Amma could detect something is wrong with me. I mean I knew she ultimately would. I was in an off mood for weeks and did not eat properly. I tried to divert my concentration to studying. But I just sat staring into my study texts for hours, not doing anything.

The nights were harder. I could not sleep. I lay staring at the ceiling fan for hours... And it felt like I would never be able to sleep like before ever again. Never...

Amma finally confronted me.

"Come on. Out with it?" She sat down one night after washing dishes.

"What?"

"What is wrong?" She asked.

"Nothing,"

"No. Seriously... Is it Arya?"

Of course, she would catch it.

"It's okay. I am dealing with it."

"Oh, God." She said, "did you guys break up?"

I went silent.

"Oh my god.... Why?"

"Amma, I... I don't want to talk about it."

She stared at me for a long while. "I am going to slap you if it's some stupid reason or a simple misunderstanding that can be solved with just some talking."

I played with my pen.

The truth was I missed Arya. I missed her laughter, talking to her, the feel of her hand in my hand, and our endless texting. I could not stop thinking about her even for a second. And one part of me was now constantly murdering the other half of me for letting things get so far, for hurting her, for being a cheap asshole to her. The other half was still a bloody coward.

"Go apologise to her," Amma said.

"How do you know it is I who need to apologise?" I asked Amma.

"I don't care who needs to apologise. All I want is for my son to learn to set his ego away, and admit that he loves someone enough to apologise first."

Love...

I played with my pen again, not looking into Amma's eyes.

"Think about that," Amma said again and left me with it. That was the thing about Amma. She never pressed me with anything. She let me think about that.

I stayed with these thoughts for a few days. And then things were getting too suffocating. My self-accusations were accumulating. I felt like Arya may be laughing at me now. Laughing at herself that she trusted me. She was hurt by her parents, and I chose to not address it. It was the vilest thing I could have done to her. And I claimed to love her.

She could never have betrayed me. She is not built like that. She is so honest, brave and true to herself. She was incredible all along. I was the one who did not deserve her. I never did deserve her. But I was scared to death to admit that.

The guys tried to help me out. They took me out and brought me alcohol. Alcohol did not help. It just made me feel like calling her or going out to her house. Cling on to her shamelessly. My friends stopped me from doing that. Asif and Sharan. Adi still thought I should speak with her and solve this thing out.

Alcohol made me cry in front of my friends. I cried hugging Asif. He patted my back. It was socially acceptable to cry in this situation. Asif or Sharan did not judge me. They supported me. Adi thought I was pathetic. He said I was crying for no reason. He said all I have to do and go talk to her, and I will find out that she loves me as much as I love her.

But he does not understand. The question was...do I love her???

One evening I reached my saturation. I was sitting and studying. It was just two more days until the first exam starts. But I could not concentrate on studies. I had written 'Arya' in the border of my notebook sometime back when we were together. With pen and decorated it...

Now, unable to look at it, I scratched those letters out with a pen. And then...I began to feel guilty. I could not un-scratch something out. I can't undo this. I can't bring it back to its original condition. Writing her name again beneath it will not be the same. The scratched-out black mess will always be above it.

Shit...

What have I done...?

Suddenly everything began to rush back in. Suddenly things hit at a different scale.

Suddenly I wanted to see her so badly. So badly that it was difficult to breathe.

I wanted to see her. Just see her.

I drove to her home. It was around 8 pm. And when I stopped near her house, it was as if gods were helping me. She was on the terrace of her house, studying. She had a textbook in her hand and was walking around reading.

I felt strange. I was seeing Arya after so many days. So many painful, lonely excruciating days. But now that I could see her in front of my eyes, I felt just strange. There was this incredible pain of seeing her and things not being the same between us. But also, there was this strange relief of something that was crawling inside me. I felt lighter. Now that I saw her, things were better. I felt almost happier.

She had not noticed me, so I watched her for a while. Just silently.

And I realised how much I want things to be like before. How much I just want to hold her in my arms...

How much everything related to her will always hurt me like nothing else can.

If this is not 'love', then what is love?? How much bigger, better and more profound does it have to be to be considered love?

'You won't be a coward in love', my heart told me. 'You won't be selfish... You just want her, you don't love her...'

Suddenly Arya saw me. I was so startled. Our eyes met for a moment. I turned away at once and fumbled with my bike key. Wishing I could vanish. But I could feel her looking at me. I sneaked a look back. She still had her eyes on me. And she looked calm. How can she be so calm???

