Her life was stuck in the past, and that moment was the one she never left, no matter how hard she worked or tried. Nothing really changed. And the past, that horrible and marvellous thing she wanted to leave behind, always came back to her. In the most unlikely situations, all those feelings she thought she had stopped feeling and controlled surfaced, intensifying and becoming more intense, visceral and painful. It was absurdly painful.

She had no other option.

Her mum, yes she had a mum, a believer, said, "Ask and he will help you!" Her experience, life, and journey had led her away from institutionalised belief. However, her desperation was so immense that she asked. Help didn't come. If it did, she didn't understand it or realise it. This was probably due to her 'selfie pity'.

Oh, how lonely and tired she felt!

Oh, the conversation went so well!

There he was, right beside her in bed, fast asleep like there was no tomorrow...

And at that moment, she knew it was an image that didn't tire her out. She loved being in that position: looking at him, lying there in his bed, with no weapons or armour... just her...

There were answers to questions she hadn't had yet... but she hadn't asked them either, and she didn't know if she wanted to... He'd been told 'Carpe diem' so many times and now it seemed to make sense.

Oh, that enigmatic and sometimes irritating man! Well, he was very irritating, but in a good way. He seduced her and made her feel like a woman again, in a way she never thought she would. And in those moments, she felt like he was hers, completely!

Was she being a little naive? Maybe so, but that's just how she'd always been, and now, at least, she felt truly alive and loved. All this, on paper, would scare anyone. It was such a wonderful feeling, being loved, admired and desired at this late stage in her life. She had never thought about it before, but maybe it was the last time she would feel everything she felt, and that made her feel so happy and excited. She had to enjoy it!

Life is such a precious gift, but it can also be so challenging. It's not always easy to make sense of it all, and it can feel overwhelming at times. But, we're here, and that's something to celebrate!