The Inter-college Arts Fest was indeed a big deal. It was a bigger deal for the final-year students. I mean it was our last chance to be a part of that. And it was a much bigger deal to the union members because it was our responsibility to make it a smashing hit. And it was our friends' final year. We had to, had to make this the best festival they have ever been to and an unforgettable memory. Adwaith was sure of that. He gave it his all. Heat soul and everything.

"Can you please eat something?" Soumya was yelling at him. He was on the phone with the chief guest for tomorrow's inauguration ceremony. He silenced her with a 'shh'. Soumya looked worried about him.

"Don't worry... I will feed something when all this is over." I told her. She looked concerned for him. I felt jealous. Having someone to nag about your eating is having someone who cares. Will I have that with Arya someday??

"So...how is it going with Arya?" Soumya asked.

"Eh..."

"What? Give me some gossip too!"

"It's..." I scratched my head, embarrassed, "okay so far. We are still just friends, though."

Soumya smiled. "I am glad for her. I always felt bad for her as she is always so alone without any friends. And that Shruthi is just too much." She shook her head. I might have looked confused, because Soumya asked, "Don't you know about Arya and Shruthi?"

I shook my head.

"Oh... They used to be friends. At the beginning of college. Like in the first year." She said. "But then... I don't know what happened, but they were not friends anymore. I mean, suddenly they were not hanging out together anymore, and Shruthi was being super mean to her."

I had no idea. And it kind of bothered me that there was still so much that I did not know about Arya. We had been talking considerably for the past few months, and she did not tell me this. And that troubled me because Asif was already of the opinion that Arya was just playing with me. That in the end, she may just declare that I am like a brother to her and go date or marry someone else.

It made me feel kind of uneasy. No, I did not doubt that would be true. Arya is not like that. She was unique and special. And I knew her better than anyone. Or so I thought...

"Mean in the sense?" I asked Soumya.

"Hm...like telling other girls that Arya is a snob and selfish 'bitch'."

"WHAT?" I snapped.

Soumya rolled her eyes, "it's just her mean way of getting back at whatever happened between them, I guess." Maybe. But I wondered why Arya did not tell me about that herself. "Adi, Finally..." Soumya yelled, making me startled. Adwaith had gotten off the phone. "I am not listening to you, You are going to come and eat something." She yelled at him.

"Why are you still here? It's too late. Come, I will drop you home." He said going to her. "Nik, you are in charge of Swara Rajan tomorrow, okay," He added to me.

"Huh?" I said. Swara Rajan was supposed to be our chief guest. A movie star.

"What? You seemed like the best guys for it. You don't have any charge in the morning, and you take care of women well. Will be polite and won't do anything idiotic. And yeah, keep all these sleazy guys away from her. Her protection is also your charge. "

"I was hoping to spend the morning with Arya." I sighed.

Arwaith's face got strict. "I can understand how you would want that, but get serious. We have work to do."

"Yeah, yeah..." I nodded. It is not like I have an official post in the students union. Can't I slack off a bit??

"No slacking off, got it?" Adwaith stepped closer to me.

"Fine..." I sighed.

"Don't worry, I will let you off for some time in the evening to spend time with your girl, okay." Adwaith smiled and patted my shoulder. "I am not that inconsiderate."

I grinned. "She is not my girl...yet..." I blushed.

"Oh..see him getting shy," Adwaith told Soumya. "Isn't that adorable or what?"

"Yeah," Soumya agreed.

"Get lost, guys... Go eat some food or whatever." I said. I pushed them away. No need to tease me so much. Sharan is enough. He is so bad that he sends me Arya Stark memes all the time. Idiot.

The festival was supposed to be held for three days. No need of wearing our college uniforms on all three days. So I spend an unusual amount of time in front of the mirror that morning. I never had this problem. At least not for the last four years. I didn't care what I looked like since I didn't care who saw me. My appearance was the last thing on my mind. I just wore whatever was comfortable.

