Part 22

All this while, I had been unconscious through my journey in flying between Earth and the Heavenly Plains. This time, however, Azazel brings me –or my soul –flying straight from my body upwards, and both of us travel together through the skies, clouds to an increasingly whiter plane. Soon we engulfed by the world of white, and yet Azazel continued flapping his wings. Slowly, figures became observable, and I realized –with a jolt, that they were all angels.

Some of them looked like they were sparring, training. Others looked like they were lazing around, or chatting amongst one another. They were all wearing the same pristinely white robe, pleasantly ignoring a random soul flying past them with her angel of death bringing her along. The same could not be said for me, as I stared at them, trying to get a good look at each of their faces before Azazel whizzed us past.

“I never saw other angels other than you before. Is this what you guys do when you’re not busy… ‘Transporting souls’?” I questioned Azazel silently, and my no-nonsense angel spared me a quick look before his eyes focused on the general direction of his destination again.

“Different angels are equipped with different Tasks. They are Warrior Guardians, those who will protect our home should the demons choose to attack.” He briefed, but there was a certain tightness in his face where I saw his fleeting expression.

I looked around, and realized a few angels had turned their heads over to watch us whiz by –with a certain expression of sadness and regret in their eyes. Angels weren’t supposed to look sad, but they did. At first I thought it had something to do with me, but it slowly became apparent that their eye contact was towards my angel, my guide.

I realized –too –that my special angel Azazel was also the only black winged one around here.

Dying must have made me just that inch cleverer, because it suddenly clicked inside.

“You used to be one of them?” My sudden question made Azazel slow down considerably, but he didn’t stop, continuing to fly by with a firm hand on mine.

“Before I fell, yes. I am lucky to be even given a Task, much less such an important one.” He said, finally showing a little more expression than the strict, stern angel I’d always been used to.

“Why did you fall? What happened?” Curiosity may have killed the cat, but I figured since I was already technically dead, what else could it do to me?

He was silent for very long, but he slowed down considerably –though there weren’t any angels around anymore. We were back on another level of plain whiteness.

“I was the angel of Death. I was a Guardian, both over you and over the Heavenly Plains. But when I realized you had been cursed by Mundus –still a fetus inside Eva –I left my post –where I was supposed to stay, guarding the Heavenly Plains –to demand audience with my Lord. In punishment for leaving my Task, I fell. Eva, knowing what I had done to save you, begged for forgiveness in my stead. My Lord saw light in my desperate actions and gave me forgiveness, but no one can erase the mark done to my wings.” There was sadness in his voice, but there was more than sadness in me.

The knowledge of how much people had sacrificed to make sure I had survived, the knowledge of how many people who had been involved with me even before I was born –both supernatural, and in my world –pained me. I was the lovechild between Sparda and Eva, but I had to be saved by my own angel, who in turn fell because of me. An abandoned baby, I was taken in by my adoptive parents, and now, at the ripe age of 21-and-a-half, I was back in this whacked up world.

“I’m sorry, Azazel.” I said in a small voice, wishing there was just something that I could do for him. He had given up so much for me, and despite all that he had done to me (which includes pushing me into the world, leaving me to flounder) he had done so much for my service that I didn’t even know how to express my gratitude.

Finally, my angel smiles, and his hand on mine squeezes gently.

“Don’t worry, Leah. It was my choice to leave my post. It was my choice to do the things I did. I don’t regret, and what you have done for me while you were in Limbo; you might not understand many things, but know that you have done me large service in return too.”

I smile uncertainly back at him. He isn’t wrong in saying that I don’t understand many things. That’s probably the only problem I still find with my angel. He doesn’t tell me anything. But I guess I cannot blame him. Everyone has their own secrets to bear and keep.

“We’re here.” He announces after a short while of silence, and he lands me softly on solid white ground, landing beside me. I looked around, realizing that we were…

Still in an entire plain of white.

“Where exactly are we? Don’t tell me ‘Heaven’, because I figured that one out the first time I came here.” I asked as Azazel started walking in a general direction, leaving me to chase after him.

