Chapter 7

“I’ve waited too long for this to happen for you to just ‘put it behind you’, I know you feel something and I’ll prove it.” I said harshly, my hand still gripping his arm. I pulled him even closer until our bodies were practically pressed together then proceeded move my face closer to his.

He gasped and tried to pull away from me but I held firmly. It was times like these that I was glad for my inhuman strength because if not for it Grady would have been out of my arms and probably on the way to beating me to a pulp by now.

“I don’t feel anything let me go.” He gritted out still trying to break from my hold.

I chuckled “Don’t know why you’re even trying cause you know you can’t free yourself.” I said then watched in satisfaction as he stopped his struggling and glared at me. If looks could kill.

“This isn’t funny anymore Thomas, let me go.” He said fiercely, then clenched his fists so that his muscles bunched. I wasn’t sure if he was trying to scare me off by doing that but if he was it wasn’t working because it only made me want him even more.

Without loosening my hold very much I ran my hand up his arm, watching his expression intently. He clenched his teeth but his expression didn’t change much. I wouldn’t let up though, I’d waited in the wings for so long, hoping he’d somehow fall for me, somehow be attracted to me. I’d waited and worried, I’d watched him walk around with girl after girl and I’d stood by hurting and doing nothing. No more.

Last night had been an eye opener for me, I’d realized that he actually did feel something for me and as expected from Grady he was trying to fight it. It was time to act and I’d make him see he couldn’t fight it anymore, I’d make him see he didn’t need to fight it, so I pulled him closer once more and dipped my head, my lips on his in no time, and as seemed to be the trend, as soon as soon as my lips touched his, he stopped all struggling and it was like he was lost in the kiss, as if he was too weak to fight it.

I stepped closer, molding our bodies together, my arousal pressed to his growing one. I kissed his softly, my lips moving over his in a gentle caress, then I stuck out my tongue, running it along his bottom lip, leaving a wet trail.

 He groaned and shifted, trying to get closer and that spurned me on, I kissed him a bit more forcefully now and when his mouth parted under mine my tongue dipped in mingling with his in battle of pure seduction and I found myself more turned on than I’d been in a long time.

 I deepened the kiss, my hands loosening to roam all over his heated flesh. He moaned and I felt the palm of his hands press up against my chest, causing me to step forward wanting to feel more or him, but my step caused him to stubble and our lips broke apart. The instant we were no longer touching his eyes widened in shock before he lowered it in shame, it was one of the saddest things I’d ever seen.

“We shouldn’t, we can’t do this.” He whispered, then brought his hand up to his mouth and fingered his damp lips.

“Why Grady? What’s so wrong with this? Why is it so hard for you to accept?” I asked, needing to hear his answer.

He took a few steps back until he was standing at the beginning of the stair case, when he realized this, he sat down, his hands clasped in front of him and his head bent. “Because…it’s wrong, this is wrong.” He said it so softly I had to almost tilt my head closer to hear and when I did my heart broke at how dejected he sounded.

“Why though,” I pushed, “Why is it wrong? Because society says it is?” I asked; my voice soft.

“No-“

“Why then? Why is it wrong Grady just help me to understand.” I said, my voice rising slightly.

“It just is! Two men can’t be together it’s just wrong!” he shouted this time, glaring up at me from where he sat.

“See you don’t even have a reason.” I said with a shake of my head.

He looked at me for awhile, his expression changing from anger to despair and I went to sit beside him, but when my knee brushed against his he flinched and inched away.

I sighed “I’ve never known you for a coward Grady and that’s exactly what this is making you.” I said. My voice was soft but the meaning wasn’t lost on him.

His eyes flashed to mine; “I’m no coward!”

“Then what are you dude? I can’t even touch you without you cringing like I’m the plague!”

“I’m not scared, I just don’t like it when guys touch me.” He said.

“That’s bullshit Grady and you know it, you’ve never had a problem with me touching you before, why can’t you just admit you’re gay?!’ I practically shouted at him and he flew up from his spot beside me, seemingly ready to take me on.

“You take that back or I swear to god I’ll-“

I jumped up too, getting right up into his face “Or you’ll what?” I challenged.

We stood facing each other, both glaring, both angry until I heaved a sigh and stepped away. Fighting would get us nowhere.

“There’s nothing wrong with being gay, it doesn’t change you in any way...I’ve been gay all my life and you never had a problem with me until now.” I said softly, then watched as his eyes widened, “Yes Grady I’m done denying it, I’m gay, always have been and I don’t care what anyone has to say about it.” I said.

“If you don’t care then why were you hiding it from everyone before? That just proves that you think it’s wrong.” He argued.

“No, I’ve never hid what I am from anyone…my pack knows and if anyone at school asked me I wouldn’t hide it either, I’ve only ever hidden it from you and it wasn’t because I thought it was wrong, I just didn’t want to lose your friendship, but you know what? everyone’s right, if a person can’t accept you for yourself then they’re not worth it.” I shouted the turned to go.

“Wait a minute I never said I didn’t accept you-“

“You said what I am is wrong, how is that acceptance?” I asked, spinning to look at him again.

“I didn’t mean it like that-“

“Then how else did you mean it Grady, you said-“

“For fuck’s sake will you just give me a second to explain myself?!” he shouted.

I remained silent, waiting for him to ‘explain’ himself.

He dragged his hand over his face, then paused for a second, looking all the while like a sad lost puppy and I had to squelch down the urge to comfort him.

“I only meant…it’s… I don’t know, you’re my best friend, of course I accept you...no matter what…I don’t care if you’re gay...it’s just that it’s…” he paused as if searching for the right word.

