Episode Two, Part 2:
Some Kind of Closure

I dreamed of you; it was real enough 
to get me through. I swear, you were there. 

The group searched around the perimetres of the large, black building they had located, but even with a key in hand, none of them had been able to find a way inside.

Feeling as though they had discovered nothing other than a decoy, Elara began to wrestle with her unease, unable to conceal away any of what she was feeling from the other three with her.

Having noticed that she was spending more of the time trying to control her breathing rather than pressing her hands against the dark, outside walls to find an opening, Wynn took initiative to walk over to her, hoping she wouldn't push away his attempts to console her.

"Ell..." He said, not wanting to startle her.

She looked over, seeming more alarmed by how out of control her thoughts were than the guts her brother had to approach her.

"Everything's going to be okay. Take a deep breath."

"I think they lied to us," she admitted, not able to get another word out for a few moments; the confession had crashed straight through her chest and she was having a hard time keeping herself standing.

"What do you mean?" Wynn frowned, growing more and more anxious as Elara wasn't making much sense to him.

"The guard on the beach led us here," Elara continued. "We said goodbye to Izzy and he told us we couldn't come any further than the path up there. I think he lied to us; I think Izzy isn't here at all and they... They took her somewhere. Just like Calvin did-"

"Hey, that's not happened," Wynn said, unable to bite his tongue and keep his distance out of fear of upsetting her; his little sister was terrified and there was nothing in the world that was going to keep him from taking care of her. He stepped forward, grabbing onto both of her shoulders so she was forced to look at him, waiting until he had eye contact before continuing. "Those people that were guarding this place wouldn't be here otherwise and they wouldn't have had a set of keys. Izzy is right inside and she is safe; maybe even in a few minutes, she'll be back with you."

Elara scrunched up her nose, trying to bare her anger at him for just a little while longer, but she realised it was doing more harm than good. Not only that, but it was so heavy; so heavy to be mad at him when he was the one who had fixed up the world for her more times than she could count.

She surprised him by caving and allowing herself to lean into him, desperately needing the comfort of her big brother to get her through another moment. She almost found it funny - how the realisation crossed her mind then - but she couldn't fathom how she had ever been so furious at him. It wasn't their mom or dad she wanted in moments like these; it wasn't Martha's hands carefully pulling through Elara's hair like when she was younger and woke up in the Bunker after having a nightmare and Martha would make a space on the bed in front of her and brush through her hair until she fell asleep; neither was it the strong embrace from Kane who was always the one to pick her up from the wooden floor she had scraped her knee on countless times - never seeming to remember that the floorboard right outside of the living room door was a little too loose, and she tripped up on it every time. It wasn't their parents she ever wanted; the two people in the world who were supposed to offer every unconditional comfort to her imaginable... It was her brothers. The fiercest protectors of her life. And they showed up every time.

"I'm so used to this kind of fear but at the same time, I'm not immune to it, either. It feels like when I lost Ares and Kodiak... And it's so hard to keep going. I don't even care about being strong anymore, I'm just tired.. Tired of fighting. Tired of being brave. Tired of having hope. I don't want life to be like this anymore."

Quill and Kodiak had made their way over by this point, both realising that they were the only two left searching, and approached just in time to hear what Elara had said.

"It's not going to be this way forever, Ell," Quill said, walking up and resting his hand on her back as she pulled away from Wynn, more relieved than she could express at having him there, as well. "Everything changes once in a while. So does this pain you're feeling right now; one day, it'll just be scars. You won't even remember it until you brush your finger over it like an old memory. Everything moves on. Things get better. You'll get better."

"Exactly," Kodiak agreed with him, breathing out relief as Elara finally stood up straighter, seeming to have let go of the fear that was suffocating her. "Miracles happen all the time. We find our way out of the things that were meant to destroy us. And things always end the way they're supposed to... That means Izzy is going to come back to us, just like I did for you, and you did for all of us. No one could keep her away from us, no matter how hard they tried."

"Okay," Elara said, forcing herself to accept their words. "Then what the hell do we do now because we're not getting inside anytime soon. We need a different plan. Fast."

