, and you suffered because of that. But I'll do what I can to ensure the combination works on her."

"Then what?" Kodiak asked. "If it works, what happens then? You'll shoot me next time? Xander? Someone else I care about?"

Athena sighed, nervously dropping her gaze. "I deserved that," she said, refusing to criticise his anger. "I won't stay here and give you any more reason to hate me; once the doctors have finished with the girl-" She bit her lip, quick to correct herself. "With your friend, you're welcome to stay. If you're not here in the morning, I'll hold off the procedure with the combination until someone finds you. Sorry again," she apologised, not believing she could ever say it enough.

Kodiak refused to acknowledge anything she had said, looking straight past her the entire time and keeping his focus on Elara. Once Athena had left and the doctors in front of him began moving away from the medical bed, Kodiak wasted no time in rushing over to her side, thinking the first thing he would do was clasp her frail hand in between his.

But he reached the bed she was laying on and froze, completely unprepared to see her up close; to see how lifeless she was in the great detail he could see from her side.

Her heavy eyes were now closed and most of the blood had been cleaned off of her face, but there were still traces left behind - a small mark on her hairline; a smudge poking out from the curves of her lips; dried reminders buried beneath her fingernails.

"It's okay to touch her," Xander assured him, walking around to the other side of the bed. "You won't hurt her or disturb any of the wires. You can hold her hand if you want."

Kodiak nodded. There was a part of him that was begging his feet to turn around and run out of the room, and the shake in his hands was his heart's way of screaming to him that he couldn't bear to feel her dead underneath his fingertips again, but he had to stay. He had to endure it for her as she had done for him.

He stepped forward and picked up her hand, flinching at the brutal coldness of her body. This wasn't how he knew her to be. She was always so warm; always enough to heat up his entire body by just a single touch; but now she was as cold and as quiet as the puddle of blood left behind on the ship's deck, blending in with the spitting rain.

"She'll warm up soon," Xander announced, seeming to read his thoughts. "The humidifier in the ventilator will heat up the oxygen for her; you should begin to notice it in a few minutes."

Kodiak nodded. He knew how all of the machines worked; he had been through the same training process as Xander had when he arrived; he knew that Elara was dead and couldn't feel him there, but as he squeezed her fingers between his own, he told himself she could. He told himself that if begged her long enough or said the right words, she would find a way back to him.

He flickered his eyes over her body, trying to convince himself that she was just asleep, not dead. In an attempt to fool his heart, Kodiak reached for the pillow underneath her head and carefully slid it further towards her neck, knowing exactly what position she was comfortable in from the countless times she had fallen asleep at his side.

He was almost oblivious to Xander still being there until he hummed into an empathetic smile, trying to piece together the part of his friend that he hadn't quite figured out yet.

"You know, all this time, I've always been praying in the back of my mind that what we're doing here - as Neptunum - doesn't work," he said. "The idea of 'cheating death' doesn't seem like something we're supposed to figure out. I mean, just imagine the consequences if we find the combination and it gets into the wrong hands; who will be brought back then? All kinds of evil people that were killed for the right reasons... But," he paused, taking a deep breath, "now I'm really praying it does work. For you."

Kodiak looked up at Xander, grateful that he seemed to understand that the loss of Elara wasn't the kind of heartache time could ever heal; grateful that he seemed to realise that a part of Kodiak had died along with her.

"You've known her for a long time, haven't you?" He asked. "Loved her for a long time... From before we brought the people out from the bunkers?"

Kodiak let out a miserable sound. "Is it that obvious?" He worried that if Xander could read him that easily, it was only a matter of time before Athena figured it out to, and what would she do then? Shoot every last one of Basilisk?

"How?" He asked, reaching for one of the warm, damp cloths he noticed on the counter behind him and extended it out to Kodiak.

He gratefully accepted it, beginning to run the material over the red patches stained onto Elara's skin.

"Who are you really? I know you have secrets, Ammon. I have them, too, remember?"

Kodiak avoided his eyes momentarily, not sure if it was safe to confide everything in him. But he looked down at Elara, smoothing the cloth along the side of her face, having nothing else to lose...

"I'm Kodiak Zora," he confessed. "One of the four Sovereigns of Basilisk - the clan of people from the bunkers," he said. "This is... Was-"

"Is," Xander nodded, assuring him in the hope they had to hold onto.

"This is Elara," Kodiak said. "The girl I love. She thought I was dead all this time, but I found her, and now she's-"

"Now she's going to need you to be strong for her until we can get her to wake up, no matter how long that takes."

"You really think Athena is going to one day figure out how to bring someone back from brain death?" Kodiak sighed, knowing he was forcing himself into believing it, wondering if the same was true for Xander.

"Yeah, I do," he answered. "I don't necessarily agree with it, but in this case, I want it to work; I want her to wake up for you. I want to do whatever I can to let that happen."

"Thank you," Kodiak whispered, blinking away the tears that were a constant in his eyes. In an attempt the distract his heart from collapsing again, he shifted his attention back to what Xander had said. "So what's your big secret? You're not really a guy called Xander?"

"No," he chuckled. "Not all of us a cool enough to have a second identity."

Kodiak let out a laugh, surprising himself that he had it in him.

"But based on what you've told me, I assume you're not really one of Neptunum. You're.... Trying to figure out a way you save your people, right?"

Kodiak hesitated but eventually nodded.

"That's a relief," Xander said, exhaling a deep breath. "Because my dad is one of the prisoners here - Alec Zika. They rescued us from the ground a few months before you got here and my dad refused to cooperate. Once they took me on board to work with them, I started moving my dad into cells so he would always avoid facing the trials. To be honest, I've become so good at keeping him hidden that I think they've forgotten he's here - which is why I wanted to help you see your friends," he explained. "You're the only one who knows about this. I've managed to keep him safe ever since, but he's alone most of the time and I'm terrified that one of these days, someone's going to find him; figure out what I've been doing, and something terrible will happen to us both."

"Something like this?" Kodiak murmured, not meaning to make Xander feel guilty about what he had said.

"Yeah," Xander replied, anxiously searching for the right words to make it up to him.

"Don't worry," Kodiak said. "Your truth is safe with me." 

Six // Part Four
She was as cold and as quite as the puddle of blood left behind on the ship's deck.

Poo Kodiak. I'm grateful that he has Xander there who he can openly mourn in front of now that he knows the truth. What's going to happen when Elara's brothers find out about her death?

This book is only at 70,000 words and I'm worried it's going to be so short :(((

30/11/20.