Episode Five, Part 4:
Oikogénia

I told you, love, if you could see it through my eyes, 
You'd understand my fear of everything in sight. 

Xander was being delicate in the process of removing Chessca's implant, clearly able to see how greatly the people mattered to Kodiak, for whatever reason he couldn't figure out. He had to make sure he did a good job at protecting them; at earning Kodiak's trust so he knew he could trust him in return.

Eventually, Sol wandered over to where Kodiak was standing when she was confident that Xander was taking care of Chessca, trying to wrap her mind around everything she had learned in the past hour.

It still felt impossible that Kodiak was right in front of her, but at the same time, it felt as if no time had passed at all and she instinctively fell at his side, their shoulders brushing against each other as they found a deep breath - their world seeming to realign at each other's presence.

"If the implants are stopping the trials from working on them, isn't that a good thing?" Sol asked, struggling to understand everything. "I mean, you said they were called 'pain trials'. That doesn't exactly sound like something I'd want to put Wynn through."

"Believe me, I don't either," Kodiak sighed, unable to manage a smile as Dreea found her way over to them, leaving Wynn to take her place at Chessca's side.

"One of us will take his place," Dreea said without hesitation, failing to realise that Wynn wasn't facing the trials without a choice: it was something he had wanted to do to not only help Kodiak but to help Chessca.

"Athena's already interested in him and she won't quit until she figures out why the trials didn't work. She was about to put Elara through them to see if it was something genetic when we passed them in the hall. I don't even want to think about what would have happened if I wasn't there."

"Do you think the implants would be dangerous to them if they were left in?" Dreea asked.

Kodiak nodded, keeping his voice quiet even though he knew Xander was too far away and too focused on Chessca to listen in to what they were saying. "Knowing Athena, she'd try and reactivate them. I'm just glad Bas and I removed ours when they picked us up. We didn't know what was waiting for us here; it was just an instinct. We also decided to say we didn't know each other - that we weren't from the same clan. I didn't know if they'd try and use us against each other, and since we were the only person the other had, I didn't want to lose him, too."

"Is he okay?" Dreea searched, longing for the day she'd get to see her friend again.

"He's had a rough time here," Kodiak admitted. "Neptunum put us both through the trials. The only difference is they recruited me as a guard whereas Bas has been kept as their prisoner this entire time. I visit him every few days as he's kept in isolation most of the week; Athena says the trials are very effective on him, but I wouldn't be surprised if he comes out of this place worse off than ever."

"What are the trials like?" Sol asked. "You said they were like The Alteration, only worse?" Her voice weakened as she mentioned it again, knowing it was the only downside to having had her memories restored: she didn't just remember what they stole away from her, she remembered the entire process they put her through.

"The trials are designed to bring you as close to death as possible," he breathed out, suddenly feeling too exhausted to stand. He pushed himself up onto the counter behind him, allowing both Dreea and Sol to easily face him. "And they've figured out that there's actually an emotional aspect to staying alive, which is what they use against us," he informed them.

"What do you mean?" Dreea asked.

"Like if someone's been shot or is pinned alive under a collapsed roof, or something - a big role in their survival comes down to their desire to stay alive; the decision to endure the pain, to live through it. Half the fight of staying alive is wanting to."

"Are you saying the only way to survive the trials when they make us relive our worst memories is to want to?" Sol asked.

"It usually doesn't come down to that; they stop the trials before it reaches that point, but maybe. And I just need you guys to be prepared in case-"

"We'd go through anything again if it means we can keep you safe and have you back. Anything. Even when I was in the DeadLands or when Jonas died or when I left."

Kodiak forced a smile onto his face - one full of misery and despair - holding onto Sol's hand between his.

"As much as I hate that I know you guys would, I don't have much of a choice, either... I think it might have to happen. Especially if I..."

"If you what?" Dreea moved closer, concerned at what was weighing him down.

"I have to protect Elara from it more than everyone else... Not completing The Alteration almost killed her, not to mention the trauma it put her through for months after. At least with you having finished all the phases, Riv, it meant you didn't remember it after it was done. I've seen how vulnerable Elara is since she arrived... If she's put through this kind of thing again, I don't know if she'll have the strength to live through it. If she'll want to."

Sol sighed, gazing over at Wynn who was talking to Chessca, completely unaware of their conversation. Despite knowing he would likely have to face the trials at some point, all Sol wanted to do was protect him and she knew that to do that, she would have to start by making sure his siblings were safe.

"You're right," she turned back to face Kodiak. "Elara can't go through the trials at any cost. I don't even know if it'd be possible for her to hold off the memories of thinking you were dead, anyway, even though she knows you're alive... Do you actually think it's possible, though? Do you really believe that this mission Neptunum is working on is something achievable?"

Kodiak glanced over at Xander, trying to figure out how close he was to getting the implant out of Chessca.

"I do," he said. "I don't want it to be, but from what I've seen since working here, I think it is possible. They're as close as ever to finding it since we brought you guys in and if they're ever going to find it, it's going to be soon. I just don't want to imagine what'll happen if this ever gets into the wrong hands."

"Tell me about it," Dreea mumbled. "Lawful evil."

