"A royalty never cowers."

The air reeked with festivity and everyone had a spark of happiness in them. Ruckus and chattering were doing the perfect job of elating the spirit. In all this, my mind was completely on a different plane.

Sitting on a settee I was mindlessly playing with my pearl necklace trying to ward off the noises near me. The melodious chirping of the caged bird in my room gave me an incomprehensible feeling, it was as if they were trying to mock me, trying to say that I was no better than them. I closed my eyes still fiddling with the necklace, a certain distant memory started flooding my mind.

It was the first day when I accompanied my mother to the court. I was a little girl, just a decade old at that time. Women are not allowed to interfere in the court proceedings so we were asked to witness the whole thing away from the prying eye of the courtiers, safe and unjudged. Though I had to watch all this from the sidelines I was nervous, my palms were sweaty and I was almost shivering. I hated social gatherings, I hated how people always judged me and put me in the standards of a perfect princess but I also knew it was inevitable.

I looked at my mother, she looked unaffected, strong and if I must say distant like a beautiful goddess who has no relation with anything going on here, she was the epitome of a real queen. Her red lips were upturned into a small smile. My mother could be considered one of the most beautiful women, her high, delicate cheekbones, creamy smooth skin, and long tresses as dark as midnight gave off a regal feeling. She was a person I think was born to be the queen, to rule people with her calm demeanor and wisdom. I don't know what got her attention, my penetrating gaze or her motherly premonition she turned to me and gave a small smile. She has always been like that gentle and comforting but at the same time she was strong and unreachable, I don't know does this even made sense but this was who she was and still is.

The whole proceeding went on, many cases were brought, some related to crops, some related to foreign relations, some about crimes in the kingdom, and some problems were about the financial conditions, of the country. Whenever my mother felt something was wrong with the decision she used to signal my father who was the only person in the court who could see us, she truly was an intelligent woman. I had so many questions at that time I was so curious. I dreamt about helping my father in running the kingdom, this state is my own and like a little girl I was, I started fantasizing about the day when my mother would finally let me go there. While I was daydreaming, I leaned in my seat and accidentally my arm hit the vase near me which lead the vase to fall. The whole chatter abruptly stopped and everybody looked in our direction. Even though nobody could look at me, my heart still was thumping. I was freaking out, the maids near me started cleaning up the mess and I peeked at my mother. She had an expressionless face but disappointment was clear in her eyes. I bowed my head to hide my now teary face. I squeezed shut my eyes conning myself that everything was fine, I did nothing wrong.

After an hour or so the whole thing ended and I dashed out of the place, I wasn't looking where I was going 'totally unlady like' I chided myself the only thing that was running through my mind was 'Why? Why must I be like this, why can't I be a bit lady-like, a bit gentle, a bit stronger? I finally collapsed and found myself at the place I truly belong- next to Shivaling. Mahadev has always been my guide, the one who I believe would never abandon me. I sobbed continuously in front of him thinking about the disappointment in my mother's eyes and how nothing I do is good enough.

"Gandhari, what are you doing?" I heard the silvery voice of my mother. I wiped my tears and stood up. Trying to fix up my attire I whimpered, "Sorry mother I created a bit of trouble at the court, it shall not be repeated."

She didn't say anything to me, just moved nearer to me and bowed down to my height and lifted my face, holding my chin. I found her eyes oddly vacant which scared me even more. I was shivering in her intense unblinking stare. After a moment of excruciating silence, she whispered near my ear. "And what is that you will not repeat, my sweet girl?"

"Rajkumari, why are you sitting like this. Your brother is coming back and amid all this commotion here you are lost in your own dreamland!!!" An excited Sugdha brought me out of my thoughts. Sugdha, my handmaiden, was like the brightest of women I have ever seen, her smile was like a sun that spread joy wherever she went. We have always been together and I do not remember a day that I had spent without my dear friend. She strolled towards me with gentle yet bouncy steps as if she was ready to dance any moment now.

"I know Sugdha and I am happy too it has been so long since I last saw Bhrata. Years after year I have waited for him to come back from Gurukul and finally when he is here I can't help but reminisce our memories." I gave her a small smile, looking at her face, I wonder how could anyone show these many emotions, does she not need to filter them? She sat next to me and held my hands grinning like a Cheshire cat and the very moment I knew she was going to ask something stupid. I know her too well and my premonition was true.

