Episode Six, Part 5:
N e v e r   L o s e   Y o u  // 
L o v e   I s   N o t   E n o u g h

Now when I'm face to face with death, I'll grab his throat and 
ask him, 'how does it hurt?' Up in those golden moments, 
growing old, too quickly was she thinking of him. 

A/N: Some sections of this chapter might be upsetting or triggering to some readers, so please be kind to yourself if you are easily affected by any of the themes you start to pick up on as you are reading. Skip ahead if you need, and always reach out and talk to someone if you feel any of the issues highlighted in this chapter. 

Cold hands shook Elara awake, stirring her from her sleep. She groaned, swatting away whoever was there, begging for 5 more minutes. 

"Elara, wake up." 

There was a panic in Wynn's voice, and he refused to let go of her, continuing to shake her until she sat up. 

Elara peeled her eyes open, full of worry as she stared up at her brother, still half-asleep. Only then, when noticed the water dripping down from his red hair, did she feel the water slowly approaching her feet. 

She looked around, sitting up in an instant, seeing her entire room full of water up to the level of her bed. 

"What's happening?" She asked, breathing heavily. 

"The whole place is filled with water. It's coming from the Ground." Wynn informed her, reaching out for her hand to guide her safely out of the room. 

She held onto tightly as she climbed off the bed, not knowing what it felt like to tread through water, until now. She hadn't imagined it to feel so heavy, or like she wasn't constantly being pushed back. 

"When did this happen?" 

"While we were all sleeping. Valarie woke up to check on Lili, and the water was just...here." He answered. 

As she processed the information, Wynn led her out into the hallway where everyone was moving around in organized chaos. MaReya and Junius exited their room, carrying a bag each of essentials they wanted to keep safe. 

Bas passed by, carrying Hayzel in his arms to keep her out of the water, and Quill followed behind him with Harlow on his back. 

"Elara!" She heard someone call. 

Quickly, she turned around, seeing her mum drift towards her with open arms, and fought her way down the hall to reach her. 

"Mum, what are we going to do?" She whimpered, leaning closely against her embrace, too afraid to move. 

Martha pulled away slightly, pushing her daughter's hair out of her face and cupping her cheeks. "We're going to the Ground baby." She revealed, a wavering hope and a lingering doubt somewhere in her voice. 

"T-the Ground?" Elara asked. 

Martha nodded. "It's okay. We'll find where we were before we came to the Bunker, and we'll go there." 

"But what about the water?" Elara asked. "Where is it all coming from?" 

Her mum sighed heavily, grabbing onto Wynnlow's wrist so that he would listen as well. "There's a dam not too far away from here. It must have collapsed and all the water came this way. From what I remember we were a little downhill from there, but... But it's been so long that I can't see it clearly..." 

"Okay, mum. We should join the others and get out now, then." Wynnlow took charge, his voice soft as he witness his mother lost in her faded memory. 

Martha nodded, and linked her arm around Wynnlow, as Elara did the same to his other side, following him to the rest of their family who were all piling into Azha's office. 

There was a look of relief that washed over Azha's face as they all made their way into the room, being the last ones of the Bunker Clan to get there. Behind him, Fabian and Junius were smashing down the final panels of a door - a door that most of them hadn't even known was there, until now. 

"Follow the stairs all the way to the top, and wait there for me." Azha instructed,stepping aside and helping everyone to climb over what was left of the bottom half of the door. As Elara approached, Wynn lifted her up and hoisted her over the frame to Ares who guided her safely out of the broken wood's way. 

Ares tried to pull her up the stairs, but she wouldn't leave until Wynn, Martha and Azha were on the way up, only leaving if they could all leave together. 

"We're right behind you, Ell." Wynn answered, as if he could hear her thoughts somehow. "Just get to the top." 

Elara nodded, taking hold of Ares' hand, and hurrying up the stairs where everyone had arched around the exit to the Bunker, almost feeling as though it was a portal to another world - something they shouldn't have ever seen, or come face to face with. 

Once Azha reached the top of the stairs, he hurried over to his wife - Valarie, and helped her to secure a fishbowl shaped helmet over Lili's face. Being the youngest resident of the Bunker at just under 2 years, she was the least likely to survive if something happened. 

As he finished strapping the helmet on, he turned to everyone, unable to look up as he spoke. 