“You ask too much.” He cuts me off quickly in an irritated tone of voice, but it doesn’t affect me at all. After going through everything with Vergil and Dante, I’m extremely used to insults thrown my way carelessly.

“You didn’t seem to have problems with that just now, and it’s only because you don’t tell me many things. So; where are we and where are we going?” I retorted, but it is obvious from his posture that I’m not going to get much from him.

“You’ll see when you get there.”

Pouting doesn’t work for him, so I shower him with questions after questions, in which he gave his one-worded, unhelpful replies. I continue to annoy him for a good length of our walk, and slowly a door comes into view –obviously our destination.

We reach it with time to spare –since time doesn’t work at all in the Heavens anyway –and he stops outside without opening the door, turning to face me.

“Once you go in, you will meet someone who will explain things to you, and explain how things will turn out. Afterwards, you will be going home –back to where you belong with your family and your sister, Marielle. This is where we part, Leah Katherine Cartlier.” Azazel says formally, looking awkward with his hands stiffly at his side.

He looked like he wanted to do more, but he stopped himself from doing anything embarrassing. Such manly pride.

I casted away my pride, and flung myself towards him, tearing up. He isn’t the best of angels to have, but he will be the best that I’ll ever have. He might have put me through this hell, may have silently laughed at my suffering, but he still cared for me.

“I won’t ever see you again?” I asked, sounding like a five year old child asking if she’ll ever see the relative who was emigrating overseas.

My crying got through the stiff and unsure Azazel, and his expression softened as he returned the hug gently.

“I will try, but no guarantees. I am a Guardian too, and my ward now… is troublesome.”

I laughed a little despite myself. I’d almost forgotten that he wasn’t my guardian angel anymore. He was someone else’s angel. Not my angel, but someone else’s.

“Who can be more troublesome than I, Azazel?” I asked, but didn’t wait for his reply as I plastered myself to him. “I’ll miss you.”

“And so will I. But all is done and gone. We need to move on. Perhaps, when you pass from the world, I will be able to spend more time with you.”

I made a face at him, watching as he –for the first time, laughed. “Wow, that’s something great to look forward to, Azazel.”

He released me and took a respectful step backwards, gesturing towards the still-closed door.

“Enjoy your remaining life, Leah. You have been blessed, and you should understand that no matter what, you are important to the hearts of many people.” He says, then pauses for a while before his hand covers over his heart. “Including mine.”

I wipe the tears away and grinned.

“You too, Azazel. You’re important to my heart.”

He nodded, smiling. Truly, it is on departure that I realize how important Azazel is to my life –my crazy, hectic life. We’ve had our ups and downs, but we’re leaving the best memories.

“Be well, Leah.” He bade, and I nodded.

I turned to the door, and bravely wrapped my hand around the doorknob. This is it. I’m meeting someone inside this room, and then I’m going home.

My journey has come to an end.

I opened the door, stepped in, and didn’t look back.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

It was the first time I saw any color in Heaven at all. I mean; other than the blackness of Azazel’s wings, and the skin color of the different angels, it was the first time I saw any color other than white in Heaven.

The room was small but comfortable –something like a small study. A desk sat at the corner, neatly arranged with paper and books. A shelf neat with books stood by the side, beside a metal cabinet. The walls were colored blue and green –a mixture that reminded me strangely of Vergil and Dante’s eye color.

Someone sat at the armchair, back facing the door when I walked in, but it is obvious that she heard me as she slid a bookmark in the book that she’d been reading and left it on the low table in front of her. As she stood up, I assessed her back view, and took in two things at once.

One, her wings were the most beautiful ones that I’d ever seen. I mean, Azazel’s had their own beauty in the blackness of it, but her wings were the most beautifully white ones. They looked strong yet gentle, firm yet soft.

Two, her hair tumbled past her shoulders around the middle of her back in mesmerizing waves. I might have salivated a little at the amazing quality in her silk-like effect of her hair, but I caught myself quickly, taking in the rest of her luscious body. She is not model-thin, but that is not to say that she was fat. No, this angel had flesh where needed, and had a waist so delicate that somewhere, fashion designers would be crying their eyes out for the fact that she was an angel instead of mortal.