That morning, at first, I did wear what I usually wear, jeans and a cotton top, something comfortable. And then I looked in the mirror and felt that I looked too bland. The blue top was not looking too great with blue jeans. So I started looking through all the clothes I owned. All seemed too worn out and old. Really...why did I not have anything that looked fresh and new? When was the last time I bought clothes??

I tested a pink top, felt that is too girly and discarded it. And a green one. Green does not suit me. Black makes me look more gloomy than I already am. White... Why don't I own anything white? I shuffled through the clothes.

At a point, I felt I am being too over the top. I mean, it's the same old classmates. I wore whatever for the last year's college festival. It does not matter now. It's the same old college. Same old students... But then... something IS different now. And I know that internally, and that is why I want to look good.

Amma walked into my room and saw the mess I made on my bed. "What are you searching for?" She asked.

"I don't have anything nice to wear," I said, absent-minded. "Why don't I have anything in white?" I asked amma.

"I don't know... You always hated white. You like black." She said. I know. I have a lot of things in black. "Arjun is the one who liked white," Amma mumbled.

I stood up. Yeah... I just had an idea.

"Amma... where are his clothes?"

"Huh?" She asked. Achan had his things cleared out a few months after his death. But I knew that Amma had hidden a few things before he could get rid of them entirely - In the cupboard behind the kitchen or the racks of the garage. Or some hidden under amma's bed.

"Give me a white t-shirt of his," I said. Amma's face went a bit tender.

The gate of our college was decorated, and there was a large banner above it. Announcing the name and the year and dates of our festival. I walked inside, And the place was bustling with students from all of the colleges in the city.

Usually, there isn't this much crowd on the morning of the inauguration day. It gets crowded more during the evenings when there will be music and dance shows. But I guess it is crowded from the morning itself because Swara Rajan is coming. It's mostly guys who were waiting to get to see their goddess in person.

My eyes searched for Nikhil. He was not near the stage or with the Union guys. Adwaith and Asif were near the stage. Adwaith looked all busy. I looked around —no sign of Nikhil. I was kind of disappointed. I wondered if I should call him. Will that be too much??

"Looking for Nikhil?" Somebody asked. I looked around. It was Sharan. Nikhil's friend. I didn't know if I should nod or not. Because it felt like Sharan was the type that will make that a big deal.

"He went outside to receive Swara Rajan," Sharan told me. "He is in charge of her."

I nodded. "Okay..."

"I will tell him you are looking for him."

"No need." I said, "I mean if he is busy."

I walked away.

I helped them Swara ma'am settled in the waiting room. Adwaith came in and greeted her. Soumya was so excited to see Swara. Sharan and Asif were at the door.

"Gorgeous, isn't she?" Sharan said, his eyes almost bulging out.

"True," Asif agreed. "I have never seen anyone so pretty in person." The two were almost drooling. "Shall we go in and greet her?"

"Yeah, but be polite," I told them. But Adwaith was still talking to her. So they waited.

"She is just a year older than us. I looked up." Sharan said. "How will it sound Sharan and Swara... Oh, it has a nice ring to it."

"Really? You think that is going to work?" I asked, scorning.

"No. But I have the right to dream," He said. "Speaking of which... Arya Stark was looking for you."

My body went warm. "Really? When? Where?"

"Outside. Near the stage." He said. I could not wait till I meet her.

"Nikhil," Adi called me. I turned to him. "Get ma'am something to drink."

Okay, I can meet Arya on the way to get a drink. "What will you have? Cold drink? Cola? Juice? I can run to the canteen and get you." I said

"No, just water will do. And not cold, please. I have to take care of my throat."

"Oh..." If she just needs water, we have it there already. I went to the corner of the room and got her the mineral water bottles. "Thanks," she said, taking them.

"Adi," I whispered to him. "Can I just quickly go out and come back? Ten minutes. Just ten minutes, please. I will just see her and come back."

"Eh... No, da. I don't have anyone to be here than you."

"Sharan or Asif can be here for a while, no?" I said.