"When the door opens, water - however much is out there - will rush in. Once this place has filled up, it will balance out, and we'll be able to escape without the oncoming pressure on the water bursting in. That means, maybe for a minute, we won't be able to breathe. Lili, Hayzel, Harlow and Elara are the ones we need to prioritize on getting out. I wish I could tell you what to do once we're up there, but..." He trailed off, not needing to say anything else for them to understand. 

Everyone nodded, looking for something to hold onto as Azha made his way over to the door. Elara wrapped herself around the frame that ran alongside the stairs, finding Ares and Quill on either side of her, having the same idea. She looked around, seeing Wynn, Lyra and MaReya standing as flat against the wall as they could, hoping the water wouldn't splash back behind the door and pull them away; Emlyn and Martha were opposite them, holding tightly onto the twins as the only thing they could really understand about the situation was that they should be afraid. 

Elara watched as Azha began the process of opening the Bunker, and closed her eyes before she could see the horror of her home flooding, knowing that she would needed her eyes open to feel it crash into her. 

It was a cold blast of water, smashing against her skin, trying to force her backwards, but she held on tightly to the railing. Ares and Quill held their hands over her's, securing her even more, but at the same time, holding all of them in line for the water. 

Everything crashed below them; sounds that erupted and shook the whole foundation, as if there was an earthquake isolated to their Bunker. 

The fear made it feel like seconds, and though it was longer than that, soon enough, Elara could feel the water level at her feet. 

She gripped tighter onto her brothers, afraid of slipping away as the water reached their heads, and they let go of the railing. Elara tried to let herself float upward, thinking that at first the only reason why she couldn't was because she know how to swim, but as the water rushed over her head, and she saw everyone hovering above her, she knew something was wrong. 

She couldn't tell when the water had stopped coming in - when the Bunker was completely full - but the reflections of light above her were interfered, and she assumed that her family was leaving. 

Elara opened her mouth to try and scream, but she swallowed down a mouthful, and it was almost impossible to not breathe in more. Within seconds, she could see everyone was out, and as she glanced down to see what was keeping her in the water, Elara discovered that her foot was trapped between the railings that had become crushed and bent due to the force of the flood. 

She tried to pull herself free, but the fear had evaporated all of her strength, and there was almost no air left inside of her lungs. 

As she was ready to give up, there was a splash in the water above her, and it took her a moment to understand what was happening. 

Ares' face cleared in the water, looking over his sister with a fear for the worst. As he saw she was still alive, he tried to ask her what was wrong, and Elara pointed down to her foot, knowing she was running out of time. 

She couldn't explain the way it burned - holding her breath. How she knew how sweet of a relief it would be to let the water consume her. 

But Ares was down at her feet, using all his strength to try and bend the railing back, and twist her foot free. She wanted so bad for him to leave her and retreat to safety, but he refused to give up on her, instead, risking his own life to save hers. 

Elara's eye were beginning to close. She was no longer able to help herself by moving her foot, and Ares had to do it all himself, feeling the effects of drowning beginning to drizzle in.

An exhale, and the final breath she was holding released from her nose, right in time as Ares pushed her foot through. A sudden, desperate spark of aliveness forced her eyes open, and she looked down to see her brother pushing her up through the water. 

She was halfway to the exit when she looked down again, having felt Ares' hands leave her, and looked down to find out why. He was drifting down, sinking, having used his last strength to push her to the top where hands reached down into the water and pulled Elara to the surface. 

It was a gasping breath, pulling her back to life, but a life that she didn't want as she knew her brother - sinking below - couldn't be pulled back up in time.  

In between coughing and heaving up water out of her lungs, she called her brother's name, unable to tell where the water ended and her tears began. 

"She's doing good. We needed her to make that decision. Survival of the people triumphs the losses. She understands that. That's good, Kane." 

Somehow, Rhea's voice was a soft, but distant murmur in the chambers of her mind. She wasn't in the water anymore, but she wasn't on the damn bed in that room; she was somewhere new. A place she hadn't been before. 

Elara felt the wet mud beneath her hands, and her hair was drenched from the rain that poured down. She felt as if she had been thrown - like a strong force had knocked her down, and stolen the air out of her chest. She looked up to try and make sense of where she was, unable to determine which fear was greater: if she was alone, or if she had company. 

Staggering before her was a brooding, beefy man, his clothes, skin, and hair all covered in dirt. He wore a vicious look on his face, holding tightly onto a sword in his right hand as if he was ravenous for a kill. 

"What are you just doing there?" The man asked. "Get up and fight." 

