The next couple of months went by pretty quickly with the studies and the recruitment procedures. I was too busy to do anything. The only major event was my birthday. Nikhil and I cut a cake at the canteen and gave me this gift. That was all.

I walked out of the last day of last visiting company's recruitment GD in a pretty bad mood. Nikhil caught up with me. "How was it?"

I frowned. "I need three milkshake packets," I complained to him.

The whole recruitment process stressed me out so much lately. I could barely talk in the GDs, especially. And I felt dumb at the end of everything. Yet thankfully by the end of it all, I managed to get into at least two of the major recruiting companies. Also in another low-profile company which I kind of preferred more because I thought the training may be less stressful.

In today's GD, I was in the same group as Shruthi. She barely gave anyone any chance to speak up. She interrupts everyone and goes on to speak her point. It was rather annoying that Shruthi also had got in the same companies as me. I did not want to end up in the same workplace as her. I did not want her following around throughout my life.

We went to the canteen. "Chetta, three milkshakes, one tea and four parippuvada."Nikhil was giving our order. Standing looking the other way, I rested my head on his arm. I did not care about how people will look at us nowadays. Most people knew we were together. And I was too mentally tired to be conscious of others. Even this little physical contact with him was taking down my stress level.

Also, I did not care to please everyone anymore. Everything was just draining me out these days. The atmosphere at home. Study pressure. Life in general. I had zero mental space to stress over people looking at me. I did not care about anything anymore.

The results of the process will be announced in a few hours. I wanted to get into this company though. It had good reviews. And it felt like Shruthi may choose one of the first two. So I tried to do my best...but...

I had even let my hair down and combed it nicely for the GD and Interview.

"Where is my hairband?" Arya asked, casually, with her head still on my arm. She had asked me to keep her hairband in my pocket earlier so as not to lose it. I took it out and gave it to her. She began to tie her hair. We were so natural as a couple now. These were just everyday things.

Shruthi came to the counter and excitedly ordered a tea. "Hey..." she greeted Arya. "Hey, Nikhil," She smiled at me. She was wearing makeup today. "The GD was fun, right?" She added to Arya.

Oh, so that is why Arya was in a bad mood.

"Yeah, for you..." Arya said, rolling her eyes and taking her milkshake packet.

Shruthi frowned at her. Arya walked to a table while following her I heard Shurthi talk to Vidya. "Don't you think Arya is a bit too mental? I mean, we can't even be nice to her."

I turned to Shruthi, "Then don't be 'nice to her'" I quoted that with my fingers, "Don't be nice once in a while and expect her to fall at your feet for that." Arya snorted as she walked away. Shruthi scowled. I followed Arya to sit down at a table.

"Nice one," Arya smiled while sipping her drink. I felt pleased.

"Was she in your team for GD?"

"Yeah. I could not speak at all in the GD. I am doomed..." She said and set her head down on the table.

"It's okay."I said, "You already have three placements. So... even if you don't clear this one."

"I really wanted this one." She said in a lost voice.

Lately, Arya sounds like this a lot.

Actually, I had expected us to venture into a whole different area of the relationship after that night's make-out session. But then...somehow from the next few days onwards, Arya behaved like that kiss may have happened a few years back. It was confusing.

Arya drank her milkshake as my friends and Soumya joined us. We began to discuss how each one went. Sharan could not clear any placements yet, and Asif did not even have the GPA to attend many procedures. I could see that both of them lacked their usual enthusiasm.

It was all feeling so real now. College is ending, and we are entering the real world. And who you were in college, will never matter outside. And seeing Asif and Sharan so low on the energy made me understand that better, as they were so confident and cool in college all the time.

Adwaith was telling us his start-up plans. He wanted to take an MBA and follow that by establishing a small company with the idea he has. Soumya wanted to do an MBA as well, but not in any high-profile institute. She laughed that no IIM is required to be an HR Consultant. I felt Arya lean back and rest her head on my arm as she listened to everyone.