Arya took her mobile and dialled. My mobile rang. Arya calling.

I took the call. "I came for no reason. You know... just... no particular intention or meaning behind this." I told her as soon as I picked up the call.

"Hm," She said, still looking at me.

"Hm..." I had nothing to say. I kept looking at her, she was looking at me too.

"Eh..."

"How are you?" She asked.

How are you? How are you??? Her voice was tender. Too caring. Too much filled with genuine good feelings. What – is happening?

"Hm...Good? You?"

"Same. Usual."

There was this moment of silence where she was just looking at me. And I felt confused. Conflicted.

"How are the preparations for exams going on?" She asked.

"Okay...." I replied.

"Mm-hm...?" She asked. Too caring, too filled with just 'love'.

"Yeah..."

This, this conversation was mentally fucking me up in so many different levels. It was like, so fucked up. What I wanted was for her to be in my arms. But what she was doing was...

"All the best then..." She said, "For the exams."

"Yeah... You too."

"Hm...."

Damn it.... Damn it.... Damn it....

"I should... I should probably go...."

"Yeah. Okay..."

I almost cut the call, "Nikhil...."

"Yeah?" I asked back hopefully...

"Drive safe..." She had a soft smile.

I was lost at that... Something hurt so deep. Like a direct cut to my heart. Nothing had hurt this much before. NOTHING.

"Yeah. Okay...." I said.

While driving back, I cried. I had to stop my bike because I was crying so badly. I sat down on the footpath, took off my helmet and wept like a baby. Something so strong was constraining my heart. I felt like I can not even breathe because I was crying so badly.

I have lost her.

I have.

And...

I loved her. I...don't know about what kind... If it was selfish or whatever. I did not even care. I did not want anything this much ever in my life. ANYTHING. It hurt like hell that this is happening.

And I knew that she loved me. I did not need that said in words. I knew from her tone, from her eyes, from her voice. The feeling hung between us. But it felt like a past feeling. It felt like...she was given me up. She loved me, but she did not keep any hope from me anymore. I had disappointed her. But nevertheless, she still loved me.

I was such...such an idiot.

I let this happen.

And I was not okay with it.

I never ever want to feel like what I felt during that phone conversation. Like...like...., it was 'over'.

And that scared the shit out of me. All this while, never for a second was it ever 'over' for me. I mean, it could never be just 'over'. We were just fighting for some time. Somewhere deep, I was in a misunderstanding that even if Arya goes and marry someone else, it would never be over for us. I was indulging in that self-created fantasy. We may be separated, but it will never just be 'over'.

I wanted to postpone the confrontation. Thinking that someday I will. Someday I have to... But...But it feels like she was calling quits on me now. She was making things 'okay'. And Okay was a phase that came long after 'over'. It comes after all the residue feelings wash away. When no resentment is left back, only the memories of good times are left.

And okay means there is no hope to go back.

I lost her. I let myself lose her.

And I was totally not okay with that.

I reached back home in a worse mood. Amma met with me at the door itself. "Where did you go?" She noticed me properly then, "Did you cry?"

I avoided her eyes and walked in and dropped down to the living room sofa. Amma was beside me in a second. "What happened?"

I tried to think why I was so scared to speak with Arya. So scared that I have messed this up completely. Was my fears, my cowardness worth losing Arya. Worth hurting Arya...? That Arya who, besides my mother, was the closest human connection I had. To hell with what she hid from me, she may have had her reasons.

But, she was the first one who told me it was okay to cry..., the one to wipe my tears, told me that she liked me for who I was...

My Arya...

My whole body wanted to slipt the dimension of time, go back, set everything right and have her in my arms. Hold her so tenderly close and tell that that I will always be there for her, until my final breath.

But I did not deserve to have her back. I did not deserve her love in any way.

Because when this started out, all I wanted was a normal girlfriend – you know the kind you hang out with and take on dates and have fun. I wanted to show the guys from college that even I have a girlfriend. And I was crazy about her because she was so cool and beautiful. The hologram.

But Arya was not a hologram. She was real. She had feelings, she has a life that is not defined by me.

She was the opposite of normal. Having a twin brother who committed suicide is the opposite of ordinary and normal. I was not sure if I wanted to deal with this. Maybe she was too much of a mess to take on...

I did not wish for that initially, did I? I just wanted a normal girlfriend. And she was a girl that was not in my initial plans...

