Episode Four, Part 1:
Hope

I hope I ain't the last of what the world left you. 

Wynn hadn't realised how uncomfortable the couch in the Quarters was until he had spent most of the night tossing and turning on it, trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in. He wasn't sure what the time was, but he knew it must have been early morning when he forced himself to sit up, realising that his interrupted sleep was only causing him to feel more tired than if he had just stayed awake.

As he contemplated beginning his Sovereign duties for the day - getting a head start of everyone else so he could go back to his room by the early evening - he noticed a light flickering on in the hallway.

Intrigued at who else was awake, Wynn followed the light down the hall to see the door to Kodiak and Elara's room propped open, and as he moved closer, he could hear movement inside. He knocked quietly, not wanting to make too much noise in case one of them was still asleep and waited until a tired-looking Kodiak pulled open the door, seeming disappointed that it was Wynn and not someone else.

"What are you doing up?" Kodiak said. "I saw you were sleeping on the couch. Everything okay?"

"Yeah," Wynn sighed, leaning up against the doorframe, feeling heavyhearted just by talking about his situation. "Quill," he said, knowing that Kodiak would understand from his name alone. "I think he wants to be alone so I left. Didn't want to go back in there in case I woke him."

As he spoke, Wynn peered around Kodiak's shoulder noticing that he was alone in there. As well as that, a pile of his clothes were thrown across the bed - half of them folded beside a duffle bag, the other half hanging off the foot of the bed.

"What are you up to?" He said. "Shouldn't you guys be sleeping? And where's Elara?"

"Probably in her tent," Kodiak mumbled under his breath, trying to disguise his own self-loathing, but Wynn didn't see any reason to search for truth in his statement.

"Funny," he laughed, stepping past the Sovereign as he entered the room, glancing around in case Elara was tucked out of sight - perhaps at the desk in the corner.

"Wynn..." Kodiak said, something about his voice serious enough to draw Wynn's attention, alerting him to unease he was feeling.

"...What?" Wynn asked, immediately freaking out, worrying that he was going to announce that his sister was in the medic tent or that something terrible had happened to her - another vision, maybe.

"I ended things with her."

"...You did what?" Wynn was in complete disbelief, thinking this must have been some a mean joke they were playing on him. "No you didn't," he said, trying to find the humour in it. "Where is she?"

"I don't know."

It was then that he realised that Kodiak was telling the truth, but for whatever reason, he couldn't understand. If Sol needing space from him wasn't confusing enough, now Kodiak and Elara seem to be sharing the same fate as them, and as if it wasn't already becoming glaringly evident to him, Wynn couldn't help but wonder if love was something as fleeting as the passing seasons.

"Wynn, I-"

"I'm gonna go find her," Wynn said, not sure how he was feeling towards Kodiak. "You know, make sure she hasn't strayed out of camp? You know what she's like when she's upset..."

He hurried out of the room without waiting to hear an explanation from the Sovereign, his sole focus being on locating his sister and hoping that in her determination to accept what had happened with Kodiak, she hadn't landed herself somewhere in danger.

He grabbed a bag of supplies from the map room - filling it with torches, flasks and a first aid pack for a worst-case scenario - then, hurrying out of the Quarters, trying to figure out which area of Basilisk to search first before he would have to leave the gates.

But within moments of stepping outside, Wynn noticed the shadowy figure of someone lying on the logs beside the slowly-dying fire fit, and knowing that the only other people that would have been awake at such an hour were the guards, he felt a wave of relief wash over him as he moved in her direction.

"Elara!?" Wynn breathed out, dropping his bag by the log as he found her.

She sat up, not having expected anyone else to be awake, but glad that it was Wynn who was the one to approach.

"Wynn? What are you doing up?"

"I could ask you the same thing," he said, taking a seat beside her, wondering if she would feel brave enough to tell him what he already knew.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah..." Elara exhaled, spinning her legs around so she was facing the fire. "I'm just-"

"Upset? Angry? Confused?" Wynn searched. "Yeah, me too."

"What are you-"

"I spoke to Kodiak," Wynn looked over at her, knowing she had no clue what he was talking about. "He told me about you guys. What happened?"

"...I don't know," Elara shook her head, staring down at her thumbs as she circled them around each other. "Nothing happened," she said. "I guess he just woke up with a change of heart one day. Maybe somewhere along the way he realised I wasn't as brave or as strong as he thought I was."
"Don't say that," Wynn scolded her, offended on her behalf to hear such awful things said about her. "You know that's not true. You're one of the strongest fighters here, you've endured more than any of us from the Bunker, and I know that Kodiak loves you. I don't know what the hell is going on with him, but he loves you. Don't doubt that."

