Episode Seven, Part 5:
G o o d b y e

And I get the feeling that you'll never need me again.

Wynn laid on the bed in the medic tent; he hadn't moved for the last 16 hours or spoken a word to anyone about what had happened. His eyes were staring blankly ahead at the top of the tent, refusing to acknowledge that the rest of the world still existed. 

It felt like it was only a moment ago that Kodiak was lifting him off of the ground, desperate not to believe that the car they had just seen disappear was carrying Sol. It felt like it had been seconds since she was ripped away from him, and yet, and eternity all the same. 

"Wynn, please say something." 

There was a whisper from beside him. Someone squeezing onto his hand as they spoke - words that were coming out soaked in anguish, but he couldn't bring himself to act. 

"Please," Elara continued, finally unable to hold herself together anymore. She sat on the bed next to his, trying to deal with all the emotions she was feeling: the heartbreak at seeing Wynn so motionless, the realisation that she had almost lost him, the anger that he could leave her behind... 

Quill was sitting beside her, running a hand soothingly on her back knowing that she was close to breaking down; he hadn't managed to say anything to his brother yet, but he hoped he knew he was there, even though it seemed like Wynn didn't seem to be aware of anything. 

"I'm sorry that you lost her. I'm so sorry that they took her, but if I'm honest, Wynn, I don't think I've ever been more grateful to someone." 

There was a nauseating feeling in his stomach, wounded by his sister's words. 

"We lost Ares last week," she continued, "and you were about to put me and Quill through that again. Did you even think about that at all? How we'd feel if we lost you too? I don't think you did... You would have realised how much we need you, right? Well, guess what, Wynn, we're here now and we need you to get up! So say something! Get up!" 

"Elara, go easy on him," Aeryn murmured, moving to stand at the other side of Wynn's bed. She understood that she didn't mean anything hurtful by it, that she was just swarmed in her own misery, but she knew that Wynn could hear everything she was saying. 

"No!" Elara jumped to her feet, letting go of Wynn's hand and stepping out of reach from Quill. "Because now I feel like I don't have anyone! I'm still trying to wake up each day knowing that Ares isn't here; Kodiak was getting me through that, but now he's lost River as well." She turned her attention back to Wynn, hoping he could hear the tears that her words were choking on. 

"You shouldn't have done it!" She yelled. "They didn't take you, but I feel like I've lost you all the same. And now I need you to get up..." 

She waited a few moments, searching for recognition on her brother's face, but his eyes didn't fall away from the ceiling. Unable to see him like that any longer, Elara turned on her heel, running out of the medic tent without knowing who to turn to. 

On the bed where she had been sitting, Quill dropped his face into his hands, letting out an exhausted breath. Out of all of them, he had lost the most that week. 

Ares had really died - right in front of his eyes, and he had to watch his body burn away in front of him. Days after that, he was made to believe that Elara had been killed as well, and even though it was only for a short amount of time, it was a horror so real that it would take a long time for scar it left behind to fade from his heart. And now, for the third time, he head learnt that Wynn had been on his way to sacrifice himself to Targo - and as Kodiak, Dreea and everyone else fled to find them in time, he truly thought that he would never see him again. 

"I'm sorry," Aeryn moved over to his side. "I didn't mean to upset her. I just-" 

"It's okay," Quill smiled sympathetically, assuring her that she hadn't done anything wrong. "She was gonna say something like that sooner or later. I don't blame her." 

His eyes drifted over to Wynn, wanting to be the one to break him out of his slumberous state, but he knew all his brother needed was time. 

Sighing heavily, Quill reached out and grabbed onto his hand, holding it between his. He could feel Wynn's move slightly; his fingers curling around his palm - as if to say 'I do know you're there, I just can't bring myself back around,' but there was nothing else. 

"I should go check on her," he said to Aeryn. "Can you stay here with him?" 

"Of course," Aeryn nodded, squeezing onto the younger boy's arm as he stood up, hesitating, but eventually walking away. 

She watched him leave, finally sitting down by Wynn's feet when he was gone, and it was just the two of them alone. Seeming to understand this, Wynn pulled his eyes down, looking over at Aeryn mournfully, knowing she would see right through him. 

"I know it's not fair, but what Elara said was right: they need you to get up-" 

"No, they don't." He finally spoke - the first time since it had happened; his voice was croaky and just loud enough for her to hear. "Targo are gone. No one's after Elara now. I did what Ares asked me to do. They don't need me anymore." 