So I got scared... That Arya will be too much to fit into my life. She was too much for me to handle. And I was not ready to accept her as a whole complete person as she is, with all her problems and all. I was not ready to love her as a whole, and not just some parts of her.

But now I am...

Simple as that.

Somehow that talk with Arya had left me no longer scared or angry. I did not care anymore. I loved her. Whole of her. And I knew that now. It was just a realization that I had to face.

But I have lost her. Another realization that I just had to face.

I covered my face with my hands. Shit Shit Shit.....

"Appu..." Amma shook my shoulder.

I wanted to die rather than lose her. One day I had told Arya that if we ever get separated, I will never just be 'okay' with it. I was not. I could not think of life ahead without her. I really felt like I wanted my life to end than continue living without her.

Amma was now softly patting my shoulder. Without prying further.

I rubbed off the tears that formed in my eyes and looked at Amma. She placed a hand on my cheek. "Things will get better. Arya will come back. You two will be back together soon." She said.

"How do you know?" I asked.

"Because she loves you." She said. "I could see that in her eyes."

I was still a mess when I arrived for the exam next Monday. It was 'Software Engineering and Project Management' paper. I was greeted with the usual 'how much did you study' questions that nobody bothered to answer honestly.

My friends were gathered in front of the noticeboard, where the seating arrangements is displayed. We sit according to our exam roll numbers and usually two department students are mixed in in a class to avoid possible cheating situations. But cheating still happened nevertheless. I mean, just because you sit next to a student from another department is not going to stop you from passing your paper to your friend across the room. Or to write looking at chits carefully tucked in your cuffs or collar.

"He is here," Sharan told Adi, and they turned to me. They did not look so jolly. They looked concerned.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"We have been mixed with IT department for exam seats," Sharan said.

Oh....

"Will you be okay?" Adi asked. "Arya could end up in the same room."

Damn it...

"Yeah. I will be fine."

"Sure? Will you be able to give the exam properly?" Adi asked to make sure.

I don't know. I was not sure. I was still a mess.

"Why do you look worse than before?" Sharan asked.

I had not told the guys about my visit to Arya's lane and the talk with her. Nor did I want to share that with the guys right now. Or ever. Asif still hated her and think I should break up with her. Sharan has gone neutral and is overly caring towards me lately. He has lost a few girls, and hence he knows. His top priority is making sure I am okay. And Adi still thinks I am being an idiot and need to talk to her.

I did talk to her. She asked me 'how are you'.

Fuck it. Fuck this... Fuck everything... Life sucks anyway. Tyson's kick to my balls did not feel nice, did it??? If I can survive that, I can survive this as well. It's just heartbreak. I can deal with it.

I need to deal with this and concentrate on giving the exam for now. Just focus on the exam, Nikhil...

We lingered in the corridor and studied for a bit. Usually, I tutor Asif and Sharan crucial topics. Today I did not feel like it. They two did not ask me either. My friends were just trying to make sure 'I' was prepared to give the exam.

And when the first bell rang, we proceeded to the classrooms. Adwaith and Asif were in a different room according to their roll number. Sharan and I entered our room. I decided to avoid any eye contact with people inside the room and just looked at the printed roll number pasted onto the desk. I paused at my number and looked up.

My seat partner was already in her seat. And this is how destiny fucks with you... It was Arya.

Our eyes met. And my body went cold.

"Did you find your seat?" Sharan put his hand around me, and then he noticed Arya.

"It's here," I mumbled to Sharan.

"Eh... Let's switch seats. I will sit here. You go sit at my place." Sharan said. Immediately. It was funny how it did not even take a second for him to say that.

Arya was still looking at us. I felt overly conscious. Why did she still look so beautiful? Or did she look beautiful only to me? Because Asif said, she is plain. She is not. She is just Arya. And being Arya is enough to -

"Yeah, switch if you want to," She said. In a very considerate, caring tone. That tone again messed with me. Fucked me up. Why the hell is she like this??? Why is she so sweet to me so suddenly? "You may not be able to focus properly," She added.

Our Teacher entered the classroom just then with the pile of answer sheets. "What is the confusion? Everybody sit down." He said. It was Mohan Sir. One of the most strict teachers.

"Sir, can Nikhil and I switch our places?" Sharan asked him. "There are some technical difficulties..."