"Then why did he leave me like he didn't even have to think twice about it?"

"I don't know. Why did Sol push me away after what I went to, to bring her back?" Wynn asked. "Things don't always make sense and unfortunately we don't always get answers. We lose the people we should have never have lost, and we just have to live with it."

"Like Ares..." Elara said, hating that the root of all their suffering could always be drawn back to him - their big brother.

"Yeah," Wynn said, not having the strength to talk about him with so much going on around them. "Anyway," he continued, "Kodiak... Do you want me to beat him up?"

"What!?" Elara laughed, genuinely amused for a moment. "Of course I don't want you to do that," she swatted his arm playfully. "You guys are Sovereigns; I know how important you are to each other. Besides, you couldn't hurt him even if you wanted to."

"I know," Wynn smiled, drawing his gaze from the fire towards her. "But I'm your big brother. Wouldn't be much of one if I didn't offer to beat a guy up for you if they broke your heart."

Elara forced a smile onto her face but it faded in seconds, washed away by the tears spilling out of the corners of her eyes. She knew Wynn was just trying to make her feel better, and she appreciated him beyond what she could explain, but hearing it said back to her - that Kodiak had broken her heart - hit her all over again.

"Hey," Wynn murmured, slinging his arm around his sister as he comforted her. "Whatever it is, I'm sure you guys will be fine in a few days time."

"What if we're not? What if it really is the end?"

"It isn't. And until then, you can crash with me and Quill," he said. "Ares' bed is in the corner... You can stay there if you want. It'll be warmer and comfier than a tent." He hesitated for a moment to make the offer; there was a part of him that didn't want to disturb the pile of Ares' clothes that were still folded on the mattress along with the rest of his belongings, but it was a small sacrifice to make for knowing Elara would be safe.

"And put up with you and Quill snoring all night?" Elara asked. "No thanks. I'll take my chances in the tent, bugs and all."

Wynn laughed at her, glad that she was still handling things a lot better than he had expected. "I'll sort out a place for you," he said. "I can ask Aeryn if-"

"Her room's too small," Elara rolled her eyes in amusement.

"Right..." Wynn said, recalling the box rooms that both she and Fenn had - half the size of what Wynn and Quill shared.

"I'll speak to Dreea, or... Or Sol and see if they can help me change one of the rooms in the basement into something for you." 

"Please don't worry about it," Elara said. "Kodiak already offered to do that, but I'm fine. A tent is more than enough."

Wynn frowned sympathetically, not realising how used they had grown to the privileges that came along with being a Sovereign, or dating one... Even before Sol left and he had to take her place, Wynn was one of the few people that had access to the Quarters, not to mention all of the second-chances and mistakes of his own that had been forgiven purely because of his bond with Sol. But it wouldn't feel right if he and Quill had the comfort of sleeping inside every night and their sister had to make do with a tent. At least before she moved into Kodiak's room, she had the company of MaReya with her; now, she was gone...

"If you're not going to let us make a room for you, at least let me make sure you don't have to be by yourself," he said. "I'll talk to Atlantis and see if you can move in with her."

"Chessca shares the tent with her, remember?"
"Oh yeah..." Wynn mumbled, struggling to keep up with everything. It felt like they had all known Chessca for years, not just a matter of weeks. "Well, I'm sure Chess will be more than happy to room with Sol again, so leave it to me."

Elara nodded, not wanting to resist his offer anymore, and deciding that she would accept wherever she would end up, no matter if she was on her own or not.

"Is Quill okay?" She asked, wondering if now was the right time to ask if there was one at all. "I haven't seen him properly for a few days. I thought it was best to give him some space, and after what Aeryn said yesterday..."

"I don't know anymore," Wynn sighed, crossing his legs underneath him, trying to pull himself closer together. "Maybe he wants out."

"Out?"

"Of this family," Wynn said. "I wouldn't blame him after what happened with mum and dad, and I haven't done a great job at looking out for the four-" he cut himself off, having to correct himself. "For the three of us..."

"How are you still doubting yourself?" Elara asked. "You're a freaking Sovereign for goodness sake! It wasn't someone from the Ground River chose, it wasn't someone who had been training their entire life for your position, it was you - the boy from the Bunker. And I think you underestimate how much of a miracle it is to make it through the grief of losing someone you love. To be able to turn around and say that you survived after all of that pain, that you let yourself grow from it rather than destroy you completely" she said. "You made it through losing Ares and River, as well as everyone else. And you made sure that you saved one hand for me, and one for Quill, so you could pull both of us out, too. That part's not a miracle, that you all on your own, and if there was only one thing you could know without any doubt, it would be that."

