Episode Four, Part 2:
Darkness Keeps Chasing Me

May we remember who we are: 
unconditionally cared for by 
those who share our broken hearts. 

Izzy thought she had recognised the path they were taking, but she had been able to convince herself otherwise up until now; up until they were stood at the clearing where only a short time ago, she had been ripped away from Elara and Kodiak without any certainty that she would ever see them again. Was the same thing happening again now? Were they leaving her somewhere to hide because the darkness had caught up to them again, even in spite of her having killed Calvin?

"Ell, what's going on?" She asked, gripping tightly onto the older girl's hand, hovering close to her side. "Am I going to be alone again?"

"No!" Elara raced to assure her, crouching down in front of her and taking hold of both of her hands. "The four of us are staying together," she motioned behind Izzy's shoulder where Sol and Kodiak were standing.

"Then why are we here? Do we have to hide? I thought you said the war was finished."

"It is over sweet girl," Elara said. "And there's no one else here but us; no one from the other clan. We just needed to take a look around the shelter to find something."

"Find what?"

"Elara and Kodiak always tell me how much of an explorer you are," Sol began, stepping around so she was in sight of Izzy, stopping once she reached Elara's side. "You're very good at finding things and figuring them out. And, as the Nobel Sovereign, I knew I needed a really strong team to come out here with me today and who better than the Great Sovereign Kodiak, Elara - who's the bravest person this world has ever seen, and you - a courageous, young hero who I know I can count on."

Izzy blushed, somewhat shy at all the attention on her, but the excitement from Sol's words wasn't fading away anytime soon. She nodded, sharing a quick glance over at Elara who was smiling encouragingly at her, pushing her closer to Sol.

On their Nobel's lead, everyone followed Sol inside; Izzy had to focus extra hard on what Sol had said about her to block out the unease of returning to the place that had seen her darkest hours.

"Izzy, do you think you could show us where you found your way out of here?" Sol asked, already knowing where to find the secret, vault door that had provided Izzy with her escape, but wanting to know if Izzy would point anything else out on their way to it.

Surely enough, Izzy led them into the office, directing Sol to the exact same vault she had found.

Curious, Kodiak unlocked the seal, pulling it open to reveal nothing but a dark, cold tunnel. "This is how you got out? You went through here?" He couldn't quite fathom how someone as young as Izzy could ever find the courage to step foot in such a terrifying looking space.

Izzy nodded. "I wanted to be with you and Ell."

Kodiak features softened in devotion, and his heart could barely contain the joy at knowing how much he meant to Izzy. He moved over to her, wrapping his arms around her from behind, and Izzy gladly leaned into him feeling nothing but secured.

"Did you find anything else in here?" Sol asked. "Anything that stood out to you or seemed important?"

Izzy tried to think back to what she remembered from when she was in there last, but the memories were buried between mountains of fear that she didn't feel ready to climb again. "I didn't look around for much," she admitted. "I spent most of my time hiding away from everyone else, and only came in here just before I left. I'm sorry if I'm not helping you-"

"Are you kidding?" Sol exclaimed. "You've been super helpful."

"But I can't give you the answers you need."

"Izzy, we don't even know what answers we need," Sol laughed. "Anything can help us, no matter how insignificant it may seem."

"You have memories of this island, right?" Kodiak searched.

Izzy nodded, trying to play it off but Kodiak immediately noticed her withdrawal.

"You don't have to tell us," he said, understanding that she might be hesitant to face the reminder of her life on the island, given how traumatic her return had been for her. "But if you can tell us how you left here to go to The City of Targo, it might help us out."

Izzy let out a heavy sigh of contemplation, signalling to Elara that something was wrong. Concerned, Elara crouched down in front of her, worrying that bringing her back to the shelter was too much for her.

"It's okay," she said. "Whatever your reason, it's okay. You don't have to answer if you don't want to. You won't be letting us down."

"It makes me think of my dad - of Josiah," she clarified, sparing a nervous glance at Kodiak to make sure she hadn't upset him.

"Hey," Kodiak squeezed onto her shoulder. "Like Ell said it's okay. Don't worry, alright?"

Izzy nodded again, seeming to find some strength in Kodiak - the same strength he had given to Elara in all of the stories she told about him.

"We left on a boat," she confessed, no one having expected her to answer. "Dad woke me up when it was still dark outside. He said we were going to stay with Auntie Hannah for a while."

Elara still felt her heart flinch at the name, but she blocked it out and focused on her sweet, baby girl in front of her - nothing else.

"That's good. That's great, thank you Izzy," Sol said.

"Lydian and Xavier were with us," she continued. "They also moved to Basilisk with us."

"Yeah, we remember them," Kodiak said, wishing that it wasn't true; wishing that he didn't have to remember his encounters with his tormenters, or everything they put him through.

"Dad said we left here because he needed help with me."

"What do you mean?" Elara combed her fingers through Izzy's hair.

