Episode Six, Part 5:
Implant

What am I now? What am I now? What if
I'm someone I don't want around? 
I'm falling again. I'm falling...

Everyone was waiting anxiously in the basement medic room of the Quarters for Liam to arrive with Izzy - the child he had concluded would be the easiest to bring in for the test, and for staying quiet about it afterwards, but Liam walked in, guiding a young boy towards the bed, hoping he wouldn't notice the confused expressions on everyone's faces.

Knowing it wasn't best to ask in front of the child, Aeryn and Fenn simply began prepping the boy, beginning a brief and calming explanation of why he was brought it.

"Hey," Sol whispered, grabbing onto Liam's arm and tugging him over towards her, Wynn and Dreea. "What happened to the girl? I thought we decided she would be our best bet?"

"Josiah was with her," Liam told them, earning raised eyebrows from all three Sovereigns. "Her dad," he added, seeing their recognition. "That's Isaiah; he's the oldest out of all the children that came with us from The City of Targo. The more I think about it, the less likely he is to snitch to the others about what we've done. It's probably better this way."

Dreea nodded her understanding, allowing him to join the others at the bed as the three of them stayed where they were, watching nervously from the sidelines.

Wynn couldn't help but look over at Sol, noticing how on edge she appeared to be. Instincts told him to put his arm around her or ask her what was bothering her - even though he was fairly sure he knew why, but he couldn't bring himself to do it; not when things were finally starting to feel a little more normal between them. All he could do was stand at her side, hoping that she knew that no matter what the results of the implant were, he was still there for them to face it together.

"We're going to make a small incision on the back of your neck."

Wynn tuned in to what Aeryn was saying, eager himself to know how the procedure would work.

"You'll be awake, but the injection Fenn just gave you means you won't be able to feel anything in that area," she told Isaiah, smiling her bright, comforting smile that she always had at the ready.

"How long will it take?" Isaiah asked, clearly apprehensive with everyone's eyes on him.

"We're not sure," Aeryn admitted, "but hopefully not long. A few minutes maybe? We have to make sure we get it all out and then stitch that cut up nice and tight on your neck. Sound good?"

"Sounds good," Isaiah nodded, managing a smile for Aeryn as he sat up straight, leaning slightly into her so Fenn could get a good angle on where he was working.

As he made the first cut into his skin, the boy's face screwed up, his hands noticeably squeezing on tight to the armrests on the side of the bed frame.

"Does it hurt?" Sol panicked, stepping forward a little.

"No," Isaiah muttered out, his eyes screwed shut. "I can't feel a sting or any pain, but I can feel what you're doing."

"It might be a little uncomfortable," Aeryn told him, looking to Sol as she spoke as if she was trying more so to assure her than the young boy being cut open. "But that's normal," she said. "It shouldn't feel much worse than this."

"Liam, you better have meant it when you said I can have your rations tonight," Isaiah forced the words out, managing a slight laugh as he knew he was exposing his bribe in front of everyone.

"I guess I have no choice now!" Liam exclaimed, laughing along with his teasing, relieved that the tension in the room had died down.

"You'll be lucky if you get any rations at all," Fenn mumbled, momentarily glancing over at Liam with a smile in his eye. "All this implant removal is hungry work. I think I deserve seconds, and then second-seconds."

"Second-seconds isn't even a thing!" Isaiah said.
"Yeah, if it was, I would have known about it by now," Liam added, moving around to the front of the bed so the young boy could face him.

"How's it going back there?" Aeryn asked, switching places with Liam.

"Good. I've located the implant," Fenn informed her, shifting slightly so it was visible to her. "I just need to start the removal... Can you get the torch?"

Aeryn nodded, hoping that Isaiah didn't pick up on the nerves in Fenn's voice; it was the exact reason why she hadn't been able to speak herself - not trusting her voice enough not to shake.

She moved to stand over Fenn's shoulder, shinning the light down on the back of the young boy's neck, watching with her breath held as Fenn slowly started to pull the implant out with the forceps.

Fenn tugged, feeling some resistance, but not knowing what it was. The only thing he could think of doing was continue his efforts to pull the implant out, not seeing a way that it was connected to anything inside of Isaiah.

"On the count of three, I'm going to pull it out," Fenn mumbled over his shoulder, waiting for Aeryn's support before he made any decision.

She nodded, squeezing on his shoulder as he counted down.

"Three, two, one..."

Fenn secured the forceps around the implant, forcefully pulling it out from the boy's neck and hurrying to set it down in the dish below. Before he could even turn back around to stop the bleeding, Isaiah began to convulse on the bed, his eyes rolled into the back of his head and falling completely unresponsive.

"What's happening!?" Liam panicked, grabbing onto him by both shoulders as the boy fell into him.

"He's seizing," Aeryn answered, moving to take Isaiah out of his hands and lay him on his side on the bed.

"It doesn't mean anything!" Fenn panicked. "Kodiak had a seizure and he was fine afterwards! He's going to be okay. He has to be!-"

Fenn came to an abrupt stop, feeling his heart freeze in his chest as he glanced down at what he saw; Isaiah had turned completely limp, the only thing about him still moving was his blood as it trailed down the bottom of his neck in a small stream.

"No..." Someone mumbled from across the room, stepping forward, refusing to accept what they had just witnessed. "No, you can't let him die! He's just a kid!" Sol's voice shrieked with heartache as she moved to the side of the bed, staring down in horror at the cold, lifeless boy who was full of laughter only moments ago.

"River, I-I'm so sorry..." Fenn murmured, sniffling away his tears, barely able to look at anyone. "I did everything that I knew should have been safe. There was nothing about it that gave any warning signs it would kill him."

