it's almost impossible for me to find the strength to write these words. i'm not the kind of person who normally makes a public declaration when a pet passes away. i've always kept that kind of sorrow to myself, hidden deep inside. but now, almost four weeks have passed, and the weight of my grief has only grown heavier, leaving me lost, unsure of where to place all these feelings.

2025 it feels surreal, almost like a distant nightmare. the first year in 14 long years that i will spend without you by my side. the first year where your presence is no longer a constant comfort, but instead a fading memory, and yet, it feels like you're still here, just out of reach. it's as if the space you occupied in my life is now a hollow echo, a constant reminder of your absence. every single day, this ache grows within me. it's not a loud, overwhelming pain, but rather a quiet, persistent ache that lingers in the background, like a shadow that refuses to leave.

i wake up with it, that empty feeling, and it's there when i fall asleep, haunting me as i close my eyes. in the moments between moments, when everything seems calm, i reach out for you—hoping, just for a second, that you'll be there. just like you always were, waiting for me, always ready to share the day. i can't help but wonder where you are now, if you're okay, if you've found a place where the sky is peaceful and the world is kind to you. i hope you've found a soft corner in the heavens, where you can feel the warmth of the sun and the gentleness of the breeze carrying your spirit like a whisper.

i can't stop imagining the animal heaven you must have found, a place where souls like yours belong. you were always my protector, always so gentle and full of love. even now, i know you're still watching over those who need you, keeping them safe as you did for me. i wish more than anything i could see you again, to feel your presence beside me, to know that you're still here, in some way.

but for now, i am left with nothing but memories. those precious moments we shared are all that remain, and each day, i try to hold them a little more gently, as though i could preserve them forever. but it doesn't get easier, not really. i just hope that wherever you are now, you can feel the depth of my love for you, the pain of missing you. it's a loss that words can't fully capture, but i carry it with me every day.

rest well, my sweetest angel. keep watching over them, just as you always did for me. and know that, though you're gone, you'll never be forgotten. you'll always have a place in my heart, forever and always. <3

𝒏𝒂𝒏𝒂 ♡