These days, she is kind of part of the group. She sometimes sits with us and is okay being around the guys. But Arya is not the same person when she is around other people. It's like she goes back to the original silent girl I knew. It's like she closes up like a clam...

It does not seem like she is uneasy or uncomfortable. It is just like she was miles away. She rarely talked when she was around my friends. I was not even sure if she wanted to listen to us. All these silly conversations we all had, she had zero interest in it. I was sure she hang out with us, only because of me.

She says she was always like this. Alone, silent... I sometimes wonder how she survived. I would have gone mental. But people do not change too easily. My only reassurance was that she still smiled when she was with me. And did hold my hand.

Things went pretty weird for a few days, though. Her birthday was coming up and I wanted to make it grand. But she was so gloomy ever since I mentioned it to her. She said she did not want to celebrate her birthday.

"No way," I said. "It's the first birthday after we became a couple. It is going to be grand."

"I told you I don't want to." She snapped. I was seeing her that angry for the first time. It was not even anger. It was sort of like contempt. I got scared by that.

"Why?"

"I just don't want to celebrate my birthday." She said.

I felt that was weird. But it was a working day. So I still bought a cake for her and, Soumya brought her into the canteen. And when I brought the cake out. She looked more annoyed than happy. She cut the cake, though. And fed me. But then she said she wanted to be alone. And walked away. Sharan and Asif commented that my girlfriend is so weird. It stung kind of.

I found her alone in the library. I sat down by her. I felt confused that I could not figure her out at all. I did not even know what to speak to her.

"Speak," She finally said, when I just sat by her for some minutes.

"You hate birthdays?" I asked. She nodded.

"Why?"

Silence again. The silence did not bother me before. But now it had started to bother me a lot.

"Did you never celebrate your birthdays? What did you use to do as a kid?"

"Just..." She turned her eyes away. She never tells me anything about her childhood. Ever.

"Even then, you might have done something," I said.

"Amma made payasam." She finally said. I nodded. "That's all?"

"Kind of... And we went outside to eat dinner sometimes."

"What about gifts?"

"Mostly books. Because I loved those."

"Of course." I smiled.

I waited a second. "I got you something..."

"You shouldn't have."

"It's my right as your boyfriend." I took out the pendant and chain from my pocket. I wanted to gift a piece of jewellery. That made it more romantic. "You like it?" It was shaped like a star.

She nodded. "It is not expensive, right?"

"No. Just metal. Shall I put it on for you?"

She nodded. And I put it around her neck. It looked pretty on her. And she was wearing that today as well. She played with it as she listened to Soumya.

Arya's friendship with Soumya had not gone according to my plan either. What I hoped for was an instant connection and them being the best of friends. But maybe that was too much to ask for. They did hang out a bit but.... I don't know, it felt like Arya was again keeping her fair amount of distance from Soumya.

She leaned back more to my arm, and I knew her mind had drifted off, and she is not listening to what Soumya was talking about at all. This rarely happens when I am talking, but I have noticed that sometimes she doesn't listen to what another person is saying.

"Are you tired?" I whispered to Arya, "Shall I drop you home? I will let you know the results." She shook her head. "Shall I get you something? Food?" I asked again.

"No, it's okay." She said. "I will go to the washroom and be back," she got up and left for the bathroom. I stared after her a bit worried. She seemed more brooding than before. Like something is bothering her. I was sure it was the situation at her home. And it made me feel so unsettled. I was still not sure if she will leave me someday because of the pressure from her parents. Also, Arya was taking too much stress about the placements. I felt worried.

I made a loud sigh. Soumya looked at me.

"Sorry," I told her. But then it seemed like a nice opportunity to talk with Soumya. "Eh... So you and Arya did not work out? Being friends with her, I mean?"

Soumya began to look guilty. "Eh... Look, Nik, I did try... And I like her. I do like her, but..." She was trying her best not to sound like a terrible person. "But she is so silent... You know. I have to do all the talking. Sometimes she feels..."

