I've got 99 problems in my head and 86 of them are completely made up scenarios in my head that I'm stressing about for absolutely no logical reason. 

3 most difficult thing to do in the world

1) You can't count hair.

2) you cant wash you eyes with soap

3) You can't breath when your tongue is out.

Now please put your your tongue back in

Me: I'm actually happy right now!

Life: LoL One sec

I don't care if you have swag. Just pull up your pants and walk faster

My friend thinks he's smart. He said onions are the only food that makes you cry.

So I threw a coconut at his face 

You can't control who walks into you life but you can control which window you throw them out

Take my advice. You may need it someday