(Sorry for the lack in updatess, call it writers block😬😬, anyways im back and hopefully better than ever)

After what happened with William, I decided to spend the rest of my break on the farm. Planting, growing, reading, all that jazz. I feel so guilty....  I just want to get this horrible spring break over with.. I cant wait to go home.

--------- Sunday April 23 ---------
I arrived at the airport and boarded my plane.. I could not wait to get the hell out of here. Honestly, I can't deal with this. The guilt is overwhelming. I haven't told Gabriel yet, I don't even know if I should.. Writing this makes me angry not only with myself but with the world.

Finally, the plane takes off, I'm stuck sitting by this really old guy and his Dalmatian. I ended up falling asleep for the whole plane ride.. and just as I thought my life couldn't get any more stressful, I had another dream.. it was like my last one with Justin.. but more in detail, I guess

Dream 4
I sat in the library of my university, It was more stressful than I thought it was going too be. It was supposed to be easier because I was supposed to have Gabe here. But he isn't, he just had to save me and get himself killed. He was supposed to become a great football player, he already was..

"Can I sit here?" It was Justin, the annoying ex boyfriend from high school. I hadn't talked to him since middle school. I knew we always planned on going to the same university but I never thought we actually would. He was in my class. I only talked to him a little bit.

"Uhm, Yeah sit down.. Hi Justin." I looked up at him and he smiled at me. I forgot what his smile looked like, It was a great smile. He opened his mouth and was about to say something until----
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"Miss, excuse me, miss" I woke up from the dream, confused. "Uhm miss, we are here." I was the only one on the plane except for the flight attendant. She looked annoyed with me. I checked the time on my phone, got up and left.

My mom and one of my brothers were waiting for me at the gates. My mom looked so happy to see me. "MICKIEEEE! I missed you! How was your trip?" My mom pulled me into a gigantic hug and my brother just stood there awkwardly and said "Hi". I knew he missed me but he was never one to show a lot of affection.

"How about we go for dinner?" My mom sounded very cheerful, and we ended up going to a very nice restaurant about ten minutes away from my house. I ordered a lobster, I hadn't ate a lobster since my grandmother took my brothers and I on vacation. My mom had steak and my brother had ribs, just as he always does at a restaurant. We talked for a couple hours, even after we finished out dinner we sat there catching up on life.

After dinner we got slush and went home. I walked in and got greeted by my little niece, she was about three years old. I went upstairs but was stopped by al the roses laid down on the floor in the hallway. I followed them down the hallway and into my room, my door was cracked open the tiniest bit and when I walked in there were roses everywhere. Chocolate, candies and a bunch of gifts filled my bed and I was soon greeted by Gabriel. "Gabe.." I sounded scared but also excited. I started getting flashes of what happened with William in Chino.

"How are you?" I tried to start a conversation but he just pulled me into a tight embrace.

"I missed you so much babe." He sounded happy, the happiest I have ever seen him. How could I ruin that with... ugh. "I missed you too... I love you"