Episode Three, Part 6:
You're Still a Traitor

Sol had been lying awake in her tent for hours trying everything she could think of to fall asleep, but nothing was working. In fact, she couldn't even remember the last time she had managed to get some sleep, but she suspected it had been a couple of days, or even more.

With Wynn sound asleep beside her, Sol's frustration only seemed to grow at her own inability to do so and unwilling to let any more time pass without being productive, she discreetly made her way out of the tent, making sure not to wake Wynn.

With a plan already forming in her mind, Sol grabbed a flashlight from one of the backpacks lying near their tents, scanning her eyes along the shore to make sure no one was watching her, and then slipped through the trees, disappearing from camp.

//////////

Tobias rose to his feet, certain that he could see someone approaching from the dark shadows in front of his open gates, initially worrying that it was a stray member of Terra Firma that his people hadn't managed to kill.

But, as he moved forward, holding tight to his blade, he recognised Sol as she came closer, allowing him to let his guard down a little.

"Nobel Sovereign Riverly," he said, his voice carrying a weight of caution to it. "What are you doing here? It is insanely early."

"I couldn't sleep," Sol answered him. "I have too much to think about, especially after our conversation. I figured you'd likely be up as well; I was right."

"I said that I needed time to think. Nothing has changed-"

"Hestia."

"...Pardon?" Tobias took a step back, almost stumbling in his doubt "What did you say?"

"Hestia," Sol repeated, walking forward to compensate for the distance Tobias had put between them.

"I do not know anyone-"

"Save it," Sol rolled her eyes. "I know what I'm talking about, and you know that, too."

Tobias let out a sharp breath, tucking his blade away in reluctance. It never failed to surprise him how Sol always maintained her one step ahead of everyone else; how when she revealed something - found out a secret that was kept from her - she always knew a significant amount more than anyone could have predicted. "What about Hestia?"

"I think my intentions are pretty obvious. Where is she and what agreement do we need to come to so that my people can take possession of her and go home?"

"I am not deciding anything now," Tobias stated "My people are recovering from the war, myself included, and I can barely think of anything other than Ivy. My mind is a mess and I do not encourage you to try and push me, Sovereign. I do not feel much like myself at the moment. I only feel a sheer loss of control."

"I get it," Sol folded her arms. She sounded frustrated with him but above all else, Tobias knew she was being sincere. "That's why I'm not proposing anything crazy; all you need to do is tell me where Hestia is, and my people will be out of your life within the next few days. You'll never have to worry about us again. What's the problem?" She asked. "I know you're people came to the island on Hestia, and I know you can tell me anything about the ship if you want to. Please just give me some answers, Tobias. One damn answer. Anything."

"You are right," he said. "We did come here on Hestia. And I can tell you what you want to hear, but I won't. I told you earlier on that there was an important decision I have to make-"

"The one about you giving your authority to your second? Reegan?"

Tobias nodded. "It is about why I am asking her to do that. It will all make sense soon enough, but until I have finalised my plans, I cannot worry about yours."

Sol huffed, beginning to wonder why the hell she kept coming back to negotiate with Tobias when all he seemed interested in doing was stringing her along. "How long is that going to be?"

His refusal to answer was all the information Sol needed and in spite, she folded her arms and shot him the most furious look she could muster.

"I risked everything to establish this alliance between our people," she reminded him. "Whilst my other three Sovereigns were working hard on making a pact with Calvin, I went behind their backs to help Exile Allegiance because I thought I saw something worthwhile in you. I guess I was wrong," she said. "You have nothing to lose, and you're still sabotaging Basilisk - not for any personal gain, but just to spite us. I know you lost Ivy in the end; I know we didn't all make it out of this alive, but at least she made it out of Terra Firma. That should count for something. Her story didn't end in complete tragedy and if you loved her, you'd be trying to hold onto that; that she did end up finding some peace and she tried to help other people have that, too. Maybe she didn't make the best choice by joining Terra Firma, but she made the right choice by-" Sol cut herself off, realising that her anger was beginning to take over and cause her to say things that she wasn't even process. Although she wanted Tobias to understand the predicament he was putting her in - the overwhelming frustration and bitterness - she didn't have the heart to use Ivy against him like that.