"Maybe the implant can't be removed..." Aeryn suggested, her heart heavy with the ace of failure and more than anything, grief. "But there was no way we could have known that... I'm sorry this didn't work, but it wasn't Kodiak or Chess-"

"No, but Jonas is dead because of this stupid implant!!" Sol yelled, stepping away as Aeryn tried to move closer to her. She was breathing heavily, trying to shut away her own rage for a moment to be able to make sense of the expressions she could see on everyone: confusion, pity, sympathy, solace...

Sol shook her head, drawing in a deep breath when she realised her mistake...

"Isaiah..." She corrected herself. "Isaiah is dead..."

"River-"

Sol held her hand up, silencing Aeryn as she again tried to move closer towards her. Her eyes flickered down to the boy, blinking several times to remove the vision of Jonas lying there instead - away from her mind, but it didn't matter; another person had died under her Sovereignty, and she realised that she still didn't know how to keep her people safe...

Unable to take the stares and presumed judgement from her friends, Sol fled the room, running far away from the Quarters; running far away from everyone.

///////

"Hey..."

Sol flinched at the sudden voice, rising to her feet with her blade already whisked out of her waistband.

"It's just me," Wynn kept his voice soft, holding his hands up as he slowly descended the few steps down to their hidden alcove.

Sol wiped under her eyes, tucking her weapon away and moving to stand in front of the fence, staring out at the Red Hills. She didn't want Wynn to see that she had been crying, even though she didn't come close to disguising the misery on her face and it didn't take more than a glance for Wynn to know the heartache she was feeling.

"I'm a mess, Wynn," she said. "You should leave."

"Sol, when have I ever cared about that?" Wynn moved to stand at her side, folding his arms as he followed her gaze, staring out towards the DeadLands. "You're a mess; I'm a mess... That's kinda why we work."

Sol sniffled, not sure whether to laugh or roll her eyes.

"I'm trying to figure out how many people's blood I have on my hands," she sighed. "Maybe it's better to wait until after the flood, that way I won't have to count all over again."

"...Chessca, Kodiak, Elara, Dreea, Quill, Bas-"

"What are you doing?" Sol snapped, her eyebrows furrowed together as she whipped her head around to face Wynn, anxious about why he was listing all those names.

"I'm going over everyone whose life you've saved; everyone who would have died if it wasn't for you."

"What about everyone who's died because-"

"And me..." Wynn cut her off. "You saved me."

Sol's eyes were locked on his, desperately wanting all he had to offer her, but she couldn't trust herself not to get him hurt. She dropped her head, moving past him to sit down on the log by their feet.

"Just not Jonas, or Noah, or Isaiah."

"You didn't do anything to Isaiah."

"No, but I am the Nobel Sovereign. You should get it by now," she said. "Everything's on us; every decision, every life lost - that all comes back and rests on our shoulders, me more than anyone. I let us try and take the implant out on him, even though I knew we had no clue how it worked. If I didn't agree to let this happen, that boy would still be alive right now."

"And what about Chess and Kodiak?" Wynn said. "Where would they be if it wasn't for you?"

"Perfectly fine without an implant in their head."

"Chessca could have gotten herself killed when Riders found her, let alone in The City of Targo, and who knows what would have happened to Kodiak... But he told us would he could, and that's because he trusts you."

"Fine, you're right," she huffed. "But that doesn't bring Isaiah back. That doesn't bring-" Sol couldn't say his name again; her mouth was open, but no words were coming out.

"It doesn't bring Jonas back," Wynn said. "I know. I spent months wishing for Ares to come back after he died because I had no clue if I was doing the right thing for Quill and Ell; I had no clue what I needed to do for them, how to keep them safe - all whilst trying to come to terms with my own loss, let alone help them through theirs. But I focused on what change I could make; I focused on the one person who was out there that I could bring home, and that was you... And what did I do?"

"You brought me home," Sol murmured, cautiously flickering her eyes over to his as he sat down beside her, their shoulders brushing against each other.

"And I didn't bring you home to let you go through this on your own. I missed you for nine months, Sol, and I'm determined not to ever miss a day again. So I need you to talk to me. I need you to let me help you."

Sol wanted to cave and let herself crumble against him right then, but being vulnerable required immense bravery which she hadn't quite allowed herself to feel.

"Those nine months... I remember all of it," she began, glancing down at her hands, running her fingers over her debt. "But it feels like it all happened within two weeks. That's how long it feels like it's been since Jonas died because I lost everything a week after that, and I've only been back here for a little over a week. I'm supposed to carry on as though I had all that time to heal from that, but I haven't. I don't even know how to begin not missing him."

"You don't ever stop missing someone," Wynn whispered, nudging his blow into her arm as if to remind her he was there. "You just stop waiting for them to come back. I think that's called life after death: how time stops for a while, but the clock keeps turning. And there's no road back to the past no matter how badly we loved someone that we had to leave behind. There's just forward; there's just tomorrow."

"Well, what happens tomorrow?" Sol sighed, too exhausted to fight her head from falling onto his shoulder.

"We try again," Wynn said. "Together."

"That sounds good," Sol mumbled, her eyes slowly closing. "...Together." 

Six // Part Five
There's no road back to the past no matter how badly we love someone that we had to leave behind. There's just forward; there's just tomorrow.

I've missed writing scenes like this between these two. ♡

Hope you liked this chapter! I told myself not to get attached to Isaiah because I would have to kill him off, but did I take my own advice! Of course not! Farewell Isaiah!

08/09/20