Chapter 15

I walked into my house at about noon the next day with a heavy heart. My night of drunken bliss hadn’t lasted and so I was dragged back to reality a few hours before with the realization that I was just as lost as I had been the night before.

When I woke this morning; with a massive headache mind you, Rivers had clued me in on the happenings of the night before.

Apparently I’d gotten drunk at the club, called him up and after he had taken me back to his place Grady had showed up to apologize. That’s what Rivers told me because I could only remember bits and pieces from the night before. 

Though I could have sworn I witnessed Grady threaten Rivers at one point during my drunken haze but that could have easily been just a dream.

I deposited the house keys on the stand next to the door and toed off my shoes. I was tired as hell despite sleeping all night and it felt as though I’d been someone’s punching bag recently. I just wanted to flop down onto something soft and sleep until I was numb. I took one step towards the couch then paused looking around the living room in surprise.

I could honestly say that ever since I’d lived on my own I’d never seen the place look so spotless. There were no empty beer cans waiting to be disposed of, no stray sock that had wondered away from the laundry basket and no half eaten back of chips strewn about. My messy bachelor pad was looking squeaky clean and I rolled my eyes when it occurred to me why it was.

It was clear that Grady was trying to get into my good graces by cleaning my place but if he thought for one minute that this is what it would take to make me pat him on the back and tell him he was forgiven then he had another thing coming.

I pulled my shirt over my head without undoing the buttons and carefully lowered myself onto the couch; there was just no way I’d make it up those stairs and right now anything soft would do me just fine.

The moment I lowered my head onto the fluffy throw pillow I was disturbed by the loud pounding of feet coming down the stairs and I groaned in annoyance.

“Thomas?” Grady voiced, coming around to the living room. His voice sounded hopeful and slightly nervous and when I blinked up at him from where I lay, I noticed his expression looked the same.

He knelt down beside me and lifted his hand, I assumed it was to run it through my hair but his hand froze at the last minute and he tucked it to his side, looking uncertain. A pang of relief shot through me in that moment but I couldn’t ignore the whisper of disappointment that swam through my veins.

‘It’s better this way’ I thought because I really wasn’t sure I could handle him touching me at the moment and I needed to stand my ground. Me giving in too easily when he did something wrong was the reason he took advantage of the situation time and time again and at a time like this weakness couldn’t be allowed to prevail.

“Hey.” He said. His eyes piercing mine and for some reason he actually sounded a bit shy which had be raising an eyebrow in surprise.

I made a sound in the back of my throat as a reply, too tired to even utter a few words, then I turned away from him and closed my eyes, trying to get into a comfortable position.

“Can we talk?” he persisted and placed a hand on my naked shoulder. I immediately flinched away from his touch, feeling my flesh grow warm.

I heaved a sigh “We’ll talk later.” I told him finally and closed my eyes once more but I was surprised when he jerked me around to face him, his eyes looking determined and his grip firm

“No we’ll talk now, it’s been almost two days and you have yet to hear me out, we need to talk about this.” He said, his eyes glinting down at me and I jerked out of his grasp to sit up in the chair.

“What’s there to talk about? The fact that you’re some druggie who can’t keep himself out of trouble? Or some screw-up who can’t take on his responsibilities? I shouted and almost flinched at the harsh sound of my own voice.

Grady didn’t whither like a coward at my words, not that I had expected him to, instead he pushed off his knees and plopped down onto the coffee table; still facing me.

“You don’t have to keep shoving my mistakes down my throat Thomas I know what I’ve done, I know you’re disappointed and I know a simple ‘sorry’ won’t make up for it. All I’m asking is for you to hear me out for a second. Could you just do that for me please?” he asked softly and clenching my teeth, I gave him a curt nod.

Grady was a master at making people feel guilty for something they had absolutely no right to feel guilty for and once again I was caught in his trap. I turned my head away from him, instead focusing my eyes on the newly vacuumed carpet.

