Episode Four, Part 5:
Hope

Quill narrowly avoided being seen as he crept out of the Quarters. He stepped outside of his room, watching as Wynn and the other Sovereigns piled into a map room with Bas, Aeryn and Atlantis following close behind.

He was intrigued to know what was going on - having noticed that there were more meetings than usual, but he wasn't prepared to ask. Despite how anxious they all looked, Quill knew they would tell him if it was something serious, even if he wasn't exactly 'approachable' as of late.

As he left the building, he walked the now-familiar path up to Hannah's tent, having to pace around outside for a few minutes before he had the courage to enter inside.

He knew that everything would change after what he was planning on saying, but what he didn't know was how much. Could they remain civil with each other - friends even? Or would she take it as a personal betrayal and make him doubt if he had made the right decision at all?

Before he could waste too much time speculating an answer, Quill called out to the tent, asking if Hannah was there and if he could come inside.

She greeted him with a smile, pulling up the material so he could enter, and hurrying to make sure everything was neat, quickly adjusting her sleeping bag on her bed so that it appeared tidy.

"There you are," Hannah smiled, wrapping her arms around Quill before he could process what was happening. He wasn't sure how to respond, but he held back a little, holding his breath until she let go.

"I was going to come and find you today," she said. "Fancy going for a walk? It's not exactly nice weather, but it's not raining for once. We could make the most of it-"

"No, uh, I think it's best if we stay here," Quill said, tugging on his ear lobe.

"What's wrong?" Hannah asked. "I know that look... Something's bothering you, isn't it?"

Quill sighed, needing a moment to break into conversation. "Can I sit here?" He asked, pointing at the bed across from hers.

"Of course. Make yourself at home. What's mine is yours."

He tried to force a smile onto his face as a way of thanking her, but he knew it was a miserable attempt. He collapsed onto the bed, running his hands through his hair as he searched for the right words to say to her.

"You can tell me anything," Hannah said, perching herself opposite him. "There'll never be any judgement from me. I just need to know that you're okay."

"I don't know how to say it," Quill admitted, still not having looked up at her. "So I'm just going to come right out with it."

Hannah nodded, waiting patiently and completely unsuspecting of what was coming next.

"You've been so nice to me," he said. "And this idea I've always have of you - whether they're memories or not - it's always been good. I've always known that if you never left me in the Bunker, then you would have been an amazing mother to me. But..."

"But?" Hannah frowned, denial settling in for the evident words Quill was about to say.

"But you're not my mother."

"Quill-"

"I'm sorry. I know that must be hard for you to hear, or that this whole situation is probably something completely different to you than it is for me, but that's the truth. Martha was my mother. Even though she's gone now and it wasn't the greatest after we left the Bunker, she's still my mum and I still love her. That will never change. Just like with Kane; I hate what he put Elara through and that Ares is dead because of him; I won't ever be able to forgive him for who he turned into, but he's still my dad and I still love the part of him that existed before we came to the Ground."

"I understand that you've formed an attachment to these people. I really do; Josiah, Lydian, Liam - they all feel like my family, but the difference is that I know that they're not. I still have love for them, but not in the way that I love you. Because you're my child. You're my blood."

"But I don't love you the way that I loved Martha and Kane," Quill shook his head. "Blood isn't what makes someone your family. I'm a Bell, not a Shayman, Hannah."

"You are Quill Alfred Shayman."

"No," he shook his head, losing control of his emotions, but he was trying his best to make her see that she couldn't define him. "I'm Quill Arwyn Bell."

"Arwyn Bell?" Hannah exclaimed, completely baffled by what he had said.

"Yes. For Ares and Wynn," he explained. "When I named Elara - like I told you the story, Ares and Wynn came up with that name for me because I couldn't remember my own. Because I was too young when you left me. The Bells are all I've ever known, and I..." He didn't know if he was being cruel by saying it, or just being honest; just saying the words in his heart that needed to come out. "I wouldn't go back and change that. I'm sorry, Hannah, but I don't have a place for you in my life, especially not as a parent. I've got Wynn. I know I've been pushing him away lately, but he's the only one I need to look out for me; him and Elara."

"Well, unfortunately for you, that relationship flows both ways."

"...What are you talking about?" Quill asked, his voice sounding pained as if suddenly struck by the weight of her words.

"I'm saying that it's one thing to shut me out, but who are you going to have now? By the looks of things, Wynn and Elara have adjusted to life just fine without you."

