Episode Three, Part 5:
Not Like Falling Out of Love

If your heart was full of love, could you give it up? 

Elara fell with her back onto the bed, letting out an exaggerated sigh as Kodiak followed in, shutting the door behind them. He was quieter than usual, but Elara pinned that down to the search for Harlow the previous night having tired him out, as well as the constant pressure for him to resolve the shortage of food.

"I feel so bad for Wynn," she said, clasping her hands on her stomach as she stared up at the ceiling. "I know how much he loves River, and I'm pretty sure she feels the same. I don't get why this happened. If people love each other like that, like the way we do, they're supposed to be together. It just doesn't make any sense at all..."

"I know," Kodiak sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed as he faced away from Elara, pulling his grey shirt off and clutching it tightly in his hands. "I think Riv feels like she's got a lot of soul-searching to do," he said. "She hasn't been herself in a long time. It'll take a while before she realises that Wynn isn't going anywhere, and what they have is real."

"If we were apart for a really long time," Elara murmured, "I know nothing would change how I feel about you. You'll always be the one, and I'd run to you first in a room full of all the people I've ever known. Unless Ares was standing closer to where I was, then I'd go to him first," she joked, humming a smile to herself as the hurt crept in for a moment, but she had learned how to push it away.

"I love you," she said as she rolled over, reaching her hand out for his bare back to run her fingers along, but Kodiak flinched away, almost startled by her actions.

"Sorry," she propped herself up. "I didn't mean to scare you-"

"You didn't," Kodiak was quick to answer, shaking away the unease in his chest, but not turning around to give her the comfort of mind and she knew that something was off, beyond the unexpected touch of her cold hand.

"Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine," Kodiak tilted his head to the side, seeing her out of the corner of his vision. "Just a lot to think about," he said, glancing down at the screwed up shirt in his hands, staring feverishly at the dark, dried-up drops of blood that were stained from where it had been pressed up against his neck. It was a subtle but brutal reminder of the foreign implant stuck in the back of his head - the one he knew almost nothing about.

As it began to feel as though everyone's relationships were crumbling and forces were trying to tear them all apart from one another, Kodiak wanted nothing more than to cling onto Elara and tell himself that she wasn't going anywhere; that no one could come between or break what they had, but he couldn't help but wonder if Hannah's implant would force a wedge between them; he'd either have to tell her about it - which he didn't want to do - or he'd have to hide it from her. Lie to her...

"I know how you're feeling. I'm pretty overwhelmed, myself with everything that's going on with my brothers," Elara admitted. "Come lie down so we can both talk about everything-"

"I don't feel like talking right now," Kodiak scrunched his shirt up so the blood couldn't be seen, tossing it over to the chair in the corner before Elara could see. He crossed over to his trunk, pulling out the cleanest, navy jumper he could find - confident that if any more blood did spill, it would go unnoticed. "Sorry, I just... I think I'm going to go for a walk. Clear my head, you know?"

Elara sat up on the bed, frowning as she tried to figure him out. He seemed nervous - afraid, even - a side to him she hadn't seen in a while.

"Do want me to come with you?" She asked. "Or do you need to be on your own?"

"I think I'll go on my own," Kodiak said as he opened the door slightly, leaning on its frame as he pushed it back and forth in his hesitation. He avoided meeting Elara's eyes for fear of her trying to get to the root of the problem, not able to think of a good excuse as a cover-up. "As I said, there's a lot on my mind these last few days. I know you'll only worry about me if I tell you, so I'll figure it out on my own."

"Kodiak!-" Elara called his name, hurrying to stop him before he completely disappeared into the hallway. He caught onto the door, peeking his head in for another moment, looking expectantly her way.

"Whatever's going on, please don't bottle it up inside your head," she told him. "That's not healthy. I'm here and I'll listen to whatever you have to say. You know that?"

"Yeah..." Kodiak breathed, forcing a depleted smile her way. "Thank you. I do know that," he said softly. "I'll catch you later."

As the door shut behind the Sovereign, Elara sunk down into her pillow unable to help from feeling a little disappointed; for the first time in a long time, she felt as though she had no one to turn to. Quill was worried about Hannah's return; Wynn was stressed about Quill and Sol, Bas was too focused on not letting Harlow out of his sight, and now Kodiak seemed to be dealing with his own, isolated stresses. It didn't leave much comfort for her own worries as well as trying to make sure all of them were okay. Whatever the hell was happening to her family, she hoped it wouldn't be long for things to resolve into the idea of 'normal' they had been fighting months to find again. She didn't want it to become an unachievable battle like seemingly most things in her life.

///////

Kodiak waited until it started to grow dark before he made his way over to Hannah's tent. He had to make sure Quill wasn't in there and having kept a close eye on the area for well over an hour, he was confident that it was safe to approach.

He walked into the tent, already scowling at Hannah and Lydian as they turned to see who had appeared, hoping it wouldn't take much convincing for them to agree to his orders.

"Sovereign Kodiak," Lydian beamed. "What a lovely surprise."

Hannah rolled her eyes in amusement beside her, crossing her arms as she stepped forward to him.

"What do you want?" She asked.