"So tell me Rajkumari are you excited about the Rajkumars that would be present in this function." She whispered. I was baffled at her words. I knew this function had some other motives too except welcoming my brother but hearing this directly from someone gave off a strange feeling to me. I fiddled with the pearl necklace feeling them twist and turn according to my will but sadly this won't be the case when it would come to my marriage. It is not going to be like those love stories that we were told when we were kids but my foolish mind cannot do anything but wonder at the possibilities. A smile graced my lips, this time a genuine one, the one that I am not trained to give.

"Someone is blushing." Sugdha squealed, mischief was clear in her eyes. She did that purposely. I squinted my eyes at her cheeky grin but she remained unfazed. I guess that is what we get when the one to tease you is your childhood friend.

I stood up to feed my caged birds, two parrots to be precise, it was given by my brother to me before he departed for his studies as his reminder. With this note, my mind yet again drifted back to that day.

I shivered under the gaze of my mother. I knew what I did was unpardonable, I am a princess and I have to be always poised and here I am breaking things and running amok. I looked anywhere except my mother's face, finally fixing it on the delicate design of my mother's earing I mumbled " I broke the vase mother."

"I am disappointed in you, Gandhari. I expected more from you." She said, I cannot say I was surprised but it sure was hurtful I mumbled a series of apologies, begging for forgiveness but she kept silent. After a moment she stood straight.

"I will not accept your apology because your reason for apologizing is wrong. I am not disappointed in you because you broke the vase, instead, I am disappointed because you let those daunt you." I looked at her face, it was grim, no signs of joke or affection could be seen. It was just stiff, I nodded and muttered another apology for not recognizing my failure and stood up to leave. As I was about to cross the door I heard a faint voice.

"I know you are hurt Gandhari but it is necessary for your own good. Remember this- a royalty never cowers." It was my mother's voice, I turned to her and nodded.

"I understand mother." Leaving the premises I directly strode to the garden. The place where I truly find peace, away from the brooding eyes of others. It was fairly well maintained, grass mown short and various flowering plants grown on either side of the pathway. Hidden from unwanted eyes there was a swing behind two banyan trees made out of their prop roots. This swing was made by my father for my brother and I, in the few familial moments we were able to share. Being a king was no easy task and over time I as her daughter knew it very well. Swinging mindlessly I was relishing the soft breeze caressing my face.

"Here you are." A strong hand stopped my swing. "I have been looking for you everywhere." Without turning I knew who this person was and a grin came on my face. No matter how sad I am, the company of this person makes me happy.

"And why is that bhrata?" Swinging slowly I asked him, trying to be all stiff and poised as mother said.

"Idiot, you forgot today I have to leave for a gurukul." He bumped my head and came in front of my swing and held the sides firmly.

"We are going to be separated for a long time and I want to spend all my remaining time with my sweet little sister." He said gently. I braced myself for the coming farewell but before that, we heard some disturbance near the bushes. Curious as always, we decided to investigate what was there.

Three boys draped in cotton clothes were surrounding something, one of them was using a stick to poke something, maybe a rock. On a closer look, I got to know it was not a rock rather it was small birds.

"Bharata, please save those birds." This was the first thing that came to my mind. Without wasting another second Bata Shakuni dismissed those kids with a flick of his hand. He could be violent sometimes but those kids were being evil to the poor birds and whatever he did was for me. I ran to those poor souls after those boys left. My brother kept his hand on my shoulder to console me but all I could think about was the tiny birds alone.

I held the two birds tenderly and checked for wounds, thankfully there were none.

"You care for them?" The question asked by my brother came more like a statement and I nodded.

" Then keep them." He said monotonously. I stared at his face to search whether he was joking or not and the look I got cleared that he was dead serious. I didn't think for another second and nodded excitedly. Bhrata Shakuni laughed at my excitement and ruffled my hair.

" Keep this as my reminder. Consider this bigger chick as me and the smaller and fluffier one as you." He said pointing at the birds.

"I am not fluffy! I am beautiful just like our mother." I pouted.

"Sure my little chick." He gave a thundering laugh. " Now will this beautiful princess come to see me off or do I have to leave without her sending me to Gurukul?"

"What would I do there. You would be busy with pooja and those havans while I have to sit all dolled up in the corner." I mumbled, caressing the little chicks.

"Your presence alone matters Gandhari. I want you to be there." He said to me tenderly and the whole Gandhar knows, I could never say no to my brother's request just like he could never say no to mine. I nodded and grabbed his hand.

"Let's go Bhrata even though I don't like the crowd but a royalty never cowers ."

Yay!! I updated!! It was supposed to be yesterday but I again procrastinated... sorry for that. Now the italics part is the childhood memories of Gandhari don't mess it up with the present.

How was the chapter please comment and if you liked it feel free to votes

Byes for now!!!