NEVEN

I think Kemal was onto something with this drink...

Worlds dimmed, and in the haze of a simple explanation, he turned back to Yusari to continue the conversation he couldn't remember starting. Heat swirled into his cheeks and frazzled out his feathers when Yusari gave him a curious quirk of her lips. Her hands rested on his forearms as the noise drowned out of his ears.

"I was wrong about you," she whispered. "We were both stupid sixteen turns old children back then." Her breath tickled his skin when she came closer. "I told you I care about you. You are a good man with a good heart, and we misunderstood each other."

Neven nodded along to her familiar words, in the safe confines of the garden once more. "I care about you too," he fought for his dissipating energy the spice drained into the back of his throat. "... this wouldn't have been my first place to admit that." He clung onto the table to keep himself upright when the world danced along with the Navei songs he remembered. His heart tore through his ribcage in sleepy excitement, and the table proved his sole saving grace. He dragged his fingers across the table, then leaned closer to her. In tandem with him, Yusari tipped her head forward to brush their lips together. Sweet flowers mixed with the brutal Hanekan spice. It blurred further when her hands drifted across his face, tickling the base of his feathers around his ears. Electric jolts coursed through his spine, and he brought her closer.

And no one in Irimount made him feel the way she made him feel.

Alone in darkness.

He trembled at the gentle movements. Slow encouragement, but a part of him continued to wonder at the culture shock. Is... Is this normal? He racked his mind for any teachings of courtly rituals Avaerilians underwent, but it faded underneath blazing suns. I'm a noble. I'm a noble and my future was an arranged marriage, though I know Mother and Father would've... let me decide that for myself even if it couldn't be avoided if we were to keep alliances strong... our bonds as stone against the windshear. His grip tightened on her shoulders. Ice screamed in his mind.

Flashes of the broken city.

Wyvern corrupted black.

His own golden wings splattered with blood.

His heels clicked against the dangerous black ice beneath him, and Yusari shared in his hesitation.

It was either the confusion within the ice or the blast of water smashing him straight in the temple.

"I'm still here!" he heard Kemal snap, and he detached himself from Yusari to check on his friend's well-being. Circles spun faster, and he fell into the pit of Irimount, where the crystals sang through a thousand graves.

Dreams upon dreams.

Blood rushed straight into his ears as he floated there, wingless. The abyss heaved. Awful twine clung onto his chest when the light breached the depths. Ugh. He lifted his head off the fluffy pillow underneath him, though the movement forced weight onto his brow, threatening to split it open. Am I... He swung his attention around the private room, where Warden flags hung across the walls with a map of the immediate area over the vanity. Am I in one of the rooms...?

"Good morning, asshole."

Neven returned to the bright environment with a grimace when it seared his eyes. "Kemal?" He frowned at Kemal's shape sat on a chair near the door, his burly arms crossed in irritation. "What happened?"

"Next time you should listen to me when it comes to drinking," Kemal pointed out. "What do you remember?"

"I remember taking a couple swigs." Neven rolled his hand to catch the details from his own split head. "I had a conversation with Yusari about... I think Naveera? Then it went over to something else." The more he fought against the fog, the less things made sense in the depths of the abyss. Nothing more than imaginative dreams. "What did that drink do to me?"

"We call that a near black-out," Kemal explained through clenched teeth. "As for what you did, you asshole, I'll make you remember."

"You are in a sour mood," Neven commented and lifted himself off the mattress with a moan. "I cannot. Maybe I dreamed all that stuff..."

"Oh, was it?" Kemal hissed and shuffled for him, and Neven raised his limp hands to defend himself. "It was a damn nightmare for me. You snogged Yusari, or she snogged you, or you both did it, I don't care, but that's not my idea of entertainment."

Neven stopped. "What?"

"You snogged. Made out. Lips together. In front of me."

Ice slammed straight down into his heart, a thousand lives lost to disgrace, and he got away scot-free. "No." He lifted himself out of the bed to grab onto the wall. "Left in the haze of reality, his knees quivered when he pressed his cheek against the warm wood walls of the room. "No. Are you sure?" Fire-soaked bile lifted into his throat when he dug his fingers deep into the smallest cracks.

"I am pretty sure," Kemal said. "I wish it was just a nightmare or else I wouldn't be here watching you be hungover. I had to make sure you two dolts wouldn't do something I know the both of you would regret." Steel folded the browns over. "Hands were going where they shouldn't be going in that state of mind. I intervened, so, you are welcome. Asshole," Kemal added as he deserved for his absolutely shameful conduct. He sullied his vaunted ancestor's honor. Vomit rumbled his stomach when he leaned his back against the wall and bit down on his stupid lungs at his Oathbound's silence.

