Episode Two, Part 6:
Some Nights

'Cause you don't see what you saw in me 
when you said you would never leave. 

After their conversation, Sol had buried herself in her morning duties for the camp, even taking over some of Wynn's, Kodiak's and Dreea's responsibilities just so she could put off seeing them for as long as she could. 

She could see how close Wynn had grown to them both in her time away, and whilst it filled her heart with so much comfort to imagine them being there for him the way they always had been for her, she worried that he had told them about her choice to cool things off before she found a way to explain herself to everyone else. Because, in spite of how sure she had come across in her decision, Sol knew, and everyone knew, that she loved Wynn... And no one, barely even Sol herself, would be able to comprehend the news once they found out. 

With her lack of sleep catching up to her and nothing to do until after the morning classes had commenced, Sol wandered back into the Quarters, finding everyone lounging on the couches, listening in to the conversation between Atlantis and Aeryn. Eyes momentarily flickered over towards her, turning back once they discovered who it was, but one person's eyes lingered a little longer than the rest... 

Sol couldn't bring herself to look at Wynn; there was a vacant space beside him which she would have normally gone and sat down, maybe even lean her tired head on his shoulder if he was lucky, but she couldn't be so near to him: she knew it would be all too easy for her to give in and say that she was out of her mind before; that she didn't mean what she said. 

Desperate to feel hidden away, Sol squeezed herself in the small gap between Chessca and Atlantis, nuzzling her face into Chessca's arm and closing her eyes, momentarily thinking that they were back in The City. She jolted next to her, shooting her eyes open suddenly to ease her worried mind, taking a deep breath once she remembered they were safe. 

"You okay?" Chessca murmured, resting her head on Sol's. 

"Just exhausted," Sol answered, keeping her voice low, but it didn't matter either way; she could feel Wynn's eyes on her, and just by the defeated look on his face, Sol knew that he had worked out what her answer was to her friend's question. 

"I can tell you've been up for hours," Chessca said. "Why don't you try and get some sleep? Doing all those jobs this morning was too much." 

"Stop worrying about me," Sol mumbled, smiling against Chessca's arm and feeling her chuckle at her words. 

"I will when you stop running yourself dry." 

"Fine," Sol let out a heavy breath, trying to lean closer into her. She would have rolled her eyes if they were still open. "Then stop talking to me so I can sleep." 

Chessca laughed once again. "You know, you have a perfectly good bed in your room," she pointed out. "My shoulder gets boney after a while. That's what you told me." 

"I take it back," Sol said, not wanting to delve deeper into where their conversation was leading. She could recall countless nights in The City of Targo where she had fallen asleep before she even made it to her bed; sometimes, the weight of not remembering was too overwhelming for her to face, and the only way she could find some comfort was by sitting in the chairs by her window, watching as the sun faded on The City, Sol's head on Chessca's shoulder as she fell asleep. Whenever she woke, her neck was always stiff and she would have the worst headache for the rest of the day. 

"Sovereigns, mind if I steal you for a minute?" 

Sol peeled her eyes open, almost frustrated that she had been interrupted after finally making herself comfortable, but the annoyance was gone the moment she realised it was only Joren. 

She forced herself up from the couch, rolling her eyes at Chessca who was laughing at the inconvenient timing of Joren's request, and followed him and the other Sovereigns into the nearest map room. 

She perched herself onto the only stool around the table, not even feeling guilty for taking it for herself as she leaned her elbows against the table, trying to disguise her yawn. 

"What's up?" Kodiak asked, standing in between Wynn and Dreea. He was trying to figure out why Joren had called a sudden, unscheduled meeting when for all they knew, there were no problems that needed their attention. 

"I thought it was best coming from me." Joren held up his hands, letting out a nervous chuckle to ease the initial worry in the room. "You might have already discussed it amongst yourselves, but I needed to know." 

"Know what?" Wynn asked. 

"There's four of you..." Joren stated, almost regretful that Wynn was the one who had asked him. 

