It was another sunny summer day in Ashboro Nagar. A girl with short black hair was just finishing up her fifty page essay on the realism of Lucifer's face.

She put down her pen with a heavy exhale, if only something amazing exciting and completely spectacular would occur.

Nothing happened.

The next day, nothing happened too.

But little did she know, a little thing called covid 19 was being born. And a whole new exciting experience of sitting in bed all day would be the adventure she so wished for.

It was only on day 71567 of lockdown that the girl's family began to suspect something was up.

"I've being hearing Ash talk to herself all the time,"an older sister whispered to their mother.

"मुझे भी चिंता है." Said the mother.

The girl's sister blinked."Tf mom, what did you just say?"

"मूर्ख लड़की!" Their mother shook her head.

"hEy hey!"The girl's older brother burst in the door,"We don't need that shiz here. You know how hard it is to use Google translate!?"

"Actually it's pretty eas-"

"Shush!"

Their mother shook her head again.

"कमबख्त बेवकूफ."

~~~~

Meanwhile

In Ash's room.

'-and so to clear up, the best way is Daddy's way. ᕙ(ಠ ਊ ಠ)ᕗ'

Ash press send and laughed at Kitty reply. Lately they been growing closer, closer and closer, she could even smell his tea stinking breath. She barely finished reading his response of,'Wanker' when there was a hard knock on her door.

"Yoosh, wats up Papa mama?" Ash asked British-ly.

Her mother sighed and mumbled in Lord of the rings talk. Her father was busy contemplating the latest Katy Perry single.

"YASHI- we need to talk." Her father started, his eyes wondered over to the girl typing under Ash's bed. "Who's-"

"You've changed," her mother cut in, bringing her cow Dave in.

Dave moo-ed and Ash winked at it.

"Ah man, I'm just living my life!" Ash protected immediately after shaking off her cow fetish.

Her mother exhaled and patted her cow's head, "Yashi, your Jamaican accent is very concerning. You need to stop your juvenile antics." She scolded,"Why can't you be more like your innocent sweet sister!"

"Chod chod-! You madarchod chod-" her sister sang, walking by joyfully.

Ash shook her head,"Me is da same always."

Her father shared a look with her mother cow. "There's something I need to tell you." He sighed deeply.

Everyone turned to him, a howl came from Ash's window where Timmy was hanging.

"Ash..." he choked up,"Is White!"

Everyone gasped.

Her mother slapped him across the face with a gun."Tf are you talking about!"

"I-I had affair with Minny Mouse at Disneyland." Her father replied quietly.

Her mother pulled back from him as if she had just been slapped and gasped.

"But I gave birth to-"

"No, no, we staged that. Got a fair price on a child from Korea who was happy to come out of you."

Ash stood numbly.

The cow had a heart attack.

Timmy fell down the well.

Her whole life was a lie.

She snapped.

Ash felt a spark of fire inside her light up like cole being lit on fire, like wood being lit on fire, like paper being lit on fire- man, she really had the need to burn something. So she smashed a smoke bomb on the floor like batman and laughed wickedly.

"That's it! I'm going to Beds!" She screamed, before vanishing with a puff.

"But this is your bedroom!" Yelled her father but she was gone ....like ash in the wind.

(Where she went)

"SLYTHERINN!" The hat called out.

"My my, poor Ron." Sighed a witchy looking woman with tight, tight pressed together lips. She clapped her hands and looked around the room. There was only three Indian girls, two were twins and one was...

McGonagall narrowed her eyes, lips thinner than ever."My dear.." she started carefully,"Who tf are you?"

Ash pretended not to hear from within the crowd. Instead, writing on Hermione arm the words: 'MINE bish'.

Dumbestdora rose from his seat,"OI it's another OC! Get her!" He screamed.

"THIS IS WHY I JOINED THE DARK SIDE!" Ash said loudly, before smoking em up and disappearing.

She ended up on the side of the road on a sunny bright day. Everyone was super friendly and offered her candies and sweet meats which she refused.