"How could you-"

"I'm not trying to hurt you, Quill," Hannah cut him off. "I'd never want that, but I'm trying to protect you and make up for all those years I couldn't... Wynn and Elara, your brother and sister," she said the words without any conviction - saying them purely for the sake of not wanting Quill to think she had a vendetta against them, "they have already accepted this idea that you don't need them anymore. I know it hurts to hear that, but they have. I bet they haven't even told you about the flood that's coming!"

Quill was getting ready to walk out of the tent and not put up with anything else she was saying, but her last words caught his attention, just like she knew they would.

"The... The what?"

Hannah began to pace around the tent, letting out loud, defeated sighs, wanting Quill to think that she hadn't meant to use that information against him.

"There's a flood that's coming," she said. "Big enough to wipe out Basilisk and Blood Riders. They're planning to secure some groups in the Bunkers, but everything left on the ground will be wiped out."

"No... Wynn would have told me about this," Quill shook his head, refusing to believe that his brother hadn't approached him and assured him that he would be safe, or that he didn't have to worry about anything because Wynn would make sure that he got a place in the Bunker.

"Well, he hasn't," Hannah said. "Elara knows. Bas knows - quite a few people do, actually, but they were going to leave you to find out at the same time as everyone else."

"Why should I believe you?"

"Because why would I lie about this?" Hannah asked, thinking her question would be enough to convince him, but it wasn't. He didn't budge - standing firm in his place as he waited for an explanation. "They've been sending groups out to investigate the lack of hunt in the forests. After the earthquake, they connected the dots and realised that because the wildlife still hadn't returned, it was all leading to one explanation: that a flood is coming."

"Why are you telling me this?" Quill asked, pulling at strings, trying to distract himself for all the proof that solidified what she had already said: Wynn hadn't told him because he didn't care enough about him anymore to keep him informed. Because he wasn't family.

"So that you know that I'm not just making this up to get you to take my side," she said. "They're not including you in things; they've moved on now that I'm here; they recognise that you're not one of them."

"You're wrong. There's gotta be a reason why he hasn't told me."

"I'm not," her voice was soft, her hands trying to reach out and hold him. "And if you're honest with yourself, you'll realise that nothing has felt the same between you guys since we left The City. Since they realised I was still alive. That's why Wynn gave permission for me to come with you guys - because he knew you wouldn't be his responsibility anymore. Think about it; as well as you, he's been having to look after Elara - and I've heard about what she's been through with The Alteration. He's also a Sovereign on top of trying to raise the two of you. He probably saw this as an opportunity to get a load of his back, but that's not how I see it. I see this as the greatest miracle of my life."

"I- I need to be alone..." Quill panicked, knowing that if he didn't get out of that tent soon, he would have a meltdown.

"Please stay-"

"I can't! I don't know what I want," Quill exploded, holding his hands up in defence as he backed away, stumbling out of the tent as he rushed back towards the Quarters, trying to keep his head low to avoid anyone seeing him in such a state.

He hurried along the hallway, reaching out for his door handle and ready to hide away, but it was already open.

He held his breath as he hovered outside, trying to listen in to determine if Wynn was in there and once he realised that he was, trying to figure out who he was talking to.

"I know that Kodiak probably hasn't told you, so I wanted you to hear it from me," Wynn said, already making it obvious that it was Elara who was in there with him.

"What's going to happen to us?" She asked. "Will we be okay?"

"Yeah, we will be," Wynn said. "We can't guarantee that we're going to be able to save all of our people, especially as our Bunker is so small, but you don't have to worry about not making it in there. I'll make sure you're the first person inside, and more importantly, in the same Bunker as me. We don't know how long we're going to have to be down there for. It could be days, it could be weeks."

Quill leaned his back against the wall, standing a couple of metres along from the door. Hannah was right... A flood was coming to kill everyone and to make it worse, Wynn wasn't sitting him down just like he was with Elara, ensuring him that he would be fine and they would stay together, no matter what. Wynn wasn't telling him because he didn't care. 

Four // Part Five
I'm Quill Arwyn Bell.

I did really like this chapter. I like slipping in little details about the character's pasts before the Bunker was evacuated - especially about Quill as I think he has the most interesting backstory (him or Atlantis). I love the idea I created of how the Bells essentially gave him a new name (other than his first name) because he was too young and had experienced too much trauma to remember his own name. I also love this vision I have of 4-year-old Wynn and 6-year-old Ares worrying about Quill not thinking he's as much of the family after Elara was born, so they mashed their names together and gave it to him as a middle name! So cute!

13/08/20