(AU where same-Gem marriage is legal. Parody of a JoJo parody. This picture I found explains the plot.)

(Homeworld: Black's Extraction Chamber)

Black Diamond woke up feeling just as happy as every other day, ever since he recently "fused" with Pearl. Somehow, someway, and by a million miracles, a Rose Quartz from Earth managed to convince the Diamond Authority to cease all Gem production on planets with organic life, as well as abolishing most if their laws on same-Gem fusion. Don't ask how she did it, they don't even know. But, life was significantly better, no one had to worry about getting shattered anymore, different types of Gems who wanted to merge with each other could do just that without hesitation, and they all now lived to work, rather than work to live.

He rolled over, but then noticed something in between them. It was round, gray, and Black could feel...life energy coming from it using his ability.

(Black)"...AHHHHHH!!!"

His scream could be heard throughout all of Homeworld, making everything think there was some kind of of earthquake.

(Black's Room)

(Black)"Pearl, did you lay this egg!?!"

(Pearl)"I-I don't know! It was just there!"

(Black)"The fuck are we supposed to say to the other Diamonds!? I know it's legal now, but-"

Blue Diamond stuck her head through the door.

(Blue)"Black! I heard you scream, what's the mat-"

(Black)*Holding the egg in clear view* "......Surprise?"

(Blue)"I-Is that...what I think it is?"

(Pearl)"Uh, yes my Diamond. W-We...have, a baby!"

(Blue)"Oh, oh my stars...! I'm so happy for you two, I'm sure the others will love to see this!"

(Black)"EH?!"

(Pearl)"M-M-My Diamond! You aren't angry?!"

(Blue)"Why should I be? Everyone already knows about your relationship!"

(Pearl)"......Oh."

Suddenly, the egg cracked open, revealing a tiny Gem, or "Gemling", sleeping within. It had gray skin, a small, pointy nose, and had hair similar to Black's first form, but with the curved part over its right eye. On its chest was a gray, diamond-shaped gemstone. Due to everyone freaking out, it woke up with confusion.

(Black)"I-It already hatched?!"

(Pearl)"They...they have your hair, your eyes too..."

(Black)"Well I guess there's only one thing left to do..."

(Ballroom, because it's the only room big enough for everyone.)

(Yellow)"They're so tiny!"

(Blue)"That's what I thought, too!"

(White)*Blushing pink* "So...adorable...!"

The three Diamonds huddled around the Gemling, practically dying over their appearance.

(Y-Pearl)"Wow, never thought I'd see something like this!"

(B-Pearl)"...Congratulations."

(Pearl)"Th-Thank you? I mean, we weren't exactly trying to do that, b-but I guess everything is possible!"

(W-Pearl)

(Pearls)"...Ok."

(Black)"Hehehe...uh, yeah. This is my...son, Gray Diamond!"

(Blue)"He's the cutest thing I've laid eyes on, I never even knew this type of Gem production was possible!"

(White)"I'm so proud, Starlight! I truly am!"

(Black)"Thanks?? But, uh, what exactly am I supposed to do with him? I don't know how infants...function."

(Yellow)"Hm...maybe that Rose Quartz can help? She's apparently been studying Human nature on Earth."

(Black)"I'm, not really sure if that'll work with a Gem baby, but I'll give it a go."

(Later, on Earth)

(Rose)"..."

(Black)"Uh huh, that's the expression everyone else had."

(Rose)"And you...made him? With a Pearl?"

(Black)"Not sure how we did it, but we obviously did! Didn't we, Gray?"

(Gray)"Dah!"

(Black)"Oh! You can make sounds?"

(Rose)"H-He said 'Dad'!"

(Black)"So, uh, I was wondering if you could help me out with little Gray here. What do you do with infants?"

(Rose)"You've come to the right Gem, I know nearly everything about babies!"

In the Crystal Gem temple, which now had a house built near the Warp Pad, Rose put Gray in a high chair, and handed black a container labeled "Mashed Carrots", and a spoon.

(Black)"Is this necessary? We don't need to eat."

(Rose)"Trust me, I've seen babies eat this all the time! They love it!"

(Black)"Ok then..."

The Diamond attempted to feed the gray Gemling, but he kept moving his head away and covering his mouth.

(Black)"C'mon, little guy! I don't know what this taste like, but I think it's delicious!"

(Rose)"Oh! Pretend that the spoon's an airplane, that might work!"

(Black)"...What's a plane?"

(Rose)"Here, I'll show you."

(Feeding the Gemling)

The Quartz took the baby food and made some engine noises while moving the spoon around like an idiot. This was enough to get Gray's attention, much to Black's surprise.

(Rose)"Open up, little one! The airplane's coming in for a landing!"

She moved the spoon to Gray's mouth, and this time he ate the carrots! In Black's mind, talking like a moron actually worked.

(Rose)"See? It's as simple as that! Now you try."

(Black)"Alright, let's give it a go. Uh...choo, choo?"

(Rose)"That's a train."

(Black)"It is? Well that's the only vehicle I've seen, I just assumed they all made the same sound-,"

While Black was talking, Gray had eaten the baby food.

(Black)"Hey, it worked! It actually freaking wor-"

But it didn't stay down for long, as the little Gem hadn't learned how to shapeshift a stomach, resulting in projectile vomiting of mashed carrots all over Black's face.

(Rose)"Hehehe..."

(Black)"....What else can we learn?"

(End of the first part of The Gray Gemling. Or, whatever.)