WARNING: vERY SAD 

i just

watched

t h e 

scene

and i am sobbing

read below for a whole english essay on tmr (im taking media studies for GCSE im half a year ahead of myself rn omg!!)

ive only just noticed the way minho completely collapses next to newt's body and it set me off and now the minewt part of my heart has me in tears 

then frypan collapses as well and BRENDA'S FACE :(((

because in the films brenda obviously got saved, shes sort of like "we're gonna save him too its okay he'll be okokok" but not like that because shes badass but then when she sees newt's dead body shes just like "FUCK they saved me but not him and hes probably 10x more important to all of them" 

im literally

overthinking this

but mY HEART

then shit afterwards the "newt. could i have saved him?" part is so fucking sad because ava looks genuinely upset for thomas and i actually felt so bad for her because she wanted to do this to help save them all but she failed and she can see that when thomas is aiming the gun at her and is literally sobbing and its just fUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK my life 

then the way thomas' hand is shaking SO MUCH because hes just so upset and he wants to completely break down but he cant because if he does he'll let his guard down and WICKED will kill him and his friends so he knows he cant

then he just drops the gun and looks so ASHAMED and hes just so pissed with himself for not getting newt to live for like 1 minute more, and he thinks its all his fault because his bf (i dont fucking care if you interpret that as boyfriend or best friend, because either way they care for each other, romantic or platonic, they loved each other) is dead and just DAMN

THEN AVA COMFORTS HIM. AVA SAYS "ITS OKAY." and looks so bad and so guilty that this child, in her eyes, has been so much and has seen so many people die in front of him, and he has to live with the guilt. then thomas being the selfless hoe he is, is just like "leave the others alone", as if to say they can do whatever they want to him, but for gods sake, leave minho and the rest alone because he doesnt think he could live with himself if anybody else died 

THEN AVA PROMISES HIM THEN GETS SHOT. ITS JUST LIKE STOOOOP PLEASEAIOFHAWFJFA MY TINY LITTLE HEART CANNOT TAKE THIS PAIN

i know most people hate ava but she did what she thought was right. the same goes for teresa, they both just wanted the best for the people they loved, and whether they did the right thing or not, they thought what they were doing were right because they've both been through so much and they both dont want thomas to be in any pain, and even though ava seems to not care, in tdc when she dies, you can goddamn see how much she cared for thomas. also in tfc book, she said thomas was his favourite, and she never lost her memories. she used to really like thomas, and the fact he hated her made her really upset but she knew she couldnt do anything about it because she wanted to save people. she is literally the definition of utilitarianism 

then janson comes along and now he does not give a diddly squat about thomas, so im glad he died :') but like thomas is literally shaking and you can see it so clearly because hes just SCARED AND HE WANTS TO BE WITH HIS FRIENDS AND O H MY GOD 

then janson ofc stabs him with that really weird neck thingy that sedates him, then thomas falls over

but then thomas, before he passes out, looks at ava and shes looking back, dead, and i dont know why but that scene always makes me really upset

okay this is part 1 just so yk next part shall be up when i have watched the teresa death part because the thomesa part of my heart needs to express my eMOTIONS FOR THAT SCENE OMG

i didnt mean to write 600 words but i did so yw