"W-what?" Elara asked weakly, sitting up on her knees. She pushed her knotty, wet hair out of her face to see if he was talking to her. 

The man scoffed, as if he thought she was playing some sort of game. "What, are you kidding? At least you could die trying. For their sake at least." 

"What?" Elara repeated, muttering the words to herself this time. She looked behind her where the man had motioned to, finally become aware of the small group of children behind her. They varied in age from as young as Harlow was, to a little older with a girl seeming to be a year or two younger than Elara herself. 

They were terrified - shivering in the rain, trying to stand close to one another, looking to Elara for help.  

"What am I supposed to do?" She asked them, searching their innocent faces for an answer. 

As she spoke, she heard the man moving, and turned around just in time to see him raise up his sword. 

She looked around, finally noticing the spare sword laying at her feet, and knew in her gut that she had to pick it up. Before she could figure out how to use it, the older man swung his weapon down, trying to hurt her. 

She raised her own up, pushing away on his fall, managing to keep his blade from touching her. Elara couldn't comprehend how she had managed to stop him, but pushed him back once again, sending him stumbling a few steps away from her. 

The man seemed surprised at what she had done, but the challenged excited him, and within seconds he was creeping closer, ready to attack again. 

He raised his sword, but Elara's cries ripped right through him, making him stop for a moment. 

"Please! I don't want to do this! Just... Just leave them out of this. You can go! We won't come after you, I promise." 

The man laughed, not wasting a second in bringing his sword down on her. "You think I'm scared of you?"

Elara fell to the ground, slipping over the mud at her feet. She scrambled to move out of the man's path, dodging every dagger and lunge of the blade, somehow saving her own life. 

The man's face scrunched up, not understanding how he hadn't killed her yet, and in his moment of hesitation, Elara struck. 

She slashed her sword forward, grazing open a wound on the man's arm, sending his weapon to the ground. He stared at his hand, carefully trying to hold it, in disbelief at the blood spilling out of him. 

Elara rose to her feet, changing her hold on her sword, trying to force herself into driving it into his stomach. 

"Stop!" 

Someone came running out of the darkness, hovering behind the man several metre away. 

"Please don't kill him." It was a young boy begging for Elara to spare his life, teary eyes and shaky hands at he stood at her mercy. 

"He was going to kill me. He was going to kill all of these kids." Elara told him. 

"I- I know. But he's my dad. Please. I can't lose him." 

Elara looked behind her at the children, trying to determine if they were still in danger. When she turned back around, the man had picked up his sword again, holding it in his good hand. 

What was he doing? She asked herself. This young boy was pleading for Elara not to attack his father, and here he was, picking his weapon back up to hurt her. 

"I'll stop if you stop." Elara declared. "I don't want to hurt you. Please, just put your sword down." 

"You put yours down first." The man ordered. 

"I can't do that." Elara stressed. "All these kids are behind me. Just walk away to your own!" 

The man shook his head, bending his knees, adjusting his grip on the weapon. 

"I don't trust you." He said to her. 

"You have to kill him!" Suddenly, one of the children behind Elara called out to her, a voice so full of fear that she couldn't ignore it. 

"I know!" Elara turned around, trying to figure out which one of them had spoken. "I will. I-I won't let you die." 

She turned around again, trying to put on a brave face, but it was quickly washed away by the rain. The man was gone, and there was someone else standing in front of her: Sol. And behind, where the young boy had been, two other people stood in his place: Wynn and Kodiak. 

"Riverly?" Elara asked, lowering her sword. She couldn't understand what was going on. What had happened to the man? And why were they here instead? 

Completely disorientated, Elara took a step forward with her sword by her side, not prepared for Sol to lunge her own at her. 

"What are you doing?" Elara cried out. 

"I just told you... I can't trust you!" Sol replied. "You're a danger to us all." 

"What?" Elara looked her up and down, noticing that her hand was bleeding just as the man's was from how she had hit him. 

"Ell, please don't kill her!" Wynn screamed at his sister, wanting to move closer to them both, but unable to move his feet. 

"Just let her go, Elara. This isn't you." Kodiak pleaded. "This isn't who you are." 

Meaning it even more than before, Elara yelled out to all of them. "I don't want to hurt you!" 

"It's too late for that." Sol muttered, suddenly jumping at Elara with a look of rage in her eyes. Her sword ripped through Elara's skin, grazing through the side of her stomach, but not deep enough to cause major damage. 