"We need to talk."

"About wh-"

"About this freaking implant you put in my head, that's what!" Kodiak cut her off, suddenly worried that he had raised his voice high enough for the people nearby to hear - not wanting anyone to come in and discover their confrontation.

"All you had to do was ask," Hannah said. "We've been waiting for you to make a move. It took you long enough."

Kodiak ignored her comment, refusing to take the bait of her taunting.

"Lydian, get out," he ordered, not even looking over at her.

"...This is my tent," she stated. "You can't kick me out."

"I can banish you from Basilisk if I want to," he told her, asserting his dominance. "I'm a Sovereign and this is my clan, my people, and my grounds... Get out."

Lydian shared a nervous look with Hannah, realising that she didn't have much of a choice but to listen to him. They knew no one would banish Hannah out of fear of how it would affect Quill, but everyone else that came with her from The City wasn't guaranteed anything.

Kodiak waited until he knew Lydian had left, following in her direction as he poked his head through the tent, making sure she wasn't standing right outside and listening in to their conversation. To his relief, she was already walking towards the fire, meeting up with Josiah who was standing with a group of his friends from The City.

"Why the hell have you put this in my head?" Kodiak wasted no time in getting to the point, standing intimidatingly close to her, but Hannah wasn't phased.

"I need my leverage."

"Leverage for what? If you're trying to get to Quill, I'm not the best person for the job."

He hated how insensitive and careless he sounded as he spoke about his friend, but he figured if he could change Hannah's mind about using him, he might be able to get the implant out of his head and also be able to find a way to make sure no one else he cared about had one inserted into them.

"Actually, I think you might be exactly what I'm looking for. You, or Wynn..."

Kodiak tensed up, feeling his hands ball into fists at his side as the thought of Hannah putting an implant in Wynn. She had already interfered with his life enough as it was; he wasn't prepared to let her do anything more to him.

"Fine, me," Kodiak said, knowing that he didn't really have a choice but to let something happen to him. "Whatever you're doing, just leave Wynn out of this-"

"...I'm afraid I can't do that," Hannah pursed her lips together as if for a moment, genuinely contemplating if she needed to involve Wynn.

"What the hell do you want?" Kodiak moved closer, longing to pull his blade out and scaring her into compliance, but he didn't know what she could do to him... Maybe kill him, for all he knew.

"I want my son to know that he's my son!" Hannah exclaimed. "That's never going to happen with the people from his Bunker around-"

"If you lay a hand on any one of them, I'll kill you myself," Kodiak growled, ripping his blade out without fear of what consequences were to follow.

"Relax, Kodiak," Hannah rolled her eyes, pushing his blade down to his side without any hesitation. "I'm not going to kill them if that's what you think."

"Then what are you going to do? You might as well tell me because if you don't, I'll tell my people about the implant you've put in mine and Bas' head and believe me, they'll do worse things to you than I ever would."

"If I killed them, as much as I hate to accept it, it would devastate Quill," Hannah said. "So I need them alive, but-"

"But what? You're going to take Quill away, is that it? He'd never leave; no matter how lost he's feeling at the moment, he wouldn't leave with you. Especially not to go to The City of Targo."

"What about Blood Riders?" Hannah asked. "Do you think he'd go there with me?"

"I-" Kodiak choked on his words, wanting to say 'no', but he wasn't completely confident. Blood Riders were close enough that he wouldn't have to leave everything behind, but it would be far enough to tear an irreversible break between his relationship with Wynn and Elara.

"I'm just kidding," Hannah laughed. "You guys are in an alliance with Blood Riders. There'd be no point. If we ever leave Basilisk, I guess we'd start a clan of our own."

Kodiak twisted his blade in his hand, frustrated by how casually Hannah was taking the entire conversation.

"I need to make Quill want to leave Wynn and Elara on his own terms, not because I forced him to; that's why I'm not giving him an implant to control him to leave with us. I need him to realise that it's okay to leave them behind because he doesn't need them. He just needs me."

"Listen, I don't know what you think you know about Quill, but he'd never leave without his brother and sister. Even if things are tough between them, or he's angry at them, or whatever. Family has always been the most important thing to him for as long as I've known him - which is longer than you, by the way."

"I gave birth to him. I've known him his entire life-"

"You were a surrogate at most!" Kodiak exclaimed. "You knew him for 2 years, then you knew an idea of him. Wynn and Elara have been there for 17 years. They love him more than you could ever-"

"Okay, shut up already!" Hannah snapped, clearly triggered by what Kodiak had said. "You're going to do what I say, or you'll regret it."

Kodiak folded his arms, scoffing. "Try me."

"Fine," Hannah sighed. "If you don't do what I ask, Elara will pay, and before you say anything," she beat him to it, knowing already what he was about to interrupt with, "I'll use the implant that's in your head to kill you before you can do anything to stop me."

As she spoke, Hannah pulled the device out from her back pocket, revealing that she could send shock waves through the Sovereign in a matter of seconds if she wanted to.

"If Elara doesn't have you, she won't have the strength to be there for Quill, and then he'll turn to me and realise that I've been here all along; that he's the one I'd do anything for."