“I didn’t want to tell you this before because…well because I was embarrassed by the whole situation and I knew you’d be disappointed and I just couldn’t stand the thought of you looking at me like that. And now that you have, it’s actually worse than I thought it would be.” He said in a low remorseful voice. I swallowed hard, wanting to turn and embrace him but knowing I couldn’t. So instead I said:

“Yeah, and?”

A brief moment of silence passed before he continued. I listened as he took a deep breath and released it slowly.

“I never told you this before but my mom is…she’s an alcoholic and she..” he paused, looking at his hands before he continued, “she…sells herself.” He managed to get out and my eyes flashed to his face.

“Sells? As in-” I started in awe.

“She a fucking whore.”Grady said crudely.

I looked at him in shock my eyes wide at the news he’d just given me. That’s one thing I never expected, not in a million years. I mean I’d spent time at his home a lot when I was younger and she’d seemed pretty normal to me.

“So, does her boyfriend know?” I asked, still trying to process his words.

He chuckled, a cold, harsh sound that had me searching his face for answers.

“She doesn’t have a boyfriend Thomas, she never did. The reason I spend so much time over here is because I don’t want to be around her ‘clients’, I made up the boyfriend story so you wouldn’t ask questions.” He said with a shake of his head and I noticed that his hands were clenched tightly in front of him. I placed my hand over his and pulled them apart giving them a small reassuring squeeze.

“Grady you could have told me about her, she’d your mom I never would have judged her.” I told him honestly; saddened that he had even let it enter his mind that I was that type of person.

“I know that, that’s not why I didn’t tell you, I just… I don’t want people to think of my mother in that way and I was embarrassed by it.” He went on.

I could only hold his hand in comfort and look at him awaiting his next words. I’d had absolutely no idea Grady had been dealing with something like this and it made me ashamed that I hadn’t noticed something was wrong before. I was his best friend, I should have seen it. I was about to apologize for that very thing when he ripped his hands from mine, shocking me.

“I don’t want your pity and if this is what it takes to get your forgiveness I don’t want it.” He said harshly and I could only blink up at him in surprise.

“I didn’t tell you this to get you to feel sorry for me and I’m not saying it to make you forgive me either. I’ll earn you forgiveness the right way.” He said staring directly into my eyes with a determination I hadn’t seen from him in a long time. “I’m only telling you to get you to understand the reason I started dealing in the first place; I’m trying to start over; no more secrets.” He said and took another deep breath before he continued.

“Anyway so I started dealing because my mom’s too drunk most of the time to care what happens to me and I needed money to pay for school and help her out. I wanted to get her into rehab or something, I wanted her to go somewhere where they could help her get over it but after I’d started making money and I told her my plans she said she didn’t want my help; she doesn’t want to give up drinking and short of forcing her to go get help there’s nothing I can really do.” He said.

He seemed so lost as he spoke about her, as if he’d already given up where she was concerned.

“Go on.” I pushed.

“Yeah so I decided I’d save up enough money to get her the help she needs and I figured dealing was the fastest way to get both money for school and for her. I planned to get out once I’d saved up enough but by then I found out you didn’t get to decide when you wanted to leave; once you get in, you’re in until they say you’re done.” He said,

“I saw what happened to a guy who tried to quit and I don’t know I guess it just scared me into staying.” He finished then looked at me again, as if judging my reaction to all this.

“I get why you did it even if it was stupid and crazy but there was still a better way Grady, you could have come to me, you know I would have helped you out-”

“I don’t want your money, do I look like some damn charity case to you?” he asked in anger which only fueled my own anger.

“Yeah and it’s that damn pride of yours that got you in this mess in the first place. There’s always a better way out and you foolishly chose the worst way possible because of something as stupid as pride.” I scorned.

“That’s your problem, you have everything already, you don’t know how it feels to want for anything, how it would feel to beg someone for-” I stopped him before he could go on.