"River, please! I'm on your side!" 

"No you're not! You're with them! Targo." Sol looked back at the children behind her, revealing their identities to her. 

She hadn't realized that they were Targo until she pointed it out, but it didn't make a difference to her. She would have done the same if they were Basilisk, or even Blood Riders. 

"They're just children... What am I meant to do?" 

"Nothing." Sol spat. "You've made it clear who your alliance is with." 

She went to move, determined to kill her once and for all, but the adrenaline kept Elara fighting for her life. She kicked at Sol's face, causing her to fall flat on her back, giving Elara just enough time to crawl on top of her and keep her pinned to the ground. She knelt on her forearms, holding the sword up to her neck so that if she moved or tried to fight her way off, she would't survive. 

Kodiak and Wynn came running forward, desperate to help their Sovereign from danger. 

"Listen to me, Ell..." Wynn murmured, his hands up in surrender. "I can't let you kill her. She's my best friend. I-I need her." 

"I'm your sister. Don't I matter? Wynn, she's trying to kill me..." 

Wynn couldn't say anything. His miserable eyes glanced down at Sol, only seeming to be afraid for what would happen to her, and not Elara. 

She glanced back at the Sovereign underneath her, not even bothering to look up at Kodiak; if he was in the same trance as her brother seemingly was, then she wouldn't be able to bare the weight of him not caring about her. 

Sol's fingers were desperately reaching for the sword just out of reach, only holding back because of the blade at her neck. 

Tears were burning in Elara's eyes, and even letting them fall offered her no relief. "If I let you go, you have to promise me you won't hurt them."  

"No." Sol croaked out, unable to give much power to her voice. "Targo is the enemy. that makes you the enemy." 

"They're just kids..." She dropped her head, knowing that there was nothing she could say or do to stop Sol from harming the children: except one thing. 

Elara closed her eyes, unable to watch herself kill Sol, afraid that this moment would remain with her every day of her life. 

She began to push down on the sword, hearing her brother's screams tear her away to someplace else. 

She shot up on the bed, heaving, unable to breathe. There were lights shining down above her, making her skin burn with heat, and a constant pool of sweat coating her forehead. The weight of everything she had done was suffocating her, stripping her of everything she thought she was; she didn't care anymore, she just wanted it to end. 

Rhea and Kane weren't there in the room with her, and the chains that had previously bound her to the bed were gone. Instinct kicked in, and Elara jumped up from the bed, spinning to face Kodiak. 

He was there, slowly approaching the bars of his cell, some sort of disbelief that she was making her way over to him. 

"Kodi?" Ell murmured, scrambling to find the keys to let him out. There was a set lying near the bed she was on, and she couldn't get through all of them fast enough to find the one that unlocked his cell. 

Kodiak crashed into her, holding Elara tightly against him for  both their comfort, never wanting to let go. His hands ran through her hair, eventually leaning back a little so he could see her. 

"Are you okay?" He asked, looking her over to check for any signs of injury. He wouldn't be able to see all the damage tearing her apart from the inside out. 

Elara nodded, overcome by a sudden stream of tears. "Just say you're with me. That I belong to you, that I'm safe." 

Kodiak frowned, scared to imagine where her questions had come from, pulling her back into him. His hand stroked the back of her head, slowly bring her to a still. 

"Of course I'm with you. I'm your people, Lara. Why do you still need to ask that?" He asked lightheartedly, trying to reassure her by laughing a little, but he couldn't shift the heaviness off his heart. 

"I just got scared." Elara admitted. "I needed to know that I couldn't push you away, no matter how dark or...or messy things got." 

Kodiak pulled away. "You're not...dark." The word didn't taste right on his tongue. It didn't belong where he was speaking about her. "You're not messed up or a burden, if that's what you're thinking. Not if its me." 

Elara sighed, feeling the aching inside of her ease slightly at his words, but the destruction her mind had been through would take years of healing to feel even a fraction of the comfort she felt in his arms. 

Suddenly, the door behind them opened, and they pulled apart, turning to see who had walked in. It wasn't Rhea or Kane that had appeared: it was two guards from Targo, loaded with guns, aimed and ready to shoot. 

"Step away from the Heir." One of the guards ordered. 

It took a moment for Elara to realize they were talking about her, and that the guns were only aimed at Kodiak. 

"Don't shoot him! He's not a threat!" Elara declared, holding her hand out as if to steady them. 