“Leah, you’re here.” She obviously had expected my arrival, but I made a consenting noise. It sounded strangled, considering I was still admiring her back profile. If I stared any longer, I would turn lesbian.

She turned around quickly at the sound of my strangled voice, and there she stood.

“Are you alright? Did something happen while Azazel was escorting you?” She asked, rushing towards me in concern that I would best describe as… motherly. Her voice was literally of the angels, as it flowed over me like waves of a harmony.

“I… You…” The lump in my throat had formed as I stared at her, unable to make up any more words. She stood here before me…

Eva.

“Speak, my darling. Don’t worry me so!” She implored, a begging look in her eyes as alarm filled her face. She probably thought something happened to me.

“E-Eva?” I confirmed, and the tears came to her eyes as she grabbed my shoulders.

“Yes, my darling daughter. I am Eva Sparda.” She smiled brightly, but the tears of joy turned on.

“M-Mother!” I cried, and threw my arms around her.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

I will spare you details on how Eva and I made up afterwards, but know that there was lots of crying, hugging and apologizing involved. If I was previously guarded about the idea of having two mothers –one who was rightfully my mother, and one who adopted me and brought me up –I didn’t have much to worry, because I loved Eva as much as I did my adoptive mother.

She always called me Leah, and when I asked her why she didn’t call me Lily, she only smiled and told me that I was always rightfully Leah. She wanted me to be Leah, but the demon fetus called herself Lily when Mundus cursed her.

We cried –a lot –as Eva expressed how happy she was to see me –and vice versa too.

Finally, we sat down on the couch that had enough space for the two of us, Eva holding on to my hand as if she would never let go.

“So… you and Vergil, huh?” She asked so suddenly, that I actually flinched at her finding out –before realizing that she was an angel, and there was no possible way that she wouldn’t know about me getting together with her son.

She laughed at my expression –which I guessed looked like a deer caught in the headlights –before patting my hand, as if to tell me it was alright.

“Don’t worry, Leah. You love Vergil, and my darling boy loves you. I’ve never truly seen him so happy, so dedicated and filled with so much love in his heart, Leah. I must thank you for shaping my boy the way he is made now.”

“I… um… thanks?” It was kind of weird hearing my mother praising me for falling in love with my brother. It sounded really weird, and it made me think as if I were incest, but even if it was so… I realized it didn’t matter. All that mattered was that Vergil and I loved each other –that was all.

“There is no need for thanks between us, my darling. We have lost twenty-one years between us, let us not waste more time thanking and apologizing to each other. How have you been?” She asked, the look of pure love in her eyes almost making me cry again –which was a surprise considering I was sure I had already cried my eyes dry.

“I’ve just lived perfectly normal, Mum. I’m so grateful that you did what you did. You should have just aborted me, if Mundus cursed me. I would’ve understood.”

“Nonsense. You are my child, Sparda’s child. No matter what happens, I swore to Sparda that I would let you have a chance to live. Even if you would grow up unknowing of your true family, I had to give you a family, a chance to live safely.”

“B-But you signed yourself to be an angel… you’ll never see Dad ever again.” I said, and it must be a painful truth that I probably shouldn’t have reminded her, because the look in her eyes dimmed, a sad quality in her gentle expression reaching her smile.

“Yes… But do not worry. The love shared between Sparda and me… It is enough to keep us going. I go on, believing that I have done the right choice. And seeing you now, and knowing that you have done more than help your father; I don’t regret a single thing.” Eva cradled the side of my cheek, looking deep in my eyes as if she wanted to tell me so much more.

“But it’s my fault that you can’t see Dad.” I protested, but she simply wipes the stray tear from my cheek.

“If it’s anyone’s fault, it is Mundus. But Mundus is back in Hell, and he won’t be tearing apart anymore families. I knew what I was signing myself up to when I fell in love with Sparda, my dear. I knew that Sparda and I would have to part, and that there was chance that we might never see each other after death. But it was a chance I had to take. The chance gave me my children, Leah. The chance gave me the birth of Vergil, Dante, and you.”

I held on to her hand on my cheek, unbelieving of this mother that I had. Sure, I loved my mother back in the Human World, but knowing that Eva had done so much for me, and had loved me so much despite myself not being her child anymore… I didn’t know what to say that could express my gratitude enough.

