Her name is Arya Devan. She has an oval face, long hair and intelligent-looking eyes. Unlike other girls, she was wearing jeans, a t-shirt and a shirt over it with a magenta woollen stall. She was also wearing a unisex Fastrack Watch. Her right hand was right now draped in Rekha miss's white cotton dupatta, which is now red. And we were riding in an ambulance.

We were on the highway when it happened; in the middle of nowhere. So the most that could be done was a small dingy government hospital in a small town. The place looked haunted even.

I watched as I was being given stitches. It was funny because I could not feel the pain anymore as they injected anaesthetic before giving stitches. And I could watch a needle going through my flesh.

"Does it hurt?" The doctor asked me in broken English.

"No," I said.

"You don't have to watch it. You can look away." He said. Maybe people usually look away as they are being stitched up.

After my hand was bandaged up, I was asked to take some rest in the emergency room. I was given an IV too as I lost blood. The police came and talked to me. The guy, Nikhil, was waiting at the door, looking all like a troubled puppy.

"So you grabbed the knife to save your friend?" The policeman asked me. "So brave, huh!"

"He is not my friend," I said. The police looked confused. "It was an accident, reflex action," I said.

Even I don't know why I did it. Why did I hurt myself so badly to save a random guy? "But if I had not grabbed it, He would have been in a much worse state. So..." I said. When I looked up, Nikhil was looking at me. Even he looked confused, hurt even. What was he expecting?

I sat outside the emergency room. I wanted to talk to Arya, apologies. But I did not know how to. I mean, what should I say? I felt so dumb. I was so dumb that I fell and was unable to do anything. Me - a guy. And she as a girl saved my ass. And looked bloody cool at that too.

My mind was currently in a blank state. Humiliation and embarrassment, plus I was still in shock. So I did not understand why it hurt when Arya said it was a reflex action that she saved me. She did not mean to. But it made me feel worse about the whole situation.

The night passed on, and I got informed by Alex sir that they informed our parents on both sides about what happened. I started getting Amma's calls. I told her I was okay, but she was not convinced. That was exactly what I was expecting from Amma. She always freaks out when I get hurt in any tiny way.

The next morning, I saw WhatsApp photos of our friends who arrived in Goa. My first Goa trip...was cancelled like this.

I ate a pretty crappy lunch with Alex sir, at a local hotel. And we took a parcel for Arya and Rekha miss. Alex sir gave me the packet and asked me to take it to them. Arya had been shifted to a room that morning. I walked into a bad-smelling tiny room with flacking away paint on the wall.

Arya was at the window looking outside. My heart gave a squeeze when I saw her. She was quietly looking outside. Something about that was kind of like a painting.

"Lunch," I said in a small voice. "Sorry, it's pretty bad..." I added. Arya did not look around. Rekha miss came to take the lunch. My eyes were still on Arya. Hoping she will look around at me once. Though, I was still feeling pretty unsettled inside.

"Everybody else reached Goa, right?" Rekha miss said, opening the lunch. "Arya, come have lunch, no." Arya turned around and came to the table. I stepped back. I still could not meet her eyes. 

"Call me if you guys need anything," I said, turning around.

"Hey, Nikhil." Rekha Miss called me. I turned back. "Did you properly thank Arya even once?" She asked. "So ungrateful."

The lunch was some kind of bhaat. And on Rekha miss's question, I looked up at Nikhil. As our eyes met, he blushed. He was so nervous.

"What are you waiting for, boy? Don't you have a tongue?" Rekha miss was taunting the poor boy more. "It's okay, ma'am," I said. I did not need any sorry or thank you. It was so unnecessary. "I did it on reflex anyway."

"No. Even then. Thanks...." He said, sounding very nervous. "I mean... really."

I nodded. He turned his eyes away as if he cannot hold my gaze for long. I don't know why it was kind of cute. Reminded me of my cousin's baby boy.

I was glad to just walk out of the room. I don't want to do or say anything stupid in front of her. When she was looking into my eyes, I could think at all. It was like damn... Her eyes are so pretty.