"Maybe the only other option we have left is to find Tobias," Kodiak said, immediately earning doubtful looks from Wynn and Quill. "We'll convince him to open the shelter. Threaten him is probably a more accurate description."

"I don't think there's anything you can hold against him that will get him to listen. Not until any one of you has another vial of the combination lying around. He asked Wynn to kill him, after all. He doesn't really have anything left to lose," Elara said, not confident that Kodiak's suggestion would work.

"He does have...one thing," Quill spoke up, clearly thinking out loud.

"What are you talking about?" Wynn asked.

"You said it yourself: what Tobias is doing is no different than what Calvin did - keeping Izzy away from us; traumatising her," he explained. "If he realises that he's the same as Calvin, and remind him that Ivy hated Calvin for it, then it might just be enough to convince him to give Izzy back. Ivy's dead, after all, and I don't think Tobias could bear the thought of her having died hating him."

"It might be a long shot..." Kodiak said, nervously grabbing onto Elara's hand by his side as he glanced over at her. "But I think it could work."

//////////

"Are you sure this is right place we should be searching?" Elara asked, trying to catch her breath as Kodiak pulled her alongside him.

"Wynn and Quill are near Exile Allegiance's camp and if they're the ones to find him, they'll be able to talk to Tobias into opening the shelter and they can look after Izzy until we find them again, but I really think I'm right about him being closer to Terra Firma-"

"Why?" Elara asked. "Why are you so sure that he came back this way and didn't go to help his people or make sure we don't get into the shelter like he probably expects us to be doing?"

"Because it's the exact same thing I did," Kodiak answered, feeling Elara stop walking and subsequently bringing him to a stop as well. He let out a heavy breath, hating to think back to what he was referencing, but Elara deserved and explanation. "After they shot you and you... And you died," he still found it hard to say; still had to close his eyes and tense up all the muscles in his body so the pain didn't hit him quite so bad. "I didn't want to be anywhere else except where you were. Xander tried to get me to go back to the dorms to at least have a shower because I was covered in your blood, but I... I couldn't leave your side, not even for a moment. Even as the medical team fixed the bullet wound and kept you in the ship's ICU, I couldn't go anywhere until I knew you were okay, or that there was still a chance I could do something to bring you back... I think Tobias would have gone back to Ivy's body and if he hasn't tried some crazy way to bring her back on his own, then he'll just be there with her... It's what I would have done. What I did."

Elara's features softened in misery, feeling a terrible bitterness towards herself for asking. She took a step closer to Kodiak, raising up her hand and cupping the side of his face until she saw him take in a deep breath.

"You saved me," she whispered, knowing that he might need a lifetime's worth of reassurance every time something happened to her or one of them had to confront the horrible memories of what happened to them on Neptunum, but she didn't mind. She could happily tell him every day how much of a hero he was to her. "Don't forget that part. I know you'll find a way to save Izzy, too."

Kodiak fell into her touch, feeling wrong about what he had said earlier. It wasn't him who gave her strength, it was the other way around.

"I love you... Come on, Terra Firma's camp isn't too far away."

Elara nodded and allowed Kodiak to lead her through the rest of the forrest, despite it's paths and turns still being awfully unfamiliar to them both. When they knew they were getting close to Terra Firma's camp - having passed the clearing where Chessca's blood still covered the muddy ground - Kodiak slowed down his pace, making sure Elara was shielded behind him as he glanced over his shoulder at her, taking a deep breath.

"I can see him," he said, keeping his voice low. He turned his attention back to the gap through the bushes, trying to understand if Tobias was alone or if there were any of his guards around.

"I... I think this is where Ivy is. It's just them."

"Let's go-"

"No, you're staying here," Kodiak was adamant, glancing at her with something that resembled a deep horror.

"I don't want you out there on your own," she argued. "He could go crazy and do something-"

"Yeah, like an eye-for-an-eye," Kodiak said. "He's lost the person he loves, he might try and hurt you as some sort of revenge for me not getting him the combination. You have to promise me you'll stay here."

"Kodi-"

"Please, Elara," he begged, squeezing onto her hand a little too tightly. She glanced down at them, realising how desperate he was, but she was still too stubborn to give in.

