Life demanded too high a price for something so finite, so unintelligible, so surreal, so meaningless.

Sometimes she thought She was a woman of faith. She had faith in the possibility of there being more than just this... Sometimes, she thought it was all nonsense, and that many of the different theories she was learning about, didn't answer the questions she was asking at all.

Oh, it would be so much easier not to think! But she wasn't like that, bless her. Her life didn't make any sense. She was just another one, doing the best she could and being lucky, of course. She could have been born in Africa, or be very poor, or have a crippling disability... Yes, she knew that everything could be worse... but she could only feel her reality, and while it was sad to see others unhappy, she couldn't help but feel that there was more to life than that.

She wished she could turn invisible and become homeless, drink herself to sleep and finally die... but the big problem was that she couldn't escape from herself. Oh, how she wished she could!

She  realised that she didn't know anything about Raúl. Absolutely nothing at all!

She was at a loss as to what he did for a living, whether he was married or had ever been married, and if he had children, parents, or siblings. It was a bit of a mystery! Oh, he knew nothing at all! It was really nice that he didn't fantasise or make films. They were just there in that moment, together.

But on the other hand, she was curious and although she was easily disappointed, she needed... no. She wanted to know more about him, to get to know him, to be fascinated, or not, by something more than good sex and the warmth of a body. She was curious about what else he had to offer.

- I must say, I don't know much about you!

- Surely you know what's needed?

- That you're good in bed and a great conversationalist? Oh my, that's quite a lot of information!

Flavia couldn't help but laugh at the situation.

-Oh, you know so much about me!

Raúl looked at her with a warm smile.

- You're so chatty!

And he smiled.

Flavia remained serious, but her eyes twinkled with a hint of humour.

- What can I help you with? Oh, go on then, do your enquiry!

- You know what? That makes me not want to ask you anything. But I'm still curious!

- OK, my dear. Go on, ask away!

She really had to agree that only drunk people were happy. When she was by herself at night, she'd have a little tipple to help me fall asleep. It was just a moment when she took a little break from herself. Waking up was just the worst, you know? Oh, that bad mood! And the time, always at dawn, and of course her own company...

She thought that Raúl's 'lap' would be just the thing to put an end to all her ghosts. She would feel more... everything! It was so lovely when she was with him. It was like wine, for a moment, then she was back to being on her own, and there was nothing anyone could do about it.

Carpe diem! Right?

Wrong! Sometimes she did, sweetheart. She put on a brave face and acted like everything was just fine. And for a moment, she believed it...

'In this godless land that deceived me, I've cried so many tears that even the blind can see', as the song goes. Flavia just wanted to stop crying, she didn't want any more deceit, disappointment or sadness. She was brimming over with emotion because she had no more space to hold it all in.