“Don’t cry for me, darling. You have brought me nothing but happiness. When I found out that I was pregnant again, Sparda and I were nothing less than the happiest parents on the Earth. When Azazel approached me and told me that he was your guardian, and that I’d been given a chance to do something for your situation, I was over the moon. After I died, and met Azazel again here in the Heavens, when he told me that you were doing fine, my heart literally melted with happiness. You are nothing but my joy, Leah.”

I bit my lip to refrain from crying again. When I had been in Limbo, I had been at awe of Eva’s love to her husband. I never knew that the same love extended to me, that the same devotion had been extended to a daughter she never communicated with for the past 21 years.

“Will… I ever see you again?” I asked while sniffling, remembering what Azazel had told me. He’d said I would be meeting someone, then I would return home. But now that I’d met my mother… I wasn’t sure if I looked forward to returning home to my adoptive parents. Yes, I still loved them, and cherished them –as well as Marielle –but I wanted to make up for the time I lost with Eva.

Eva’s face was gentle and smiling, no trace of sadness showing on her face.

“Darling,” She started, threading a strand of my fringe behind my ear. “No matter what, Leah Katherine Cartlier belongs in the Human World. You must return to your life there. I, on the other hand, must stay. It is the way the world is.”

“B-But can’t you come and see me? Can’t I ask Azazel to bring me to see you?” I asked, feeling like a five year old, spluttering and wanting nothing more than to know that I could see her again.

Her smile is soft and it reaches into the light of her eyes. Despite my reluctance to ever leave her, I replied her smile with an uncertain one.

“I will find ways to see you again, my darling daughter. Even if I do not, please do know that I am watching over you; always.” She leans forwards, giving me a tight hug that I will never forget.

“I love you, Mum. I wish Dad was here.” I whispered softly, hugging her tight. Eva was right, and I couldn’t let this get the best of me. Things were going to change now that I had my experience living in Limbo, loving Vergil and finding out that I was actually supposed to be Eva and Sparda’s daughter. But I am Leah Katherine Cartlier, and I roll with the punches. I will deal with it –and hopefully find a way to go back to my lover somehow.

Like how Eva and Sparda’s love for each other are keeping them alive and waiting for each other, I am going to do the same with Vergil.

“I wish he were here too, my dear. Keep strength in your heart. If you believe, then one day, Vergil will come to you.” She promised, and I nodded while still hugging on to her.

“You too, Mum. If you believe, then one day Dad will come to you. I promise. If I ever get the chance to do anything again, Mum, I swear I’ll free Dad from Hell. You will be free to visit him down in Limbo, will you not?” I hug her tight, to tell her that I wasn’t making an empty promise. This might be the end of my journey, but if I have the chance to ever come back to Limbo ever again, I’ll do everything I can to free Sparda from his prison cell with the horrendous Mundus.

“All I ask is for you to keep yourself safe, Leah. I don’t want you to get ideas in your head.” She advised gently, and I nodded again, despite believing otherwise.

“I will be safe in the Human World, Mum.” I promised, even as I thought furiously of ways to end myself back in Limbo again. I couldn’t believe it. Just shy of six months ago, I was begging and hoping to go home. Now, I was thinking of a way to come back into Limbo, even while I was on my way back home.

Oh, the irony of life.

I can hear you, Leah. I can hear your desire to make it back to Limbo.

Eva’s metal voice in my mind shocks me, though I wasn’t sure why I was so surprised in the first place. It was no secret that Eva was an angel now, so it made sense that she could read my thoughts like how Azazel could. Still, I hadn’t been aware and hadn’t remembered a single inkling of it until now.

“I-I’m sorry…” I rushed to apologize, but she only smiled the way only a mother could to a silly mistake her child made.

“Don’t worry, Leah. I understand, this is more than simple desire to make me happy. You need your father too. I fear Sparda might not have made a great impression on you –what’s with his breaking your curse on Lily and all.” She frowned a little, and I rushed to protect my father –whom had been there the whole while, trying his hardest to make me feel alright when I had been in terrible pain.