"...So you're going to kill me?" Kodiak mumbled, not afraid of death itself, but of leaving Elara behind, and Sol, Dreea and Wynn along with everyone else he cared about. How would they find out he was dead? How would Elara cope with losing him after losing Ares, and now, maybe with losing Quill, as well?

"I'm not going to kill you if you do what I say," Hannah told him. "And I won't kill your friends either... Someone else has an implant now." 

"Who!?" Kodiak panicked, knowing that the answer wouldn't differ depending on who's name he heard: he would hate it just as much. 

"Chessca - from The City of Targo," Hannah said. 

The Sovereign dropped his head in defeat, knowing that Sol would be devastated to learn that Chessca was in danger of being tortured once again - this time happening right under her nose. 

"Look, I don't actually want to hurt anyone; I'm not a terrible person, I'm just a mother who wants her child back. Haven't you ever wanted someone so much that it didn't matter what monstrous things you were doing if you were doing it for them?" She asked. "You came into The City of Targo and killed so many people for Riverly... All of them were someone to someone else."

Kodiak chewed on his bottom lip, unable to argue against what Hannah was saying. He had killed the guards in The City without a second thought just to get to Sol... Hannah wasn't trying to kill anyone.

"You said it's about Elara," Kodiak murmured, unable to keep his voice steady. It wavered with fear and dread, unsure if he could live with himself after what order Hannah was about to give him.

She nodded. "I need you to cut her out of your life," she said, suddenly softening from the sarcasm and harshness of all that she had already said. She knew what it was like to suddenly lose the person she loved most in the world; now she was asking Kodiak to understand that same agony.

"You're her weakness, and Riverly is Wynn's weakness. I also know that Chessca is Riverly's weakness; every single person in The damned City knew that," she shook her head a little, almost amused that despite Sol's fierce protection of her, she had managed to injected Chessca with an implant without anyone knowing. "So with the Nobel distracted by her, everything kind of just falls apart..." 

She was right. Without Sol around for the past 9 months, Basilisk wasn't the same; they had lost their strength, their heart, their spirit. If Hannah could find a way to get to Sol, she could cause a chain reaction that would affect everyone. 

"I don't mind how you end things with Elara; you can argue, be gentle about it, but the point is, I need you to stay away from her."

Kodiak shook his head, spilling his tears along his cheek as he moved, not expecting her answer to be that painful.

"That's not fair on her... I can't... I can't put her through that."

"It doesn't have to be forever. Once things with Quill and I are where they should be, we'll leave with Lydian, Josiah, Liam - everyone the came with us from The City of Targo. Once we're gone, I'll take the implant out of your head and you can tell her that you had no choice."

"She's already lost one brother, now you're trying to take another away from her... Please don't let her lose me, too."

"I'm sorry, Sovereign, but I can't lose my son. Not again. So I'm telling you that you have to do this or she'll lose you in another way-"

"I'm not gonna break her heart," Kodiak resisted, spinning around on his heel and prepared to walk out of the tent, straight towards the other Sovereigns to make sure their people were safe. He made it a step before he collapsed to the ground, feeling currents of electricity surge through his body, almost strong enough to burn him from the inside out. He tried to breathe through the pain, tried to find the strength to push himself to his feet, but he couldn't. He knew that if he didn't get her to stop soon, then he would pass out and be defenceless against the implant until it killed him. But there was only one way that would happen... 

"Okay!" Kodiak choked the words out, not sure if Hannah could even hear him due to his lack of oxygen, but a few seconds passed and the currents of electricity and shockwaves came to an abrupt stop.

"You'll cut her out of your life? You'll stay away? You won't be there for her to turn to?"

If it was the only way to make sure Elara didn't lose him for good; if it brought him some time to figure out how the hell he could get the implant out of his head, then he would do it. And it was a guarantee that Hannah wouldn't put one in her head and make Elara know the agony he was feeling. 

"Yes..." Kodiak heaved, still shivering violently on the ground as the after-effects slowly wore him out. "I'll do it. I'll stay away from her..."

"Good," Hannah said, swallowing back her own guilt as she hurried to return the implant controls into her pocket, glad to see that Kodiak was still breathing. Truthfully, she hadn't expected for their conversation to go this far, and she certainly didn't know what she would do if she had the body of a dead Sovereign in her tent...

"Get me a radio or something so I can hear the conversation. I need to hear what you say to her so I know that she thinks its real."

Kodiak nodded regretfully, shutting his eyes as tears leaked out of him, still needing a couple of minutes before he would be able to stand. The pain of what he knew he was about to put Elara through was an insurmountable deal more painful than the currents from the implant, and he wondered if Elara would ever be able to forgive him it. 

Three // Part Five
Please don't let her lose me, too.

Hey guys! I've finally arrived in Serbia!

I'll be quarantining here for a little over 2 weeks, and then I'll travel to America! My life has been a little bit hectic this past week (and very emotional), but I'm feeling a lot better today! Just trying to settle into the hotel and get comfortable in my surroundings. I'm sorry to come back with such a sad chapter, but here you go! Enjoy, hahaha!

07/08/20