That night, I messaged the girl on Instagram, just like Stacie had told me. I was honest with her. Maybe I shouldn't have been. Maybe she wasn't a nice person.  At this point, it didn't even matter. I needed something, anything to hold against Stacie. It was a start. She'd think I blackmailed the girl, and I'd have something to help me out.

    I just hoped I didn't have to post anymore pictures on lockers.

    Hey, I have something to tell you.

    A few moments later, she wrote back. According to her profile, her name was Janessa.

    Um, okay?

    Stacie wants me to blackmail you, but I'm not going to. I just need you to tell me what you know about her to make her act like this.

    I waited patiently, leaning back against the headboard of my bed. I knew it was a long shot. I just couldn't keep living in fear. The person I was wasn't even close to who I needed to be. If I could find something on Stacie, maybe she'd drop my secret. Maybe we'd be even.

    More importantly, how many people did she have blackmail-worthy secrets on? Was Janessa the only person that had something on Stacie for a change?

    I glanced down at my phone, holding my breath. I had a reply.

    You're that girl who's her friend? The one that does all her dirty work?

    Yes.

    It was true. I did all the things she was scared to do herself.

    Why should I help you?

    I blew out a breath. It was time to channel my inner Stacie.

    Because if you don't, I'll leak your secret to the world.

    Who says I won't leak Stacie's?
    This girl was irritating me.

    I don't care about her, just like she doesn't care about me.

    It said she was typing, and I anxiously waited for a response.

    I'll meet you after school tomorrow. If you can get rid of all the evidence of my secret from her possession, I'll give you everything I have on her. Deal?

    I nodded to myself. I had nothing more to lose. Okay. Where do you want to meet?

    The park down the street from the school.

    Okay. See you then.

    §

    I skipped school the next day. It was a stupid, reckless decision I made on a whim. The moment I woke up, I decided I wouldn't face them that day. Besides, if I wanted to get the information out of Stacie's hands, I needed to find a way into her house. She saved everything on her computer.

    My dad left the house that day. Nelson went to school. He called a friend to pick him up, and for once tried to be nice to me. At least, a little bit nicer than before. Now, I sat on my bed at noon, clutching my phone on my lap. I had to get into her room, delete the information, and get to the park. It seemed simple enough laid out, but then I had to remember the specific details. The details of breaking and entering. Of doing something illegal for the first time in my life.

    Speeding was one thing. Technically illegal, a lot of people did it. Lying was morally wrong, but how many people lied? Breaking into someone's house; this was on an entirely new level for me, but I wasn't willing to back down.

    My phone pinged, and I glanced down at it. My heart did a cartwheel when I saw who it was; Stacie. I clicked on it.

    Hey, we miss you in school.

    She even included a frowning face.

    Yeah, not feeling well, sorry.

    A new message popped up not a moment later. Did you blackmail her?

    Yes.
    Lying to her didn't feel bad. Not when I'd saved someone from being harrassed.

    Proof?
    My stomach flipped.

    And, Nina wanted a picture on her locker, remember?

    My gut wrenched. I stood and exited the house. I needed some fresh air. While walked to my car, I texted Janessa asking if we could fake the conversation. As I waited for her response, I got in the car and drove. I didn't even know where I was going. Just away from my past and present and future and everything that made my anxiety rise to the surface.

     After driving for a while, I found myself back at the sushi place. It wasn't far from the school, and I couldn't help but think of the people in that building. My brother, probably being harassed for something I did. Kalila, who stood up for me. I thought I did her a favor by turning her away. By denying her. I wanted her and August to be safe from Stacie's wrath, but did I matter anymore? I felt selfish, wanting someone to call my friend.

       I felt horrible, allowing Stacie and Nina to influence how I treated everyone around me.

      I decided to grab some lunch before I did the deed. As soon as I walked in, I regretted it. August sat, alone, at the counter. He had a drink in front of him, and he idly sipped it as he scrolled through his phone.

     A bold part of me, the part that hated being alone trapped with my anxiety, forced my feet to move. I sat right next to him, unsure of what to say. He had to know what happened with Kalila. I wouldn't blame him for hating me.

       He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. "I should be angry at you. You really hurt my cousin."

       My heart deflated, breaking into a million little pieces.

       "It's just," he continued, idly twirling his straw, "that I don't understand why you give people power over you. People like that." He let out a deep breath. "Except, I understand it all too well."

         I didn't know how to respond. How could he understand? He didn't know them. He didn't know that I was being blackmailed. He didn't know the horrible things I'd allowed them to make me do.

        They didn't make me. I could've said no. But I did them anyway.

       "No," I said finally. "You don't. You can't."
       A waitress walked up to me, and I ordered my usual sushi along with a drink. Once she walked away, I caught August watching me. Trying to decipher me.

        "You know, Kiley, I know abuse when I see it. Abuse isn't always physical. Sometimes it's psychological. Sometimes, people mess with your mind and your soul. And sometimes, you let them."

      "That was oddly beautiful," I said carefully. "But, abuse?"

       "What else would you call it?"

        He didn't know half of it, but maybe he was right.

        A part of me cracked right then and there. "Would you give me another chance? At being your friend?"

         "Yes."

           I smiled, then frowned. "Do you think Kalila will forgive me?"

         He shrugged. "I think so. She's so willing to help people. She is tough, and she can hold her own, but she always wants to be the one to take someone under her wing and make a friend."

         "You guys were too nice to me," I said softly. "I never deserved your kindness."

        "Of course you did."

          He stared at me for a moment, and I quickly looked away. I was so happy that he would still be my friend, but I didn't deserve it. I didn't deserve anything.

      A thought popped into my head, but I tried to shove it away. He couldn't help me with this. No. Yet, if I let him in now, there would be no going back. No second guessing. No crawling back to the people that had ruined my life so easily.

      Or had I ruined my own life?

        "I would like to ask you something."

         He raised an eyebrow. "Go ahead."

        "I need help with something. Something that if I get caught, it's all over. I just... this is going to help me. And I'm trying to...."

         "You don't have to explain it to me. If you need my help, that's what friends are for."

       My heart swelled. "Okay then."

——
Sorry if the formatting is off. I flew to Canada a few days ago to visit family, and I finished this on the plane. I'm proud of it. My internet is super slow and my phone itself won't get service for some reason. Not too happy about that.

Thoughts? Predictions? What do you think of August now? What do you think Stacie has on Janessa, or vice versa?

-Sarah