"Say it..."

Sol shook her head, trying to correct herself but it was too late. Tobias had already figured out what she was about to say.

"Say it, Sovereign..."

"I didn't come here to argue with you and believe it or not, I didn't come here to hurt you."

"You think Ivy was smart to leave me," Tobias said, his voice suddenly soft and sounding like the only he was sure of.

"I don't think that," Sol told him. "Losing her life in the process was worth the risk of potentially ending up with you. That's what I'm getting from everything; that's what I think."

"If I had just left her alone, she would still be alive now. Is this all my fault?"

"No!" Sol was adamant. "Listen to yourself; you're letting this all get to your head instead of trying to move forward. That's what we have to do when we lose someone, however excruciating it may feel: we have to keep living. Keep on surviving... Look, we still have this alliance," she said. "If you help my people, I'll help you. I promise, okay?" She didn't know what else to say and truthfully, she didn't even hold onto much hope that there was anything left in the world that could persuade his mind, but she was still going to try.

Tobias looked up at her, the quivering of his lip the final indication to Sol at how much he was hurting, and pondered hard over his response.

"Perhaps the endings are written first," he said. "That way, things always end the way they're supposed to. Right?"

"...Right," Sol muttered, not sure what he was saying, but agreeing for the sake of maintaining their peace.

"So that means no matter what happens, how this all ends for both of us, it will be the right thing; it will be destiny - and everything we have done in our lives up until we reach that point is irrelevant. You can change a couple of details, even rewrite it completely, and it will still end up the same. You can't run from fate."

Yes you can, Sol wanted to say. My life at Basilisk was ripped away from me, but those memories were all restored. Or Kodiak should have died in that flood, but he came back to us. Or Elara died on Neptunum, but she's alive today because she refused to let the world's tragedies beat her.

"You can survive. That's all I know," she answered him. "Anything in this world can be survived if you try, as long as you get back up, no matter how tall you stand afterwards. Half the fight of staying alive is wanting to."

//////////

Needing something to raise her spirits before she returned to camp, Sol decided to make a pitstop at the hideout on the way home, hoping desperately that Chessca was doing better than when she left her.

She hovered outside for a few minutes before deciding to head in, too afraid that she would leave disappointed or have to admit to Dreea that she hadn't come any closer to securing a way home. But, for the first time in a long time, the only thing that Sol seemed to care about was Chessca and that after everything that had happened, they were both still alive, still together. At the very least, that was something she was grateful for.

She tiptoed in, walking as quietly as possible upon hearing no noise, only for Atlantis to suddenly stand up and almost scare her to death.

"Sorry," she whispered. "I didn't mean to startle you."

"It's okay," Sol replied, mustering up her fondest smile despite her exhaustion, opening her arms and pulling her sister into her embrace before she could say anything.

They both seemed to find a moment of relief in the other - a kind of peace they had both gone a long time without. Despite wanting to hold on for a little longer, Sol eventually pulled away, needing some answers for Chessca.

"How is she doing? Any changes?" She asked.

"Yeah, she woke up," Atlantis smiled, her voice suddenly bright with hope.

"She did!? How did she seem? Was she in pain? Was she alert? Could she understand everything? Man, I don't even remember how long it was before we gave her the combination... We weren't too late, were we?"

"River, relax," Atlantis grabbed onto her shoulders, trying to calm her down before she spiralled out of control. "She's fine-"

"Just fine?"

"Perfectly fine."

Both sisters looked over to the other end of the hideout, surprised to see Chessca awake and aware of their conversation. Beside her, Dreea was slowly sitting herself up and making sense of what was happening, though glad to see that Sol was around again.

