uhh,,, um.... so- i kind of swear in this one a little bit :0

---

i think that i

fucked up

i seem to always be

doing that

though

you should

know me well enough

to know that

by now

but maybe you

weren't paying

attention

to my words

the way i was

paying attention

to yours

maybe you didn't

care

there wasn't any

reason

to care

because i was just

another

hurting

girl

who wanted you to

love her

but you didn't

i don't blame you

i don't

love me

either

but i do

love you

i think that i

fucked up

i'm not even sure

how

maybe my

pettiness

got the best of me

that one day

i know you know

what i'm

talking about

or maybe you don't

because i cared

so deeply

about you

slipping

away

from

me

but you didn't

seem to

give a fuck

even

if i

disappeared

i think that i

fucked up

but that doesn't mean

i stopped loving you

it only means

that i lost control

for a second

why can't i

lose control

and not

lose people

i'm not good at

sharing

my emotions

and i did

maybe two nights

before the

line went dead

and you

went silent

so was it that?

did you realize

that you deserved

someone

whole?

i think i

fucked up

because i always

seem

to fuck up

good things

like my

friendships

and my

family

and myself

but it's fine

to put

scars in my skin

and

wounds in my mind

because

i

don't

matter

not to me, at least

i thought i

mattered

to you

i guess i don't

that's fine

i think i

fucked up

and it's late at night

and i'm not even

sure

why the hell

i care enough about

a girl i just met

a month ago

to be writing this

but here i am

sometimes

you fall hard for

people

i have four

broken bones

and three

bruised ribs

my two

angel wings

are all

torn up

and my heart

is in pieces

i guess i

fell

straight onto

concrete

while you

stood by

because you didn't

love me

enough to

catch me

i think i

fucked up

i wish i could

take back

all my

hurtful words

and

shameful actions

i wish i could

take back

the place in

your heart

that i once

occupied

though someone

else

probably

owns it

now

that's okay

i never

belonged

on your

shelf

of polished golden

trophies

i belonged in the

dumpsters

out back

the trash bags

you drag from your

job

working at the

kitchen

of that

strawberry farm

i know

i know

i think

i fucked up

and this is

getting long

and it is

getting old

but so is life

and it was

until you

came along

with your

smile

and your

stupidly amazing

personality

i hate you

i hate you for

making me

weak

again

i hate you for

taking me

out of my

misery

even if it was

just for moments

i hate you for

letting me

fantasize

because you said

you might have

feelings

i knew

i knew

i knew

i knew how this

was going to

end

i hate you for

making me believe

it could have been

happily

ever

after

i think

i fucked up

and i don't know

how to

fix it

fix you

fix us

fix me

please don't walk away.