It's a bit triggering at times. So yea, warning. And I chose a One Direction song for this chapter cause I think it really fits and Zayn isn't actually that bad at singing. And I drove a Jeep two days ago and I freaking love Jeeps and I miss it. Oh and there's a lot of time lapses in this chapter. This chapter is a little short, but the other will be longer again :)

Newt had worsened again, which came as a surprise to him because he thought that he had been done with making himself miserable. Clearly, he wasn't anywhere near done as he was back on the bathroom floor, a bottle of Jack Daniel's, half emptied already even though he'd only started consuming it a few minutes ago. It burnt, but Newt's wrists burnt even more.

He liked to think that blaming Thomas would make this easier, but it made him more forceful as he tore his skin open, as if Thomas was doing this to him. Thomas was the one being forceful. But then he'd laugh, because blaming Thomas wasn't something he should do when it was all his own fault. The other had made him happy, and making it seem like he was responsible for Newt's darkest moments, wasn't fair. Newt was a horrible person.

"What now, Newt? Are you happy with what you've done?" Yes. Newt's sickening ways of thinking were the things that made him feel sane. Like asking himself these questions would make him seem less crazy, but he wasn't. And he liked that he was twisted and mental. He'd come to like the awful feelings he gave himself and they'd make him smile. Newt had lost himself entirely as he was being consumed by a demon that was nothing like the sweet Newt he'd once been years before.

He'd become his own devil, throwing the angelic part of him away because he didn't want it anymore. He wasn't willing to bring it back either as his own devil made him feel better, but at times, noticeably worse. It was like having a horrible friend that you love to pieces and don't want to get rid of, but at the same time, they break you and do nothing but bad. And Newt loved it.

"You're sick." A smile was on his face as he spoke aloud again, twirling the blade of the scissors in his hands, accidentally pricking his finger with a sharp edge as he dug it into his skin too tightly. He laughed as the blood trailed down to his palm before falling to the wet, cold, tiled floor.

He continued marking his skin red, not wanting to stop as he kept muttering under his breath, making sure he knew how much he hated himself. Newt was acting like he'd been possessed, not realizing it as he was continuously making his wounds worse, deepening them as he went over the marks, over and over.

"Even Thomas hates you, Newt." No, Thomas loves you. The only thing he disagreed on with whatever that took over him, was the love Thomas had for him. He really wanted to believe, and had come to believe, that Thomas was in love with him. But the voice controlling him, decided it was the opposite. And Newt hated that, because he wanted someone to love him.

"Tommy loves me." He whimpered as he threw his scissors across from him. Newt got up from his usual corner of misery, dabbing a towel over all his wounds, which in his case was almost everywhere. He eventually gave up trying to stop the bleeding, so he just put on his sweatpants and went to bed, but not before letting Thomas' name leave his lips.

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"Newt. Newt, wake up." A voice that the blonde didn't recognize at first, awoke him as he was being shaken awake, and he realized who it was when his senses had awoken a few seconds later. Thomas was here.

"Tommy? What are you doing here?" He sat up, opening his eyes slowly as he adjusted to the daylight outside, leaning his back against the headboard and glancing up at the boy who was beside his bed.

"I came here to take you to school. And usually you're outside waiting for me but I didn't see you. So, I got worried and climbed through the window. And I knew I was right to be worried." Newt looked at him, confused as to why Thomas would say that he was right to worry.

"I'm fine and nothing's wrong. Why are you worried? I just overslept."

"You cut, Newt. And it's a lot worse than usual. Why, Newt?"

"Why not? I deserve what I get." Thomas sat down slowly, wrapping an arm securely around his boyfriends shoulder.

"You don't though. Why can't you see that?" Newt sighed, trying to let go of the topic as soon as he could because he didn't like having these conversations.

"I'm gonna go take a shower, you're welcome to join me if you'd like." Thomas slumped his shoulders, slightly aggravated that Newt would rarely talk, but he agreed.

"In a minute, love." The blonde blushed before scrambling to the bathroom, his scissors still left on the floor, along with his empty bottle of alcohol. He quickly got rid of it, exposing the bottle in the trash whilst hiding his scissors behind a towel. Newt stripped out of his sweatpants before turning on the shower and stepping into it, lacing some shampoo into his hair as he went.

A few minutes later, he felt a presence behind him, someones breathing made his shoulder warm as they wrapped their arms around Newt. Newt knew that it was Thomas, and he smiled at the thought of him being right with him. The older boy was suddenly turned around and pressed against the wall forcefully, but it didn't hurt as he was lifted up against the wall, pressing their lips together when he could make out Thomas' face. Thomas held one free hand out to Newt, who intertwined it with his own, having a grip on the others hair as Thomas held him up by his thigh.

Showering seemed to always end like this for them, so they were quick to stop before it escalated. Newt regretfully pulled away from the other, falling back down until his feet were perched on the ground. He kept their hands together firmly as Thomas kissed the upper part of his wrist lightly, and he smiled up at him.

"I love you." Newt giggled, heat rising to his cheeks as he went to wrap a towel around his waist. Thomas doing the same.

"I love you too. And your towel is really low." Thomas smirked, walking back into the bedroom before lifting Newt up and spinning him around.

"You like it that way." Newt blushed, trying to hide the fact that he did like it that low on his hips.

"You're so adorable. How did I ever get you to be mine?"

"Honestly, I have no idea. I had my mind set on it being an impossible task." Thomas threw his towel to the side as he got into bed, making grabby hands at Newt as he laughed and did the same, lying with his back pressed up against Thomas' chest.