"Miles away... I know." It happens with me as well. Sometimes I am telling her something, and she zones out. And I am not sure if she is listening or not.

"Yeah," Soumya said. "She does not even reply so much to my texts. It's like short, polite answers." That was sometimes like that in the beginning.

"I am not entirely sure if she is okay. Is she depressed or something?" Soumya asked me.

That took me off guard. "Like actual 'depression' depression?" I asked. "Psychiatry one?" My first response was that 'that's not even a thing'. Like it was something these western countries made up mumbo-jumbo. Nobody in a third-world country has the time and luxury to be 'clinically depressed'. What does that even mean?

Then I felt irritated that somebody will say that about Arya. I mean, who would like it if your loved one has been accused of mental illness? Because mental health and depression even were such taboo topics, being accused of them was still considered shameful.

"No, it's just... there is a bit of a problem at her home. Like her parents being too strict and is kind of against her being in a relationship. They don't know yet, but... you know... super strict. So it is probably because of that."

"Oh... I thought she came from a liberal family."

"Yeah, but we can never really say with Indian parents." All three of my friends were also looking at me now.

"That's why we tell him to be prepared to elope," Sharan said to lighten the mood. I sighed.

Depression?? No. It won't be. Sad, yes. At times. But she is okay other times, she laughs and smiles when she is with me. So there is no need to use such technical terms for something so simple as a bit of sadness.

On the way back from the washroom, I got amma's phone call. She wanted to know how things went today. "I don't know. Not so confident about this one." I told her honestly.

"Oh, it does not matter. You have three already."

"Yeah..."

"Achan is asking when should he pick you up?"

"I am sure someone will drop me home. I will come on my own." I just wanted to be alone with Nikhil for a bit more time, at least during the drive back home.

"Don't get on boys' bikes so often. And it's too late. Achan will come to pick you up." She snapped. "And by the way, Gautam and family are coming next Sunday to see you."

Something went cold inside me. I knew this was coming. But the next Sunday was too close. "And nothing I say is going to stop this, right?" I asked amma.

"Arya..."

"I don't want to get married."

Amma went silent.

"Amma?"

"Come home. We can talk about this later. Achan will come to pick you up," She hung up.

I walked back to the canteen. Most final years were hanging out in there. Soumya was sitting alone. She waved at me. "Where are the guys?"

"They went to check on why the results are getting late."

I nodded and sat down with Soumya. I wanted to be left alone, though. I had crawled back into my old lousy mood. But now that I was there, I could not just go sit somewhere else. But I felt like Soumya was staring at me. I looked at her and gave her a polite smile. She smiled back. "You know, if you ever have any problem, you can always share with me." She said. "Like if you ever feel the need to let out anything."

I looked at her. She was so genuine. "Thanks," I said.

"Nik was saying how your parents are strict and that's bothering you."

I felt annoyed that he was talking about me to other people. I was a private person. Also, he does not even know the real situation. But then I thought that he does not know because I have not told him. I needed to inform him about the whole marriage proposal situation. He deserves to know. He is my boyfriend. He should know that some random guy is coming to see me for marriage. But... I...

"What's wrong?" Soumya asked as I may have looked too distressed. I looked at her. I did want to talk to someone. Let this out...

"Arya, you can talk to me, you know..." Soumya placed her hand over mine.

"Hm...Someone, a guy is coming to see me... I mean, like a bride viewing ceremony.... My parents were like searching for proposals for me. They want me to get married early." I totally messed up the order of events in that.

"Eh..." Soumya said, looking stunned.

"It's not because of Nikhil. They don't even know about him. They just want me to get married as soon as college is over and... now a guy is coming to see me."

"Does Nikhil know?"

"No. That is what stressing me out."

"Shouldn't you tell him?"