"What about what they're asking you to do? Come on, Wynn. You know you're wrong; Elara just told you herself. She can't exactly go to Kodiak with whatever she's feeling. She needs her big brother." 

"Ares is her 'big brother'. And he's gone. Just like Sol." 

"You're all her older brothers-" 

"Then why can't she go to Quill!? Look, I'm still here. They didn't lose me!" He was full of bitterness, not wanting to talk about it anymore. Deep down, he was devastated that it was true: that he was still around. It was anger he had never felt before. "Believe me, they're fine." 

Letting out a long huff, he sat up, pulling at the threads in the sheet over his legs, face to face with Aeryn but unable to look at her. He felt guilty about what he said; he didn't mean to direct his frustration at his siblings; he loved them beyond what he could comprehend, but he wished he didn't have the responsibility of Quill and Elara for just a moment. He wished he could collapse without bring them down with him. 

"I love you, Wynn," Aeryn said, "but I'm worried that if you don't pick yourself up now, you'll never want to feel any better. If you meant what you said right before I began to transfusion-" 

"Of course I did." He was defensive. Another wound coming back and realising that Sol would never hear what he wanted her to know. 

"Good," Aeryn said. "Then you'll get up, right? Because she wouldn't have any other choice to keep going. She'd have to take care of her people-" she cut herself short, seeing Wynn's eyes widen and him gasp as if he lost the ability to breathe. 

"What is it?" She asked, slightly concerned. 

"I'm her Nominated..." Wynn mumbled. "...Does that mean?"

"Yeah," Aeryn whispered, looking down at her hands. She was hoping that it would have taken a little more time for him to figure that out - just so he could focus on himself for a while, and not have to worry about what came next. "Kodiak and Dreea are waiting to talk to you whenever you're ready." 

Finding a trace of a purpose again, Wynn swung his legs over the side of the bed, motivated to find the two Sovereigns; he was stopped - Aeryn pushing something against his chest and waiting for him to take it. 

"What's this for?" Wynn took Sol's radio into his hands, trying to figure out what Aeryn's empathetic expression was about. 

"There's a message on there waiting for you," she said. "It came from my radio." 

He glanced down at the device, knowing what was being implied, but he didn't understand it. 

"...How?" 

Aeryn sighed. "The Sovereign's radios have a function that allows them to keep a message. So even after they've heard it, they can keep it on here if they want. There's a couple on it already; I think one from when she was in the DeadLands, but that's not the one that you need to listen to." She squeezed onto his arm, letting go as she stood up. 

"And give you some space," she told him, walking out of the medic tent and making sure no one was able to interrupt him. 

Finally alone, Wynn spent a moment trying to figure out how to access the archived messages and stumbled when he realised that he had found it - marked that it had been recorded 18 hours ago, just before she was taken. 

He almost didn't want to hear it. He wanted to savour the idea that she still had words to say him, as if their story could never be over if he didn't play the message, but he wasn't strong to stop himself. 

His thumb hovered over the dial, turning the volume up and holding it close to his chest. The instant he heard Sol say his name again, he fell apart. 

"Wynn? If you ever hear this, I hope you know how much of an idiot you are." Any other time, he would have laughed. He almost tried to, but the only thing he could do was sob. 

"But I understand why you did it. Or, tried to. You'll know this already, but I've just radioed Rhea and offered myself to be the sacrifice because the whole point of this was so that you didn't have to lose Elara. And I hope that now you don't. That you'll get to go back to your family." She said. "Anyway, I just want you to know that I forgive you for trying to leave. As much as I hate it, it was really brave of you, Wynn. I know you'll be fine." Her voice was soft, suggesting that the message was coming to an end. 

"I wish I didn't lose you. You were the best part of my life, I think." He could hear her smile into the words, but they brought nothing but misery his way. 

"Opening that Bunker door was the best decision I ever made... Actually, it wasn't. This one was. You get to live. So just promise me you won't think about me too much? I know how you'll get if you do, and... And, well, I think I know how you felt about me. I think it was the same as what I felt for you." 

Wynn had to pause the message for a moment, needing to try and get a decent breath of air in. He waited a few seconds but needed to hear her voice again to pull him through. 

"No matter what happens, I'm sure they'll be a part of me that can never forget you completely. I'll make sure I hold onto that. I promise I'll hold onto that... Goodbye, Wynn." 

Seven // Part Five
I feel like I've lost you all the same.

2 chapters left. ♡

30/04/20