Author's remark: the photos in this chapter are taken from various online shops. The photo of the guitar-shaped spoons was taken from https://www.amazon.com/Creative-Teaspoons-Stainless-Notation-IRONX/dp/B07QC99SZH and the photo of Nardhia's bracelet came from https://www.prana-sana.com/collections/zodiac-collection/products/virgo-zodiac-bracelet while the photo I used for Nardho's pillow came from https://society6.com/product/virgo-zodiac-constellation1063133_sham and the photo for his guitar bag came from a Pinterest pin of an Etsy item https://www.pinterest.com/pin/470837336026825804/ 

September 6th 2626

"I think Nardhia is mad at me but I really have no idea why. Do you?" Tony asked as he passed a basketball to me. I caught the ball and tried to make a three-point shot—I missed and the ball bounced off the ring. How did Tony manage to always make the shot seem so doable?

"You're as clueless as ever." I replied as I picked the ball off the floor. "Do I need to spell it out? She's annoyed that you haven't been dropping any hints about buying a birthday present for her. If I were you, I would apologize to her right now to stop all this cold shoulder treatment."

"She is so complicated, sometimes I wonder why I'm smitten with her. Good thing I can always talk to you, eh? So, how should I go about apologizing?"

This guy! Why was I even friends with him? Oh right, he took care of me back when I couldn't take care of myself. I gave him a dude, you must be kidding look but he didn't seem to get it.

"Stop joking around, mate. It's not rocket science, just tell her you've been an insensitive boyfriend and then go buy her something nice—perfume, pendant, hair pins, whatever."

"That's the problem! I'm overwhelmed just thinking of all the possibilities. May I borrow your Moira for an evening? Maybe I need a girl's perspective. I'm bad at picking gifts for girls."

"It's the thought that counts. Seriously, though, if you know Nardhia's hobbies it should be a piece of cake. She likes singing and dressing up, so give her something related. You date her, so you should have known more about her, otherwise why bother dating her?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'll think about her hobbies more and all that. By the way, although I know your birthday isn't until the eighth, I picked out your birthday present already. You're easier to shop for than your twin." Tony handed me a box with a logo that looked like it could belong in an industrial kitchen or an upscale restaurant. Was this a subtle code for me to cook more often?

I unwrapped the box and saw that there were a set of teaspoons and coasters inside. The little spoons were shaped like guitars while the coasters looked like vinyl. It was evident that Tony had them customized for me since there were lyrics of my favorite songs engraved on edges of the coasters. To say that I was ecstatic would be an understatement. Still, I decided to tease him.

"I think you're more in love with me than you are with Nardhia. Too bad I'm straight."

"In your dream! I'm straight too, you know. But even if I swing that way, you're not my type."

"You have a type? I thought you simply like anyone who tolerates your obsession with sports."

"I like people who support my goals and don't think of me simply as a handsome face. You're one of those people, no doubt, it's just that there's no way I'd be hitting on you."

"Please don't. Thanks for the guitar-shaped spoons, those are the nicest gift I've ever gotten."

---

September 7th 2626

When I returned to the dorm after a tiring afternoon of back-to-back classes, I found Nardhia waiting to talk with me in the common lounge. She couldn't stop smiling and giggling.

"Look what Tony got for me!" my sister shouted gleefully, showing me a pair of rainbow earrings shaped like seashells. "He said these earrings reminded him of that one time we were on a beach in Golden Valley and that was one of his happiest memories that involve me. He's cute."

"I'm glad. I hope you know he didn't mean to be a douchebag when he failed to pamper you—he was oblivious to your likes and dislikes, but he promised me to get better at being a boyfriend."

"Yeah, I figure. Moira let it slip that she helped him out. By the way, I hope your gift for me can hold a candle against these earrings—I have high expectations of my own twin."

"Spoiled rotten as always." I laughed and searched my bag for a jewelry I have saved for her. "Here, I bought you a bracelet with a Virgo charm. It would look good on you."

"A personalized zodiac bracelet? You're the best, Dho! I have wanted one for a while now. Not that I believe in horoscope or anything, though, I just happen to have an interest in mythology." Nardhia quickly put the bracelet on and held out her wrist admiringly. She then said that a package from mom already arrived and that unfortunately mom seemed to play favorite.

"Play favorite? How so? Is her gift for me better than her gift for you?" I furrowed my eyebrows.

"She sent you a handmade guitar case from recycled denim and I only got a coffee mug from her. If that isn't favoritism, then what is it?" she asked sulkily. "Since mom already got you an excellent gift, I suppose I don't need to get you anything. Nothing I could get you would ever be as amazing as a handmade guitar case. Besides, me being your sister is the greatest gift, right?"

"You can't take credit for that! It isn't as if you walked up to God and said 'Nardho sounds lonely, let me be his twin'. But yes, I wouldn't trade you for any other sister, no matter how much we bicker and drive each other nuts. There, I admit it. Don't make me repeat myself."

---

September 8th 2626

Johan and Kenta hired a babysitter to look after Naoko and LJ for a night so that they could take me and all of my friends out for a birthday dinner. The dormitory was left to Johan's supervisors and Kenta's job at the Writing Center was temporarily handled by another writing assistant.

"Where are we going?" I asked Johan as he led me and Nardhia to Kenta's car. For some reason both Nardhia and I were blindfolded—we were told not to take the blindfold off until we reached our destination. My older brother just chuckled and said that we were going to get something delicious. Gee, thanks, that was the vaguest answer in the history of vague answers, I grimaced.