“Wrong?” I answered for him and he looked up at me with a helpless shrug. “Well then if what I am is wrong then so are you.” I told him “You’re gay, whether you like it or not, you.are gay.” I said firmly

“I’m not g-“ he started.

“You’re attracted to me, we had sex and you liked it...and don’t give me that look, you liked it, that makes you gay.”

“I’m not attracted to men, I’m still attracted to women, it’s only you that I’m...” he trailed off

“So you’re bisexual, but however you take it I’m a guy and you’re still attracted to me, like it or not.” I took a step closer to him “I’ve had feelings for you for so long Grady and I’ve kept them to myself thinking our friendship meant too much but if I can’t be who I am around you then what good is our friendship? I’m done hiding. I accept you, one hundred percent, no matter what but can you say the same for me?” I asked, almost afraid to hear his answer.

He didn’t hesitate; “Of course, I can, I do.” Then he sighed “If you told me earlier I’d have still accepted you, it wouldn’t have changed anything.” He went on.

“Then why is it different for everyone else? Why’d you stop hanging with Carson? Why do you have to bad mouth every homosexual you see?” I asked him again.

“Because…it’s wrong!”

“Here we go again, you just said-“ I began only to have him cut me off

“Fuck it, this isn’t even about you or Carson or anybody, all I’m saying is I’m not- I can’t be gay, it’s wrong, I just can’t, I don’t want to be gay.” His voice broke on the last word and I was shocked to see the tears glistening in his eyes. “I can’t Thomas, I can’t be.” it was like he was pleading with me and I watched in despair as he slid to the floor, drawing up his legs and dropping his head on his knees.

He didn’t make a sound but I could tell he was crying from the shaking of his shoulders.

‘The mighty Grady has fallen’, I thought to myself as my heart broke all over again. I had no idea this was something he had been struggling with and it was obvious he was terrified of….himself.

I went over to where he sat and sank down beside him. Then I did the unthinkable; I put my arms around him, hugging him close and offering him comfort, but instead of pushing me away as I expected him to, he turned in my arms so that his head fell on my shoulder and his sobs were all I could hear.

“What do I do Thomas” sob “I don’t want to be like this, I can’t be...please” he pleaded with me.

I’d never in all the years I’d known him; seen him cry, and here he was sobbing his heart out on my floor.

“It gets better Grady I promise, but you can’t change what you are and I don’t want you to. Fuck what everybody else says, being gay isn’t a wrong. There’s nothing wrong with you and even if nobody can accept you, it doesn’t matter because you’ll always have me. I’m not going anywhere…I…I love you and I don’t regret what happened between us.” I told him in a soothing tone. Then continued to hold him while he cried. And when the tears subsided, I sat with him in silence, still offering my comfort.

“I started feeling these…things for you last year after my birthday.” He said, breaking the silence but I remained quiet, waiting for more. “I don’t know why, I just got up that day and when I saw you I just couldn’t stop thinking about you, about wanting you.” He sniffled, but his head still remained where it rested on my shoulder.

“I thought that maybe it would go away you know? That maybe I’d wake up one day and it would go back to how it used to be, but it’s been over a year and no matter what I do I still feel the same...no it’s like it got worse…stronger and no matter how much I try to fight it there’s just nothing I can do to make the feelings go away.” He said softly.

“Then stop trying to fight it Grady, why not just do what you feel? You feel something for me, I feel something for you, why fight it?”

“It’s not that easy, don’t you understand?” he said moving out of my embrace and putting some distance between us “We can’t just get together, it’s not that easy, what about the consequences?”

“Fuck the consequences, why shouldn’t we be able to be happy like everybody else?” I asked him, looking at him intently.

“No one would accept us, don’t you see? Even if we go ahead with this, even if we get together or whatever we won’t be accepted, we’ll always be fighting for acceptance, we’ll always be wondering if people are judging us-“

“Then let them! Who cares what they think, you can’t just go through life living for everybody else, cause if you did that then you’d never be happy. I say just live life for yourself or you’ll just end up regretting it in the end.” I said.

“You sound like a fucking hallmark card.” He chuckled, then he grew serious and looked at me. “So you want us to...what be together?” he asked, his eyes narrowed.

“We have feelings for each other, I just want us to at least see where it leads.” I answered, then watched him hopefully as he watched me uncertainly. Then he bit his lip and looked away. He seemed to be thinking it through then;

“I’m not saying I’m okay with all this...but maybe…maybe we could probably kinda try this out…maybe.” He said not looking at me, but I could see how hard this was for him and so I tried my best to keep my smile of relief and utter happiness at bay.

“Okay…cool.”I said.

He cleared his throat and pushed up off the floor. I followed suit. “So we’ll…give it a try then.” He said, rubbing his arm in a nervous gesture.

“Oh...there’s one more thing you should probably know.” I spoke up.

He looked up at me apprehensively “What?”

“Well…You’re my mate.” I told him then watched as his eyes widened.

“This isn’t really the time to joke around Thomas.” He said.

“I’m serious.” I replied, my heart hammering in my chest.

He closed his eyes for a second and took a deep breath; “I think I need a drink.” he announced then headed towards the kitchen, leaving me standing by myself in the hallway.

                                               AUTHOR'S NOTES

THERE YOU GO LOVIES! YAY I CAN  GO WATCH A MOVIE NOW!!

ShOut Out: To Nerdpants you're the coolest..cool person ever!...yeah...\(^_^)/

-DoUbLe.A

-unedited.