"Chess," Sol murmured, not wasting a second before she hurried over towards her, immediately dropping to her knees and cupping Chessca's face in her hands. "You're okay?"

Chessca nodded, wishing she had been able to hold off her tears for longer than she had, but she saw no use in fighting them now.

"I'll give you two some space. We'll be right outside," Dreea smiled tiredly, momentarily squeezing onto Sol's shoulder before making her way over to Atlantis and Aeryn - who had also woken up - and making their way out of the hideout.

Finally alone, Sol let her guard down, relieved that the only thing on her mind was Chessca and she didn't have to worry about anything else for a few moments, at least.

"I've been so worried about you," she said. "I had to leave to help Kodiak and Wynn - a situation came up, but I've been visiting and checking in on you. I'm sorry I wasn't here when you woke up."

"Don't apologize," Chessca whispered, trying to find a little more power to her voice, but she was struggling. "Dreea told me what happened out there, after I, you know. You saved me, Riv," she said, her hand reaching up and holding tightly onto her arm. "I'm not really surprised; it's all you've been doing since you met me, but you pull it off every time. That's part I'm always amazed at."

Sol bit down on her lip to keep it from trembling, barely able to focus on the emotion behind Chessca's words as she was too preoccupied with reminding herself that she was right in front of her, alive.

"And Dreea, Wynn, Aeryn, Fenn. They were just a part of this as me. Wynn more than anyone."

"I heard. You're lucky to have him. We all are."

"You can say that again," Sol whispered to herself, feeling her heart twinge with yet another burst of emotions. "He'll be glad to see you're doing okay. We'll get you back with everyone else once you're strong enough."

"That's not going to take long with you guys here," Chessca beamed. "You've always taken care of me. You and Dreea taught me everything I know about strength."

"Hey," Sol teased, "I have all of my memories back from when you and I were in The City; don't think I don't remember that you were always the one in my corner - fighting for me, keeping me strong, keeping me from ever drifting too far from myself."

"We saved each other. Let's stick with that."

"Sounds like a good idea," Sol said. She reached down at tucked Chessca's her behind her ear, it meaning more to her that she could ever say to see her relax under her touch as if there wasn't a terrible agony her body was trying to heal from.

"I'm working on getting us home," she continued. "To Basilisk. I think I've figured out a solution. You just focus getting better and I'll take us home before you know it. How does that sound?"

"It sounds perfect," Chessca told her. "But what about our camp? It'll be ruined from the flood? And I doubt even the Sovereigns' Quarters is still standing..."

"We're going to rebuild everything," she said. "Bigger than before! And you'll be with Dreea in her room, and I'll build one down the hall for Atlantis, and all of us are going to be together. I promise, Chess. I promise I'll keep you safe for the rest of you life."

"I know," Chessca whispered back, keeping her voice soft and gentle as she could sense that Sol was trying desperately to get her point across. "I've always known that. Don't ever worry about that."

"I'll try not to," Sol managed a faint laugh, although they both knew how impossible it would be for her. "I'm glad you're okay."

"Me too," Chessca said. "Now go back to the beach and get some sleep. I bet you even look more exhausted than me at this point."

"Ha!" Sol laughed. "I don't think you're wrong on that one. Sleep does sound like a good idea. I just hope Wynn isn't snoring when I get back."

Chessca giggled, wrapping herself up tighter in Dreea's jacket, and gazing up at Sol. "Take care of yourself, too," she said. "I'll see you soon. Hopefully back at the beach."

"Sounds good," Sol agreed, regretfully forcing herself to her feet, but not without placing a kiss to Chessca's forehead. "I love you."

"You'd better," Chessca joked. "Because you saved me, so now you're stuck with me forever!"

"Good."

Chessca smiled again, already hoping to fall asleep so she was closer to the next time Sol came to see her; closer to reaching the sacred grounds of Basilisk or, as she called it nowadays, home. "I love you, too." 