"I know I should. But I..." I was panicking a bit "I... can manage the bride viewing ceremony and proposal. It can just tell them that I did not like the guy or say to him that I don't want to get married now. But... Nikhil..." Nikhil was on another level. I was scared.

"I think you should tell Nikhil before it is too late," Soumya said.

"I know..."

"What's stopping you?" She looked at my stressed face for a while. "Come on. It's Nikhil. Even if he gets angry, how bad that can be? It's Nikhil."

"You don't know him well enough then," The images of him smashing the glass window came back to me. I was scared of what he can do more than ever now.

"I don't know, Arya," Soumya said, "But I think he deserves to know. I can't understand why you would not tell him. Because as a couple, sharing and trust is the most important thing. You need to face stuff together, and... will you be okay if it was the other way round and he hid something like this from you." No. I will be angry. Really hurt and angry. And I know he would be too. And that was just pushing me into zones where I did not want to confront that situation ever.

Soumya could see my mental battle. She sat closer to me, "Come on... Let's make a plan. No use in stretching this out and stressing over it. It's not going to be easy. But some things you just have to do. It's like pulling a bandaid thing. The sooner, the better. We have tomorrow and the day after off, right? Just tell him. Get it over with."

Yeah. I will. I should.

I did not clear this placement. My name was not on the list. It sucked. It was not like I did not expect this, but it still felt bad. "It is okay," Nikhil said, putting his hand on my shoulder, "You already have 3 options." His name was on the list. But he was sadder for me than happy for him. My mobile rang. It was Achan. He probably came to pick me up.

I turned to Nikhil. "Do you have time tomorrow? Can we meet? I have something to tell you."

"Shall we watch a movie?" He asked, still enthusiastic, "Let's watch a movie. Will cheer your mood."

"Okay," I said. "Let's watch a movie." It's better to tell him after the movie.

"Okay. Come, I will drop you home."

"No. Achan came to pick me up. I will see you tomorrow," He looked disappointed, but he nodded.

I had to do something about the whole marriage thing. I was not sure if anybody will listen to this, but I had to try my very best.

"I don't want to get married," I repeated at the dinner table. They looked up at me. Achan grunted and cleared his throat. Amma shot me an angry look to have talked this in front of Achan. "I don't want to."

"First let them come," Amma said, "I am sure you will like..."

"It's not about liking or not liking the guy. I simply don't want to get married now."

"Nobody is forcing you to get married now." Achan said, "You can get engaged now."

"I don't even want to get engaged," I left my food and pushed my chair back.

"Arya..." Amma called, "It's no big deal. Everybody goes through this."

"I want to work," I yelled.

"You can work. After marriage."

"I don't want marriage. I want to live my life."

"You are living your life," Achan said.

"I won't have my freedom."

"How much more freedom do you need?"

"But-"

"Enough," Achan's voice boomed in the house, "I have enough freedom for you both as kids. Look how that turned out. Look how he turned out because of all the freedom?"

I almost laughed, at the ignorance.

"You will listen to us, and do what we tell you to do," Achan said. "I won't let another one of my children shame us in front of the whole world. People do not need to talk about this household more. We had everything four years back."

I turned to Amma. "You also have the same view?" I asked her.

She was silent. I left my food and went to my room. Amma came in later with a glass of milk. She set it on my table. "You did not eat anything," she said. I did not want to talk to her.

"Arya." She sat down beside me. "I just... I just want to see you settled in life. Then only I can close my eyes peacefully." She took my hand in her hand, "With Arjun gone like this, Arya mole... I just... I don't want to live anymore." She was crying now. I felt bad. Amma was worse affected by Arjun's death. She was the mother, after all. She cried for months and did not eat or sleep properly. I had to take care of her. Even when I was not in any better state. I had to push back my tears and be strong for her. Make her eat. Talk to her. Bring her back.

"I just want to see you settled before I die." She said.

"You are not going to die any soon. So no need to hurry," I told her.

