I sit here helpless
Pondering why the hell did I even put myself in distress
Stuttering, shaking, my hair is a mess
Trying so hard to just digress

I want to avoid it,
I want to just leave it,
I want to go back to before it all started
so I can change every stupid decision
that somehow made all this fucking division

I know what I did was wrong
but I just wanted everyone to get along
now I'm singing a stupid fucking song
like it'll help the elephant in the room to go out,

Out and about, I walk the down street
ignoring the doubt, listening to the beat
the soft fluffy snout we used to treat
is now buried six feet deep under our feet.

I know that I messed up
But I know that I can fix it all up

Who am I kidding?
What am even I saying?
Where the hell are they all even going?
Why are they leaving?
How am I living?
Can someone just please kill me for breathing.

They all run away now cuz they're afraid
of the blue monster that I made
What once was just a forgotten nightmare
Now truly is standing right there...

I try to avoid it
I try to just leave it
I try to go back before it all started
but deep down I already knew
that there's no escaping from the truth

So I fight it off with my notebook and pen
Tryna' finish it off with a song at the end
Sweating profusely, hair is all messy
but it's fighting back a little too aggressively

It pinned me down into the covers
acting like we're some sort of lovers
it loves me, it wants to stay
"But All I Want Is For Her To Go Away."

I stare up the ceiling, living and breathing
not caring at all what I'm even hearing
it's white, filled with cracks, is what I'm seeing
wishing it would collapse to stop me from being.

here.

+++

don't ask me if i'm okay.