"What difficulties? Don't throw useless tactics to cheat and go to your places." He snapped.

"But sir..."

"Go to your seat. And sit down, everyone. And all of you, switch off your phones or keep them in silent mode and keep them away, either in your bag or on my table, and I don't want any bad business."

"Sir..." Sharan still tried.

"Sh..., It's okay," I told Sharan. Mohan Sir was not going to let us switch anyway. "Go. I will be okay."

"Are you sure?" Sharan looked concerned. He was the one who was always most concerned about me.

"Yeah, macha, you go..." I tapped his shoulder, thankful for his concern. Sharan nodded and left, and I sat down to my seat. Near Arya. I looked at her. She gave me a tentative, polite smile. "All the best," she said.

Then the anger came. I did not want her 'all the best'. What I wanted was her. All of her. I so badly just wanted to grab her and do things that are even lawfully a crime, if she rejects my advances. I felt crazy...

Why is she so okay?? How can she be like this??? Did I mean nothing to her??

I have held her in my arms... I have spoken into her ears. That night, only our clothes separated us.

How can she be okay???

I will never be okay.

Ten minutes into the exam, I realised that Nikhil was not writing down anything on his answer paper. He just sat there. Blankly staring. What the hell is he doing?

Mohan sir was on the other side of the room. I gently hit his shoes with my feet. He looked at me. "Write..." I whispered.

"Huh?" He looked so lost.

"Exam. Write the exam..."

He seemed to wake up, and he took his pen and opened it and seemed to be reading the question paper again.

Yeah. Exam. Focus... I tried to read the questions properly. Something about black-box testing. I knew this topic like the back of my hand. This was easy... But... It was like I forgot how to write.

I could not concentrate. I did not want to sit there near her. I wanted to run away...

Or not, I wanted to touch her... Really touch her. In places where only I am allowed to touch....

Sex....

Nik, you have gone totally mental. Why are you thinking of sex in an exam hall? It is your final fucking exam...

I lifted the pen to write.

He was doing such a lazy ass, half-hearted job. Could see his answer paper. He was sure to piss off the person checking his paper. He just wrote a few keywords to a process and added 'you know the rest' At the end. I was getting pissed now.

Now I could not focus on my paper. And I had studied so much... So much that my head hurt by the end of mugging up everything. Studying was my best distraction and only option of escape.

So I had to write the exam... Ignore him and write. Just write and deal with him later. I did...

30 minutes more to the final bell I finished up, writing... I was done. It was a very messy rough work. But will do.

Arya was still writing. I set my head down on the desk and watched her... She was so focused to not look at me. I smiled... I did not care anymore. My mind wandered off to beautiful daydreams and fantasies where we will be back together again. Where we will hold hands again, and she will travel behind me on my bike... The imagination was filled with happiness and laughter.

A very impossible world. Because well... our world is fucked.

Because her brother is dead. He is not coming back. She will always be who she is, someone whose brother killed himself.

She was sad on her birthday because it is his birthday as well. And when she said her mom made payasam at her birthday, and they went out to eat dinner, he must have been there in all of those memories... Even if we ever have sex, in her eyes, I will see the shadow of death. She is messed up.

And now, so am I...

How did her brother die? By what method of suicide? Hanging, cutting, drowning? And why did he decide to take such drastic action? What went wrong?

I had so many questions.

But will they be like answered ever?? I have no idea...

We submitted our answer papers. Everybody was leaving the room. Nikhil sat where he was. Pushed back into the seat... He had this sarcastic, cynical smile, that was kind of worrying me. A 'fuck the world' attitude.

Sharan walked past, hesitated and stayed at the door.

Mohan sir compiled the paper and looked at us two. Then he just left as if he does not want to deal with the mess of students anymore. We are passing out anyway.

Sharan still looked into the room, nervously. I looked up at him, so he nodded and kind of walked away.

I grabbed Nikhil's hand and make him get up, and pulled him towards the wall where the door is. So as we are away from people's eyes. "Get your shit together," I hissed at him.

Her eyes were always so beautiful when they flare up in anger.

"Do you want to fail in every single exam?" She hissed.

She was so close. It was not easy to resist this absolutely shameless and cruel but unabashed feelings of total and utter lust I was feeling for her. I did not want to resist. "I can't focus," I muttered.

"Well, we can't change seats..." She hissed. "So... get your act together... Or you will fail."

"I don't care...." I can just write supply exam.

"I care." She hissed.