Three // Part Six
Perhaps the endings are written first. That way, things always end the way they're supposed to.

I love getting to write Sol and Chess scenes. ♡ It makes me miss writing S6 so bad!

In other news, HAPPY 11TH BIRTHDAY TO ONE DIRECTION. I have literally spent more than half my life in love with them and I don't regret a moment of it, lol.

I'll be honest, this book has been really hard for me to write for a number of reasons, and I'm sorry if updates have been so slow, or if this book isn't living up to the others (I don't think the content is as good and I feel like I'm letting you guys down a little bit with this one because I'm so focused on the ending that I'm not focusing enough on the middle).

Writing this book has been the most craziest experience of my life so far, especially out of all of the other books in this series. I started writing it on April 27th and usually, this book would have been finished by now (or at the very least, close to being finished), but we're barely halfway through. I have already lived in 4 different places since I started writing this book: I lived in a small, suburban town in Pennsylvania, then I was in a hotel for 2 weeks in Philadelphia, then I moved to Los Angeles, and then I moved to England. It's been extremely traumatic for me the past few months and if I'm honest, I'm really struggling lately to cope with everything that's happened to me these past few months. I think it's finally catching up to me now that I'm home and with my family as it was so constant when I was in America that I didn't really have the time to step back and understand what had happened to me, but I suffered a lot of emotional abuse in my job as an au pair and honestly, I keep having horrible nightmares and flashbacks about it, and it's making me feel so down and hard to focus on writing (as much as I love it) or do anything productive, really. I've been focusing a lot on trying to relax and not punish myself for not doing something productive, and focus on my new vegan diet as it's something that I feel in control of (and I haven't felt in control of a lot over the past year). In good news, I am hoping to start some therapy soon and overcome all of this pain and trauma and I am soooo excited for it! I think it's so important that we talk about the things that are troubling us and talk to someone so that we don't face it alone. If you go back and read Season 9, you might find that I wrote a lot of scenes where our characters would have in-depth, emotional conversations with each other (particularly Elara and Kodiak, and Sol and Wynn). I wrote those scenes when I was living with my first host family in Pennsylvania and was trying to find my own voice and strength through my characters (especially Elara as I feel like she is a written version of my soul). As I've reread the conversations they've had with each other and realised how important it was for them to talk about the things that were troubling them and find help and support in other people, it made me realise that I needed to tell myself the same thing and despite how hard it was to go through all of that, it got me to where I needed to be and I am the healthiest I have been in a long time (though I still need therapy, and that's okay!).

Also, even though I didn't live there for that long of a time (and I HATED my job), I feel really homesick for LA. It's hard to leave the city of your dreams, but I knew it was a needed step for me to take to protect my mental health. I'll be back there one day. ♡

Regardless, thank you guys for still reading this book. I was so worried that you guys were going to give up on the story because of my lack of updates, so I hope you know how much it warms my heart to see that you guys are still voting or commenting despite my irregular updates.

Episode Four is going to be a rollercoaster! I've got some big things planned and as usual, my characters are going to go thru it! Haha, maybe I need to stop taking my personal life out on them... Also, that's another reason I've been so bad with writing this book! Because it's book 10 of 10! I'll never be ready to stop writing this series (which is why I have a spin-off series planned and 6 more books that are written with an alternative plot)!

Holding on for as long as I can, apparently. Guess I should tell you that I'm planning to include a sneak-peek to the spin off series at the end of this book! It's Izzy centred and I can't wait for you to see what it reveals!

23/07/21.

"Lord, my God, I cried out to You for help, and You healed me." Psalm 30:2.

'What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who could ever be against us?' Romans 8:31.

'And we know the tin all things, God works for the good of those who live Him.' Romans 8:28.

'"See, I will send my messenger who will prepare the way before me. Then suddenly, the Lord you are seeking will come to His temple; the messenger of the covenant, whom you desire, will come," says the Lord Almighty.' Malachi 3:1.