Nelson had convinced Dad to let him stay after school to study. I was pretty sure he was lying, but I had orders from Dad that I couldn't ignore. I was forced to drop him off at the library near campus. That left me debating where to go while I waited for him to finish 'studying'.

Honestly, I didn't care what he was really doing anymore. If he didn't want to open up to me, then I'd just stop trying.

After having an internal debate with myself, I grabbed my phone and clicked on Kalila's contact. She'd given me her number when school ended. At first, I wouldn't have cared for her or August's company. Now, I was almost eager to hang out with them again.

"Hey, Kiley!" Kalila answered with happiness in the voice. "You miss me already?"

"I was just wondering if you were, um, free," I said, kicking myself for sounding so awkward.

          "Yeah, I am! What did you have in mind?"

    I pondered the question for a moment. What could we do on such a short notice? Nelson begrudgingly told me he'd be a few hours after I hounded him for a time frame. Maybe I should've just gone home. Yet, I'd already called, and I oddly didn't regret it.

    "I'm not sure, actually. What do you and August like to do?"

    "A lot of things," she laughed. "But one thing would be to get some food. What sounds good to you?"

    "The same thing as last time."

    "Oh, okay! We'll meet you there!"

    I don't know why, but I blurted out, "Would you like me to pick you guys up?"

    There was a pause, and I mentally kicked myself. "We'll manage. Thanks, though!"

    "No problem!"

    With that, I hung up. Pulling out of the library parking lot, I tried to remember the directions to the little sushi place. As I passed my school and made a turn, I realized it was different on the road rather than on foot. Muttering under my breath, I finally found the parking lot. After parking behind the restaurant, I sat in my car and waited. I didn't want to go in alone.

    I started as my phone rang, the ringtone blasting through the car's speakers. I hastily answered, but quickly frowned at the caller I.D.

    "Hey, Kiley!"

    I let out a quiet breath. "Hey, Stacie."

    "Did you miss me today?"

    No.

    "Of course I did!"

    "What about me?" Nina's voice pouted.

    Great, they were in the same place. They were probably concocting their next plan that I had to go along with.

    "Of course!" I forced out, trying to put cheer in my voice.

    "We have such a great idea!" Stacie said, and my heart dropped to my stomach. "We'll tell you tomorrow! Just wanted to check up on you, making sure you weren't having fun without us!"

    The call disconnected, and I felt sick to my stomach. I wrapped my arms around myself, leaning my head against the steering wheel. I squeezed my eyes shut, panic rushing through me. What did I have to do now? What would August and Kalila think of me? Would it be worse than burning a jersey?

    I tried to take deep, calming breaths, just like my therapist told me to. She could be helpful sometimes. Your mind couldn't be anxious and deep breathe at the same time, she said. I wasn't so sure about that. My mind panicked all the time.

    After a few minutes, I managed to calm myself down. I hated being anxious. I hated that I had no idea what my 'friends' were planning. Smoothing my sweaty palms on my pants, I cranked up the radio. The music filled the silence and comforted me in a way only music could.

    It didn't take long for the cousins to show up. I spotted an orange Jeep pulling into the parking lot. I flashed my lights at them, and they pulled into the space to my left.  I took a deep breath before opening the door and stepping out. They did the same, and we headed towards the restaurant.

    "Hey!" I said.

    "We didn't think you'd want to hang out again," August deadpanned.

    His cousin whacked his arm. "You're an idiot, you know that?"

    "Well, it's true!" He crossed his arms over his chest.

    "Well, you have no people-skills," she huffed.

    He dropped his arms as we walked into the restaurant. A host greeted us and lead us back to the same glass bar as last time. We sat, then promptly ordered our drinks, as well as our food. We all knew what we wanted; I had the same as last time.

    Suddenly, the weight of August's previous words hit me. "Wait- why didn't you think I'd want to hang out again?"

    August, who sat to the right of me, turned in my direction. His face was impassive at first, but I could've sworn I saw a flicker of concern. "It's just- you were really jumpy. You're always so jumpy."

    He wasn't wrong. I couldn't even blame it all on Stacie, Nina, or my anxiety. It was a mixture of factors, one being that I couldn't stop remembering the past. That's what started everything. It heightened my anxiety. It started the blackmail. It ruined my reputation.

    I'd been ruined, and I didn't know how to fix myself. Not alone, anyway. Yet, how could I let anyone else in? My dad had too much, Nel didn't really care, I didn't have any true friends. I didn't want to let August and Kalila into my mess. It was my mess and my mess alone. I just couldn't hold myself up anymore.

    "Kiley?"

    I jumped, then blinked. "Um, yeah. I guess I am. I have a question."

    August nodded. Kalila leaned close to the counter so she could see around her cousin. Her hijab was blue that day, I noticed.

"Don't you know about my reputation?"

         August shook his head, frowning. "Reputation? For burning jerseys?"

I laughed. I actually laughed, and it scared me. "Something like that."

"I'm actually pretty new to the school," he admitted. "I don't know much."

"I knew," Kalila said quietly.

We both turned to look at her.

"Knew I don't know much?" August offered.

She shook her head. "No. Kiley's reputation. As a rebel. As- other things."

I stared at her a moment, something inside me tensing. "Then- why bother? Why be nice to me?"

"Because everyone has a story we don't know. Because, I don't know, you look like you need a friend. I only have this idiot. Before he moved here from Australia, I had no one."

My brain refused to process that. No one could be that nice. Not to me. "You literally met me as I was vandalizing property."

"Yeah. I mean, I don't make a habit of befriending people with reputations. It just... happened."

"Besides, this alliance could be useful for me," August lamely joked.

I shrugged. "I... guess."

Before either of them could respond, our food arrived. I eagerly gobbled down the sushi. As we ate, we didn't speak, yet the silence was comfortable. The few other people in the restaurant filled the silence. A couple spoke quit loudly a few seats down from us. A baby cried. Yet, none of this bothered me as my mind tried to piece together the puzzles of this odd... friendship. Was it even that?    I guessed that's what I wanted it to be. I just had to keep it a secret from Stacie and Nina.

------

Thoughts?

-Sarah