The above is an entry in this year's Eurovision Song Contest. Now, if you're of the American persuasion, you may well be asking, "The Who-o-vision What Contest?" Well, only the longest running and quite possibly biggest song contest in the world, people. A contest this year watched by over 160 million viewers and broadcast to 30+ countries. I mean, the lady from Ted Lasso was even one of the hosts. Trust me, for those east of the Atlantic, Eurovision is very big deal. A truly strange and quite often incomprehensible deal, but a big deal nonetheless.

The above entry was a solid entry. A good entry, even. An entry that made the grand final. An entry that came 9th out of the 26 finalists, applauded by the jury of music pros who make up half the votes but sadly under-appreciated by the public responsible for the other half. And, of course, it was an entry from that well-known and key component of the European family of nations...

Australia.

Okay, there is a lot to unpack here. Perhaps we should deal with the hair first. I mean, after all, this is a book about mullets. And what a coiffure Voyager lead singer Daniel Estrin sports. Wow. While perhaps not strictly a mullet in its purest sense, I feel like it's kind of enough in the same postcode to count. Spiritually, if nothing else. And we're talking a serious level of commitment here, because that must be one annoying-as-hell hairstyle. Even more so when you consider big Dan's day job as a migration lawyer. I mean, imagine stepping into his office, clutching your temporary protection visa, the long-term fate of both you and your family hanging the balance, and being confronted by this:-

Okay, so he probably doesn't keep his keytar at work. At least, I assume he doesn't. Nevertheless, "My citizenship is as good as in the bag" would probably not be the first thought to cross your mind. I guess, at least post-Eurovision he won't have to spend as much time explaining the hair. Although he may need to spend more time explaining why exactly he's galivanting off to Liverpool to 'drive' spectacularly unsexy 80s sports cars down virtual highways while belting out prog metal instead of working on your case.

Because Eurovision, maybe? And you know, the funny thing is, if you were of European heritage, there's probably a fair chance you'd cop that explanation with nothing more than a knowing smile and a sage nod. So much of the of the weird and wonderful and often completely bonkers world of the Eurovision Song Contest is simply beyond explanation that "Because Eurovision" is probably about as good as you're going to get.

And when it comes to mullets—yes, honest-to-goodness mullets, rather than the learned Mr Estrin's nebulous proto-mullet—the contest has an extraordinarily rich history. I mean, it existed in the 80s, so how could it not? But the thing is, they kind of get a bit lost. In many, if not most situations, a serious mullet will generally be a source of attention. In Eurovision? Not so much. When you have a contest featuring turkey puppets:-

rapping astronauts:-

Latvian pirates:-

and whatever the hell this is:-

then why would you bother with big hair?

Or so you might think. Despite Eurovision's teeming array of non-keratin-based distractions, a resolute and hirsute few have at least attempted to fly the follicular flag. Witness this brave (and literal) attempt from Montenegro:-

and then of course, there is Mr Ferrell's stereotypical take in Hollywood's tribute/spoof of the whole shebang:-

But they are fighting a lost cause. Because, while Eurovision might have mullets, it sure ain't about 'em.

And do you know what else Eurovision has? Australians. Yep, time to address the hairy elephant (mammoth?) in the room. Namely, why does a European song contest feature a country which, while recognised for many things—kangaroos, cricket, Kylie Minogue and cute cartoons about dogs—is particularly not well-known for its Europeanness?

Good question. And yet again, "Because Eurovision" is probably the best answer you're going to get. Australia is in Eurovision because Australia wants to be in Eurovision and Eurovision wants Australia to be in Eurovision and they already let in Morocco, Israel, Armenia and Cyprus (other countries not really noted for their Europeanness) so hey, why not? I mean, it's not as though those knockabout Aussie are ever going to win the thing.

Except, we kinda almost did. Oh, yes. 2016, Dami Im, Sound of Silence.

https://youtu.be/5ymFX91HwM0

First in the jury votes but just squeezed into second place when the public count came in. So close. And so terrifying for the organisers. I suspect the headline "Australia Wins Eurovision" might have even cracked the American news. Nah, who am I kidding.

Anyway, if you've never Eurovisioned, maybe give it a look next year. Trust me, you'll find it hard to look away. It is a satisfactory source of mullets, but an even better source of good, honest, baffling and bizarre fun. I am a big fan and not even in an ironic way. So, with perhaps just a hint of bias, when it comes to Eurovision, the Mullet-O-Meter™ says:-