"This isn't your order. Not yet. Not until you're Commander." The guard answered. "Now step out of the way." 

Elara shook her head, standing firmly in front of Kodiak. 

"Ell, don't be stupid." Kodiak muttered, looking at the ground in fear. His breath hit the back of her neck, sending shivers down her spine. "You're not getting hurt because of me." 

"Shut up and let me think." She snapped, whispering back to him. Her eyes glanced around the room, searching for a weapon, or anything that would give them a fighting chance at making it out alive. 

Her only hope was making it to the other side of the bed; there were needles and syringes and scalpels. It wasn't much, but it was all she had. 

Elara began to curve around the room, holding Kodiak tightly against her back, pulling him around with her so no one could hurt him without hurting her first. 

"Elara, I'm not going to ask you again: step away from the target. You're in danger right now just by him being so close to you." 

Elara grabbed something from one of the draws of the table that was sticking out, holding it tightly at her side. She could feel what it was in her hand, uncertain about what she would do with it, but knowing that she needed to lure the guards closer. 

"You're right. He is dangerous." Elara let got of Kodiak, finally letting the fear show on her face, but not the same fear that the guards thought they were seeing. 

Slowly, Elara began to step away from Kodiak, and he was left behind her, confused, not able to determine if he was being betrayed or not. He was just frozen in place, hoping that all she was trying to was get to safety, so she could escape; so she could live. 

"Just don't shoot until I'm out of the room. Okay?" She extended her hand out for the guard to take, sharing a moment of eye contact with him as he tried to figure out if she was being honest. 

He nodded softly, grabbing onto her hand and pulling her around the table to move past him. As Elara reached his side, she moved her other hand upwards, stabbing the needle into the side of his neck. The shock and abruptness of her action caused everyone in the room to see,  anticipation growing as they all waited to see what the effects of the blue substance would have on the guard. 

As he staggered for a minute, desperately fighting off the power of the drug, the other guard in the room called for backup. Both Kodiak and Elara - who had retreated back to one another, could hear the footsteps sounding through the hallways, and knew that there was nothing else they could do. 

"I'm sorry... I tried."  Elara mumbled, taking hold of Kodiak's hand. 

"It's not over yet." He whispered back, squeezing her fingers tightly. 

The door behind the guards flew open, and 2 more men ran in to see what their assistance was needed for. As Elara braced herself to be ripped apart from Kodiak once again, the first guard stood up straight, facing her square-on, a distant look in his eyes. 

"Ready and at your service Commander." 

Elara lost her breath for a minute; overthrown by his words, the sincerity in his voice as he stared faultlessly at her. She looked at the empty needle that had fallen onto the floor, then to the others on the table; it was the only one of it's colour - all the others being the same, meaning that it was different than any of the ones that had been used on her... Somehow, it seemed to put the guard under a trance. A hypnosis that caused him to obey Elara. 

"What can I do for you?" 

Elara looked at all of the guards in the room, seeing that they were all wearing the same uniform with the letters 'CoT' branded across. City of Targo. And she had been called Commander, meaning her ascension had already been completed. 

She didn't hesitate in answering, her words bold and full of intention. 

"Kill our people." 

In an instant, the guard turned around and began attacking the other three guards, disarming them all in a matter of seconds. 

"Elara, we have to get out of here." Kodiak pleaded, turning her around to face him. He had to get his message through to her. 

"I know. But I've got to make sure it's safe. Just..." She looked around the room, her eyes landing on the cell she had just broken him out of. "Just trust me." 

Elara led Kodiak over to the cell, trying to drown out the grunts and slamming of bodies behind her. She knew it wouldn't be a pretty sight to see, and would rather not pay attention to the evil being committed behind her back. 

She pushed Kodiak into the cell, unable to bring herself to lock it, turning around to the guard who was under her command. She exhaled, chucking the keys to the cell over to him to lock, stepping over the bodies on the floor to reach the door frame. 

She poked her head out of the room, glancing up and down to make sure no one was coming. 

"It's clear." She stated, her eyes lingering for just a moment too long before she turned back to the room to face Kodiak and the guard, expecting to see him secured safely in the cell. But instead, Kodiak was doubled over in pain, blood drooling out of his lips as his eyes flickered upward to meet Elara's. 

The guard had speared something into Kodiak's stomach, impaling him through to the other side. 

"No." Elara whimpered, forcing herself forward to Kodiak, pushing the guard out of the way. 

