Episode Three, Part 3:
Not like Falling Out of Love

I wanna cry and I wanna love, but 

all my tears have been used up on another love.

(A/N: Important note at the end!! Please read)!! 

Aeryn watched as Quill left the medic tent, initially holding onto the hope resurfacing in her chest that things would be better and he would stop shutting everyone out, but by the time she had made it outside, she could see Quill meeting up with someone and follow their lead into a tent. 

She wanted to tell herself that he was only going to see Hannah to put her in her place -  remind her that he had a family already, and she had no justification to come into Basilisk and tear them apart, but somehow, she wasn't so sure that's what was happening. 

Worried that she had failed to make anything better, Aeryn sauntered over to the Sovereigns' Quarters, heavily carrying herself inside where she was relieved to see her friends, despite the obvious, crushing look on her face. 

Without even realising, Aeryn let out a deep sigh as she came to a stop behind the chair Wynn was perched upon, unintentionally drawing everyone's attention her way. 

"Everything okay?" Kodiak asked, looking up from Elara who had paused the story she was telling to find out the same answer as everyone else. 

"Hmm?" Aeryn murmured, confused for a minute. She shook her head, trying to force her usual, dimpled smile to everyone, but they could see right through her. 

"I was, um... I was just speaking to Quill," she admitted, cautiously observing Wynn and Elara's reactions to see if she should continue. Elara sat up beside Kodiak, immediately invested whereas Wynn turned his head in her direction, signifying that he was listening, but his miserable gaze wouldn't leave the floor. 

"What about?" Elara asked, not noticing that her anxiety was causing her knees to bounce up and down repetitively. 

"I think he just feels different," Aeryn told her. "He said that everything's constantly been changing since Ares..." She wasn't brave enough to say the word - just like everyone else - but they all knew what she was talking about. "He thought that things would go back to normal by now, once we got River home, but obviously we brought Hannah back as well and I think that's quite a shock to him still. You know, finding out that someone you thought you lost is still alive." 

"I guess it's kind of like when dad showed up after we assumed he died in the raid," Elara said, then, turning to Kodiak, "or when you found out that I wasn't really dead and was just in the Bunker..." 

"Sort of," Aeryn said sympathetically, recognising how what Elara was saying was as close as she could get to understanding her brother's position. "But also it's a little different. He's spent almost his entire life with the idea that Hannah was dead, and also, when your dad came back, he wasn't replacing anyone in your life. He was just back. I think what's really bothering Quill is trying to figure out what that means for him, and who he thinks he has to call family." 

She glanced down at Wynn, feeling uneasy at his lack of comment. 

"I know you've probably said something to him, but I think he needs to hear it again," Aeryn said, resting her hand on the back of Wynn's chair so he knew she was speaking to him. 

"I get the feeling that's not what he wants," Wynn mumbled, just loud enough for everyone to hear if they held their breaths. 

"Wynn..." Aeryn frowned, suddenly regretting everything. "He loves you. You know that. Him shutting you out or pushing you away is just his way of trying to protect him-" 

"It's just his way of making it pretty clear where I stand," Wynn cut her off, hating that everyone's eyes were on him, seeing him accepting himself for what he was: completely incompetent at getting through to his brother. 

"I have to admit, even I'm finding it hard to get him to talk to me," Elara added, confirming that Wynn's feelings weren't just one-sided. "He and Wynn both got upset the other day, and when I tried to talk to him, he sent me away. It's hard to talk about things when he doesn't even know how to confront them, or even seem like he wants to acknowledge anything." 

"As hard as it is, maybe he just needs some time?" Atlantis suggested, feeling like she was one of the few people in the room to actually understand what Quill was going through. "I know what it's like to be in your shoes: for a long time it felt like River would never want me in her life, but I didn't give up on her," she said, beaming over at her sister. "Quill will come around once he realises that family isn't defined by blood, it's defined by you guys. Everyone who sees you knows that; you always look out for each other." 

