Episode One, Part Six:
R e a l   o r   N o t   R e a l

It was as if the past mistakes of every other vision had followed her to this one, and she couldn't escape all the things she had done. 

Elara looked down, asking herself where she was this time. Her hands were dry, but the blood was there again, soaked into her skin like a red wine stain, and it only seemed to grow the more she tried to scratch it away. 

"Elara." A voice called her name sounding right behind her. 

The young girl spun around, suddenly seeming to observe her surroundings, and it was just a black void. 

There was no one there. 

"Elara?" The voice said again as if confused about what she was doing facing the other day. It was then that she felt it: the hot breath on the back of her neck. She twisted for the second time, almost jumping when she came face to face with Rhea. 

As recognition came, so did the fear, and Elara began to step back as if preparing to run in the opposite direction, but she crashed into someone. 

"It's fine. I'm here." Kane spoke, taking hold of both of her shoulders. 

"What's happening?" Elara mumbled, trying to look up at her dad. 

Rhea grabbed onto her wrist, pulling it forward, closer to her. As Elara looked to see what the girl was doing to her, it was already too late. A needle full of the serum was being injected into her veins and every struggle against her hold was causing agony. 

"How are you here? What are you doing?" 

"We never completed Phase 4." Rhea replied. 

"Be careful," Kane warned. "Some of that is still in her." 

"Relax." The older girl groaned, removing the needle. "I know what I'm doing." 

She bent down a little, demanding eye contact from Elara, taking her hands inside of hers. 

"Your choices are what make you who you are." She began. "Chose to survive, even at the cost of some of our people, because you are the Commander. Be strong, be ruthless, and never show them mercy." 

"What?" Elara mumbled, but her voice was lost, and suddenly she was falling down further into the darkness - watching as Kane and Rhea's gaze followed her until they were too far away to see. 

Midair, in total darkness, Elara attempted to turn herself around. There was something flickering beneath her: a light revealing a concrete floor - and the closer she fell to it, she quicker she realized what was happening. 

Instinct told her to fight it; surely there was something she could grab onto to stop her from falling, or maybe she could just imagine there was, but as hard as she tried, she couldn't stop the impending impact from approaching. 

With nothing else to do, Elara closed her eyes, crossing her arms in front of her head to shield herself, waiting to collide any moment now... 

The landing was unexpected, and something wet splashed against her face. Not sure if she would be able to, the girl opened her eyes, realizing that she was lying on a bed of mud - rain being the only thing to crash down on her. 

It was dark outside, but loud with a thousand voices, and just enough light for her to see the blood all around her. 

There was a roar of voices, and she rolled onto her back - just in time to see someone jump at her with a grand, blood-soaked sword. Something forced her arms up, and she realized she was holding her own sword, raising it forward to block the attack. 

She couldn't explain how she knew what to do, but it was as if the weapon was part of her, and with the weight of all the fear and anxiety she was holding, she didn't even have to think about what to do - instincts just protected her. 

She pushed against the sword, shoving back the girl who had tried to attack her and pushed herself to her feet. 

"Is that all you've got?" The girl snickered. 

Her words sparked a rage in Elara; something about being perceived as weak that didn't settle well with her. She lunged forward, jeering at her several times, forcing her further and further away from where they began. 

Elara's sword sliced through the skin of her upper arm and the girl winced out in pain - clutching onto her wound momentarily but continued. 

"You think you deserve to live? If only one of us survives, it's going to be me!" 

Only one of them? Elara glanced around, seeing everyone's drenched and blood-thirsty faces, realizing they wanted a death. 

"Kill the Commander!" One of them shouted. 

"Death to Elara!" Said another. 

The rage grew inside of her. She didn't know why these people seemed to be so against her. Were they not aware of how much she had already endured? Elara couldn't say the same for the other girl, but she thought she had been through another suffering by now to deserve a chance at life. She thought she had found something at Basilisk worth living for, and she wasn't going to give up on that. 

Elara ran forward, not even thinking about what she was doing, and drove the sword into the girl. She had been too distracted trying to rile up the crowds that she had exposed herself to an attack, not having predicted Elara to make a move. 

The girl, who - judging by the screams of her friends, seemed to be called Alex - fell to the ground. She gagged, coughing up blood, and then her eyes rolled into the back of her head. 