"You're torturing him, darling!" Kenta snorted. "Listen, Dho, just trust my husband and I on this. If you must know, however, let me give you some clues: something smoky, something meaty, something tantalizing, all-you-can eat paradise. Take a guess. I make it as easy as it can be."

"Ooh, a buffet of steak." Moira chimed in from the backseat. I could hear Tony's and everyone else's laughter after Moira said that. She was probably right, we could be going to a steakhouse.

When Johan finally took off my and Nardhia's blindfolds, we were standing at the entrance to a Korean barbecue place. A waitress welcomed us and we were promptly seated at a big table.

"We offer a variety of dipping sauces to go with the thinly-sliced meat. We do, however, offer more than just meat. Feel free to order anything else off the menu," explained the waitress.

"I've never had Korean foods before. I wouldn't know where to begin." Moira whispered anxiously as she scrutinized the menu book. "Oh, there is sundubu-jjigae. Hmm, I'm fine with soft tofu soup but it has mushroom on it. Is there anything that has no veggie on it?"

"There is samgyeopsal." I pointed to a picture of grilled pork belly. "There is also saengseon jjigae, a type of spicy fish stew. Those two don't have vegetables."

"I'm getting the fish stew, then. What are you getting?"

"I'm trying to decide between dakkochi and japchae." I showed her a section of the menu with pictures of skewered chicken and a bowl of fried sweet potato noodles. "Maybe I can get both."

"It's your birthday, eat whatever you like." Kenta reassured me. "I'm getting jjinmandu to share with everyone. You can't go wrong with dumplings! I'm also ordering nokdu bindae-tteok for Rain and Vannie. Those are vegetarian pancakes from mung bean sprouts."

"I'm getting seolleongtang. This Korean version of ox bone broth sounds yummy." Nardhia said.

---

After dinner, Moira pulled me aside and asked me to close my eyes while counting to ten. When I opened them again, she handed me a pair of blue pillows embroidered with constellations that matched my star sign. I grinned and kissed her forehead. She blushed and I gave her another kiss.

"The embroidery must have taken you days to complete." I said, hugging one of the pillows.

"It's worth it, honey." Moira took my hand in hers. "You making it to your nineteenth birthday is a miracle. I want to show you how grateful I am that I still have you by my side."

"That miracle came at a price." I hugged my pillow tighter. "That miracle took Lee from us."

"Nardho..." Moira put her hand on my cheek, wiping a tear I didn't know I have shed. "You had not done anything wrong. Lee's death was not something any of us could predict. You being the recipient of his lungs did not in any way make you a bad person. Actually, it makes you special!"

"I-I don't feel s-special. Sure, out of all the candidates for double lung transplants I ended up being the one for whom Lee's lungs were a perfect match, but do I deserve this? What about all the other people on the waiting list? I don't understand why Lee even bothered to be an organ donor. I also don't understand why he had to die and why I was given a second chance at life."

"Are you... Are you saying that you would rather die young?"

"I was ready to die the moment I accepted that my chronic obstructive pulmonary disease was incurable. I was ready to die that night in Golden Valley when Tony said if I die young he would take care of you and Nardhia for me. I was afraid but oh God I was ready to die."

"Don't wish death upon yourself! Don't!" Moira's watery eyes met mine. "I need you."

"Why? You're fully capable of surviving without any partner. You are only with me because I asked you to be. If I never asked, would you even consider dating me?"

"You're so s-stupid!" Moira cried. "So stupid that y-you have to question my f-feelings." She continued crying. "J-Just because I never said the magic word doesn't mean I never feel it."

Wait. Moira loved me? She loved me and was not just playing along with what I wanted?

"I'm sorry. It's just that I still remember your reaction to my confession a year ago. You couldn't decide if you liked me back in a non-platonic way and I told you it shouldn't matter but truthfully it was hurtful that your answer wasn't as enthusiastic as I had hoped it to be."

"So, you w-would rather hear a lie? It's true that back then I wasn't sure of what I thought of you. But now, I am sure. I am a hundred percent sure that I NEED you. I can be at ease around you. I can express myself freely around you. You make me laugh. I need you."

"Others in the dormitory make you laugh, too, Moira. How am I any different?"

"You are the only one who can understand my dislike of vegetables. You are the only one who knows how to kiss me just right. You are the only one who can make my head spin."

"You're going to make me cry, Moira." I tossed my pillow aside and reached out to pull her into my arms. "Thank you for loving me this much. I'll try to keep on living. But you need to help me. Please help me get over this guilt. Please help me see why I should live when Lee is dead."

"You can't be held responsible for a death you didn't cause!"

"I know, Moira, I know. My question is: why him? Why him when I was already dying?"

"Can't you just be happy that you're not dying anymore? Thinking about whys and what ifs will get us nowhere. There are things we will always be unable to answer." Moira squeezed my hand.

"I can't believe I just got lectured by my girlfriend on my birthday."

"Well, you need to be lectured, honey. It's getting late, though. We need to go to bed. Good night, Nardho. Try not to overthink, okay? Lee wouldn't want his death to cause you this much misery. His being an organ donor meant he wished whoever got his organs will live happily."

In the dark, under the blanket, I let all the tears I had been holding back flow uncontrollably.

I miss you, Lee. I hope Moira's right. I hope I'm worthy of this second chance at life.