"What a sucky day," She said, feeling very distracted by a running vexion Pokemon. "If this was a sad movie, this is when the heartbreaking song plays."

Ash looked at the sky, and to her surprise actually heard a song.

Kevin Kevin!

Took out his Di*k around 11

All the school girls said, boi yeahhh

And took pics to remember together.

"..... This is going to be a long fanfiction."

(Meanwhile, Under Bed)

A shadowy figure loomed. It's slender body gliding across the floor towards the closet.

In the middle of the bedroom was a bed, not quite like ones you've seen before. It held an Android Samsung iPhone 27738 at its headboard. Right now, it was on some app named Wattpad, reading some crazy story with no plot.

But it seemed to sense another presence. It shivered,"Daddy?" It called out softly.

The closet pulled open slightly, revealing a toothy grin. "Hello there.." IT whispered back.

The Bed shuddered,"Fu#k do you ever brush your teeth? Holy shiz, I don't need to put the light on. Your yellow teeth are like a glow stick!"

"I-" The figure was taken back,"My followers love my smile." It whispered sadly.

"Yeah no, the only way I'd follow you would be if it was into a dentist appointment." The Bed replied, swiping right on some girl called Hala.

"Thanks!"The figure said coolly, revealing more of its face.", I'm Jack by the way."

"HOLY SH- WTF HAPPENED TO YOUR EY-"

"Bed- my bra- I need your help-" a short haired girl climbed through the window after walking 1871 kilometeres through rain and fire. (And seven songs about Kevin di*k)

"What it is Pashupatinath?" Asked the bed, the figure slipped back into the cupboard, sighing and wondering why people only rememberd him when they saw Ash's username.

"Ack man, nu. It's me parents."Ash explained, sitting on Bed face."They just don't get da new me."

Bed nodded it's pillows,"I get ya. When I had my sex change to bedually and ask my parents to finance the change to make me into a bed, they completely lost it. Parents be trippin." Bed sighed, rolling another paper filled with grass.

Ash patted her bedsheet only to find it wet. "Bed!" She exclaimed, touching it again.

(Wtf am I even writing?)

Bed gasped,"That wasn't me-"

"It was ME!" A shadow approached, the facial features could almost be made out perfectly-

"Lucifer!" Ash gasped, his haunting beauty blinding her senses.

He flipped his hair and winked."Who's else would piss on your friend sweetheart."

Bed's jaw dropped,"You wha-"

"Ooooh Luci!" Ash shrieked with joy, running towards him with a beaming smile.

Lucifer felt a rush of warmth. Someone was so excited to him, and he didn't even have to torture them. Is what Father meant by humanity unconditional faith? The blinding beauty of hope and enjoy that shone over Ash's face touched him deeply. Maybe he was wrong, maybe humanity could be saved not by murder and madness but by-

Ash had finally reached him, arms out stretched out and face grinning. Lucifer heart jumped, finally, finally he had a frien-

He didn't see the knife coming till he was stabbed.

Lucifer looked at her, shocked."Why did yo-"

Ash took out a machine gun and started shooting madly at his head.

Click.

The gun ran out.

Lucifer raised a wing,"Ha... I'm sti-"

Ash took out two twin blades and had at him. She cut him into seven pieces an tossed them into a oven.

Bed stood frozen.

Because well, she is a bed and they don't move much.

"Ash,"she started slowly,"What are you going to do now?"

Ash had her back turned to her but Bed could still Feel her wicked grin.

She slipped her sunglasses and smirked at the camera.

"Rule Hell of course."

--------------------------------------------------------------

Like a Rose and Lily lit up in a storm.
You rise up in ashes
Better than all
You walk in and out with a charming sound
Leaving only enjoy to be found
My dearest friend
My closest hoe
With your badass hair style
And sweetist voice
You are hope covered in feathers.

HAPPY

BIRTHDAY SISSY
•◍)❤(◍•ᴗ•◍)❤(◍•ᴗ•◍)❤(◍•ᴗ•◍)❤(◍•ᴗ•◍)❤(◍•ᴗ•◍)❤(◍•ᴗ•◍)❤(⊃｡•́‿•̀｡)⊃(⊃｡•́‿•̀｡)⊃(⊃｡•́‿•̀｡)⊃(⊃｡•́‿•̀｡)⊃\(ϋ)/♩\(ϋ)/♩\(ϋ)/♩\(ϋ)/♩\(ϋ)/♩\(ϋ)/♩\(ϋ)/♩( /^ω^)/♪♪