Elara stood up shakily, breathing out fear as she looked down at her hands. The blood had grown again; still it's red wine colour, it crawled up Elara's arm like some sort of war paint or tally of how many people she had killed so far. In another world, the blood was Kodiak's, or her brothers', but this time it was just a girl - wanting to live just as badly as Elara. 

Everyone's eyes were on her. Their gazes screaming 'how could you do this!? You killed her!' And Elara wanted to scream back 'but she would have killed me! I just want to live! Why doesn't my life matter?' 

Why didn't her life matter? Her own thoughts struck her, wounding her like the sword into Alex, and she heaved for an answer. 

If it wasn't Rhea and her father trying to change her into someone else, it was everyone constantly trying to rip her away from her family. And if it wasn't that, either, it was all the villains in her own mind, visiting her in her sleep, forcing her to do evil and unforgivable things for the sake of waking up again. 

"Leave me alone!" Elara screamed. "Or I'll do the same to you! If you won't stop, I won't, and you'll all be dead!" 

"Not if you die first." Someone snarled, coming up behind Elara as they picked up Alex's sword, continuing her mission to kill the young girl. 

Once again, Elara lost the power of her movements, and without being able to dictate what she did next, she was killing the next victim. 

Someone else tried, and another - all of them sharing the same fate. 

It was four now. Elara told herself. When would it end? 

As she turned around, feeling a cold gust of wind behind her, Elara stumbled backwards, losing her breath at what she saw. 

Somehow, everyone was dead. Nearly a hundred bodies laid scattered around her; not one of them left alive. 

"Ell?" 

The young girl spun around, relief washing over her as she saw Basilisk approaching, but it wasn't enough to clean her sins away. 

"Guys? River? Kodiak?" Hope picked up in her voice, and slowly Elara began running to her family. All of Bunker Clan were there, and the leaders of Basilisk: the Sovereigns, Fenn and Aeryn as well. 

But as she ran, they seemed to back up. Back in a way that seemed as though they were all afraid of her. 

"What's wrong?" She asked them, not understanding their distance. 

"Look what you've done," Quill said to her, whimpering. His eyes were wide in terror, staring on at all the bodies behind her. 

Elara glanced over her shoulder, for a moment, not feeling anything. 

"It's not real." She declared. She knew she was right. Bursting through the fear of her family's reaction was an echo of truth, but as they continued to pull away, doubt trailed in. 

Of course, it wasn't real. She told herself. It couldn't be. It was a test - to see if she had what it took to chose to survive. 

"I wouldn't have done that if it was real, but it's not. I didn't have a choice. I had to do it to pass Phase 4-" 

"Are you sure? 'Cause it looks pretty real to me." Wynnlow cut her off. Something burned in his eyes, trailing down his cheeks: betrayal. 

"What? Of course I'm sure, Wynn. None of this is real-" 

"Your choices are real, Elara!" He screamed back. 

"Wynn-" 

As she moved, her brother jumped back, pulling Quill and Ares away with him. Wynn's eyes darted down to Elara's hand, then back up to her. 

Elara followed his gaze, realizing the sword was still in her hand. She dropped it, and its crash against the ground echoed in wherever it was they were now - back in the dark void. 

But that wasn't all he was afraid of; a pool of blood was surrounding her feet, and it dripped from her fingertips and her red-soaked sleeves. 

"They were going to kill me." She cried, her voice low and quiet - aching with desperation. 

"So you killed them?" Ares spoke up. 

"It was self-defence! I didn't know what else to do!" She yelled. "I-I'm your sister. You're supposed to want me alive!" 

"Our sister isn't a murderer," Ares mumbled, his voice full of spite and rage. 

"What are you saying?" Elara could only whisper now, unable to find the strength to fight anymore. It didn't matter if this was real or not: what mattered was that it killed a part of her every time she was lost in a vision. And at some point, the lines between who really she was, and who she had to be when she was here - became blurred, and she couldn't figure out the difference anymore. 

Everything she did became everything she was. Every horrible, unpardonable decisions was her. She was overwhelmed by catastrophic grief, a feeling like she was losing everyone that mattered to her. 

But could she even call it grief? Losing things over and over, even if they weren't always real? 

Before she had realized what was happening, her family was walking away, refusing to look back at her as she screamed out their names. She could try and run after them, hold on to them and refuse to let them leave, but what would be the point? 

They deserved better than her. They deserved a sister, a friend, someone they loved - who wasn't her. 

One by one, they all disappeared, and as they left, the light flickered off. 

Real or not real. This is who she was now. 

One // Part Six

I move to America this month !!