I am extremely sorry that i deleted, yes deleted, this book. i had reached 1K now i'll have to start over, all over again. All my votes, all my comments gone. i'm so young and i still don't understand some things. i had some issues, you could call them mommy issues.

but i had saved this whole book in microsoft word, thank goodness. i'm crying so much right now. Do you know why?

Because when i deleted this story, i thought my mom had ruined what i liked to do the most. i thought i'd never come back to writing. i was so tired of her snooping through my work, deleting parts of chapters which she thought was inappropriate.

I was tired of hiding what I was writing about from her.

Because I was scared of what she would find.

And I went for a 'walk'. of course i told her, but she'd told me to stop, and i didn't

she called my best friends and the created a chat called '#raiysasearchparty ash chill' because my best friend was freaking out over my 2 hour disappearance.

when i went where i went, i thought nobody cared about me, understood me. but i have a godbrother and godsister(adopted by my [bitch]best friend) and best friends and a parent who cared about me and loved me.

One of my best friends talked to my mom and she revealed the reason she pushes me to study so much, and she also said that she did not mind me writing about boyfriends and girlfriends. No, her only fear was that it became real.

No words on my part because i'm not really interested.

she also said that she was so fucking(emphasis on fucking, although she didn't say the word) proud of me, she said not everyone could right and she said that she hasn't seen anyone with my potential.

i love her for that. she gave me back my faith in myself

I'm going to restart this book, exactly how it was, bad writing and all because this is my first writing on wattpad and i love it, i love Mason and Evan and Hailey and Amelia and their parents and her car and her house and everything.

i'll have to start over, but you know what? it doesn't matter, it's the same old story, but now it's in different circumstances.

because i have faith that i can get somewhere now, i believe in that and i believe in myself. i have the faith of my mother and sisters and best friends and enemies and teachers

because i can now believe in myself

if you do help me and this book to move forward, thank you. so much. i owe you

-raiysa

*i am going to dedicate chapters to those who i am most thankful for.

ashleykoh39 i put it back up immediately as you told me to. thank you for all the support and the love that you've given me and thank you for sticking by me for forever. This book is dedicated to you(you know that) but i'm saying it to you again. I love you, ash