"Nev... are you holding your breath?"

"Ancients, what have I done?" Neven cracked through his song.

"You... kissed someone you like because when you drink you can say goodbye to your impulse control?"

He tried to take deep breaths, but they came in short and scattered. "I am going to be sick."

"Nev, it's not—"

Neven raced for one of the pails and heaved into it.

"Oh, that's what you mean."

Sweat rolled down his neck as he expelled the bile. Kemal leaned beside him without judgment, though he deserved it. What he had done ruined lives. Ruined chances for better. I sullied her honor and trust in me. Neven dug his fingers into his temples with his chest against the edge of the pail. "Where is she?"

"Sleeping the night off."

Anvil of emotion snapped his spine. "You do not understand!" he snapped and forced himself to his feet. "I must apologize for my misconduct! What I did was social suicide for her! What if people watched?" He let out another shameful squeak and pushed his palms into his temples. "Gods, people did watch, didn't they?"

Kemal gazed at him. "Nev, this isn't—"

"No, you do not understand!" He went for the door. "I need to tell her I am sorry and that it won't happen again."

"You don't want it to happen again?" Kemal raced around him to block the door. "Think about this long and hard, Nev, until you put your foot in your mouth again."

Irritation gnawed at his throat at his friend's refusal to move. Social graces ruined, he bounced on his heels. "I misread intentions, I should not have encouraged such conduct!"

"I think there was equal amounts of encouragement on both sides."

"I should have put a stop to it."

"You were drunk."

"I am a terrible person," Neven fought down a sob.

Kemal punched him in the shoulder and forced him to stumble back and almost sent the rest of his stomach's contents onto his boots. "You need to shut up," he bit. "You aren't a terrible person, Nev. Ancients, you're too..." Kemal motioned at him. "You - to be a terrible person. You two kissed and both initiated from what I could tell. I was there. You were fine. No one else cared because everyone else was drunk as skunks and watching Evani pick fights with inanimate objects."

Neven held his stomach then covered his mouth with his hand. "How long until I can apologize for my misdeeds?"

"Gods, you're acting as if you murdered someone." Kemal frowned. "You need to give yourself some time, Neven. You are emotional. You were not the only one making stupid choices and acting like a dumbass, did I mention that Evani was picking fights with tables?"

It should've stayed a hazy, distant dream. Tears slicked down his cheeks, and he tried to hide it from Kemal when he stumbled back to the bed. What have I done?

"I really don't think it's a good idea for you to throw yourself at her, but if it means that much to you I can go see if she's awake."

Neven shook his head. "I need water and a washcloth."

"You're not allowed to drink anymore." Neven grunted when something soft hit him in the face, and Kemal said, "Clean yourself up. I'm going to go ask when we're leaving for Euros."

Neven ran the washcloth over his soaked skin. He flopped back onto the bed with a groan, and clung onto his own body threatening to explode from underneath him. He trembled into the sheets, but he continued to tear at his face with the cloth. After a few long minutes of washing off the grime and changing his linens, he curled back onto the bed and wanted nothing more than to take back what he had done. Nothing I can do or say will make it right.

As the day dragged on, he followed Kemal to Yusari when he found himself able to stand on his own feet. She leaned on the wall outside her room, clearly disturbed by the situation he left her with and needed to rectify. Their gazes met, and he found himself frozen in ice, but he needed to crack it apart and bridge the pain he caused. I must act and make this right... He waddled closer to her, then knelt forward, causing the two to stare at him in growing confusion.

"I am sorry for my conduct, Yusari Ovana," he said through the song to voice his remorse. "I am sorry for what I've done. Forgive me, and it will not happen again." He put a hand on his chest, earnest and fervent for his correction of behaviour.

"Nev, we can't speak Navei," Kemal pointed out.

He relented to Common to breach the gap. "I am so so sorry," he repeated. "You are a lovely woman and you do not deserve such conduct and behavior towards you. You deserve proper treatment, not what happened last night," he went on, though hesitation grew when Kemal pressed his hand into his face and Yusari's expression cooled into the lowest depths of the Obscura abyss. For my moment of ignorance and shame, I've sullied your honor—"

"Shut up," Yusari hissed through her teeth, the temperamental sixteen turns old Trainee returning with the force of a deserved tempest. "You told me you don't think that way anymore." Her steps drew her forward, straight back into his space, and he flinched. "I am not a delicate flower! I am not a pretty little noble lady who you think is nothing more than a doll to take care of at your arm! I can make my own hell's damned choices! I don't want your damned condescending apology for what happened! Your actions don't dictate mine!" Her finger prodded his chest, and she drew back. "Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I'm incapable of deciding things for myself! Where is the man who wasn't afraid to snap back at me?" She waved her hands at him. "Where's the man who treated me like his equal?"