“No, he’s the best father anyone could ask for.” I rushed to say, before it suddenly sank in. “Were you there when I was captured, Mother?”

I still wasn’t very sure what Mother’s role in Heaven was, but for some reason, she had always given me the impression that her role had been suppressed somehow, as if something larger was stopping her from doing more to protect her family. I understood that angels were supposed to be unbiased, but wasn’t it too much to ask a mother to not be concerned about her family?

Her smile is a little sad, as if she’s remembering whatever that I went through. “I saw you suffering, and yet there was nothing either your father or I could do. In those moments, I felt like we were failures. I felt like I had failed you as a mother, and as an angel.”

I rushed to clasp both her hands in mine. How painful it must have been for her to watch her daughter suffer while she could do nothing. “You didn’t fail me, Mum!”

She wiped a single tear from her eye.

“I failed you. I should have protected you, but I couldn’t.”

“There was nothing you could have done, Mum. Don’t berate yourself for something you couldn’t control.” I tried to comfort, but she only smiled sadly.

“You miss the point entirely, Leah. The point is that I could have. Whatever punishment I receive; it would have been worth it.”

“You couldn’t have done it, Mum.” I shake my head, insisting. Eva was obviously ruled by a larger power here, and I wouldn’t want her to suffer just because she wanted to protect me. Wasn’t Azazel enough for me?

“I could.” She insists firmly. “But I was strictly told not to. They said it was necessary to break Lily free from you, and all I could do was watch. I tried to make things better, Leah. I tried my best to help while Lily, Virgil and Etnad were fighting.”

I smiled a little. “You did help them.”

“Yes, but I didn’t help you where I could. I am your guardian; how could I not have done a thing?”

“You couldn’t have-” I started to comfort, before I was cut off by myself, my own revelation. “Wait, you’re my guardian?”

She nods. “I am your guardian angel, Leah.”

When a new angel was made, your soul was given in attachment to her. I was given another reshuffle of souls. That was what Azazel had said. When the new angel was made… it was Eva. When my mother died, she was put in charge of my soul; the soul that she gave her life to protect.

The tears came in another wave again, this time of gratitude at an angel mother who had loved me, and watched over me while I grew up. While I had been blissfully unaware of everything, I had been watched over and loved by a mother who gave up almost everything she had to save me.

Eva… there was no doubting it.

She is the best guardian angel and a mother anyone could ever ask for.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

“This is where we say goodbye, Leah. It is time that you have to leave. Your journey ends.” Eva stood, holding my shoulder firmly, looking as if she were holding back another wave of tears.

Even though I feel like crying too, my heart tells me to be strong. I don’t know if I will ever see her again, but I know that she will always be watching over me, giving me her silent love. That is enough. That is enough that I ask from her. I don’t need a mother who is there, caring for my every need. I have Eva, and that is enough.

“It has been a great journey, Mum. I’m glad that I found out about my heritage; what I’m really supposed to be.” I say sincerely, but Eva laughs gently.

“Even without knowing of your heritage, Leah, you were always the perfect girl. There is nothing more I would want from a daughter. You are beautiful, humorous, and you have a good-heart. Your only weakness is that you are not self-confident enough. You are perfect in every way, my dear. Know that.” She hugs me again, and I get the feeling that this is our last mother-daughter hug.

I hug her tight, like a little baby who knows her teddy bear will be leaving her forever.

“I love you, Mum.” I say quickly, before any tears can take me. I must say the most important sentences, before I run out of breath, before I run out of time.

“I love you too, Leah. I will always be watching over you.” She finally lets me go, and she goes to the desk. From a drawer, she withdraws a pill bottle, and takes out a single one, placing it on her palm. She comes back to me, and offers it without a word.

A sad look is in her eyes, and I guess that the pill is the key of me going home.

I give her my best, brightest smile, the tears glimmering in my eyes, ready to fall.

But I am brave. I take the pill, and before I can regret it, throw it in and swallow.

The world immediately begins to turn, but Mum holds my hand tight.

“I will always be here, loving you. Believe, and your love will pay off.” I hear her whisper as the world spins at top speed.

I close my eyes, then I am gone.

The end of my journey is here.