"Okay, but the first sign of you being in danger and I'm coming right out there and kicking his ass, regardless of if I'm still healing, or not."

Kodiak managed the softest laugh, leaning forward and resting his forehead against hers. "I know that's the best answer I'm going to get from you," he said, not daring to admit in the moment how amused he was that her stubbornness was still in-tact after everything she had been through. "I also know I should approach him now before you change your mind."

Elara pulled away, forcing a brave face his way so he felt a little more comfortable with leaving her there, and slowly let go of his hands. "Be smart," she warned him.

"I will," Kodiak nodded, taking a deep breath before moving around a few metres, not wanting Tobias to have any suspicion on where Elara was if he assumed that she was somewhere nearby.

The Sovereign wasn't sure whether to call out and announce his presence before walking into the small clearing, or if it was best to take him by surprise - somehow, give himself the upper hand, but his feet made the decision for him, quietly carrying him forwards as his hand reached for his blade.

There was an inconsolable rage that filled Kodiak's chest as he saw Tobias again; after the threats he had made against Izzy and the way he tried to break Elara down, there was almost nothing in the world that could make him forgive him, but... He couldn't deny how horrific it was when he approached Tobias only to find him dragging soaking pieces of clothing along Ivy's blood-stained skin, trying to remove all evidence of her brutal attack so he could find some peace - possibly even some disbelief.

The clothes seemed to be that of what Tobias had gathered from the numerous dead bodies that now scattered the forest floors and sometime since Kodiak had seen him last, he must have dragged them to the shore to get them drenched before hurrying back to Ivy to clean her off.

"I know the feeling," Kodiak spoke, keeping his voice calm as he paced casually behind Tobias. He hoped that by appearing in control of the situation, Tobias wouldn't realise how nervous he was.

The older man whipped his head around, instinctively reaching for his own weapon in his pocket and aiming it at the Sovereign.

"Don't waste your energy on me. Ivy's got a lot of blood on her; you should keep going. I'm sure she'd appreciate it-"

"Do not talk about Ivy as if you knew a damn thing about her!"

Kodiak glanced down at the blade in Tobias' hand; it was somewhat larger than his own, but he didn't seem in control of it as his hands shook wildly at his sides. He knew he had the upper hand he was looking for.

"When Elara was shot on Neptunum, her blood ended up everywhere," he began, somehow managing to hide the agony in his words to keep up his intentions of deflecting Tobias' urge to attack him. "I thought I'd never get it all off of me," he continued. "She died as I was holding her and until then, I never realised how much blood one person has in them and I... I could feel the exact moment she left me. Did you know that?"

"You have three seconds to run before this blade ends up in your chest!"

"You're not going to kill me," Kodiak shook his head, not having much of a reaction to Tobias' horrifying threat.

"Just watch me," the older man growled, suddenly lunging forward with a ferocious noise and taking his best swing at the Sovereign, but it was hopeless. Kodiak disarmed him within seconds and once he had Tobias' weapon secure in his grip, he shoved him backwards, closer to Ivy.

"Give that back!"

"I'm not going to hurt you," Kodiak said. "I should and believe me, a part of me really wants to for what you're doing to my family, but I'm not going to... I need you alive."

"What, so that I can help you?" Tobias spat, throwing his hands up in bewilderment. "I asked you to help me save Ivy, and look what I got in return. I will not do a thing for you."

Kodiak chewed on the inside of his cheek and took a deep breath, using every ounce of self-control to not act on his anger. "When the people on the ship had fixed where the bullet had gone through, I was finally allowed to be alone with Elara. She wasn't alive at that point, they just kept her body breathing. They'd cleaned most of her off, but they missed some details like the crisp, red that had dried under her fingernails or the ends of her hair that were knotted in her blood. I didn't notice until I ran my hands through it and it suddenly hit me all over again. I thought I would - for the rest of my life - be finding moments that reminded me of what it was like to lose her, but that wasn't true."

"It was not true because you brought her back! Because you made that choice! Because you believed she deserved to live!"