"Mom was never around; she died when I was born," she reminded them. "Dad said we had to move so Auntie Hannah and Auntie Lara could help look after me. He told me Auntie Hannah had a son, but when we got to The City, he had been gone for a long time. That was Uncle Quill, right?"

"Yeah, sweet girl," Elara managed a smile, but she could see that facing the grief of losing her father was opening up scars that she wasn't ready to face - not when she was still trying to overcome the recent wounds that had been afflicted on her. She glanced up at Kodiak and ol, letting them know what she was feeling. "Izzy, why don't we take a look around and see if there's anything we can take back with us?"

"Riv and I will keep looking for clues in here," Kodiak said. "I saw plenty of books out there; maybe one will even be able to give Elara's stories a run for her money."

"I doubt it," Izzy sighed, earning a laugh from the others as she grabbed onto Elara's hand, leading her out of the room.

//////////

Elara sat outside the shelter with Izzy, watching as she eagerly flicked through the pages of one of the books she had picked up, barely able to wait until she got back to the beach to start reading them.

"What do you reckon... Think they'll be better than mine?" She teased.

"I doubt they'll have any Sovereigns in them, so probably not. But they might be a good backup for Uncle Wynn. He was trying to tell me a story this morning but he kept forgetting what he said, so I had to remind him."

Elara laughed, not surprised in the slightest. "He's got a lot of skills that he's taught me over the years, but story telling isn't one of them," she giggled momentarily and, as her smile softened the world around her, fond memories made their way back into her heart. "You would have loved your Uncle Ares," she murmured. "He used to read to me all the time in the Bunker when I was a kid. He started with Quill when we moved into the Bunker and he was scared, and then with me - ever since I was born. He was even the one who taught me how to speak; he tried to get me to say 'Ares', but it wasn't quite my first word."

"Did he read to Uncle Wynn as well?"

Elara shook her head. "Uncle Wynn was never the biggest fan of stories. Though, I bet he'd give anything to go back and listen to one of Ares' one more time."

Izzy frowned and glanced down at the pile of books in her hands before abandoning them at her feet.

"What are you doing?"

"I don't want these stories," she said. "I just want yours. I never want to miss out on one of yours, especially if they're about the-"

"About the Great Sovereign Kodi," Elara beamed, knowing Izzy all too well. "You don't have to choose. You can have both."

But Izzy was persistent in spite of Elara's answer - her stubbornness rubbing off on the young girl. "You can tell Kodi that none of them even came close to yours."

Elara smiled, excited to repeat her comment back to Kodiak and make up for his teasing. "At least take one back with you," she said. "For Uncle Wynn."

Izzy contemplated for a moment before deciding that it wasn't worth the risk. "Okay, good idea," she said, already trying to pick out her favourite book from the pile.

"Hey," Kodiak called out from behind her, announcing his presence as he walked outside with Sol.

"Find anything?" Elara asked.

"Not really," he shrugged. "What about you guys?"

"She decided on one book - which I had to convince her to take."

"That doesn't sound like the Izzy I know."

"She loves my stories so much that she didn't want anything to put a stop to them," Elara beamed.

"That really doesn't sound like-"

Elara cut him off, playfully throwing a punch to his arm.

"It's true," Izzy said, quick to come to Elara's defence. "And even you were asking me if I wanted to find Elara the other day because you wanted to hear one, too."

"I thought I told you never to tell her that part?" Kodiak teased.

"You did," Izzy confirmed, beginning to position her on the far side of Elara as she noticed Kodiak tiptoeing her way, getting ready to try and tickle her sides.

"But no one wins against Elara, not even you."

"That's my girl!" Elara laughed, pulling Izzy safely into her arms and saving her from Kodiak's attempts at capturing her. She knew she would be able to hold onto the gloating privileges for a while and that Izzy's spilled secret would do her many favours.

"We should probably get back to the beach, now," Kodiak muttered, pretending to find any excuse to move on from his defeat, but the smile he couldn't bite back told Elara that he was every bit of amused as she was

Elara grabbed onto his hand, already turning towards the path that would lead them back to camp, but she was prompt stopped.

"Elara, wait up!" Sol called. "Mind if you walk with me? There's a few things I need to say."

"Uh, sure..." Elara hesitated. At first, she wasn't sure why she felt so apprehensive to talk to her, but then she remembered the she hadn't actually had the chance to speak to her since the confrontation with Tobias in the forest.

"I'll walk up ahead with Iz," Kodiak announced, extending his hand out for the young girl who gladly took hold.

With just herself ad Sol - now alone - Elara knew she had to clear the air. "I know what this is about," she said. "And I just need you to know that I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" Sol asked. "What are you apologising for?"

"What I had to do out there; the situation I forced you and Dreea in against Kodiak; how Wynn had to choose between you and me. I already apologised to him this morning - well, I tried to... He wouldn't let me," she said. "But I didn't quite know the best way to approach you about it."