"No. The sooner you get settled, the sooner I will be reassured." She said, "I am so scared that Arjun's thing will affect your life. Even after marriage. How they treat you..." She held her hand tightly. "You have to be strong to be ready to face it all."

"Nobody will care."I mumbled. "he is dead anyway."

Amma broke into tears again. "It's all my fault. I was not strict enough with him," She sobbed.

"Amma... Things don't work like that, you know." I said. "He did not become... I mean..." Another bigger taboo word in this house did not dare to come out of my mouth. My parents may suffer heart attacks if I even utter that word – 'gay'. Because Arjun was. And that was his only crime. Homosexuality took my brother's life.

"Whatever the case is...." Amma said, "We only have you now. You are our only hope now. You have to be perfect. Or else Amma will die."

I sighed. I pulled my hand out from her grasp. "Even then, I don't want to get married," I whispered.

"Let the people come first," She said. "Achan was also talking to another party. They called after seeing the matrimony site. They seem a much nicer family." Oh, so we have another one now. And nobody in this house is going to listen to me. "Come on, smile now." Amma said, "I will make you something you like tomorrow. How about a Biriyani."

"I am going out tomorrow. With Soumya."

"Again? Are you not meeting her too much these days?"

"Can't I even meet my friends? You guys are planning to send me off anyway. Can't I enjoy with my friends in the meanwhile and live my life?"

"Yeah. Yeah, you can. Look, I understand what you mean by losing your freedom. But mole, every woman has to go through that."

I scorned and looked away. "I am tired. I am going to sleep." I said.

"Drink the milk before you sleep." She said.

I drank it just so she will leave. But it was so yuck. "It needs Bournvita." I said giving her the empty glass back. "you are such a baby still," she said ruffling my hair, "even amma's heart is not yet prepared to let you leave this house permanently."

I did not ask her why she will do exactly that then.

"But then... that is a woman's life." Amma said, "ultimately she has to go live at some other house and adjust with their family. Amma also did the same. And I was just your age."

"Go out. I am going to sleep."

"Okay, okay... You can't talk like this at your husband's house, you know." She was just taking things too far now. "Amma go," I yelled. She walked out, closing the door.

I sat up. Opened the drawer and got my pencil cutter out. Shall I make a small cut? I had not done it ever after that day. And nobody knew of that day. A small cut won't be too much, right? It's just enough to let me feel like breathing again...

I pressed the cutter to the skin on my hand when my mobile rang. Nikhil. I left the cutter and took the call. "Hm?"

"Which one do you prefer?" He said the names of a Malayalam movie and an English movie that got released recently. "To book tickets." He added.

"Whatever is fine."

"Oh..come on."

"I really don't care."

"Hey, are you still upset over the result?"

It's not the results. It's just this mess... I wanted to tell him. Share my problem. Will I be able to cry if he holds me close? I wanted to cry, but tears won't come. "Arya..." his voice was tender.

"Book the English one," I said, he likes those kinds of movies. "I will see you tomorrow."

I met Arya outside the movie theatre. I had offered her that I will come to pick her up from her lane, but she insisted that she will come by bus. She looked tired.

"What shall we get to drink? Pepsi?"

"Whatever you want." I could see she was not in a good mood as well.

We got our usual Pepsi and Cheese Popcorn and settled into our seats. We were early. The trailers had not started yet. I took Arya's hand in mine and saw that there was a band-aid on her hand, near her thumb. "What happened?"

"Nothing. Just scraped it."

"Be careful. It breaks my heart," I said, moving my thumb over the band-aid. "Did it hurt a lot?"

"Don't overreact. It's just a scratch." She said coldly. Yeah, bad mood.

"Hm... what did you want to talk about?" I asked, still moving my thumb over the band-aid.

"Hm..." She looked nervous all of a sudden. "I will tell you after the movie."

"Why? You can say now."

"No," She said, softer, "After the movie. Else it will ruin the movie experience." That serious of a topic, huh?