"You're all done," Xander announced, raising his voice a little so Kodiak and the others could hear over their conversation.

Sol smiled in relief, walking over towards Chessca and examining the neat stitch on the back of her neck, perfectly covered over by her hair.

She helped her to her feet, glad that Wynn was finally going to get his removed as well, remaining by the bed as he sat down in Chessca's place.

"Glad this thing is finally coming out," Wynn said to her. "It's just another reminder of everything Hannah did to our family when she was around."

"Yeah, well, she's long gone," Sol smiled over at him, assuring Wynn that it was the final act of burying his past.

He winced as Xander made the small incision on the back of his neck, earning a laugh from Sol as it took him by surprise.

"Is my pain your pleasure?" He asked, laughing himself as he bit on his bottom lip, wondering how the hell Chessca had managed to stay so calm during the entire process.

"Of course not," Sol teased. "I'm just admiring how strong and brave of a man I have."

"Very brave," Wynn said, suddenly putting on a serious face as if there was no reason for her to doubt him. "In fact-"

He was cut off by the sudden knock on the door - immediately instilling a sense of panic into everyone.

"Hey Xander, open up. I know you're in there," the voice called out.

"It's Leander," Kodiak announced, shooting his friend a nervous look. "He can't find out about this."

"I got it," Xander assured him, having no choice but to abandon the medical instruments in his hands, not having a chance to remove the implant from Wynn's head. The best he could do was offer him a thick cloth from the table beside him to put pressure on the incision, hoping it would do enough at controlling the bleeding.

"I'll go out and-"

"No, it's okay. I'll deal with him," Kodiak said. "There's a back door to this room - it's why I chose it. Take everyone out there and get them to their cells, but don't go all at once. Hide the others in any of the rooms in the hall as I know Leander won't have any reason to look in there."

"Good thinking," Xander replied, ushering everyone to follow him towards the door at the far side of the room, having to make their way between stacks of boxes and piles of unused machinery.

"Wynn!" Kodiak called over his shoulder, suddenly struck by a thought. "Don't go with them. I need to be the one to take you in case Athena finds you."

"What do I do?" He asked. "If that guy comes in here and sees me with you, not to mention bleeding from my head, that's going to raise some questions."

Kodiak huffed in frustration, searching his mind for a quick solution. "I'll figure it out. Everyone else - get out of here. Wynn...." He struggled to get a word out. "Hide!"

Wynn looked over at Sol, Dreea and Chessca - his worried eyes saying all that he needed to, watching as they had no choice but to follow Xander out of the room. Without much time to consider his options, Wynn shielded himself behind two large crates to the corner of the room, going by the logic that if he couldn't see Leander, then Leander couldn't see him.

Kodiak glanced around the room, double-checking to make sure it was safe to allow Leander to enter, but something caught his eye... There were drops of blood of the floor from where Wynn had been moving around as well blood covering the instruments, gloves and tissues of the tray beside the bed... If Leander noticed it - which he would - there were bound to be questions raised.

Willing to do anything to keep his secrets hidden, Kodiak reached for one of the sterile scalpels and drew a sharp cut along his arm, trying to muffle the grunts of pain he was letting out. As blood started to pool out from his wound, Kodiak grabbed one of the dry cloths on the tray, forcing as much pressure on himself as he could take.

Finally - worried that he had already taken a suspicious amount of time - Kodiak unlocked the door, coming face-to-face with a puzzled Leander.

He immediately glanced down at his arm, somewhat concerned.

"Ammon? What the hell is going on in here? Why is Xander here?" He pushed himself past Kodiak, looking around expectantly, but he was left disappointed.

"What?" He mumbled. "I saw him come down here a few minutes ago? What's going on?"

"Yeah, he came by to drop off some first aid for me," Kodiak explained, walking over to the medical equipment and beginning to sort through it. He was relieved to see that a needle was already prepared with a thread of stitches attached to it - worrying how he would have figured out his dilemma it hadn't had worked out in his favour.

He carefully removed the blood-soaked cloth from his wound and replaced it with the needle, being delicate with himself as he began so self-stitch.

"You know, there are drugs we can give you so that doesn't hurt as much," Leander said. "And I can do it for you-"

"No need," Kodiak assured him. "Everyone's trained in medical, remember? Besides, you guys put me through the pain trials when I first arrived here. A little pain like this is nothing."

"Fair enough," Leander smirked, watching with a scrunched-up look of discomfort as Kodiak continued to push the needle through himself, knowing that it was bound to be hurting. "So Xander's not here?"

"He was," Kodiak said, "but I told him I was fine to sort this out on my own. If I need help, I'll go to medical, don't worry."

"Fine," Leander brushed him off, frustrated that he hadn't found a reason to land Xander in trouble with Athena. "I'll see you around. And be more careful next time."

Kodiak rolled his eyes as Leander made his way out of the room, knowing that there was no empathy behind what he said, just a complete annoyance for how careless 'Ammon' was in his eyes. 

Five // Part Five
Half the fight of staying alive is wanting to.

Kodiak's lines in this chapter are v important. That's all I have to say.

22/11/20.