"Elara..." Sol shook her head in disbelief. "Nothing that happened was your fault. Not even a little bit-"

"And when I wanted the combination for us, that never - not even for a moment - meant that I didn't want it for Chessca. But I have a duty to Izzy to make sure she's safe, above anything else, because I love her so much. I know I have Kodiak back now, but I couldn't live if I lost Izzy..." She confessed. "Neptunum didn't make me invincible, my child did, and I have to use this invincibility to make sure the world doesn't hurt her."

"All that rage that I felt out there wasn't for you or Kodiak; no one's was. It was for the same person as yours: Tobias."

Elara looked over, feeling as though the high walls she had built up were starting to crumble. As if in spite of the way she felt the darkness of the world try to cover over her, she was still seen - forever trying to be pulled back into the light by those that loved her the most.

"And I wanted Izzy to be safe with you just as badly as anyone out there; you are the best, the best thing to happen to that girl and I can't wait to see you and Kodiak be parents to even more lucky children, but all that I could think of at the time was that Chessca was dead. Izzy was alive and she wasn't hurt, but Chessca was dead. She was everything to me in The City; my lifeline, like Izzy was for you in the Bunker. And underneath it all, I knew that Wynn and Kodiak would figure out a way to get Izzy back. They love her and they'd burn this world to the ground to keep her safe, like they always have done for you," Sol reminded her. "Besides," she continued, "you're my family, Elara, and I care about you, and I love you. I'd do whatever to make sure you end up okay. Your family is mine."

Elara looked over, feeling her eyes stinging with the warm burn of tears that she was trying to hold back, but they weren't there because of an agony her heart had been expecting; they were there because for the first time she could recall, it seemed that the darkness that had been chasing her had fallen behind and she could finally catch her breath. "You do?" She asked. "You mean that? You love me?"

"Of course," Sol said matter-of-factly, surprised that Elara even needed to hear it twice. "I've never been the best at saying these kind of things, not until your brother came along and gave me no choice considering how many times he almost gets himself killed," she joked. "But of course I love you, Ell. You're one of the most important people in the world to me. You're family - not because of who you are to Wynn or to Kodiak, but because of who you are to me."

Elara was overwhelmed in relief; in the certainty that this was what healing felt like and she knew there was an end in sight to all of their tragedies. Without any doubt, Elara stopped in her tracks and turned to face Sol, wrapping her arms tightly around her and letting out a heavy breath.

"I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you," she said. "If you hadn't been the one holding all of us together."

She could sense Sol smile against her and in turn, squeeze her back tighter.

"I was so sure that you would hate me after what happened with Tobias and I was terrified to think how that would affect Wynn or Kodiak. But I never wanted to hurt you and it means the world to me that you know that."

Sol smiled fondly at the younger girl as she pulled away, encouraging her to continue their path behind Kodiak and Izzy - who were now out of sight.

"You've seen me at my weakest moments and you're still here for me," Elara murmured, not quite having said everything she needed to. "You've were there when I first came to the ground, and you've been there for me ever since, keeping me safe, keeping me alive... Thank you, Riv. For everything. I hope you know love you, too." 

Four // Part Two
Neptunum didn't make me invincible, my child did.

I love that line and the mother-daughter bond it symbolises for Elara and Izzy. I love the entire interaction between them in this chapter: how Elara shelters her from her fears and doesn't force her to face them the same way she had to when she was young; how she reminisces about her own childhood to Izzy and it reveals, even now - in book 10, more details about Elara's backstory; and the constant reminders of how much Elara loves Izzy. Also, Kodiak and Izzy are the cutest team ever and I will never be able to write enough of their relationship and how Izzy instantly felt at home with him and as if she has known him all her life. ♡ Love that for them.

I wrote 6 pages of this the other night when I went to the pub quiz with my family (1,700 words handwritten!). I would have published it sooner, but it's been a bit of a strange week.

I've been struggling a lot with the transition of moving countries again, finding a job that feels right, and now I've got a slipped disk in my back which is causing me so much pain. I've also had a lot of long hours at work this week and I've just been so miserable that I haven't had any  motivation to write, but I'm hoping to cut down on work hours soon, so I should have more time for writing!

I also LOVED this interaction between Sol and Elara! They surprisingly don't have many one-on-one scenes within the book - especially not to this level of emotional depth. The last scene between the two of them that had this aspect of vulnerability to it was in Season 6 when Elara was in the mindspace. Its was a shock to me to realise that as they're our two leading female characters and both so fundamental to Wynn's character who is, of course, our protagonist. When I go back and edit this series, I've made a note to include more scenes between them. Nevertheless, I hope you enjoyed this chapter (and the next few to come)...

The part where Sol says "you are the best, the best thing to happen to (Izzy)," makes me so emotional, you don't understand. And then she goes on to say that she can't wait to see Kodiak and Elara have more kids together and that she loves her- AHHHH!!! I love emotional, sappy things like this and no one can ever stop me writing them, HAHA!

01/08/21.