It went into death's quiet.

Yusari folded her arms with a scoff. "If that's all, Lotayrin, I need to give my full report to the Captain—"

And he comprehended the truth in his mistakes, and the first meeting he had with them all.

"... that's what bothered you..."

Yusari and Kemal stopped.

Neven clasped his hands together and went against the Naveeran traditionalism which left him in this position. His breath caught between his fangs, but he released it in one slow puff. "Over and over again I say the views of Naveera are wrong, yet continue to live and breathe them without knowing," he murmured and sucked in his lips, then closed his eyes. "I'm sorry, Yusari." He dipped his head forward, but didn't prostrate himself to Naveera's stubborn ice and broken bonds. "I do not expect your forgiveness, it is yours to decide to give, but I will say thank you." He looked her straight in the eyes, on equal ground. "For what my words are worth... I do not think of you as a porcelain doll. I think of you as a fierce individual with a tongue as sharp as a wyvern's, and I need to remember that." He straightened himself out and the bile strained out of his tongue. "Even at the cost of having it slammed into me."

It went quiet once more.

He went to step away from them.

"That was much better."

He turned back to Yusari when the cold subsided into a cautious smile. "I'm sorry," she returned in kind. "I should've considered how that might have made you feel afterwards, and I still think you are a good person."

"And as I said, you two are never allowed to drink again," Kemal broke in. "Now that we're both done and the anguish got out and in the air, the galleon back to Euros will be here soon enough. I suggest you two sleep off the intense emotions I'm sure are fluttering about. Nev?" He waved at him, and Neven forced himself to follow with another head bob to Yusari, leaving her to her thoughts. Back at his room, he slowed to a stop when Kemal turned to him. "Do we need to have the talk?"

"The talk?" Neven slipped into the room and back onto his bed.

"You know — birds and bees?" Kemal frowned. "Which begs the question I need answered for context. How do Naveerans court?"

"Well, it depends on their social stations... common ground must be reached between the families arranging the courting," he explained. "It's a quiet affair back home. Anything more causes the mills of gossip..." He bit on his fangs. And... I don't think I would've been happy anymore than the lady that might've been stuck with my idiocy.

"Kissing is taboo, isn't it?"

"In public," Neven whispered. "What do you think happened when I first told the Unit about what it was like over there? It turns into a spectacle... and it's the lady who pays the price for someone else's actions — because they are held to a higher standard of behaviour... and it is wrong." His fangs dug deep into his lips. "I think one needs to face the consequences of their own actions, not force someone else to face them to save their own face, that is the dishonorable way out."

Kemal sat beside him. "We're not in Naveera. Most don't judge too harshly here. Again, everyone was drunk and no one cared." He narrowed his eyes. "You are making it hard to tease you when you feel bad."

Neven frowned. "I wish to give her better."

"Then just go on a date with her."

"A... date?"

"Do Naveerans not date when they're courting?" Kemal asked, and Neven went to answer, but grunted when Kemal's hand went into his face. "You know what? I probably won't understand if you tell me, so don't waste your energy explaining it." He let go of his face. "If you feel the same way she does, just ask her on an outing. Do something together. No drinking involved. Ever."

"Do something together."

"Yes, that is usually what happens on a date."

Neven considered the notion. Longing looks and the briefest of touches out of view of the public. Any affection left to the safety of privacy. But... we live two centuries, we have the time for that... Yusari does not live that long. None of my friends do... I will outlive them if a Derelict doesn't take me. "A date."

"Yes, Neven."

"... would she agree?"

Kemal face-palmed. "You two like each other, why wouldn't she? You are fine. She is fine. I will be happy enough to find a way to magick that memory out of my mind."

"I'm sorry." Neven winced into a grin.

"You're forgiven, but I won't let you forget it." Kemal crossed his arms. "For now, get some rest. It actually hurts me physically to watch you wallowing." He got up and headed for the door.

"Have you ever gone on a date?" Neven questioned.

Kemal stopped. "Nope, I have zero interest in the things such as romance and sex—"

Neven raised his hands to his ears.

"Take those down," Kemal chittered.

Neven slammed his hands back into his lap. "You... have no interest?"

"None, I'm happy just the way I am," Kemal said. "I don't need those things to make me happy. I'm happy with my friends and family. In Haneka, there is no stronger love than the bonds forged in flames... we are Oathbound, are we not?"

Neven nodded. "It is good that you are happy... though you are annoyed with me?"

"Very."

He knew it was Kemal's way of saying he cared, so Neven let himself relax when his friend beyond time left the room.