The next morning at school, Kalila and Janessa were waiting by my locker. I felt confused seeing the two of them together, but I didn't question it. I just nodded a hello and opened my locker, switching out my books and slamming it shut. I felt a lot better thanks to the therapist, but I still couldn't help remembering that Janessa knew. That I'd been betrayed.

         "Hey," Janessa said softly, as if scared I would break.

         I turned and leaned against my locker, my backpack a cushion between my back and the metal. "Hi."

       Kalila raised an eyebrow, looking between the two of us. I was thankful Janessa hadn't told her (at least, it seemed like she hadn't), but I knew that I had to tell her and August as soon as possible. Not because they were dealing with a horrible person as their friend, but because I had to find the courage to tell the people closest to me. I had to tell my brother, too. If anyone deserved to know, it was Nel. He deserved to know why I posted that picture on his locker; that I was a coward, broken and bruised, but I don't want to be that person anymore.

        I didn't want to be a coward anymore.

        "I didn't tell Kalila anything, but we're all on the same team here. I just told her that maybe you need her support now more than ever."

        I offered a nod. I appreciated her concern. I never thought that I would consider Janessa a friend, but I thought that I was starting to.

      "Sushi? Just us girls this time?" Kalila offered.

      "For lunch?"

       "We could go now." Janessa.

        Kaila shrugged. The three of us looked around the hallway, which featured a few stragglers rushing to class before the final bell, which rang shrill in our ears as we stood still.

       We all walked back out of the school. No one stopped us, not like we really cared anymore. I lead them to my car and Kalila called shotgun before hopping into the front seat with a smug grin. Janessa let out a huff, then a laugh before jumping in the back seat (literally). I smiled softly to myself as I buckled my seatbelt and started the vehicle.

         The ride to the familiar sushi restaurant was short, even shorter than at lunch due to the lack of significant traffic. The whole ride over, Janessa filled us in on the plan for a school pep rally at the end of the day (which she wanted to ditch, and I didn't blame her) that she learned about from Dean. Kalila and her complained about our school's lame excuse for pep as I found a parking spot. I little anxiety rose in my chest as I thought about telling everything to Kalila, and later August and Nel, but I understood it had to be done.

          I. Wasn't. A Coward.

        We walked into Susanna's sushi like that was, in fact, where we were meant to be instead of school. And maybe it was because God worked in mysterious ways.

        God. Hadn't thought about Him in a while. Had He wanted me to go to the therapist? Maybe. To get this plight off my chest? Possibly. To make some genuine friends? I had to hope so.

        A smiling hostess greeted us and took us back to the long glass bar. We each received the same tan, lamented menu as last time. Kalila sat to my right, not even glancing at the menu, and Janessa to my left, scanning it like her life depended on it.

      "Hey, you good?"

      I looked at Kalila, at the one person who saw me being a jerk because I was a coward and wanted to befriend me instead of yell at me, and shook my head. Because I wasn't okay, and I didn't know when I would fully be okay. I just knew that I had to decide to get better, be better, and live better.

    "I need to tell you something."

      I looked around, realizing we were the only customers save a young couple towards the end of the bar. A waiter came and took our drink orders, in which I ordered the same as last time (strawberry lemonade), as did Kalila (peach iced tea). Janessa opted for a glass of cold water.

       I took a breath. Maybe I could just let Janessa tell her. No. I had to. I had to tell her or it wouldn't really count.

       She fixed her gaze on me, waiting instead of prying.

      I told her every last detail without shedding a tear, which was an accomplishment within itself. I guess I'd already broken down about it and told someone else, so it didn't seem as scary anymore. I trusted her. I knew that I trusted her.

     When I was done, she stood and gathered me in her arms. She smelled like roses, and her arms were firm around me.

      "I understand why you didn't tell me, but don't you ever blame yourself or I will slap you, am I understood?" She said as she finally let me go and sat back in her seat. 

     I laughed softly. "It's more complicated than that, but I'm trying to understand that it wasn't my fault."

    "He was truly an ass," Janessa remarked from my other side. "I mean, I don't know what Stacie sees in him. I'm glad he's gone."

    I looked over at her. Did Kalila know of her feud with Stacie?

    As if reading my mind, she said, "I told her why I hate Stacie so much. You both deserved to know, to be on the same page as we all try to make her shut up."

     "I want to punch her," Kalila stated boldly. "But instead, I know we'll get good revenge on her. August too, I mean he's been hanging out with that bitch Nina all day. It must take a lot of effort."

      I shrugged. "I mean, yeah. She's not as bad as Stacie."

     "She blackmailed you, too," Janessa scoffed. "She's just as guilty."

      "But I let them!"

       "But they made you feel worthless," Kalila said. "That's not right."

       As I opened my mouth to respond , the server returned with our drinks, taking them off a round platter and setting them in front of each of us individually. Kalila ordered the same as last time (something with squid), and Janessa joined me in ordering a mixed variety.

        I took a look around the bar, taking in the server hustling behind a door. A bartender stood at the end of the bar with the young couple, laughing with them as she mixed something in a metal container, holding it close to her plain brown apron. A few bottles of liquor rested in cabinets, but the main focus of the bar was on sushi, not liquor. The menu was pegged on the cork wall dead center behind the bar, as well as pictures of the food and employees.

         "How did you find out about this place?" I asked Kalila, looking down at my hands clasped on the counter.

         "August. One day we were sitting in the cafeteria and he's like 'You know we can leave for lunch right? I want sushi!' So, we Googled the closest sushi restaurant and ended up here. We liked it, so we kept coming back."

        I smiled. I could imagine the two bickering over lunch. It used to just be the two of them, but I was so glad that they allowed me into their group. I honestly didn't know what I would do without the two of them. And Janessa, too, now that I thought about it. All three of them had really helped me.

       "Okay, I've been meaning to ask, do you wear contacts?"

       "What?"

        I turned to Janessa, who studied me. "Your eyes are just such a bright blue. Do you wear colored contacts?"

       Random question. I'd actually been asked that before. One thing I liked about myself was my bright blue eyes, and I could see how they would look fake. My brother and I both had them naturally, conflicting with our pitch black hair. "No, they're real."

       "Oh, well I like your eyes. They're so bright."

        "Thanks," I beamed.

         "I wish I had colored eyes," Kalila sighed.

         "Me too."

         "Brown isn't necessarily bad you guys..."

          "But they're boring," Kalila butted in.

         And just like that, the three of us were talking like nothing was wrong, like my world wasn't on fire, and like we hadn't become friends under such painstaking circumstances.

——-
Sorry it's short but I thought it best to end it here. I'm not sure how I feel about the delivery of this chapter but... here it is.

Thoughts? Thoughts on Kalila and Janessa?

-Sarah