"It wasn't true because there was so much left in the world that reminded me she was even here; she was alive, she'd been loved - by a tremendous amount of people; she had overcome, in a few years, more than most people could do in a lifetime, and-"

"And what!?"

"And she had loved me."

Tobias scoffed, shaking his head as he laughed, but there was nothing amusing about his response. "And that is supposed to matter? That is supposed to make any of this easier?"

"Yes."

Tobias didn't know what to say. He hadn't expected Kodiak to answer with so much certainty, let alone with the answer he had given. "...How?"

"Because you know it means you did something right," Kodiak told him. "Right enough for her to chose you; right enough for you to be the one she wanted to spend her life beside, not Calvin. You've got to focus on that; you've got to look for all the opportunities you have left to be that same person she chose; to be the same person that she saw in you, not what you're trying to turn yourself into-"

"The only reason you are saying any of this is for your own personal gain!" Tobias snapped. "You are trying to guilt trip me into helping you, and you are using Ivy's name to do it! Convincing me that this is what she would have wanted me to do, but it is not. She wanted me to save her. She wanted to live."

"She wanted to help people that had known fear the same way she had done!"

Kodiak turned over his shoulder, somewhat frustrated that Elara hadn't stayed put and was always willing to put herself in danger to help everyone else. Regardless, he held his arm out, setting a boundary of where she could go, refusing to let her fall too close into Tobias' reach out of fear that a repeat of their last interaction would take place again.

"You do not have any idea what you are talking about-"

"You're just like Calvin!" Elara yelled at him, her words tasting bitter as they came out but she knew it was much better than letting them build up in her stomach as nausea and her out-of-control rage turned inside of her.

Tobias was taken aback, completely unsuspecting for anyone to have ever made that comparison. "How dare you-"

"And Ivy would be ashamed of you."

Triggered by her words, Tobias lunched forward - careless to his lack of a weapon, and reached out for Elara but miraculously, she found the strength to push him away. She was surprised that she had the energy to, and Kodiak was almost in shock at her side given how much he had seen her struggling since her revival on Neptunum, but Elara was still standing. She knew it didn't mean she was healed yet; if anything, it was a supernatural-like force inside of her that had awakened at her need to save Izzy.

When it seemed like she couldn't rely on hope to pull through for her anymore, she turned to the one thing she could count on that had always been enough to get her through: the love she had for her family.

"Okay... Maybe I don't know Calvin as well as you do," Elara said, "but I know what he did to Ivy, and most importantly, I know what he did to my little girl... I know she was terrified when I made it back to her and she was scared beyond what any eight year old should be able to feel because whilst she was there - trapped in a cell at Terra Firma's camp - she didn't know if she would ever see us again. Ivy saved her from that. Ivy risked her life to get Izzy back to us, and what you're doing is the same damn thing as what Calvin put her through. Tell me how that makes you any different from him."

"Y-you could have helped me save Ivy-" He stuttered, almost blindsided by her question because he knew she was right. "It did not have to come to this-"

"Ivy was already dead by the time you found us, and she probably had been for a while," Kodiak cut him off. "The difference with Chessca was that Dreea and River were there, and it wasn't long before our doctors were, too. The compressions - all their attempts to stop the bleeding were what made the combination work on her. Because Ivy hadn't had the same efforts, there was no chance of anything saving her. I'm sorry."

"...You don't know that for sure," Tobias said, his voice much weaker now - void of all his fury. There was only grief left.

"I do," Kodiak said. "I do know that because I worked with Neptunum for months to try and make the combination real. I studied it relentlessly and had to watch one of my friends go through countless trials to make it possible and then, the rest of our people showed up and everything spiralled out of control. Elara was the first person it worked on because of what I did to give her the best chance of survival. Chessca was the last person it'll work for because of who she was lucky enough to have around her. I'm sorry Ivy never got her chance, too, but it's over, Tobias. The only thing left to do is to do what's right."

"And you think that is to open the shelter and let you win? Is that what you are saying?"

"Yes. It is," Elara insisted. "To save a little girl from ever having to know how close she came to losing us today. And to do the right thing by the person who loved you, if you want to believe she still loves you, that is."