I wish I were cool and manly like Adwaith. Or at least shamelessly self-confident like Sharan. But I was just me. Just Nikhil. Nothing to be proud of. No confidence to say smartass flirty things to girls. I don't know how Adwaith gets away with flirting with any girl. But then Adwaith has muscles. And his facial hair is pretty flawless and impressive. I can't grow a beard. It's uneven and thin, and if I just have a moustache, I look like a 70s Malayalam movie Hero.

I was blaming myself for being too lazy and not developing some muscles when my mother came running through the corridor and dropped into my arms. "Appu... Appus... What happened? Are you okay?" She was touching me all over, checking for any wounds.

I was still standing outside Arya's room door. My eyes went in to check inside, and I saw her looking at us.

"Appus..." Amma shook me as I was not replying.

"I am okay, Amma," I told her. "And don't call me Appus in public." Did Arya hear that? She definitely must have. Ah...I can just die right now.

"What exactly happened, Appu?" Papa was behind Amma.

I stood looking outside the window again. It was afternoon, and I could see kids returning from school. Some boys were riding bicycles. One of them tried to show off and ride on just the hind wheels. I smiled. I don't know what is with guys and trying to show off. Arjun used to do it as a teenager. And show off to me.

The kids rode off. There was a knock on the door. I turned around. It was Nikhil's mom. She smiled at me. I thought she reminded me of somebody. Some old Malayalam actress. She was beautiful and had a grace to her. She walked in.

"Your name is Arya, right?" She asked, walking in, I nodded. "My son told me what happened." She said, coming to me. "I am so grateful to you, mole." (Mole - daughter/dear)

 More thanks and more gratefulness. I felt I did not deserve this. I mean, it was just reflex. "If not for you...Appu would have been," Nikhil loudly cleared his throat at the door. "I mean, Nikhil would have been badly hurt." His mother rolled her eyes at me. "He hates using his house pet name in front of his friends."

"Why?" I said, trying to make aunty comfortable, "Appu is a much better name." I said, looking at Nikhil. He blushed again and looked down.

"Are your parents coming to get you?" Aunty asked me.

"Yeah," I said. "My...my Achan is coming." And that is something I was not looking forward to. I got a call today morning from him, and he just said that he is coming to get me. And Nothing more, Nothing less. (Achan - father)

"Okay, we would like to thank him as well," Aunty said. I tensed up. I did not want her, and them to meet him. As far as I can see, Nikhil's family is a very loving, 'regular in every sense' family. His mother is even unnaturally happy and peppy kind. "Eh... I don't know when he will arrive. So you guys can go ahead and leave." I told aunty.

"No, no... We can wait. We need to make sure you go home safe first before leaving, right? You saved our kid. So that's our duty. Right, Appu?" She looked at Nikhil. Nikhil nodded.

Amma began to sit down to talk to Arya more. And that was certainly not a good idea. Not a good idea at all. I mean, I do love my mother. But the problem is that my mother loves me too much. And she loves to talk about me. I had learned my lesson when she told Adwaith and Sharan that I peed in my pants in school when I was six and cried after that. And it does not help that her female friends know that once, she caught me checking out pictures of Sunny Leone. Yeah, she told that to some 40+ age aunties. I could have just died then and there.

My mom just does not know any limits. She thinks every embarrassing thing about me is just cute. If I leave her alone with Arya, she might know that I sleepwalked till I was 10 years old or something like that. I am not allowing that disaster to happen.

"Amma..." I called, "Eh...can we like go out. There is a beach nearby." Amma loves beaches. Pappa also was just coming back after talking to Alex sir. "What say? I missed my Goa trip and all. And I am sad about that. And I heard that the beach nearby is nice and quiet."

"Oh, I love a quiet beach," Amma said. "But alone? Won't Arya..." She looked at Arya... "She should come along."