His eyes focused on me only then. "Look, Appu I am serious. You are not going to mess up your exams. None of them. Change your seats. Do what you need to do. But get – your – act - together..." I pocked his chest. "Got it?"

Fuck resisting....

He suddenly pulled me close. With his hand on my waist... So close, looking into my eyes. I lost my breath. His eyes were searching for something in mine with so much desire. It made me feel so out of control all of a sudden...

I went soft, I let him hold me. I looked into his eyes...

I did not think he would be back. I thought we were done... He had run away from the mess I was, finally realizing that I was just that – a mess. He was better off without me. I did not belong in his world.

But he held me now...

And suddenly I felt like I could cry. Like something I held back just broke...

He moved a finger through my hairline... I had tied it up today. He took off my hairband and pushed it to his pocket, and tucked my hair to the back of my ears...

"Nikh..." I tried to call his name...

"Sh..." he whispered.

And then we kissed.

It was gentle. But it was magic. I was never held so tenderly before – as if I am something so precious. As if this boy really really loved me.

His fingers trailed through my neck, and I just collapsed and hugged him. I could not hold it back anymore. I really really was suffering so badly for the past month. More than he can imagine, more than I would ever tell him...

Arya's hand wrapped around me so tightly, and her head was pressed to my chest. Tight... She quivered. It was as if she was holding on to me as life air. I hesitated and put my hand on her head.

"You are my only safe zone." She whispered to my chest, "please don't take it away from me."

I held her close. "Sorry..." I said. And I was in tears. "Sorry..." I will never leave you.

He held me for a long time. Minutes...

But then, they were about to close the doors of the classroom, so we walked outside. I felt disoriented. I did not want to go home. Nikhil was still holding my hand. As if he is also afraid to let go of that...

Suddenly we were near his bike, and I got on without asking anything. I hugged him from behind as he drove.

But I realised that he was taking me home. We were at the junction. I let go of him. Then he was in my lane and stopped the bike at his usual spot. I got down. But I did not want to go home.

I held on to his sleeve.

"Go..." he said.

I shook my head. "I want to be with you."

"Do you think I don't want to be with you?" He asked. "This is making sure that I could be with you.... Longer."

I could not understand.

"I am not going anywhere." Nikhil said, taking my hand. "show your parents that you got home. And then... met me on your terrace."

I almost smiled.

He kissed me as soon as I reached the terrace. Grabbed me into a hug and kissed me... As if this was the oxygen he needed. And this was what I needed too...

An hour had passed since he and I parted in front of my house. I came in, showed my parents my face...drank tea amma made.... Changed my clothes, brushed my teeth and had a mouthwash gargle (because I knew more kisses may happen), and came up.

He held me against him, leaning against the door of the terrace. "I missed you," he whispered. "I can't believe I fucked this up."

What is he talking about? "You did not. I did," I looked up. He tucked my hair again... Looking into my eyes. And he had a smile. Now it felt like Nikhil did not care about what has set us apart - my lies.

"Did you climb the mango tree?" I asked him.

"Yeah," he said.

"Arjun taught me that." She said. Oh... yeah... Arjun.

"I could not tell you about him, because it is really difficult for me to speak about him." She said, "really difficult." I nodded. I understood. Even when Jimmy died, it was difficult for me to speak about that. And Jimmy was just a dog.

"And marriage... I really was going to handle it." She mumbled, almost crying. "I did handle it."

I remembered her wounds. They crushed my soul now.

I cupped her cheeks, "who hit you?"

"My father," she said softly.

"Badly?"

"Hm... It hurt a lot.,"

Damn... That old man. I could kill him. My blood boiled. Everything did. I did not want to leave Arya one more minute in this house. But I felt so helpless. Where would I take her? My house...?? I don't even have a job now. I am in no position to take her full responsibility. I felt terrible at that.

Arya set her head against my chest. "I am okay now."

"I am so sorry," I said, hugging her. "I left you all alone."

"Hm.." Arya said.

"I would not. Ever again..."

"Hm..."

"I mean it,"

"Okay...."

We sat down, the sun was going down now. Arya tilted her head to my shoulder. Cuddled my arm. I remember that earlier when I was cynical, I had thoughts of sex. But now, I felt so content. I could not be happier.

I took her hand in my hand and traced my fingers over her nails.

"Tell me about your brother," I said.

