Alison's POV.

I create a steady beat with my foot, the soft sound of sneakers hitting the floor with hurried anticipation echoing through the ghostly silent halls of the hospital.

Quiet murmurs can be heard from inside the room, where I am sitting beside, proof of the alive and breathing man I once sold my heart too.

My mind is clouded in both excitement and fear, a mess of blotchy paints that splayed upon the rough canvas, deep blues blooming into striking violets.

I'm not sure whether I should be mad or forgiving. If I should welcome him back with open arms.

I just don't know.

The sound of a door opening catches my ear, head snapping up as I divert my line of vision to the emerging frame of a person slipping past the half way opened door.

"He's asking for you."

She sounds confused yet relieved as she bends to my height, thighs flexing from her movement, the strain of her body weight upon her two feet present though her thin spandex leggings.

"You okay?"

Her voice is gentle, as if she talking to a fragile doll who could shatter from the slightest of breeze. Gentle fingers reach out, her hand caressing my cheek as she watches me carefully.

"It's okay if you don't want to go in."

I know she's lying. I know that it would be far from okay if I weren't to fulfil Blake's wish of the sight of me.

No one wanted to see the man pale and bony, far from consciousness again.

The thought was a slicker of a reminder of what would become if I crossed his barrier.

"I'm okay."I croak out, voice hoarse and rough from it's decrease of use, "I'm okay."

I'm convincing myself not grounding the thought into her mind. My words are more use to myself than for her.

I'm okay. Blake is okay.

We're okay.

"Good."she says, doubt lacing her tone but she's doesn't push the topic instead smiling encouragingly, "Deep breaths Al. Deep breaths."

A flicker of annoyance towards myself sparks in my stomach, sneering at my selfishness for it should be I who is comforting this girl, for she is the man's sister, and I simply an old lover.

I swallow away the thought as she help me to my feet, a soft hand resting at the small of my back as she gently pushes me towards the door.

"You sure you're okay with this?"she asks again, brown eyes searching mine with concern.

I don't know. I, myself have no idea.

What was I to say? What was I to do? It was all too much. All too soon.

So instead I steer the conversation to a topic I had mulled over for a large period of time, teeth bitting down on my bottom lip in anxiety as I drop my gaze to the floor.

"How do you..."I whisper, voice so soft that if she hadn't meant forward lightly that she wouldn't have heard it, "How do you know when you l-love someone?"

And there it is.

The look of complete and utter pity that pools in the depths of her deep brown eyes, lips parting as she released a soft 'oh'.

"Oh Alison."she sighs, lean arms widening as she spots the glassy looks in my eyes.

I'm engulfed in the warmth of my best friend, her hold tightening as I cry relentlessly in her arms, her fingers threaded in my hair, a gentle caress that eventually calms me down.

"It's okay. Shh. We're gunna be okay."she hushes, rocking back and her forth, the simple movement bringing a serene blanket of calmness upon my shoulders.

I'm crying because I am confused.

I am so, so confused.

I didn't know what to do. What to say.

Did Blake hate me? Or did he hold such tender feelings of compassion toward me?

Did he want nothing to do with me? Or did he want to hold me in his arms and whisper sweet nothings like I wished off?

I didn't know.

And God, did I want to know.

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In the end, Elizabeth persuades me that having a small one-on-one with Blake wouldn't hurt, our fingers intertwined as she talks to me softly.

I'm not sure whether or not I appreciate being spoken to so carefully as if I were butterfly under their fingertips.

It was both irritating yet refreshing.

Both Jake and Elizabeth seemed to be in a much better mood after confronting their family member, skin flushed in life and eyes returning to their usual spark.

It had been two days since Blake had awoken, the doctors still wary of allowing the man to be released into the buzzing public, the news of his suicide attempt successfully hushed amongst the public, hospital staff payed voluminous amounts for their secrecy.

Even Jake seemed to have begun to warm up to me, sparing enough time to shoot me a warm smile or hand me a cup of coffee as I stare mindlessly at his son's door, a concerned looks in his charcoal eyes.

But he tended to stay away, showcasing his approval of my presence in the background, his little acts of kindness enough.

His daughter as the moment stands by my side, expression wary as she glances between the door and me.

"Are you sure?"she asks yet again, rubbing my shoulder almost as if we trying to shake the answer out of me.

"Yes."I sigh, eyes rolling as I smile at her, "I'm pretty damn sure."

She giggles, shoving me playfully, and I can't help but grin lightly at the sound of her laugher, her cheery mood lifting my dampened one.

But suddenly, as if someone had ripped out the happiness from her, a somber expression falls upon her face, lips pursed in thought.

"I know what he did to you was wrong." she begins slowly, large spaces between her words as if she were stepping over glass, careful to not say the wrong words, "But he's in a pretty fragile state at the moment....try not blow up on him okay? The guilt is hitting him really hard. I've never seen him so...so distraught."

Her brown eyes darken with sorrow, reflecting the hundreds of emotions she had hidden throughout the span of her visits giving me a slicker of an insight to what Blake must be experiencing.

She smiles weakly at me, eyes widening as she catches my cloudy gaze, "Doesn't mean you should forgive him! He did some terrible stuff!...But just, just go easy on him."

Her shoulders slump, lips curling in distaste as she states gloomily at the white door that seperate us from her step-brother.

My heart races in my ears, palms clammy as the grip the frayed material of my jeans, breathing suddenly uneven.

A gentle hand grips my shoulder and I am suddenly facing deep brown eyes that smile at me, "Hey, it's going to be okay. Calm down."

Her words, as imaginative as they are, calm me as I relax in her hold.

She gently pushes me forward, my feet unconsciously dragging me toward the door.

"Good luck."

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I'm so sorry for not updating in like forever!

AND FUCKING HELL, FACE YOURSELF THO. ISTG THEY ARE TRYING TO KILL ME. AND THEN THERE WAS THE MV FOR EUPHORIA THAT HAD ME BAWLING. I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE. HIT ME RIGHT IN THE FEELS.

But I'm loving the black hair ;)