"Didn't you say that we have school?" Thomas kissed his shoulder blade, a gesture Newt loved before he turned the blonde to face him.

"Who cares about school? I have you in my arms." Newt pecked his lips as a response, already tired again and wanting to drift off and sleep. So, that's what he did, and Thomas let him.

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Newt woke up to the sound of someone rummaging around in the bathroom, and he opened his eyes slowly to see that it was already dark again outside. He let out a sigh before getting up, putting on some sweats, and walking to the source of the sound that had awoken him. Thomas was no longer next to him, which was unusual and cold as he couldn't feel the warmth of his boyfriend. He assumed that it was him making that sound, because where else would Thomas have gone?

He was right to think that it was Thomas, but he was oddly enough, scared to approach him. Thomas glanced up, his breathing erratic as he held up the emptied glass of alcohol for Newt to look at. Newt cowered back, holding onto the door frame as Thomas walked over to him.

"What is this?" Thomas' loving tone that he used to communicate with Newt, was gone, and instead he spoke emotionlessly and coldhearted.

"I-I'm s-sorry." He whimpered as Thomas' grip on the bottle got tighter, the skin of his hand whitening.

"Damn it, Newt!" Thomas threw the bottle against the wall as Newt jumped back in fear. He didn't understand why Thomas was suddenly so mad at him for finding an emptied alcoholic beverage in his bathroom.

"When are you going to stop killing yourself like this!?" I'll stop when I'm dead. Newt shrugged, a tear leaving his eye as he tried to mutter out another apology so that the other would stop scaring him. A part of him hoped that it was all a dream, but it felt too real for that to be the case.

Thomas' eyes seemed to widen even more when he finally realized how terrified Newt was, and he went to wrap his arms around Newt tightly, but Newt moved away and flinched. The other seemed surprised by his actions, because Newt would normally never move away from Thomas' touch, but he did.

"Newt, please don't move away from me like that. I won't hurt you."

"Y-you threw a bloody glass bottle at the wall closest to me, of course I'm gonna be scared." Thomas shook his head, tears falling from his eyes as he bit his lip, looking between Newt and the mess he'd caused.

"I snapped. And I know that's not a valid excuse but I'm so sorry, Newt. You know that I'd never ever lay a hand on you." Newt's heart felt conflicted in that moment, because he wanted Thomas to stay with him but he also wanted some space and for the other to leave him for a bit. He opted for the later. They both needed space.

"Please, go." Thomas didn't protest as he walked past Newt, opening the window whilst putting on his shoes.

"Hey, Newt?" Newt looked over, tears already falling from both their faces at a rapid pace as Thomas held out his hand for him to take.

"Please kiss me." The blonde decided not to disagree, leaving a lingering kiss on the others lips, and Newt was sure that that was the saddest kiss they'd ever shared. It was like they were saying goodbye to something when it wasn't actually over. Thomas placed a hand on Newt's cheek and the other on his waist firmly, deepening the kiss, and Newt let him. Eventually, they had to let go, but they let their foreheads stay together as they looked at each other.

"I love you, Newt." Newt smiled shyly, lacing their fingers together as he closed his eyes.

"And I love you, Tommy." Thomas pecked his lips one more time before climbing down to the ground below, a broken smile on his lips as he went to his car and drove away into the night, and Newt sighed before he finally let himself break down and cry.

He sat there for what felt like hours, but in reality, was just fifteen minutes. Newt was angered by his decision to make Thomas leave, and he was sad because he missed the other so much already. And it didn't help when his mum decided to step inside, seeing him crying on the floor by the opened window.

"Why the hell are you on the ground? Pathetic. Get up." When Newt didn't move, she dragged him up off the floor and threw him against the wall harshly, and he hit his head hard and winced at the impact.

"Why are you crying?" Newt shrugged, he didn't want to answer stating that he'd told the one person he loved to leave, when now he really missed him and needed him back.

"Stop crying!" But Newt couldn't stop, he missed Thomas like mad and just wanted his mum to leave him alone already so that he could drown in his own sorrows.

His mum let out an exasperated sigh before walking towards him again, slamming him against the wall one more time before leaving the room, slamming the door in the process. Newt slid down the wall, crying even more as the pain at the back of his head hurt him.

He glanced over to see the outline of his phone on his desk, and he reached for it slowly before sitting back down in the place he was. Newt didn't care that he'd sent Thomas away less than an hour ago, he wanted him back. It slowly started to rain again as he dialed the number with shaking fingers, eventually pressing the green caller button and waiting for Thomas to pick up as he held it to his ear.

"Newt?" Newt didn't know if he should've been happy or upset that he answered, but he smiled anyway and muttered a broken hello to the other.

"I know I told you to go, but I need you Tommy. I really need you." Newt whimpered as a fresh set of tears fell down onto his cheeks, and he didn't hear much from the other line for a few seconds before Thomas finally spoke.

"I'll come over then?" Newt's sad demeanor completely changed into a happy one, hearing the other agree to coming back despite him having sent him away before.

"Yea?"

"Yea, I always will." Newt smiled, ending the conversation as he walked to his bed, wrapping himself in his blanket whilst waiting for the other to climb through his window again. But seconds slowly grew into hours, and the sun was rising when Thomas still hadn't shown up. Newt silently cried, checking his phone every now and then in hopes of Thomas stating a reason as to why he wasn't there yet. But Newt started to slowly give up that the other would be here, and he sat up, staring at the window where the rain was cascading down.

He eventually accepted that Thomas wouldn't show up, and it tore him into pieces. Newt wanted to tell Thomas that he loved him, but Thomas never came.