"I figured it might be too uncomfortable for you guys to know how to approach it, and I wanted to let River settle in before we had to face this question, but some of your people are unclear on who's a Sovereign still, who's the Nobel Sovereign, or what's happening," he explained. "Take the time you need, debate amongst yourselves; whatever it is, I'll support you guys either way. All four of you." Joren nodded firmly, quietly slipping out of the room and leaving them to talk amongst themselves. 

It was funny: Sol had known Kodiak and Dreea her entire life, and each of them had a deep-rooted connection with Wynn by now, but all of them felt too awkward to even look at each other after what Joren had implied. They didn't hide secrets from one another; they could tell each other anything, but this was new to all of them. 

"If I'm honest, I've been thinking a lot about it, too," Sol sighed, almost sinking into the tabletop beneath her elbows. She was hesitant to, but she curiously glanced over at Wynn, knowing just by the biting of his lip how he was feeling. 

Why hadn't she mentioned this to him? Was there more behind their 'breakup' that she wasn't letting him onto? Did she just not know how to tell him that he didn't have to be a Sovereign anymore? 

It was one of the things they hadn't properly delved into: what it was like for Wynn to be a Sovereign? He gave her a brief answer, crediting his decision making to what he thought she would have done, but the truth was that she had no clue what it was like for him to take that responsibility on his shoulders, especially in the face of so much loss. 

"But don't worry about me," Sol continued, forcing a brave smile onto her face. "The whole bus ride home, I never expected to come back here and be a Sovereign. I guess I just tried to fit back in the only way I knew how, and probably for the same reason as you guys: because we didn't know how to tell me that there already are three Sovereigns." 

"...Riv," Dreea muttered, completely lost for words. Her voice failed to grab Sol's attention. 

"At the end of the day, I left my people, and they don't know why, nor do they need to know why," she continued. "And if there's one thing that I'm sure of after coming back, it's that you guys are the strongest people here. The way you kept everything together, and not only that, but made life better for our people after losing me - it's heroic. Our people are so lucky to have you-" 

"I'm pretty sure I speak for all of us when I say this, but you're crazy if you think you're not a Sovereign anymore," Kodiak said, half frowning, half smiling in disbelief. "And we wouldn't have had any people to protect if you didn't sacrifice yourself that night, or if Wynn hadn't made a deal with Targo in the first place." 

He turned over to Wynn briefly, patting him on the shoulder to acknowledge that he made just as much of a sacrifice that night as Sol had done. The only difference was that Sol was the one taken away. 

"Kodiak-" 

"This isn't one that even you can argue," Dreea chimed in. "I agree with Joren that we needed to confront this, but no one's saying that you're not a Sovereign anymore. You always have been. Hell, even when your dad 'revoked' your title and tried to have you killed; even when Atlantis stepped up in your place, you were still a Sovereign, Riv. It's who you are." 

Sol looked down, shaking her head softly. "But Wynn..." The words escaped her too early and she found that as she looked up to him, meeting his miserable eyes, she didn't know what to say to him. 

She took a deep breath, prepared to reach out across the small distance between their sides and hold onto his hand, but she refrained herself just in time. 

"I'm not taking this away from you," she said. "I won't. I can't. You're a Sovereign, Wynn. You deserve to be, more than I do." 

"I don't think anyone is more of a Sovereign than you," Wynn murmured back, forcing a smile on his face to conceal his shattering heart from Kodiak and Dreea, but Sol saw right through him. 

"It's okay," he pursed his lips together, nodding as he looked over at them both, unable to keep his gaze on Sol any longer. "Just, please let me and Quill keep our room? Things aren't great between us at the moment and the last thing we need is to be forced into a tent together." 

He tried to make a joke out of it, blindly shifting the attention away from the fact that he had essentially surrendered his role as Sovereign, but the others realised there was a darker truth behind his words. Beside him, Kodiak frowned, wanting to say something but he realised it wasn't the time. 