"Seriously? You want to leave her with them?" he asked, looking at them. They two were still gawking at Swara ma'am. Yeah, not a good idea.

I nodded, disappointed. Adi patted my shoulder and walked out. I waited with Swara ma'am. She was going through a paper. It seemed like the speech she needed to make later. I took my mobile out to text.

Nikhil: Stuck with Swara Rajan... I don't think I will get free any soon. Sorry. I really want to see you.

After sending, it wondered if it was too direct with the 'really wanting to see her' part. But isn't it okay if I am a bit direct now? Or else we will always be just friends. I don't want to be 'just friends' with her. Though I do like being friends with her.

A bit of a crowd had gathered at the door to gawk at Swara ma'am. "Nikhil... Nikhil..." Some of them called me. I looked at them. "Can we get a selfie with her?"

Swara ma'am looked at them and then at me. "Tell them they will get their autographs and selfies later. I need to learn this speech now. Sorry, and close the door, please. It is so distracting."

"Yes, ma'am..." I went to the guys... "Eh... you heard her. After the inauguration please..." I shoved them outside and closed the door. And came back.

"Sorry," I added to Swara ma'am. "They are just excited to see you."

"Yeah, it's fine." She said. "It's a college... I am excited to be here. It is just that I had shoot till 11 pm yesterday and I had to travel from Ernakulam to here today. So I am so tired." I nodded. She may have such a busy, tiring life. "I like coming to colleges for events." She added. "I missed my college life, you know. Starting acting at such a young age and never had a normal college life. I am jealous of you guys... So lucky."

"Oh!" I said. I had my sympathy for her.

My mobile beeped.

Arya: Okay

What is 'Okay'? I frowned. Say something more. "Is she angry?" I whispered it out. Just barely audible. I was asking myself, but Swara ma'am cached it.

"Girlfriend?" Swara ma'am asked.

"Huh?" I asked, looking up at her. "Eh... yes," I said.

"Why is your girlfriend angry?"

"Eh... I should meet her. But I am stuck here with you." What did I just say! "Ah... I don't mean I am 'stuck' here with you. I mean, I didn't mean I don't enjoy being here with you. I mean, I don't mean that I particularly enjoy being with you either. Wait, what?"

Swara ma'am broke into laughter. "You can call her here and meet her if you want to." She said.

"No. It's okay. I will meet her later." I said. I don't think Arya will come here to meet me if I ask her. I go to her always. She has never come to meet me. What if I ask her to come here and I get a plain 'no'. I feel like I may. And so asking her to come here will be making a fool of myself.

But...is she really angry??

I found myself a seat at the main stage, somewhat near the front rows. And I was beginning to wonder if I should leave and come back later. Because it felt a bit stupid to be sitting alone. I did not even bring a book. But then the event was about to start soon. I saw Nikhil lead Swara Rajan to the stage. People were too busy to look at Swara Rajan. A couple of guys almost knocked my chair over to get a better look at her. But I was trying to meet my eyes with Nikhil. He was looking around the stage, maybe trying to find me.

I got up and moved to the side so he can see me. Our eyes met, and he looked so happy to finally see me. He indicated his watch and put up 5 fingers to say '5 mins'.I nodded.

After 5 minutes, he ran down to me. He was wearing a black t-shirt and a check shirt over it. He looked good in it. Even his hair looked perfect, all shampooed and bouncy. And him looking good was not doing me any good. I ran a hand over my arm, awkwardly.

I ended up wearing an old white t-shirt of Arjun's. 17-year-old Arjun was the same body size as 20-year-old Arya. I just had to tie a knot around my side to make it look more trendy.

"Are you angry with me?" He asked her nervously.

"No, Why?"

"Just." He just shrugged, "Felt like so... in your text."

"No," I said. He nodded.

"I'll..." he looked back at the stage and me, "I will be stuck there for a bit more time. At least till Swara ma'am leaves. So... sorry that I can't hang out with you."