"Exactly," Aeryn smiled, feeling like the conversation had been saved by Atlantis' encouragement. "And, in the meantime," she said, resting her hand on Wynn's shoulder, "you guys have all of us, to help you through this. Not to mention, Wynn, you finally have River back." 

Wynn didn't need to look up to know the beam that was consuming Aeryn's features, or the ease everyone must have felt at her answer - assuming that she was right, because they had no reason to think otherwise. 

"Yeah..." Wynn mumbled, not even able to find the strength to look across the room at Sol - who was cautiously gazing his way, feeling crushed in her guilt. He tried his best to force upon a brave face, but it was tired out and unable to stay longer than a fleeting second - gone before it had the chance to be seen. 

A few moments passed by and without another word, Wynn picked himself up from the chair he was curled up on,  dropping the cushion he had been clinging down onto the seat, and trailed down the hallway, eager to escape from everyone. 

"What? What was that about?" Aeryn asked, nervously looking around at everyone once Wynn had gone to see that they were just as confused as she was. "Did I say the wrong thing?" 

"No," Elara assured Aeryn, unable to figure out what had triggered her brother into his sudden - and miserable - departure. "River, do you know what's up?" She turned to the Sovereign, barely having the time to ask herself why she hadn't hurried after him like was expected from everyone, only then noticing a similar expression on her face as had been on Wynn's. 

"...Riv?" Kodiak searched, shifting away from Elara and leaning forward to the chair she sat in across from him, delicately nudging her hand with the back of his. 

"We broke up. I guess that's what you'd call it, anyway," she fiddled with her hands - a habit that wasn't hers, sighing as she decided against meeting his gaze. 

"What!?" Chessca exclaimed from the other side of the room, not meaning to be so abrupt about it, but unable to conceal her shock. She had seen first hand from Sol's mind how much of her choices were dependent on him, and how out of everyone, Wynn was the one to make her remember. 

Sol glanced up, wanting to tell her everything, but the truth was that even she couldn't understand her own, aching heart, let alone try to explain in front of everyone. To her relief, everyone seemed to understand that she needed some space and everyone except for Chessca, Dreea and Atlantis retreated to their own rooms, hoping that everyone's heartache would find a way of resolving before anyone else had to break. 

Three // Part Three
Family isn't defined by blood.

A/N: Hey guys! Big news! I can't remember if I've properly explained, but I'm moving countries next year to work in America for a year as an au pair! I'm sure you can imagine that there is A LOT involved in the process, not to mention with coronavirus complicating everything, so instead of a direct flight from the UK to America, I have to stay in another country for 2 weeks! I'm fairly sure I'll have internet during that time, but I don't know how much or how good it'll be, so I just want to let you know that until mid/late August, updates for this book might be a little staggered and inconsistent! Don't worry, I'll be writing during my 2-week quarantining time, but I'm just not sure how easy it'll be for me to upload them! I'll post when I can and I just ask that you guys be patient and stick with me throughout these next 3 weeks!

I'm feeling a lot of emotions; I'm excited to meet my host family as I was supposed to be there in March, but I'm really anxious about leaving my family for a year (and my cat, Chestnut, maybe a little more than most people). I also have PTSD about flying as the last time I was on a plane was 4 years ago when I was moving countries (again, lol) and left my best friend and then collapsed in the airport (yay). Also, at that point, my cat had ran away and I had to leave the country not knowing what happened to him so yeah, it's traumatic. Anyway, I'm sure I'll be fine! I'll try and write my way through it so there's the good in it!

If you could pray for me and my au pair friends travelling with me for safe flights and quarantine stay, that would mean more to me than I could say. Also, if you could pray for my heart to find the strength to make this transition as easy as possible and for me to cling to God when I'm at my darkest, that would be really, really appreciated.

I hope you're all staying safe and enjoying this book (I'm a bit doubtful about it so far, but it's going to get better)!!! Remember to wear your mask and stick to social distancing guidelines!

31/07/20

PS: Check out my instagram @ callxnd for a lot of edits/video edits for this series!