Wynn looked over at Elara, feeling the warm tears sting his eyes, having no choice but to let them fall. He was grateful that no matter what happened, no matter who he lost, he'd always have his sister in his corner - reminding him of the reasons why he had to carry on; giving him the last bit of strength that he didn't even know he had left.

"You're really great to talk to," Wynn told her, wiping under his cheeks as he smiled her way, hoping she knew that despite the misery leaking out of him, he meant it. "I'm sorry. I should be the one giving you advice-"

"Don't worry," Elara shook her head. "I don't want to talk about it, anyway. If we're going to figure anything out, it should be Quill. Is there anything we can do to help? Maybe just sit him down in a room until he finally agrees to talk?"

Wynn shook his head. "He's not going to. He's made it quite clear to me. Even if I try to bring up something else - something not relating to Hannah or everything that's going on with him, he avoids it... Maybe he'll say something to you, but I get it why he doesn't want to with me."

"Why?" Elara asked, wondering what on earth differentiated the two of them to Quill.

"I'm the one who made the decision to bring Hannah with us. I forced her into his life, didn't I? Maybe he saw that as a way of me pushing him out, of me saying 'here, it's your mother. I don't have to take care of you or worry about you anymore.'"

"He doesn't think that-"

"Are you sure?" Wynn asked. "Maybe that's what he's struggling with. He doesn't know how to cut out of his life completely, so he'll wait until it fizzles out altogether. Hannah's real family. Why the hell would he need me?"

"That's not how it works," Elara said, then, growing quite frustrated with him, "and we're his real family; you and me! The same mum that gave birth to us is also Quill's mum. By that logic, does it mean that Ares isn't our brother anymore because he's dead? Does it mean so little that everything Ares was to us when he was alive, doesn't matter anymore!?"

Wynn went to apologise - tell her that she was right and he just hadn't thought about it from that perspective before, but she didn't let him get a word in. She stood to her feet, pacing around the small space in front of the fire, wanting nothing more than to be able to convince Wynn of what she knew in her heart to be true.

"Ares is our brother and Quill is our brother. There's no difference. One of them had brown hair, the other has black hair; one of them liked the colour green the most, the other likes blue. There's differences between every single person in this world, but it shouldn't be what divides us or what defines us... Because family is something you feel and I know damn well that I feel it with you and Quill, and I know he feels it with us, too."

"Not every feeling is forever... Right?" Wynn asked, biting on his bottom lip to conceal it's trembling. "And he has memories of her. What if that same feeling he's supposed to have with us is stronger with her?"

"He has one memory of her," Elara sighed, gradually stopping her pacing and coming to sit back down next to him. "One memory of her leaving him and every other memory he has is of us. Besides, he's been in our family longer than me! He was your brother before I was even born!" She exclaimed, certain that it would prove her point. "Do you remember what Ares said to him that time we were all on the shed?"

Wynn shook his head, wishing he did. He wished every memory of Ares - every second of his life - would never change or fade from his mind, but they did, and what was once as clear as day was sometimes nothing more than a distant speck on the horizon of his mind.

"He said that blood doesn't make a family and it never will. He told Quill that he's just as much our brother as you were, and he'd be telling you both the same thing if he was here now."

"I remember," Wynn told her, smiling a little as he recalled the scene in his head.

"He's overwhelmed, Wynn. This is nothing that any of us can ever understand, but at the end of every day, no matter if we argue - and certainly no matter what our differences are - he's ours. For always."

Wynn nodded desperately, repeating what she said over and over to reassure himself, but it was taking a while to patch up every break inside of him.

"I just don't want to lose him," he said, looking over at her with tears freely falling down his cheeks. "Not my little brother."

"Stop it!" Elara laughed, whining at him as she threw her arms around him. "We're not losing him!" She said. "What's happening with River and Kodiak won't be forever. That's what we have to keep telling ourselves. And Quill will come around and realise how much he needs us. How much he loves us... Just like you do." 

Four // Part One
You underestimate the miracle it is to make it through the grief of losing someone you love.

Because family is something you feel, and I feel it with you and Quill.

What a sweet little chapter. I always love writing Wynn and Elara scenes because I think when one of them is weak, the other is strong; the other lifts them up. ♡

I had an entire almost-500-word synopsis written out for this chapter, and I didn't get around to it! Hahah, next chapter though! Big things are coming!

Adoptive family is real family. ♡

09/09/20