"Fine," I said. "Instead, come here..." I patted my shoulder. She needs more comfort. She hesitated for a second. So I just pulled her in. Arya set her head on my shoulder and cuddled my arm. I linked my fingers with her, brought her palm up and kissed over the wound. Casually. And the movie began.

The movie was interesting enough for me, but mid-movie, I felt that Arya has dozed off. I looked at her. Poor thing. She must have been so tired. I wanted to let her take a rest. I leaned back, as so that she could be more comfortable. She stirred at the interval. "Sh... it's okay. Go back to sleep," I whispered to her. She opened her eyes and looked at me. "Go on," I said.

"Sorry," she said. "And thanks..."

I smiled. Arya closed her eyes. The movie began again, and Arya woke up somewhere around the climax because of the sound. She sat up. The final fight was going on. "Wait, what did I miss?" She asked me. "Who is this guy?"

"I am not telling you the whole story right now." I was too immersed in the fight scene.

I missed the whole story of the movie to be interested in whatever fight that was happening on the screen. I drank some Pepsi. All the gas had evaporated by now. Even this Pepsi was no fun.

I looked up at Nikhil, feeling bored. I kind of almost forgot what I had to discuss with him later. Now that he was so close, now that I slept off on his shoulder for nearly an hour and a half, and I felt an intense need for attention and intimacy. I sank back to his shoulder. He took my hand, but his eyes were set on the screen.

"Appu..." I tugged on his shirt.

"Hm?" he was too much into the movie. Not fun...

"Let's kiss,"

He looked at me so fast that I almost laughed.

"No?"

"Eh... I need to see the climax."

"Is it the climax or me?" I asked.

His eyes stayed on my face for a second, unable to decide. "Nevermind," I said, leaving his hand, a bit pissed.

"No. Let's..."

"No. Just watch your climax," I said drinking some more bland Pepsi.

Ah... Why did I say that?? Now she is not even looking at me. I could not watch the climax anyway because I was looking at Arya. But she refused to look at me.

The credits started rolling, the theatre lit up, and people started leaving. "Stay," I grabbed her hand before she could get up, "let's do it and go."

"The lights came on. People are leaving..." She said as if I cannot see that.

"People will leave in ten minutes, and we will have the entire space for ourselves."

"That is the craziest thing I have heard. No," she got up. "How desperate can you be?"

"Hey, who suggested it" I struggled to follow her. "Arya, wait... ARYA."

"Arya?" Some guy said. We turned to him. It was a guy about our age in three rows behind us — a lanky tall guy. "Arya Devan. It's you, right? Arya and Arjun." He asked.

"Oh, hey," Arya said. Must be somebody she knew. We moved on to meet at the isle of theatre space. By the way, who is Arjun?

"Vivek. Used to go to school with me." Arya whispered to me. I nodded.

Vivek sprinted close to us. "This is such a big coincidence. You won't believe it. I mean... I just saw your Matrimony Page yesterday." He saw her what???

"I mean, we are looking for a girl for my elder brother and saw your page. It was freaking coz, I was like 'this girl used to go to school with me'. My dad, I think, spoke with your dad... and somebody is coming to see you already, right?" And it felt like the guy realised I was there only then. His eyes darted to me and back to Arya. "Eh...." He seemed to have guessed it, coz he said, "Oh..."

But my mind was stuck at 'matrimony site' and 'someone coming to see her'. But what did not make sense, even more, was that Arya was looking at me with scared eyes! There was this guilt on her face. What did that mean??

"I guess your parents don't know that you have a boyfriend?" Vivek asked, doubtfully. "I guess it is that situation, right? Or, they know and they are like doing this anyway."

I was so confused. She won't... not tell me something as important as this. I mean, I know she is not getting married to someone else. But even the fact that some guy is coming to see 'my girl' was burning my heart. I didn't like this. How could she hide this from me?