I felt her go uneasy. "hey,..." I called, as tenderly as I can, "I can wait... We have all the time... So don't rush. But I want to know..." I wanted to know everything related to her. I wanted to understand her, as a person.

She left my hand and sat away from me. I had decided to give her time and not press her. So I waited. She looked away. Then slowly started. "Arjun and I were twins. Hm... we were quite close as twins. He was the best brother you could have. But yeah, as any sibling he was annoying at times too. And we did fight... Like a lot at times. You know, pull each other's hair and scratch and bite."

I chuckled.

"But at the end of every fight, he was the one who came to resolve it," Arya said. "He would bring me my favourite chocolates, or invite me to play a game again... He was just....." I could see her go so stiff in grief. "...the closest person to me in this world."

I tried to go closer, to hug her. But she pushed free from me and went on talking.

"He died four years back. During the summer break. Two days after the Engineering entrance exams. Which he did not give. When Engineering was Arjun's passion. Not mine. I gave the exams. I did not want to ruin my life because of his mess. So I gave the exam even though he was not writing them." If I were Arya, I would be crying by now. But Arya was not crying. It was kind of scary even, the lack of tears.

"Arjun killed himself. Hanging in his room. In this house. The room is still there. The fan from which he hung is still there..."

Oh, shit... Damn...

"Arya," I tried to hug her again.

"No." she pushed free from me. "If you hold me, I won't be able to talk..." Now she was in tears, "don't you know it... you make me forget him." And there was a horror in her eyes. "You make him....disappear....from my consciousness."

And I should not. I should not be forgetting about Arjun.... I should not be forgetting the pain and the guilt. I owe it to Arun...

I.... I.... let him die. I kind of killed him.

I pressed on onto my thigh. There was a wound there, still painful. I had cut so deep the night two days back, after Nikhil left, after that phone conversation with him.

The pain connected me to the world. The pain made everything so bearable. So I pressed onto the wound, over my pants, hidden from the world....

"Then you were gone," I mumbled. I felt so lost. I never understood the pain Arjun was in when Darshan broke up with him. Belittled it. Thought he was overreacting. I never understood in full depth until Nikhil was no longer talking to me.

"You can just come into someone's life and leave..." I mumbled.

"I am sorry," he tried to hug me again.

I pushed him off. Anger surged through me. How dare he leave me? Did he even understand how lonely I was?

"Arya," he was trying to hug me again.

"No. I hate you..."

That 'I hate you' was the biggest love confession ever. I pulled her into a hug despite her protests. She struggled, and I held her close. "Idiot," I hissed. She stopped resisting. And her hands grabbed my shirt. I held her close and sank to the ground. And let the world dissolve.

And I knew that he will not leave me ever again. We were the real deal as real can be. This was what being together meant.

Later I went down and had dinner. Meanwhile, Nikhil went away and had dinner somewhere, but he was back again. And when my parents went to sleep, I snuck back up, with a blanket. I did not want him to catch a cold.

We snuggled back to the floor of the terrace, under the blanket. And I settled my head on his shoulder, he played with my fingers. And we talked... But silences were fine as well. And at some point, I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

The next morning when I woke up, I was in Nikhil's arms. He was leaning against the terrace wall, and I was sleeping on his chest, the blanket still tucking us together. Nikhil was fast asleep too. And the sun was just coming up.

He woke up when I pulled free - sleep still attached to his eyes. And we looked at each other.

There are certain moments in relationships that you can just never erase, forget or disregard. They are like thresholds. Once you are together in that moment, you are crossing something, a point beyond which you are not like you were before. You can't just go back and feel like before, or be who were before. This was a moment like that. Our sleepy eyes looked at each other.

"Did you sleep well?" Nikhil asked, his voice husky as he just woke up.

I nodded.

I did not want to part with him. So I just sat there. It was still just dawn, my parents would not be up yet. Nikhil took my hand in his hand. "I have to go now..., right?" He asked. Yes...

"You can keep living on the terrace if you want to," I said. "But amma sometimes come up to hang the laundry. So yeah, you have to go..."

He chuckled and held my hand for a little more while. Then reluctantly he got up. He moved his hand through my untidy hair. Stepped closer... and gently kissed my forehead. "I will see you?" he asked. I nodded.

He began to go to the mango tree to climb down.

"Nikhil..." I called.

He looked at me. "What? Drive safe. I know..." he said.

"No," I said. "I love you..."

He broke into a smile.