I didn't like Nina. Not anymore. Not after everything that happened between me, her, and Stacie. But I felt sorry for her, and that's why I had her in the passenger seat of my car, sobbing, drunk, and overall looking a mess.

"I-I'm so sorry," she hiccuped, nursing her face. There was a bruise on her left cheek. Her eye was swollen.

"I can't say I'll accept your apology," I responded calmly, hands gripping the wheel tighly, eyes super focused on the road ahead. "Not after everything that happened. Not after all the history between us. But I feel sorry for you."

Time passed in silence. Neither of us dared to speak. I didn't even have the radio on to break the silence. Just the sound of the car, the road rushing by. There were very few cars on the road this late at night, or early in the morning. I didn't know how to feel. One part of me really hurt for Nina, to see her like this. We were close once, like sisters even. But now, I learned that some people weren't good for each other. Nina and I had our own demons, our own reasons for being trapped into a friendship with Stacie. But that didn't answer my most burning question.

"Why me?"

She turned her head to look at me. I saw her teary eyed out of the corner of my vision. "What?" The word came out so softly, I wondered if she had even spoke.

"Why didn't she have you doing all her dirty work? Why weren't you blackmailing people, posting things in lockers? Why did it have to be me, if she had a reason to blackmail us both?"

Silence. I really didn't expect her to answer.

"Because she wanted a friend. That was my role. She wanted a friend, and she had to blackmail someone into being her friend. But you, it was different. She already had me, she told me. She just needed someone to do her dirty work. So, to protect myself, my reputation, and my mother, I went along with what she did to you. And I truly feel terrible about it."

"You're not the only one," I muttered. She wasn't the only one who felt terrible about the situation. It had barely happened to her. But my whole life was changed. I had this for poking anxiety that followed me whenever I went. It was terrible. It hurt like hell. And in the end, I had found real people who cared, but I had just pushed them away.

"I want to try again. You. Me. No Stacie."

"So you're gonna do it? You're gonna reveal your secret tomorrow?" I looked at the time. "Today. Later today." It was Monday. The day I had been dreading.

"Yes. And then we can start over? Right?"

"I'm not sure," I said. "I don't really know how I feel about that right now. How I feel about you right now."

I had rested my right hand on the gear shift. She placed her smaller hand over mine. "Please, Kiley. After today, who will I have? Look at my face! Who do you think did this to me?"

"I don't know. One of your many boy toys?" I scoffed, jerking my hand away from hers. She couldn't combine our hurt. She didn't know what I felt every day. Anger rose inside me. She was pretty, confident, and outgoing. Boys would still be willing to look her way even after she announced her secret. No one liked me. Not until August. But even after the kiss, I wasn't too sure I could save whatever we had.

We came to a stop at a red light as she spoke. "But I want someone real. Someone true. I want a friend. I want a friend that actually likes me, not just for my body."

"And I want to not have such bad anxiety. Maybe depression. Whatever else is happening in my messed up brain. I want to be normal. I want to be happy. Is that too much to ask?"

She sucked in a breath. "Well, I don't know, Kiley! Go to therapy. Don't take it out all on me. It wasn't just me. It wasn't all me."

I slammed on the brakes in front of her house. One story, beaten up, with paint peeling you could see during the day. Three cars parked on the lawn. A house I had once thought of as a second home. She went flying forward from the force and almost slammed her head against the dash.

"But you admit you had something to do with it. Just get out, Nina."

And she did. She didn't even look back.

——

I both dreaded school and I didn't. I stayed up all night , going through my phone, tears streaming down my face, and I didn't know why. I stayed up till the sun crept over the horizon and my alarm went off, signaling it was time to get ready.

Nelson rapped lightly on my door before barging in. He had his eyes closed at first. "You decent?"

"Yes," I said.

"Okay then," he said. He opened his eyes and place hands on his hips. "Are you really gonna do this?"

I nodded, unconsciously wiping away a few tears that had spilled down my cheeks. "Yes, I have to."

He rolled his eyes. "Okay, then I'm going to tell the whole school my secret."

I laughed at him. "They already know your secret. You kind of have me to blame for that."

Nelson rolled his eyes at me."I know that silly. It's for the dramatics. Why don't you get your friends to reveal all of their secrets? That way, Stacie won't have control over anyone anymore. It doesn't have to just be you, you know."

I thought about it for a moment. He was right. "I mean, I already have Nina on board. But I just don't think my other friends are going to go through with it. It's too personal I think to ask them, and they already hate me anyway." I started crying all over again. It was silent, tears streaming down my face as I wrapped my arms around myself. Nelson started to step forward but I held up a hand.

"It's just, I'm alone and it's all my fault. I can't even blame anyone else for it. I pushed them away. I let my secret be the one defining thing.. Janessa's didn't matter. Kalila's didn't matter. Not even August. I couldn't even tell him. I let the secret control me for so long. And I might have August on my side,"I flushed. "But I have no right to ask him to tell one of his biggest secrets even if he isn't really been blackmailed by Stacie. And everyone knows Janessa's secret. And Kalila didn't really have one. It's really up to me. It's not up to them or anyone else in the school to divulge their secrets. I have my friend Nina, well ex friend,, on board to tell her secret so she can get away from Stacie as well. But I have no right to tell anyone else. I really don't."

Nelson looked like he was pondering this for a moment. He shuffled his feet, scooted back and pressed his back against the door, which he shut. "I just don't want this to backfire on you. I don't want you to get hurt. Yeah we have our ups and downs, but you're still my sister. And I still kind of care if you're a crying mess for the rest of the school year because of this"

I wiped away my tears once again. "I'm gonna be fine. Because Stacie won't be able to hold this against me anymore, and it'll be fine. It'll be fine." I think I said it again just for myself. I wanted to believe that everything was going to be fine. I wanted everything to be fine. I was doing this for myself, yes, but I still wasn't 100% sure about the idea. Nonetheless, I grabbed my phone and stood up off the bed.."I need to get ready now shoo."

Nelson sighed and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him. I went and stared at myself in the mirror. My eyes were watery, red, and a little bloodshot. I had bags under them from the lack of sleep. My skin was paler than usual, maybe because I was going out at night rather than in the daytime. My black hair was a stark contrast to the paleness of my skin and the blueness of my eyes. I looked like a different person. I had lost weight, and I could tell how my cheekbones sunk into my skin a little bit. It wasn't the pretty kind of losing weight. It wasn't like when you want to transform into a beauty queen. No, it was really because things were eating away at me every day and I no longer had much of an appetite. And I hadn't even noticed that I looked like such a different person. My long, black hair was matted because I hadn't felt like showering.

I decided to jump in the shower. I wanted to at least look good while I stood in front of the whole school.

After I scrubbed my hair and all but burned my body under the water, I picked out a yellow dress that fell below my knees. It was a little loose now, but it was barely noticeable since the design was flowy anyway.

As I grabbed my backpack and walked down the stairs, ready to face my fears, my phone rang. My heart plummeted to my stomach as I saw Janessa on the caller I.D. I thought she hated me. Why was she calling? To tell me off maybe?

I pressed accept and held the phone to my ear. "Hello?"

"Stacie is a no good, two faced hypocrite. And I'm going to expose her today. But not at school. I have a better idea."