January 11th 2627

Having migraine was no fun and not having access to aspirin was worse. I had been dealing with pounding discomfort for who knew how many hours. I had closed the blinds to block the sunlight and the only awareness I had of time passing was the barely noticeable humming of the air conditioner. The faint sound was the only white noise I could tolerate right now.

My classmates had gone on an excursion to a nearby estuary to study the ideal water salinity for hatching seahorses. It was an optional assignment, the kind anyone could do if they needed extra credits to bump up their academic standing. The geniuses like Vannie and Rain hardly had a reason to partake in that, nor had my girlfriend and my sister, but average students like Tony and I were desperate for opportunities like that. This headache couldn't come at a more unfortunate time. As soon as I could stop groaning from the throbbing sensation, I would have to ask my professors if they would be so kind to extend the deadline of that assignment.

I turned to lie on my belly and tried to fall back asleep but then a familiar face came into my view through the slightly ajar door to my room. Moira walked in and sat on the edge of my bed, explaining that she finished her assignment earlier so she could spend the rest of the day with me and asking if she could get me anything to help ease the pain.

"Just having you here makes me slightly better," I replied. "But if you don't mind, could you give me a head massage?"

"Sure," she smiled and moved closer, her fingers brushed against my hair. "Your hair has grown longer, Nardho, I quite like it," she remarked as she continued massaging my temple.

"I'm glad to hear it. I don't like my hair," I scoffed. "It gets tangled so much even if I comb it. I've thought about straightening it or using relaxer but I think I'd look ugly with straight hair."

"You, ugly? Impossible. You're cute! Have you ever seen the way your dimples appear when you smile?" Moira countered, her fingers now moving to the back of my neck.

"I've been feeling ugly ever since I recovered from the surgery," I pointed to that one spot below my diaphragm. "Johan told me to wear the scar like a trophy, but that's absurd. Trophy is for when you're celebrating a victory. In my case, there's nothing to celebrate."

"What do you mean nothing?" Moira's emerald green eyes met mine in defiance. "We've been over this, Nardho. You winning a medical battle of life and death deserves a celebration."

"You wouldn't say that if you see for yourself how unattractive my scars are. You'd be disgusted," I sighed. "It's a good thing that the scar can remained hidden under my clothes."

"I wanna see," she demanded. "I'm not that shallow, honey. I'd never think you're disgusting. Heck, nobody in their right mind would think that!" Moira's voice raised an octave higher.

I closed my eyes in exasperation and started to roll over to my side but Moira tugged on my shirt. "Let me see," she repeated, softer this time. "I promise not to say anything, even if it's ghastly."

I finally nodded and she unbuttoned my shirt, revealing a long line of widened, thickened, and raised scar from the incision my surgeons made. Moira stared at it in silence as my heart drummed louder in my chest. "It's hideous, isn't it?" I sighed. "I'm repulsed by it myself."

"There's nothing repulsive here," she responded as her delicate fingers gently trace the scar I so reviled. "It actually endears you to me even more. You're one tough cookie."

Was she just being nice? How did something this horrendous make me endearing to her?

"You're too kind," I squeezed her hand. "What have I done to be treated this kindly?"

Moira pulled me into a tight embrace. "Your body is not an apology," she whispered in my ears. "Even if your skin isn't flawless, so what? You're still adorable and irresistible."

I froze as I mentally replayed the last word of her sentence. Irresistible?

"Are you... trying to flirt?" I grinned. "You've complimented me a lot today."

"I-I'm not flirting!" she blushed furiously. "I just think you're gorgeous is all."

"You're the dazzling one, Moira," I planted a kiss on her cheek. "So dazzling that you wake up the butterflies in my stomach each time I steal a glance at you."

In that moment I realized I loved Moira not because she was beautiful but rather I thought she was beautiful because I loved her. Ah, speaking of love... Love is like the wind, isn't it? It has no corporeal container, yet we can feel its presence. Love can be both gentle and rough, pleasant or scary. I would admit I didn't always comprehend what love is, but to me love was both frightening and exhilarating—it frightened me in that I could never be certain if the people I loved would always love me back but it also exhilarated me to know that I could love people so much. In fact, I believed my love for everyone has kept me alive and moving forward.

"Nardho..." Moira's eyes suddenly darted to the windows. "We're alone, right? And the door is lockable, isn't it?" she asked shyly. "The others probably are still eating lunch."

"Wait, what's going on here?" I bit my lower lip. Oh my goodness, is this really Moira?

"I've been curious," she continued haltingly. "Have you ever... want to go further than locking lips and hugging? I've seen people do it in movies and I think... I think I'm ready."

"You sure?" I studied her face, uncertain if I heard her correctly. "You shouldn't feel pressured to do the deed with me just because it seems everyone is making love at our age."

"I trust you," she was now as red as Crimson Yeast. "I know you'll be gentle."

"You know you can change your mind if you start feeling weird about it, right? I wouldn't touch you without your consent and I would stop when you say stop."

"Yes, I do," she crawled under the covers and began snuggling up to me and kissing the bird of paradise tattoo on my neck. "Could you please satisfy my curiosity? I know you're not gonna hurt me."

"Okay," I replied hesitantly. "I don't have any protection on me, though, so we're not gonna go that far and, frankly, I don't wish to go there yet. I hope that doesn't disappoint you."

"Thank you for setting boundaries, Nardho," she said as she put my hand under her shirt, signaling me to feel her breast. "This is where you take off my underwear, I suppose?"

"Y-Yeah," I gingerly unclasped her bra. My pants started to feel uncomfortably tighter.

"May I... pet that bulging thing?" Moira watched as I squirmed. "How did it get so hard?"