“ Bullshit, I’m not just any old person out there, I’ve been there for you so many times, ever since you were old enough to get into trouble and something big like this happens and you couldn’t come to me? Come on Grady that’s what friends are for and there’s no way I’d have seen you as a charity case. Hell my parents left me with more money than I could ever use in this lifetime, it’s yours if you want it you know that.” I said in frustration.

The boy let me shoulder most of his responsibilities, he ran to me whenever he got into trouble, he practically lived with me, he allowed me to take a bullet for him but when it came to asking me for money he suddenly had an attack of conscience? He was impossible!

He pulled a hand through his hair and sighed. “I don’t wanna fight about this too, it happened already so I’m just trying to move on from all this. It’s never gonna come easy for me to ask you for money but I’ll…keep it in mind. In any case I’m gonna try to get a legit job and I have enough cash saved up to keep me for awhile so it’s cool.” He told me.

“You realize I’m gonna need every piece of info you have on those guys who tried to kill you right? Carson won’t just drop this and I don’t want him to, I don’t want to risk him coming after you again.” I told him.

“Yeah sure.” Was his reply.

“And I get why you did what you did but that doesn’t mean it’s any easier for me to accept. It doesn’t change much other than that now at least I know you didn’t do it for selfish reasons. Your actions still have serious consequences and not just for you. I’m in your life like I’ve always been and what you do affects me too.”

“I know and I’m working on that, I swear Thomas, this won’t be like the other times, I’m ready to take on my responsibilities, I’m not going to lose you because I’m too stupid to use my head.” He told me earnestly and I offered him a small smile.

As bad as it sounded I still didn’t have much confidence in his words, this was the Grady I’d grown up with, it would be a miracle if he really changed but like the sucker I was I’d forgive him and a few weeks from now…months if I was lucky, we’d be right back where we started and I’d be cleaning up another one of his messes.

“I know that look, you don’t believe me but I’ll prove it to you, you’ll see.” He said again “I just need you to give me another chance, just one more.” He asked and I nodded as expected.

I watched as he broke out in a grin then pulled me into a tight embrace.

“Can I kiss you now?” he asked, his grin widening and I wasn’t sure why I was amazed at his ability to revert to his usual fun loving self after such an ordeal.

He didn’t wait for my reply but lowered his head and captured my lips with his, sending shock waves of pleasure throughout my body. Then he let me go and stood.

“Come on let’s go get your car.” He said grabbing my keys from the mantle.

 I’d forgotten I’d left my car at the club last night but I’d have thought he’d be more interested in finishing what we’d started on the couch just now rather than to go get my car which was perfectly safe where it was.

I could only assume this was his idea of being more responsible and I shook my head and stood, pulling on my shirt and flexing the muscles in my worn out body.

He looked pretty happy as I watched him bounce over to the front door, no doubt glad that I’d forgiven him. The only problem was that I couldn’t say that I felt the same. He could be carefree and happy because he thought all was right in the world once more but I’d still be worrying and waiting for the day he’d slip up.

I’d still stay up at night worrying he was out doing something reckless and stupid and I’d still be the one who’d patch him up when he got into trouble because I knew Grady better than anyone in the world; no matter how hard he tried he still made a mess of things.

The only thing I could do now was hold on to that faint thread of hope that maybe, just maybe I was wrong and that things would be different from now on.

“So Ronny’s selling his motorcycle.” Grady mentioned as we went out the door.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah and the price is reasonable, I was thinking of buying it. All it needs are a few spare parts and then it’ll be good as new.” He went on excitedly. I just shook my head at his words, the only thought in my mind was how I could really go for a smoke right then.

                                            AUTHOR'S NOTES

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY LOVIES! I HOPE IT WAS FILLED WITH LOVE AND HAPPINESS AND LOTS OF CUDDLES! BUT IF YOU DIDN'T GET ANYTHING THEN TAKE THIS CHAPPIE AS A GIRFT FROM ME TO YOU!!!!!!!! <3 <3 <3

-DoUbLe.A

-unedited.