"No, Wynn," Sol said, "Did you not hear me? I said I'm not taking this away from you. No one gets to call me a Sovereign if you're not one." 

"...That's it," Dreea mumbled, thinking out loud. She was chewing on one of her knuckles, darting her eyes around the room as she searched her mind for the solution. 

"What's what?" Kodiak asked, tilting his head in her direction. 

"This is going to sound crazy," Dreea warned. "But what if... What if we have four Sovereigns, instead of three?" 

"There's... Only ever been three," Kodiak mumbled. "Two Sovereigns, one Nobel Sovereign. And at least one of the Sovereigns a blood relative of the former three, and that was Riv, with the exception being when Wynn was her Nominated. It's always been this way." 

"I know," Dreea said, almost uneasy about the idea of changing perhaps their most fundamental rule. Where would it end if they made this change? How much power would they have? And who was to say that they couldn't one day turn around and declare that there wouldn't be a new group of Sovereigns to take their place. 

"But people change as the world changes. None of the former Sovereigns have been through what we have: losing Riv twice, Kodiak being hostage to Targo at one point, Riv's relationship with Noah, not to mention the three of us forming an alliance with Blood Riders and taking them into our camp. I think it's safe to say that maybe we're the best leaders Basilisk have ever had, and that's because Wynn's been a part of that. I mean, not including the start," Dreea narrowed her eyes. "You were a nightmare. Constantly sneaking out of camp when the three of us were about to begin our leadership. Have I ever mentioned how much I hated you back then?" 

Wynn laughed at her comment, genuinely amused. "No, I had no idea," he played along, momentarily forgetting the seriousness of the moment. "Are you really telling me that you didn't like me?" 

By this point, Sol was the only one who wasn't laughing, and she was glad that as she picked up the conversation, they hadn't noticed. 

"So we're all clear," she said, "Wynn is still a Sovereign right?" 

Everyone looked back over at her, but Wynn was too sore to say anything. He didn't understand why she was so determined to fight for him to keep his title as Sovereign and at the same time, declare that things were over between them. He couldn't figure her out anymore; how much she cared or didn't care; how much she loved him, or didn't love him back. 

"Yeah," Dreea smiled. "We all agree; we start a new rule of Basilisk from today: our clan will have four Sovereigns, not just three." 

"One of which has to come from a secret, underground bunker," Kodiak joked, trying to keep the spirits up from what had started as an uncomfortable conversation, but he only earned a swat on the chest from Dreea who wanted to make clear that it wasn't part of the new rules. 

"And who's the-" 

"You're the Nobel, River," Dreea answered before Sol could even get her question out, knowing that no one in the room would even consider debating it, except for her. 

She grabbed onto Kodiak, steering him in the direction of the door, and leaving just Sol and Wynn alone in the room - completely unaware to the distance already growing between them both.  

Whilst Wynn was relieved that he had made it out of the meeting to still call himself a Sovereign, he knew deep down that there was something he wanted even more than that, but he wasn't going to get it and staying in the room with only her was going to do his heart any favours. 

"Wynn-" Sol called out his name, seeing that he was already turning to exit. He hesitated, facing her for a moment, but quickly realising that she didn't have anything to say; she just didn't want him to leave not knowing if he was okay or not. 

He nervously drummed his hands on the table, creating a simple beat as he gradually backed away, not having the strength to stay if she couldn't tell him what he wanted to hear. 

"Thanks, Nobel," he murmured, his voice sincere and full of compassion, recognising how she had fought for him and contributed to him maintaining his title. 

With so much left unsaid, Wynn dropped his lowly gaze and followed after Dreea and Kodiak, leaving a very lonely Nobel Sovereign trying to balance the weight of the world on her shoulders, only seeming to focus on how much she really hated him calling her anything but 'Sol'. 

Two // Part Six
You're a Sovereign. It's who you are.

Went out for dinner tonight for the first time in 136 days.
It was disappointing, to say the least.

22/07/20
(10 years ago, One Direction weren't even a thing... Say it while you can. It makes me feel old).