"It's just normal male anatomy and hormones and blood rushing to fill up the vessels," I shrugged. "C'mon, you learn this in biology class," I couldn't suppress my laughter any longer.

"It's... mesmerizing to see the real deal and not just on a textbook," she muttered and stroked the swelling tenderly. Heat creeped up below my waist and I bit my tongue to stay in control.

"Should I go faster?" she hesitated. "How quick would you want me to rub it?"

"Go slower," I mumbled. My head was spinning and I knew I could burst if I weren't careful.

"You alright, Nardho? You're trembling."

"I-I'm fine," I panted. "Go slow and keep a steady pace." I said as I held onto her shoulders. Moira took my hands and placed it on her hips. Gosh, her skin was so supple and smooth.

"You're beautiful," I said in between gasps. "You make my heart race."

Her lips turned into an upward curve and I thought I had never seen her this radiant before.

"I—I think this is enough," she stammered. "I had fun. Hey, you're shaking!"

"From pleasure," I grunted and Moira giggled in response. "Now I gotta cool down."

"I appreciate you doing this with me, honey," she kissed the top of my head. "I hope I wasn't being too rough on you."

"You? Rough?" I snorted. "No way. Your touch was as delicate as a feather."

Just as soon as I uttered those words, we heard footsteps coming from the hallway.

"Time to put our clothes back on." I gently untangled myself from Moira's embrace and stumbled out of bed as I frenetically searched for my shirt and shorts. Now fully clothed, I was ready to leave my room but Moira pushed me back down and held out her fist before opening it to reveal a handful of colorful pills. She must had found my bottles of medicines.

"You're not overdosing, are you?" she looked at me tearfully. "You have no idea how devastated I would be if you're suddenly gone! Please don't overdose, Nardho. I love you!"

"I love you too," I pulled her into a hug. "Don't cry, Moira. The worst is over, I'm not going back to the darkness that is suicide ideation. No worries, these are my immunosuppressant and my anti-inflammatory drugs. I have to take them daily ever since the surgery."

"Oh," Moira wiped her tears. "But wouldn't that make you immunocompromised?"

"Yeah, but the idea is to keep my immune system from attacking the new lungs. You know how human bodies sometimes reject foreign objects? We don't want that with the transplantation."

"I see," she nodded. "You're so strong, Nardho. You impress me."

----

January 12th 2626

I couldn't believe I finally got a flipping hand job yesterday. I didn't let her see me reach my climax because I didn't want to deal with the cleanup, but oh my goodness that was something. It didn't give me an out-of-this-world ecstasy or a phenomenal euphoria, but it certainly was enjoyable. I wondered if a blowjob would also feel this amazing.

Contrary to what I used to think all this time, making love wasn't necessarily a monumental and life-changing moment, but experimenting with Moira definitely made me question if sex was as special and as big of a deal as the adults in my life made it out to be. Growing up, I was always taught that love-making is supposedly sacred and shouldn't be done outside of marriage. Yet here I was, defying my upbringing and giving in to temptation. I wonder if Moira regretted our experimentation. I had never asked her what her stance was on the whole debate about purity and virginity. For the record, I would never think that a girl is sullied or stained just because she sleeps with someone she fancies, that's just silly. If what we did made Moira tainted and tarnished, then the same logic applied to me or it would be double standard.

I had no idea if we would ever do it a second time or a third time, but I strongly believed I should begin talking to Moira about preventive measures just in case. In hindsight, it happened too soon that I was caught unprepared.

A lot of questions came one after another in my mind. First, why was I so stupid before and believed that sex had to be this glamorous act? Secondly, who should I ask about different types of contraception beside just condoms? Third, religious dogma aside, why was I so sure that I wanted to wait until I got married to start being sexually active? Fourth, if one day we decided we would want to try the penetrative sort, would it be painful? Fifth, and most importantly, I couldn't be the only nineteen-year-old who had never deflowered a girl, right? Actually, why was it called "deflowering" to begin with? It sounded so misogynistic, not gonna lie.

Asking my older brother would probably be a wise choice, but I couldn't picture myself having that conversation with him without stammering and beating around the bush. Maybe... I could ask Tony? He did mention a while ago that his fraternity, Iota Rho Sigma, had events catered to discussing sex positivity and safe sex. Perhaps he would know more about birth control and stuff. Now, the only problem was to find a time and place to have a conversation with him.

After mulling over it for what seemed like the longest minute in my life, I finally sent him a text in incognito mode.

NS: Tony, is your IOR club still going or is it in hiatus? I'm interested in joining.

The three dots indicating his reply came almost immediately. Huh, that was fast.

TM: It has been kind of dead lately since everyone has many other commitments to attend to, but you don't have to be officially inducted to hang out with me, Wyatt, and the rest of the boys, you know that, right? But what has taken you so long to decide you want a membership?

NS: I've been thinking of... matters of sexual nature.

TM: No way, man, you finally did the deed? That's a huge step! Congrats on getting laid.

NS: Hey, I don't kiss and tell. However, I do need your opinion. How do we know if we are good or bad in bed if we have no point of reference to compare our experience with?

TM: Oh, someone is afraid of underperforming! It's gonna be okay, Dho. If you want to know if you've satisfied your partner, just ask her. There's no other surefire way to gauge it.

NS: Thanks for the reassurance. Sorry for the awkward question out of the blue.

TM: You're fine, pal. Really. It's normal to be jittery about sexual encounters.

NS: We should delete our chat history even if the App encrypted everything.

TM: Yeah, good plan. There's nothing embarrassing about this but I understand your privacy concern. Good thing that this App has encryption for our private messages.