"It's okay. Go..." I told him. It's kind of nice that he feels obliged to hang out with me. Even though there is no reason that he should. We are not a couple yet, though I was not sure if we were just friends either. I had no idea what we were.

"I will see you later then," he said. I nodded.

For a second, it felt like he will hold my hand because he was looking at it. But then he got conscious as he realised that I saw that he was looking at my hand. He just gave me a nervous grin and ran back to the stage. I turned around. The place I was sitting was now occupied by a group of guys. I walked to the backside to find a place to sit.

"Arya..." I heard my name being called. I turned around and froze. It was Darshan. "Hey," he smiled at me. Shruthi was just near Darshan, and she was getting uncomfortable about Darshan speaking with me.

"Hey," I awkwardly waved at him. His eyes stayed on my chest. For a second I wondered if he is also like Siddarth, then I realised it is the t-shirt. "Oh," I clutched the edge of my t-shirt. I looked up at him, "yeah, it's his."

"I know," Darshan whispered. Pain covering his eyes. We both could not talk for a second. Shruthi looked like she could punch both of us.

"Darshu," she linked his arm through his. "It's starting. We should sit down." She almost pulled him along. "Arya," he called me. "Join us."

Shruthi was glaring at me, threateningly. As if she will kill me if I dared to be anywhere near her boyfriend. For a moment, I wanted to just join them just to spite her. But, I .... I could not bear to be near Darshan for long.

I shook my head at Darshan and went to sit somewhere else. The inauguration event started. I tried concentrating on whatever Adwaith was saying on stage, welcoming the guests. Our Principal spoke next. I could see Nikhil waiting backstage. I somehow wished I can just hold on to him for a second so I can escape from thoughts about my dead twin brother.

"Arya..." Darshan had come to sit beside me. Why?

"Can you just change or something?" Darshan asked. "It's affecting me too much."

The t-shirt??

"I don't have anything to change into," I said.

He turned to me. "How can you wear it?" He seemed angry. "Guess four years is enough to feel nothing about his death, huh? You can just casually wear his clothes around and-" he paused, seeing my expression. "Sorry, I did not mean..." His voice tone switched to caring.

I could not say anything back to him.

"Arya, I am sorry. I didn't mean..." Darshan said. I wiped my single tear. I felt my insides boiling over. A bit suffocated. I got up from the place.

Suddenly all the crowd, all these people did not make sense. I felt like the air is closing in on me, and I can't breathe anymore. I wanted to go away. I didn't want to be here. Certainly nowhere near Darshan wearing this t-shirt.

If I knew Darshan was coming, I would not have come for the festival. I should have anticipated that Darshan would come. He is Shruthi's boyfriend; of course, he would come. I should not have worn Arjun's t-shirt. Two years back, I would not have... Did the time make me so cold about his death that I was casually wearing his clothes?

I walked away, as I did not feel like being there.

Should I go home?

No... Amma will ask questions. I did not want Amma right now, someone who shared the same pain.

I needed someone who did not know Arjun.

I was backstage when I saw Arya walk to me. And something about her was not right. She looked distressed. She came to me. It felt like she cried or something. I felt concerned. "What's wrong?" I asked panicked.

"Can you..." Her voice cracked, "Can you take me away from here...?"

I blinked at her. I have never seen her like this. Arya was so strong and brave.

"I don't want to be here." She said. "Can we go somewhere, please?"

I hesitated. I was supposed to be here till Sawra ma'am leaves. Even after that, I was assigned event duties. But I could not see Arya in this state. "What happened?" I asked.

She didn't reply. "Please, Nikhil," she grabbed the edge of my shirt. That was enough. My whole brain melted. Every thought gone. To hell with Swara Rajan and event duties and College Fest. To hell with everything.

I nodded at Arya.

Sharan had left Adi's bike key with me after he used it to go get some things. I was supposed to pass it to Adi. But to hell with that also.

I slid my hand to Arya's and took her hand, and we walked away. I got on Adi's bike. "Get on," I told Arya. She got on behind me, and I drove her away.