Beomgyu wakes to Yeonjun at his side. The older boy stretches, smacking Beomgyu in the face.

Beomgyu sits up abruptly. The drowsiness of the medication fades away completely. He shakes his friend's shoulder. "Yeonjun. Get up. Get up!"

He's met with another smack, this time a fist to the stomach. Beomgyu yelps. This time, he gets up and shuffles around the bed, pulling Yeonjun's arm. He guesses he pulls too hard, because Yeonjun sails straight to the floor. "Ah!"

Beomgyu cringes. "Sorry..."

Yeonjun blinks away the sleep, kneeling on the floor and waiting as the real world returns to him. "Are you serious?"

"Why are you sleeping on my bed?" Beomgyu asks, unexplainably angry. Shouldn't he be happy that they could sleep together again? Isn't this what he was waiting for, for years?

"You asked me to," Yeonjun says, rising to his feet. His brows are drawn, probably mimicking Beomgyu's own.

"No I didn't," Beomgyu says. He presses a palm to his skull, as if he has a headache. When in reality, it's his heart that needs steadying. "You have to be careful. We're in a psych ward. Not my bedroom."

"It wasn't my idea," Yeonjun says, exasperated.

"Well you should know I say stupid things in my sleep," Beomgyu says. "You were listening to a dumb, unconscious thought."

"Dumb? Unconscious?" Yeonjun's brows draw tight, and his gaze hardens. "I didn't know that's how you see something sweet I was trying to do for you."

"There's nothing sweet about this!" Beomgyu's voice becomes a thunder, and he hates how he has to raise it. He doesn't like fighting with Yeonjun. "We're in a psych ward. I feel bad that you're here too, even though there's nothing wrong with you. I feel guilty! I want you to get out of here, but at the same time I stupidly love you for doing this! I'm just confused. Don't confuse me even more by sleeping on my bed."

Beomgyu saunters off to the farthest side, as far as he could get from Yeonjun. He's sure there's steam around his head—that's how frustrated he is. He doesn't know why he's so angry. He should be grateful. He should be telling Yeonjun that he loves him, without having to wrap it in an insult.

"Did you see it coming?" Yeonjun asks, tentatively.

Beomgyu scoffs, leaning against the wall of their small, shared room. "No, I didn't imagine that I'd ever end up in a ward. Are you dumb?"

"Dumb?" Yeonjun puts a hand to his chest, sighing with probably more force than required. "I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. Just fucking kiss me."

As soon as the words leave his lips, Beomgyu knows he's made a mistake. His own eyes widen. Yeonjun looks at him like he's seeing a stranger, or perhaps a ghost. Embarrassment ripples across his skin, and an immediate sweat breaks out on the back of his neck, tracing its way down his spine. Is it the medication making him act like this? Or has he just been holding the words in for too long, like a volcano he thought was dormant, but really was on the verge of exploding?

"What?" Yeonjun's hardness changes to shock, and then concern. "Are you okay, Beomgyu?"

"Ignore that," Beomgyu says. "I'm not thinking right. Must be the pills."

"Okay, okay." Yeonjun looks to the side, pink gracing his cheeks. "Don't go around asking anyone to kiss you, now."

Beomgyu doesn't miss the jealousy in the other's voice, the confusion mixed with a strange sense of longing. "I won't." Because the only one I want to kiss is you.

"When you're better, I will kiss you." Yeonjun trades his nerves for a signature grin, one that never fails to flutter Beomgyu's heart. "It'll be your reward. So focus on getting better, and look forward to it."

"Okay," Beomgyu says, burning from his head to toe. "That's not weird or anything. Totally normal."

"I'm not ready to give up being your best friend just yet," Yeonjun says, quietly.

"You won't stop being my best friend," Beomgyu says, swallowing before he says the next words—"Because even if you're my boyfriend, our friendship won't change."

"You think so?" Yeonjun smiles, still looking like a model in his matching set of pajamas.

After breakfast, Yeonjun, Huening Kai, and Soobin play volleyball in the center of the courtyard. Beomgyu opts out, ending up sitting on the bench next to Taehyun.

"Did you tell him you love him yet?" Taehyun asks, picking at his fingernails. Maybe an effect of the anxiety.

"What?" Beomgyu lowers his voice, as if the three boys can hear him twenty meters away. Then he sighs. So it really is that obvious. "I told him just now, but probably in the worst way. I was just angry, and confused."

"Tell him again," Taehyun says.

"I will when I'm better," Beomgyu replies.

"You might regret waiting," Taehyun says. "Besides, it's so obvious that he feels the same way. A first date in the psych ward can be romantic."

Beomgyu appreciates Taehyun's directness and humor. He ruminates on them as he watches Yeonjun play volleyball with the two other boys. Yeonjun guffaws when he spikes the ball and it catapults right into Soobin's stomach, the latter doubling over dramatically.

He's filled with regret. He should've told Yeonjun when they were twelve. Or even a year ago, when they were sixteen. It shouldn't have taken a mental breakdown for him to face the truth.

He'll tell him before they're released from the ward. He'll give himself that deadline, to decide on the right way to confess, if there's even a way to avoid the messiness of what he feels. Maybe he should write a letter? Or draw something? He's always been good at anything artistic, which is why he was accepted to their high school in the first place.

"It's never too late," Taehyun says, as if his wisdom allows him to see Beomgyu's thoughts projected onto the concrete. "Whenever I feel anxious, I think about how anyone could ever love me, if they saw me so nervous and unable to function. So you're lucky—Yeonjun loves you no matter what."

Beomgyu nods, watching as Yeonjun accosts Huening Kai for making him run across the courtyard to get the ball again. "Thank you, Taehyun."

"Don't mention it," Taehyun says. "Now, can you help me convince Soobin to confess to Huening Kai?"

"What?" Beomgyu watches the pair argue on the courtyard about the correct way to set a volleyball. "They like each other?"

"I mean, definitely not at the same stage as you as Yeonjun," Taehyun says. "They only met in the ward. Anyway, I may be the only one out of the five of us who likes girls."

Beomgyu leans back as Taehyun runs up to join the other three, quickly teaming up for a doubles game.

A nurse comes up to Beomgyu, a kind-looking man in blue scrubs and a short beard. "Time to take your medicines." He holds out a cup of water and a few large pills.

Beomgyu takes them even though the biggest pill he's swallowed beforehand was an aspirin. "Thank you," he says after gulping them down.

The nurse shuffles away to the next patient needing medication. Beomgyu, awaiting the effects to kick in, knows he'll probably be on medicine for the long term. He wonders whether Yeonjun will still want to be with him, when he's drowsy or irritated or if his appetite increases and he gains more than a few pounds.

He shakes his head, scolding himself. It's this type of doubt that prevented him from confessing for so long. It's the doubt he'll need to confront if he ever wants a future with Yeonjun.

He imagines himself as a hero with a sword, facing the monster of his doubt—a beast with fangs and large wings—and he pictures himself charging forward. He has to be that hero. He has to be brave.

Please join me for praying for a Beomjun Weverse Live. Hasn't it been so long?