Like that, I ended up going to the beach with Nikhil's family. I was not yet 'discharged' from the hospital. But the doctor said I can go to the beach, just that I should not get my bandages wet.

And it was beautiful. The beach was deserted. It was a lovely beach — a small one. But the ocean is the ocean. It is majestic all around the world.

Nikhil's parents were dipping their legs in the water. Uncle held aunty's hand securely so as she does not lose her foot. She squealed as the water hit her legs. Uncle laughed, helping her balance on the moving sad. Nikhil was beside me. I felt his eyes on me. I looked at him, and this time he did not look away.

"Your parents are cute," She told me.

Okay...Talkback. Be confident. I looked at my parents, jumping around the waves like a honeymoon couple. Well, they are some topic to talk about.

"Eh... honestly, they are kind of embarrassing," I said.

"Are you embarrassed of them?" Arya was analysing my expression. I looked at her. Intelligent eyes. I shrugged.

"Don't be." She said. "Not everybody is so lucky." There was something instant and sad in her tone. Why? Is she not 'lucky' when it comes to parents? I wanted to ask that. But she had already turned her eyes away. The wind blew her hair. And I could not take my eyes off. This is was becoming undeniable. I have never had it this bad. I gulped and looked away.

Later Arya's dad came, and my parents briefly talked to him. I just greeted him. I don't know what I felt about him. He didn't seem like a super scary kind of guy. But then again, he did not feel very approachable either. He did all the formalities at the hospital, and then they were ready to go. My parents also got ready to leave along with them. Papa had driven our car here.

Arya's dad was telling Papa how they will catch a bus from the nearest town. My father offered that they can come with us. There was space for two more people. But he denied that.

As Arya was getting in the taxi along with her father, I eagerly watched, waiting for her to turn to me and say bye. But she did not. I waited... I wanted her to look at me. And I felt hurt when she did not look at me. She just got into the taxi. And that taxi drove away.

I kept looking...

She did not look at me even once before leaving.

I got into the car with my parents. I felt strange again. I was coming into teams with these emotions. I knew what I felt. But to realise its seriousness was another matter. She did not even look at me!

"Such a brave girl, right?" Papa was asking Amma. "Girls should be raised like this."

"Yeah," I mumbled, distracted.

"Not like you... Falling on the ground and unable to do anything." Papa made fun of me. I felt irked. It is not like I needed a reminder of that. I already felt conscious of that. And it explained why everything I had for Arya felt so confusing and painful. And I was not ready for this pain. I did not like this feeling.

"Her parents should be proud of her." Papa was continuing. "Or maybe they should get the credit for raising such a great girl. Was such a nice girl as well."

"Arya is such a nice name too." Amma was saying, "Remember when Appu was in my stomach, and we had considered the name Arya if he were to be a girl."

"Yeah, yeah..." Papa said. "Everybody thought Appu would be a girl."

"Yeah, like everybody. Even you wanted a girl."

"I totally wanted a girl. Not that I don't like you, son," He added to me. "But I wanted a daughter so badly. And if I had a daughter, that girl would be exactly the kind of daughter I want. Brave and fierce..."

The uneasiness I felt before bubbled up inside me. A moment later, Amma turned to look at me. "What's wrong?" She asked.

"What? What's wrong with who?" I asked.

"You are too silent." She said.

"I...I just have a headache."

"Headache?" She asked. "How bad? Do you need pills?"

"No," I said. "It is not that bad. I am just going to sleep for a while." I said, tilting my head to the window. My mother said okay and turned around, and she and Papa began discussing if they can stop at a pharmacy and get me some medicines anyway. But right now, I wished if I could not be stuck in a car with my parents who love me to death. I wanted to be alone.

Because falling in love is a feeling that you need to deal with alone. Because in my case, Falling in love kind of felt like drowning.

It felt like I will never stop caring if she will look at me or not. I will never stop caring what or how she thinks of me. And never stop feeling hurt about being insignificant. I may have just handed her the power to push me underwater by just a flicker of her eyes.

Yeah, it certainly felt like drowning.