"She is dead," Tobias muttered. "She cannot love me. She cannot feel a damn thing for me anymore."

"I wouldn't be so sure," Elara shook her a little, lacing her fingers through Kodiak's at her side. "After all, I was dead, remember? There was a reason I survived, and I'm not talking about the combination. I knew people still needed me and that I had a choice to come back - I was lucky for that part, but I don't think death is the end that you seem to think it is. And I think that even the people who aren't here anymore still love us and when you realise that, you get to carry a part of them around with you for the rest of your life... And who knows what'll happen after all this... Maybe we'll even get to be with them again, too."

Elara hadn't told anyone what it was like when she was dead, but she remembered a conversation with Wynn shortly after they first arrived on the shore which confirmed that miraculously, he knew the words she could never form to tell about it. She understood that because Wynn had been with her in her mindspace - when Ares was there as well, that it meant he had been dead, too. It had happened after Athena collected the combination from him on Neptunum and his heart stopped for a few seconds, even though Elara had never been told what had happened to him. But none of that was the point. The point was that they had been together; that Ares had been waiting for them in wherever it was that the two of them had found themselves after Elara was shot and Wynn's heart stopped; that she had somehow heard Quill's sorrow-filled voice talk to her lifeless body and give her permission to die, if that was what she needed - to leave the world behind.

The point was that in spite of the irremediable grief of separation, there was a hope that only a few people dared to believe, and she was one of them. Life is just a moment - a gut-wrenching, magical, tragical moment that is filled with both possible and impossible things. The real permanence, the thing Elara now realised her entire life had been fighting for her to realise, was who was waiting for her at the end: everyone. And suddenly, nothing in the world seemed quite as terrifying to her anymore; nothing felt missing in a way that couldn't return to her, or in a way that could ever stay apart for good, or in a way that could even come close to taking away her hope. She needed to tell Tobias.

"I know my brother is right here with me, even though he died," Elara said. "I realised that on Neptunum and it's as if since that moment, him not being here doesn't hurt anymore. I know he's just waiting for me. Ivy is with you too, did you know that?" She asked. "She's been with you this entire time - even when you had me hostage and tried to hurt us. I bet she wouldn't have liked that part, but she was still with you. And I like to think that I was with Kodiak and my brothers when I was dead. And Izzy, even though she never knew what happened to me... I like to think that it was what made them fight so hard to save me and everyone else - that it was why they never gave up hope, even though they had no idea. If you want Ivy to be with you, then she will be, but it's up to you to make sure if she'd be proud of you or not. Because I know my brother is of me and trust me, that counts for everything."

Tobias breathed deeply for a few moments, his gaze flickering between Kodiak and Elara as he processed her words, trying to figure out his next move.

But then he nodded, not able to form any words at first, but eager to let them know that they had broken through.

"I think she would want to be with me," he murmured, sniffling slightly. "I think it would have been the first thing she would have tried to do - find me," he said. "And you are right... I have to make sure she is still waiting for me when I die, so I will help. I will help you get back to your daughter. I will make everything right." 

Two // Part Two
And I think that even the people who aren't around anymore still love us and when you realise that, you get to carry a part of them around with you for the rest of your life (until) you get to be with them again.

There were so many lines in this chapter that I loved and Elara's speech and inner monologue has some of my favourite lines in this series. I think a lot of my Christian beliefs were heavily influencing to this, and I love the result.

I also loved the simplicity of Kodiak's reply to when Tobias asked, 'that is supposed to matter? That is supposed to make any of this easier?' "Yes." I think the fact that it's just one, short word makes it so powerful and in fact, I love the whole dialogue between him and Tobias before Elara entered. I love hearing him talking about what it was life for him when Elara was dead because it is such a huge part of their story and I never would have guessed that at any point, Kodiak or Elara would think - or that it would actually happen - that one of them would end up dead. When I first started writing this series, I knew I wanted Kodiak and Elara to end up together, so even remembering that they have both really lost each other at different moments throughout the series is still a little surprising to me, aha. Hopefully, they're okay for now, and Tobias has agreed to let them see Izzy again, so maybe their bad luck is officially over.

29/05/21.