"No, no, no. What have you done!? Why did you do this?" Elara began to scream, glancing over her shoulder at the guard as she softened Kodiak's collapse to the floor. 

"Order fulfilled: kill our people." The guard answered monotonously, as if the human part of him couldn't break out to realize what he had just destroyed. 

"I didn't mean him." She cried, looking down at Kodiak, holding his face in her hands, shaking him softly to try and keep his fluttering eyes to stay open. 

"I didn't mean you."  She murmured. "Not you. I love you." 

"El-lara..." Kodiak heaved, fighting hard to stay alive. 

"Don't die. I'm so sorry. You can't leave me." She repeated over and over, not realizing until a few moments had passed, that his eyes were closed, and his chest was no longer rising. 

At the realization - the acceptance - the full impact of his loss, Elara screamed herself awake. 

Her eyes opened to same room, once again, and the same bed she had found herself upon in many different forms: it felt like it was her deathbed, or it was just a desire for it to be. 

Tears were streaming down her face, her throat raw and burning as she screamed, completely sobbing as if she was in the middle of a breakdown, and had only just snapped back into reality. 

Rhea and Kane were leaning on her, trying to keep her body flat against the bed so she didn't hurt herself whilst she was in her phase. 

"Kane... Kane, she's awake!" Rhea announced, letting go of her legs and moving along her side to cup her face. She tilted her face to see her, Elara's screams slowly running out on her. 

Once her body had stopped convulsing, and the only sounds left was her constant shivering and haunting whimpers, Elara weakly glance around the room, her vision lagged and dizzy. 

She wasn't tied up as firmly as every other time she could recall, and was able to get a complete view of the cell behind her. 

For a moment, she couldn't tell what was real; how long had she been here? What part of the terrors had actually happened? Who was she? 

When she didn't see Kodiak in the cell, the horror was almost enough to still her already shattered heart, and put out the rest of her breaths altogether. But there was no blood on the floor, and that made her doubt a small part of her fear. 

"It was real, wasn't it?" Elara's voice was raspy and fragile, ready to break any moment. "I killed him." 

"Yes. You'll be ready for ascension soon." Rhea answered, stroking her long red hair as she soothed her to a quiet. Elara closed her eyes and rolled back onto the bed, as if the only thing she cared about was falling asleep. The kind of sleep where she wouldn't have to wake up. 

"Rhea!" Kane whispered harshly over her. 

"What? Let it be. She'll be strong and Commander soon enough. Isn't this what you want?" 

"Yes, but not like this. I can't let her think she's lost him. It will ruin her." 

"Ruin her? Kane, you've always known she would have to leave these people behind. She can't be Commander and have the Sovereign as a pet!" 

"I know! I know, just shut the hell up for once, would you? Not now. Not tonight. Those readings from that last vision; you saw how close it came to physically killing her. She's not strong enough to survive that tonight. This, here, is real. Just let her distinguish between the two while she still can." 

"Whatever." Rhea rolled her eyes, wiping a cold, damp cloth along her skin, trying to calm her body. "She won't remember how she feels about him in a few days anyway." 

She finished with the cloth, slamming it back into the bowl of water, letting its splash hit Kane in the face. He huffed, wiping the water off his skin as she stormed out of the room. 

"He's still alive, Ell." Kan whispered to Elara, gathering her hair in his hands and braiding it onto the side. "I know you might feel like dying, but please hang in there for me. For you." He pleaded, staring down sorrowfully at his sleeping his daughter. 

"Everything will be okay in a couple of days. Just fight like hell until then." 

Elara could hear everything her dad was saying to her, but she didn't feel anything at all. Not even at the mention of Kodiak. The only thing that mattered was that her dad was right: it did feel like she was dying, and in her half-conscious - exhausted and worn out body, she was trying to chase that feeling. 

Six // Part Five

I have a love/hate relationship with these chapters featuring Elara's visions because it's either go big or go home.

This is a tough week because it's two of my cats birthdays and I had to leave them both behind in Australia unexpectedly (one of which ran away before we moved) and that is a trauma that still wakes me up in tears some nights, 3 years later. Also, it would have been our 12 year anniversary of living out there as well, an it still doesn't feel real that I'm not there anymore.

It's so lonely and miserable to have not seen my best friends in 3 f***ing years, no one understands that. Oh well, I'm only going and moving countries again next month. Should probably be used to it as I have done this 4 times already, but it doesn't get easier.

Sorry for the rant. Writing Elara like that made me sad, lol.