You know how bad luck plays with people. It played with Arjun. Now it is playing with me. Then I wondered why it won't if fate is determined by the position of our stars, the time of our birth etc., as the crap traditions say, why won't fate fuck with me? Arjun and I were born on the same day same time. He and I both have the same fate.

I could see confusion, pain and a sense of betrayal in Nikhil's eyes. Almost as if he did not want to believe in Vivek's words.

I turned to Vivek. "I have a boyfriend," I said, as confidently as I can. "Tell your brother and parents that; and don't come to see me."

"Oh... yeah. Okay." Vivek said, a bit taken aback.

I regretted what I said, almost instantly. "Eh... please tell them to not mention it to my parents."

"Hm.... So they don't know it yet. Okay. Or more like I will just tell my parents that I don't want someone, I already know as my sister-in-law. I thought that will be so weird anyway. So this works." He said.

"Thank you," Arya said in a small voice. I felt irritated that even now, even after things have gone so wrong, all Arya cares about is her parents finding out about us. Arya refuses to tell her parents about me. I can understand that it is difficult. And they will react negatively. But if she does not tell them...ever... then what??

"Nevermind..." This guy was saying. "How is Arjun by the way...?"

I froze. Vivek studied with us only till class 10. He moved schools after that. He does not know about Arjun.

"Who is Arjun?" I asked.

The guy looked at me and blinked. "Hm... Her brother." He said. "Are you her boyfriend for real? How can you not know Arjun?" He looked as if it was absurd that I did not know Arjun. "Like it's her twin brother. They were the only twins in our school. So they were like super famous." He grinned. "How is he by the way?" Vivek turned to Arya.

Arya was not replying.

She has a twin brother!!! What the actual hell??

I did not know what and how to tell Vivek. I have never delivered Arjun's news to anyone personally. Everyone in my school came to know the news from each other. And the only person I told this to after everything was Shruthi. And Shruthi did not know him. Did not care about him. Vivek and Arjun were sort of friends. Used to play cricket together and all.

"He is fine," I said in a soft voice.

"Can you give me his number? I would like to get back in touch with him." Vivek took out his mobile.

Oh...

Arya looked a bit too lost. And she stood silent as if she had zoned out into another dimension. I felt the need to rescue her even in this situation. Because something had been wrong with her brother. It was evident that she could not give this guy his phone number.

Moreover, I did not want to stand here waiting even a second more. I needed answers. "We need to talk," I pulled Arya's hand. She looked at me. "Come..." She did not resist. It was so easy to pull her away. The Vivek guy was a bit dumbstruck but did not stop us. He may have guessed something went wrong between us because of whatever he said. The theatre lobby was empty as people had exited.

I was thankful that Nikhil took me away from there, but how was I supposed to face him now? I was supposed to tell him about the whole marriage proposal thing. Nikhil left my hand and turned to me. Anger, Confusion, were evident in his eyes.

"Somebody is coming to see you for marriage?" He asked.

"I meant to tell you today," I said, quietly.

"So, it is true."

I nodded.

"And how long have you known this? And Matrimonial Site? How long have you been in there?"

"A while..."

"A while?"

"Look, I am handling it."

"A while? How much is a while?"

"A few months."

"Arya..."

"I am sorry. I wanted to tell you but... And I am handling it. Nothing is changed." But everything changed. Because for the first time I saw the love for me vanish from Nikhil's eyes. And he was looking at me with disbelief and distrust. With this horrified expression.

"Appu..."

"Who is Arjun?"

I bit my lips. He waited. "My brother."

"You said you were an only child."

"I did not say that. You asked me who all are at home. I replied to that. You assumed I was an only child."

"Well, if you are not, you should include him when saying who all are at home. I am not taking the bloody census to know who exactly lives at your house." I yelled at her. "Or at least sometime later... mention... That - Hey, I have a brother. That too twin brother."

I don't understand why this is a more significant issue than marriage. What has Arjun got to do with Nikhil?

"You never mentioned him at all..." I can't understand. How can someone not mention their twin brother, at all... In all these seven months. "We even celebrated your birthday together, damn it." Wait... she did not want to celebrate her birthday. She was so gloomy on her birthday. I was not sure if it was 'her' birthday that bothered her, or his. "What happened to him?" Something must have gone wrong.

"He is dead," she silently said.

Oh...

I took a step back.

"It was a suicide. Four years back."

Oh my god! Was I supposed to say sorry? Hug her... console her? But I did not feel like doing any of that. This news did not make it better, it made it worse. The death of somebody close to her was such a big event in her life. That too, when it was a suicide, it makes everything worse. All along she was sad, distant... This loomed in her past. And I had no idea whatsoever.

Was I not dependable enough to tell me about it? Or too insignificant? I had told her about the most excruciatingly painful moment in my life. But...she did not share anything about her life with me.

"What am I to you?" I asked, feeling defeated. "Am I nothing to you?"

"No. It's not like that."

"Then, why?"

She stood silent. I hated her silence. I did not trust her anymore. I did not know what she wanted from me. Does she just want to play with me for a while and then go marry someone her parents chose for her?? How can I trust in her 'love' anymore?

Did I just get played by this girl???

He was looking so crushed. It broke my heart. I moved closer to him. "Give me a chance to explain..." He shook his head and stepped back. "Nikhil," I touched his hand, and he pulled it away from me.

"Listen... I can't talk to you right now..." Nikhil held his hand up. "I need time to process this..."

"But let me explain."

"No," he said, firmly. "How can you explain this shit? It's crazy."

Then I realised what word I used 'crazy'. Yeah. She was always just 'crazy'. And now, I was a bit scared of that. It is 'abnormal' not to mention about your brother. And that abnormality scared me now.

I tried to calm myself, and think rationally. What is the most important thing for now? "When... when is this guy coming to see you?"

"Next Sunday..."

Wow! This just sets the icing on the cake, right? "Perfect... Should I say happy married life or what?"

"Nikhil, it is not like that."

"Yeah, whatever..." I said. I could not read her. Now I realised that I never could. I have had in all these seven months. Then again, I know her only for the past seven-eight months. So much happened in these seven months.

But now, I realised that all this while, I was so obsessed with my feelings for her. My desire to possess her had made me so blind that I had failed to get to know her. Her not talking about herself was okay, as long as she was holding my hand. Her sad eyes were okay as long as she was by my side. You don't love me, you just want me.

But at that moment, I shrunk back to the coward that did not want to admit to his mistake. It was her duty to tell me. I was her boyfriend. I deserved to know about the whole marriage thing at least. But what secretly stung me more was still the brother issue.

"Can we talk calm for a moment?" Arya asked me.

I did not want to listen to her. I did not want excuses. I just felt hurt and betrayed. And I wanted to hurt her. "Invite me to your wedding," I said.

"You are being absurd,"

"No, please do. I will come in handy in arranging the chairs or whatever." Did she really plan to get married to someone else??? Did she? I was not sure anymore. I turned to go.

"Nikhil," I called after him. But he did not stop. "Nikhil, please..."

He turned back, "You know what, I got attracted to you because you were all mysterious. That was so intriguing. But now that all the mystery fell away, there is nothing. You are just this big giant mess. There is nothing cool about that."

He was walking backwards, as usual. The staircase was just a few steps behind him. And I hated myself for worrying about him even at this point. Even when he said what he said just now. But those words helped though. It saved me from making a fool of myself. If he had not said that, I might have chased him and cried. But those words stopped me. They would.

I watched him turn around and leave. I waited for a few more minutes for this dead kind of feeling inside me to go. But it did not. Someone was laughing inside, asking me what else did I expect.

Nikhil was never meant for me. He was always too good to be true. Like a fairy tale. And fairy tales do not happen to people like me. I was still this jaggered jigsaw puzzle that did not fit into his story.